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13 men spill the weirdest, silliest secrets women don't know about guys

At some point, we've all fantasized about sacrificing our lives so others can escape danger.

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Tongs must be clicked a certain number of times. And all men dream of saving the day.

Men are simple creatures. We have far more emotional depth than we get credit for, but in truth we're very easy to please. It doesn't take much at all to truly make us happy: Good friends, a pat on the back, throwing rocks into a river. You know, the good stuff.

Alas, guys remain completely misunderstood. Modern masculinity forces men to wear masks, to conceal their emotions and true deepest desires for fear of ridicule and rejection. And it turns out that those deepest desires aren't really all that unusual. If you've ever wondered what the men in your life are really thinking about, it's probably much simpler and sillier than you could have ever imagined.

One man took to social media to clear up a few misconceptions. He posed the question: "What’s a 'guy secret' that’s completely harmless but weirdly universal?"


men, masculinity, truths about men, misconceptions about men, toxic masculinity, reddit, viral, funny, humorNo matter their age, men yearn for a sleepover with the boys. Photo by Husna Miskandar on Unsplash

Men from all over the world were eager to chime in and spill the tea, even as others jokingly urged them not to reveal too much.

1. Men play little pee games in the bathroom

"Peeing on the side of the toilet so there’s no noise," one user wrote in the popular thread on Reddit's r/AskMen.

Or aiming for little real or imaginary targets in the bowl. All guys do this whether anyone realizes it or not.

2. Men love a good hole, or a stick, or a rock

"It's also pre programmed that I must go and have a look if I see a bloke digging a hole," someone wrote.

Many users agreed that finding cool sticks and pretending they were guns or swords was a staple pastime. If you thought this was only something little kids do, you thought wrong.

3. Men also love a good piece of heavy machinery


men, masculinity, truths about men, misconceptions about men, toxic masculinity, reddit, viral, funny, humorMen appreciate a good piece of machinery.Giphy

"Had a problem with the fire alarm at work yesterday. A few of the guys and I went out to check out the firetruck. Real nice piece of machinery, that," a guy shared.

Tractors, Monster Trucks, helicopters. You don't have to be a total gearhead to appreciate the amazing engineering at work on these vehicles.

4. Men fantasize about saving the day

One guy said, "The most random universal one I can think of is at some point (or often) fantasizing about saving the day. School shooters, hijackers, someone robbing an elder in front of you, some dudes trying to hurt someone.... and in all situations you turn it around. Think everyone has thought of it at some point"

Can confirm. We've all pretended or imagined that we were the hero, rehearsed our lines for the follow-up interview on the evening news, and no, this urge doesn't go away any as we get older.

men, masculinity, truths about men, misconceptions about men, toxic masculinity, reddit, viral, funny, humorMen secretly want to be Captain America. Or just Chris Evans.Giphy

5. Men love the nod, and its many facets

'"The nods' with their subtle differences, but completely different meanings," one user wrote.

Another translated some of the meanings: "Nod up: what’s up dude? Nod down: hello sir"

And, "Nod to the right - come here and look at this. Nod to the left - can I have a word with you outside?"

And they say men don't communicate!

6. Items demand to be tested and fidgeted with

"When holdin a drill, it must be Zzzt Zzzted....Tongs must be clinked at least twice," someone wrote.

One does not simply hold a ball without tossing it from hand to hand, either.

7. Men dream of making the ultimate sacrifice

"We all fantasize about our death having meaning or purpose," someone added. "Holding the line while your brothers retreat. Sacrificing ourselves to save others. Fighting the boss fight and winning but slowly bleeding out in the soft snow and silence of a winters night. Till Valhalla, my brothers."

Yes, we all basically want to go out like Boromir from The Lord of the Rings. Gotta die one way or another anyway, right? Might as well go out in a blaze of glory.


men, masculinity, truths about men, misconceptions about men, toxic masculinity, reddit, viral, funny, humorA hero's death is something men fantasize about regularly.Giphy

8. Men sometimes perform acts of chivalry that no one notices

"Sadly maybe not universal, but my mum taught me the man always walks on the side of the road to protect the lady from puddles and such. ... A fair few of my exes didn't understand why I was switching sides when necessary, when we crossed the road or something," someone wrote. "I thought it was a shame it's not common. ... On the flip side, if I see a couple walking around, and see the man on the correct side, I immediately gain respect for him without having to know him in the slightest."

For many of us, holding the door for strangers or waiting to make sure a friend or loved one gets inside their house safely before we leave; things like this are engrained in us from a young age, even if they're sometimes invisible.

9. Men are deep, but very capable of thinking about nothing

"When we say we are thinking about nothing, we are thinking about nothing," a user wrote.

Others clarified that nothing can mean nothing, or can mean a stream of thoughts so inane and irrelevant that we wouldn't dare to speak them out loud, even if we could make sense of them.

10. Things should never be handed that can be thrown instead

"You never hand another guy the keys. They must be thrown, even if you’re 18" apart," a guy revealed.

I take this approach with my kids. Oh you want this shirt? Better catch it!

men, masculinity, truths about men, misconceptions about men, toxic masculinity, reddit, viral, funny, humorWe like tossing things instead of handing them over.Giphy

11. Men are highly superstitious.

The obvious must always be stated out loud, lest something terrible happen.

"If you don’t slap the tie down ratchet strap and say the words 'That’s not going anywhere' then it will in fact go somewhere," one guy said.

Similarly, if it's raining outside, we must always remark that it is 'really coming down out there' even though everyone can see it with their eyes.

12. Men secretly want a hug.

"Some guys want a hug bad but are afraid to say it. Try putting out a hand and saying 'do you do handshakes or hugs?' and a lot of people want a hug," a user added.

Don't assume that guys don't want or enjoy physical affection, even from each other, just because they might be too embarrassed to initiate it.

13. For guys, it doesn't get any better than adding another log to a roaring fire.

"Putting logs in a bonfire and watching it while being amazed. Never gets old," one man wrote.

How could you ever get bored of watching flames dance around?

The thread is a great reminder of the simple things that really make life worth living. A popular myth says that men think about sex every seven seconds, and otherwise they are machines of pure ambition, strategizing and scheming how to make more money and get ahead. Not so! What people don't know is that most of the time men are thinking about playing the hero, clicking a pair of tongs, or even nothing at all.

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Guys share the 9 worst 'alpha male' tips they've ever heard and it's so cringe

Do you wipe your butt thoroughly? Oops, you might be a beta.

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Alpha males share their cringe takes.

The 'manosphere' is a multi-million dollar industry. If you've never heard of it, you've probably heard of some of its major figureheads like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. They profit by claiming to teach impressionable young men, and lonely older men, how to be alpha males so that they can attract more women, more success, and the respect and happiness they crave.

The advice usually starts out pretty innocuous. You've got to get in shape and get your life in order! But it quickly spirals into the deeply misogynistic and, from there, even the ludicrous.

Guys are sharing the worst 'alpha male' tips they've ever heard and, yeesh, are they painful to read. Most of these come from pretty extreme fringes of the men's movement, but the scary thing is that a lot of this stuff is really out there being recommended. Lucky for us, we get to laugh at how ridiculous it all is.

1. Real men don't eat salad / The all meat diet

meat, all meat diet, manly mealGiphy

Social media users on Reddit's r/AskMen subreddit sounded off in the thread:

"I once ordered a salad and water with some lemon and got razzed endlessly by the guys who were with me. Apparently, it was not a 'manly' meal. Joke’s on them, I was the only one among them that didn’t have a beer belly and probably artery disease."

"The number of guys who think it's unmanly to eat vegetables is insane."

It calls to mind Jordan Peterson's famous all-meat-and-only-meat diet. Never mind that eating outrageous amounts of meat is a great way to fast-track the destruction of the planet, almost all doctors and nutritionists agree that eating a diet of only or mostly meat is a horrible idea that deprives your body of many key nutrients. Too much meat can lead to high cholesterol and heart disease, among many other problems, including feeling absolutely horrible all the time.


2. Real men don't display love and affection for their partners

My father told me never say I love you to a woman and never buy a woman flowers. He's been divorced twice last time I talked to him.

Crying on your wedding day? Pathetic! The manfluencers would definitely have you believe that buying flowers, planning dates, or displaying any amount of sentimentality costs you crucial alpha points. Happy husbands everywhere would gladly disagree.

3. Sex with the woman on top / going down on a woman is not manly

So-called "alpha males" are supposed to sleep with tons of women, but only in an approved masculine manner. Being in any kind of sexually submissive position is, apparently, unmanly.

This one sparked plenty of jokes in the thread: "Fellas, is it gay to have sex with a woman?"

4. Wiping your butt is gay

confusion, gag, dumbGiphy

Yes, sadly, this is a real one. It's a documented phenomenon. Women are complaining all across the Internet upon discovering that the men they're with refuse to wipe their butts because...wait for it...touching in between your own butt cheeks is gay, and using hygiene products (including toilet paper!) is feminine.

"That is apparently a newer trend among some of the Andrew Tate toxic 'alpha male' crew. A couple women have complained on other reddit subs about their partners no longer wiping or washing his butt. The general response is to tell him that they didn't marry a toddler and he needs to wipe his ass or leave."

5. Carrying an umbrella or wearing a coat is girly

Men vs umbrellas. It's an ongoing war as old as time itself.

“Umbrellas are for protection,” an expert told Buzzfeed. “Men often interpret protection from the weather as a subtle sign of weakness. Social norms dictate that men shouldn’t be afraid of getting wet, should embrace the elements, and don’t need protection. As antiquated as this may sound, it still rings true for many men. ‘Real men don’t need an umbrella, because real men aren’t afraid of the rain.’”

Same goes for jackets and coats:

"Also, the whole 'men don’t need a jacket/coat/feel the cold.'Like DUDE it’s literally snowing and you’re shaking. Take my jacket you’re being sad rn"


6. Real men don't wear purple/pink

"My ex father in law told me 'real men don't wear purple.' It was a f*cking throwback Randy Moss jersey."

An oldie but a goodie: Real alphas don't wear girly colors! Only problem is, there's nothing inherently feminine about pink, purple, yellow, or any color, really. And that's not just lip service: Pink even used to be known as primarily a masculine color, so maybe we're the ones who have it backwards.


7. Alpha males don't cook

gif, cook, Gordon RamseyGiphy

"Men shouldn’t cook! …. I mean men don’t eat? So why shouldn’t they cook?"

"It's weird. When I tell people I do most of the cooking at home, I get weird faces and comments"

"[It's OK] to cook and get payed for it but if you do it for free for yourself or your family it’s weird."

This is a weird one, because outside of needing to occasionally cook for yourself so you, you know, don't die of starvation — many of the world's greatest and most successful chefs are men. Guess they're all beta losers!

8. Alpha males don't wash their hands, care about their appearance, or tend to basic hygiene

We've already learned the unfortunate truth that some men are too fragile in their heterosexuality to wipe their butt, but the problem sadly and grossly extends even further.

"Every time I go to the bathroom I reckon about a third of men actually wash their hands and half of that use soap"

Maybe it's because they're being told by segments of the manosphere that wanting to be clean or, God forbid, smell good, is girly and beta behavior.


9. Real men save up their magical semen

The manosphere has all kinds of ridiculous notions about male reproductive fluid, including that it can cure women's depression and that they can get addicted to it. Really! They also say it contains a man's life force and must be cherished at all costs.

"Most proponents of semen retention also say it gives them more confidence and self-control, less anxiety and depression, increased motivation, better memory, concentration and improved cognitive function," say the experts at Healthy Male. "Again, there is no evidence to support these claims."

For the record, there really is no such thing as "alpha males" in humans.

The term is loosely based on a problematic and recanted study involving the social hierarchies of wolves. Even in some primate species, where alphas do exist, it's rarely based on which one is the biggest or strongest alone. Humans are more complicated still. There are traits in men that are correlated with "social dominance," like being tall, having a deep voice, or sporting a handsome face. But there really is no one type of male person that is better or more desirable than another, and there is no exact set of behaviors that can be adopted to guarantee all the riches life has to offer. Even if there was, I'd be willing to bet that "not wiping your butt," would not be one of them.

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Health

Woman shares texts showing the difference between a healthy and a controlling relationship

Is it a healthy or controlling relationship?

Pic from Twitter.

The texting experience between two different men.

Saving old text messages from exes can sometimes be an asset when you need to remember exactly why you left them. Alternately, sometimes digital relics from old relationships serve as a good reminder of how much good we have in our lives currently.

At least, they did for the X user May Larsen, who posted screenshots of two text threads with two very different men in 2018.

The conversation on the left shows how an old conversation went down with an emotionally manipulative ex. While the other screenshot is a prime example of what communication in a healthy partnership looks like.

The emotional dynamics of this exchange are full of red flags.

screenshot of a text exchange

The unhealthy "Don’t cheat" Text.

Pic cropped from Twitter post.

This ex (boyfriend, hookup, whatever he was) went from 0-100 in no time. In fact, the ONLY way this kind of freak out would be excusable would be if they had prior plans she ditched on. Alternately, if he was doing a performance art bit where he embodied Drake's "0-100 / The Catch Up" via text message. Outside of those possibilities, this type of reaction is nothing short of manipulation and emotional abuse.

The second text message showed how Larsen's current partner responds to a simple night out:

relationships, boys, men

The healthy "Let me know when you’re home safe" Text.

Pic cropped from Twitter post.

The difference between these responses to a simple night out on the town is night and day. When comparing the two messages, the red flags really pop.

People on X had a LOT of thoughts about the texts.

A lot of people assumed the texts were from two guys she's currently dating.

That quickly got shut down.

Meanwhile, others were caught up with the fact that her current dude wears a cowboy hat.

Regardless of whether the rest of us are pro cowboy hat (I'm pro if you can pull it off), it seems they've got a healthy situation going. Communication is key, in any kind of relationship.


Update: It looks like May and Cowboy Hat got married in 2020. We love a happy ending!

🤠

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Family

When his young son was bullied for wearing pink this dad had a truly badass response

"Men need to be the example for young boys."

@dougweaverart/TikTok

Imagine if all boys had this kind of support to embrace all parts of themselves.

We often hear about how binary gender norms affect young girls, but any man who’s ever been made fun of for being sensitive or liking “girly” things during childhood can tell you they influence young boys as well. And perhaps the worst offense of these arbitrary limitations is the way they keep individuals from truly knowing and expressing all parts of themselves, which can lead to a slew of interpersonal problems late in life.

Boys in particular are often taught from an early age to shun the qualities in themselves considered to be feminine—things like empathy, compassion, having strong emotions, etc. It’s so well documented now how not nurturing these qualities leads to isolation and loneliness in adulthood, and yet messages like “boys don’t cry” or “pink is for girls” still persist.

Artist, TikTok creator and Doug Weaver (@dougweaverart) recently made a few excellent points as to why adult men need to be the example for young boys if we truly wish to see a change.

In a stitched response to a video where a mom lamented that she knew how to help her daughter “fight back” against gender norms, but not her son, Weaver argued that above all, it’s important for young boys to see grown men “defy” the expectations culture puts on them.

“Society will try to beat boys down until they fall in line,” Weaver said, sharing his own experience of seeing his son come home from school after being bullied for wearing pink and liking unicorns (which, of course, are “for girls” only).

Weaver said that the only solution he saw was to “pinkify” his own life, and be that example his son so desperately needed.


 
 @dougweaverart @Mel | Med Student raising boys is scary, because we know just how much society is built to tear them down. #men #masculinity #parenting #boydad #greenscreenvideo ♬ original sound - dougweaverart 
 
 

“I added so much pink to my wardrobe,” he explained, saying that he even painted his nails pink so that he’d be seen as the “problem” instead of his son.

“They don’t say anything to me. If they’re not brave enough to confront the color pink, they’re not going to confront me.”

Weaver added that the larger conversation he tries to have with his son is how this is a “fight worth having,” not just for men with feminine qualities but for “but for everyone society tries to reject.”

He then used this example: a boy who secretly wants to wear a dress to school, but doesn’t to avoid getting bullied. Weaver said that solution only works temporarily, since the dress is only a small manifestation of a larger aspect of the boy’s identity, which he would be repressing to fit an expectation.

“They’re getting bullied for what they wear now, they’re going to get bullied for who they are later. And if changing their clothes made the bullying go away when they were younger, they might think that changing their personality will make the bullying go away when they are older.”

What’s more, for this hypothetical boy, for Weaver’s son, and for any boy really, there’s something very vital that’s lost in chasing this idea of masculinity.

“The people who want to take colors from him also want to take his creativity,” Weaver explains “They want to take away his kindness, they want to take away everything that is soft in his life. His feelings and his emotions. They wanna take away his ability to love people who are different from him.”

Yep, that hits the nail of the head perfectly.

And that is why Weaver prioritizes being the example for his son, because “if he sees people criticize me from time to time, and he sees how unaffected I am by it, that is an example to him of the strength and tenacity that it takes for anyone to just be their authentic self.”

And, perhaps more importantly, Weaver is teaching his son that he will be loved and accepted, no matter how he expresses himself. Imagine a world in which all children were taught this valuable lesson.

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