Monica Lewinsky Gives Her First Public Speech In 16 Years And Says Exactly What Needs To Be Said
Don't look now, but Monica Lewinsky is kind of a badass.
So yeah, that's what guts looks like. And pro-tip: bullying, shaming and blaming the victim? Always wrong.
Monica was compelled to break her long silence because of her work with the Tyler Clementi Foundation. Please give them a look. They do absolutely wonderful work. Same with The Trevor Project. Also The BULLY Project. Also StopBullying.gov.
The reason Monica was able to survive two years of constant emotional assault was the rock-solid support from her family and friends. But there are many out there who don't have that, and they need help right now.
UPDATE: Since this piece was posted on Facebook, I've seen a number of ... let's say "misguided" comments about Lewinsky's motives and past actions. The comments are, for the most part, all basically the same. So here it is, folks:
THE OFFICIAL MONICA LEWINSKY FAQ — LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT
1. Monica Lewinsky? That’s so '90s. Why should I care?
Because she's a human being with feelings who was silenced and shamed for years and is finally speaking out about what she went through. There's a lot we can learn from her.
2. Monica Lewinsky?! Hahahaha. Cigars! Blue dress! Hahahaha!
Nope. Not clever. Try again. Actually, please don’t try again.
3. So I just watched the video and um, no. She wasn’t bullied.
You're right. "Bullying" is a completely insufficient word to describe the aggressive smear campaign of slut shaming, victim blaming, fat shaming, sexual harassment, and general reputation destruction she endured from the likes of The Drudge Report. And The New York Post, who labeled her “The Portly Pepperpot.” And Jay Leno, who made fun of her basically every night. And Maureen Dowd, who called her “ditsy” and “tubby.” And Congress. And Ken Starr. And your uncle at Thanksgiving. And, you know, like everyone on Earth for two years straight. So yeah, definitely way more than bullying.
4. But she brought it on herself! She didn’t have to have an affair with Bill Clinton! She made that choice.
Monica Lewinsky was a 22-year-old intern. Bill Clinton was the president of the United States of America. In addition to being the most powerful man in the world, he was also her boss. That’s the craziest, most effed-up power differential possible. Here's a good example of how and why such advances from a employer on a subordinate can be so poisonous. And here's a good example of how otherwise intelligent people still so often do not get it.
5. But I love Bill Clinton! I have such a crush on him.
That’s OK. You still can. Sometimes people we like do messed-up things, and that’s life.
6. But I’m mad at her because he’s so great, and she makes me doubt that!
Don’t be mad at her. It’s not her fault. Please see above.
7. But she cheated! She’s a cheater.
Well, you’re half-right. He cheated, and he’s a cheater. She was single. So, actually, come to think of it, you’re none right.
8. But what does any of this have to do with anything now? This all happened so long ago.
It still matters as long as powerful people are having relationships with their subordinates and all we can focus on is how it’s really the subordinates' fault, despite the fact that they’re in a place of no power. Which definitely didn’t stop with Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.
9. But, but, but, I still have all this undifferentiated anger and NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!
There there. It’s going to be OK.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.