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Mom calls out 'dirtbag drivers' like her son after he killed five people drunk driving

drunk drivers, you choose, melissa macguinness
SOURCE: YOU CHOOSE / MELISSA MCGUINNESS

Mother speaks out about drunk driving.

This article originally appeared on September 13, 2019


Losing a child is a pain that many of us simply cannot comprehend. Given how much mothers and fathers love their sons and daughters, we can only begin to imagine how much pain they would feel when something terrible happens to their children. But for Melissa Hayes-McGuinness, a mom from Australia, the pain is even greater.

Her son, Jordan, died in a car crash in December 2012 at the age of 18. As did five other people who were unfortunate enough to cross Jordan when he was drink and drug driving at high speeds down a Gold Coast highway following a Christmas party. The five victims were sitting in a broken-down car waiting for help when Jordan collided with them at speeds of up to 87 miles per hour.

The sheer force of the crash caused the parked car to burst into flames. The only survivor was the 16-year-old driver of the parked car, who had to climb over his friends to escape the burning vehicle and suffered from severe burns and a head injury that still affects his memory to this day.

Among those killed in the parked car were a 20 and 23-year-old, their 15-month-old girl was orphaned. The other victims were 16, 17, and 18.

SOURCE: YOU CHOOSE / MELISSA MCGUINNESS

As you can imagine, Melissa has to deal with unimaginable grief on a daily basis. Not only for her son, but for those he killed, and those they left behind. But thankfully, Melissa has found a way to channel that grief positively. Every year, she travels across Australia speaking to teenagers about road safety. As part of her talks, she reads an incredibly powerful speech which she calls "Jordan's confession."

Her speech reads, in part:

"I would give anything that night to have just hit a tree and not left this horrendous legacy," Melissa begins. "Those kids didn't deserve what happened to them. In truth, I guess I did."

"I screwed up and paid the ultimate price. What I did was unforgivable," McGuinness continues, speaking on behalf of her son and addressing the orphaned girl, "I'm the reason you'll never see your mummy and daddy [again]."

Throughout the speech, Melissa shows photos of her son, including on his last day of school. Then, the photos changed to a news clip of the accident, showing blue flashing lights and twisted metal.

"Jordan was smart. Jordan was funny. Jordan was a great person, but none of that means anything now. None of it," McGuinness continues to tell the teenagers sitting in silence before her, many of whom are usually crying at this point.

"That's because he defined himself by his choices that night. He shaped a terrible and permanent legacy for himself, his family and his victims' families because he chose to drink, smoke [marijuana] and speed down that highway."

"And everything he did before that just pales in comparison."

"As much as there are hundreds of reasons to be proud of Jordan... he died in shame," his mother tells them, "This is how he's going to be remembered. There's no getting around that.

"My husband and I did not raise him to think that drink or drug driving was acceptable behavior, yet I stand up here as the mother of a kid responsible for the death of four kids from drinking and drug driving."

"Think of all the good stuff that you've done. Think of all the effort you've put into your life. Think of all the effort people who have loved you put into your life. And imagine all of that being wiped out by one stupid choice. Because that's the brutal reality of what happens."

"I still love Jordan profoundly, I miss him terribly... but this can't be sugarcoated. He defined himself permanently by his actions that night.

"There are accidents and there are choices. Jordan didn't have an accident that night. That's what happened to his victims. Jordan made a choice."

SOURCE: YOU CHOOSE / MELISSA MCGUINNESS

​Melissa affectionately calls the teenagers she's talking to, particularly boys, "dirtbags." Why? Because they often think they're "ten foot tall and bullet-proof."

Following the death of her son and his victims, Melissa started the You Choose - Youth Road Safety campaign. It teaches young drivers about the devastating, life-long consequences of being reckless behind the wheel.

Melissa knew that most teenagers won't learn anything through a lecture, so instead, she channels her own grief by telling her own story.

"I'm not lecturing them about right or wrong, I'm demonstrating through actual lived experience what it's like to be on the receiving-end of what I was," Melissa told Yahoo News.

"I show them a clip from Jordan's memorial ceremony and I ask them to imagine while they're watching it what it might be like if their family was in the same predicament that my family's [going through]."

"But pretty much just taking them on this entire grief journey from where it started—as the excited teenager about to start his life to the horrible accident through one stupid choice one night. Then what it looked like for everybody else involved."

"The thing with... Jordan is he's relatable because he's just like any other kid there that's sitting in that auditorium... and I'm also relatable as the mum."

"[Through Jordan they're shown] this great kid that made this one stupid choice that could be any of those kids. Any of them."

Melissa says her talks are so powerful because she's the "perpetrator's mother."

The guilt of her son's actions have weighed so heavily on Melissa that she often felt like she "didn't have a right to grieve her son".

"Those kids were innocent kids, they were doing nothing wrong and my son behaved 100 percent irresponsibly and was completely responsible for their deaths."

SOURCE: YOU CHOOSE / MELISSA MCGUINNESS

Each time Melissa talks to a group of kids, it gets a little easier for her. It gets easier to watch footage from the crash, and somehow, it gets easier to watch footage of Jordan's then 10-year-old sister breaking down at the memorial service.

But one thing doesn't change. The reaction from the kids she's speaking to. Melissa says that no matter the type of school or the age of the kids, with very little encouragement, the kids always swarm her with hugs at the end of her speech. In most instances, she says, the instigator is usually the "biggest dirtbag in the room"

"I have a remarkable story to tell. It's the worst story. And I feel really compelled to share that with teenage kids," she told 9now.

"This is what is left behind: Here is the mum that has to attend your funeral, has to pick up the pieces. That car can become your own coffin."

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Pets

Four guys asked their new neighbor if they could walk her dog. Then the dog wrote back.

"If you ever get bored, we are more than happy to look after him/her."

via Stevieticks / Instagram

A black dog and a note form "the boys from number 23."

If you've lived your whole life with a dog, a home has to feel pretty empty without one. Your heart has to feel like there's something missing as well. When Jack McCrossan, originally from Scotland, moved to Bristol, England with his three friends, they were bummed out to learn that their landlord didn't allow dogs.

So when they saw a beautiful black Sheprador (a German Sheppard Lab mix) in their neighbor's window, they knew that had to become buddies with her. They wrote the dog's owner, Sarah Tolman, a letter asking to arrange a play date with the dog. "If you ever need someone to walk him/her, we will gladly do so," they wrote.

"If you ever get bored (we know you never will, but we can dream), we are more than happy to look after him/her. If you want to come over and bring him/her to brighten our day, you are more than welcome. If you want to walk past our balcony windows so we can see him/her, please do," the letter continued.


"We hope this doesn't come too strong, but our landlord won't allow pets, and we've all grown up with animals. The adult life is a struggle without one," they wrote. "Yours sincerely, The boys from number 23," the letter concluded.

Soon after, the boys in 23 received a response from the dog herself, Stevie Ticks, accepting the offer. However, it may have been written by her human, Sarah Tolman. In the letter, Stevie shares a bit about herself, saying she's two years and four months old, was adopted in Cyprus, and that she's "very friendly and full of beans." (The boys shouldn't worry about a gassy hound, in England, "full of beans" means lively.)


"I love meeting new people and it would be great if we can be friends. I must warn you that the price of my friendship is 5 x ball throws a day and belly scratches whenever I demand them," the letter continued. A few days later, the boys got to meet Stevie. "Meeting Stevie was great!" McCrossan told Buzzfeed. "She was definitely as energetic as described. We got to take her for a walk and she wouldn't stop running!"

black labrador, dogs, dog-walkers, kind nieghbors, stevieticks, bristol, ukA black labrador (representative image).via Canva/Photos

Tolman thought the boys' letter was a fantastic gesture in an era where, quote often, neighbors are strangers. "In a day and age where people don't really know or speak to their neighbors, it was really nice for them to break down that barrier," she said. After the story went viral, she saw it as an opportunity for people to share their love of dogs with the world. "My mother and I are amazed at all the love we've received from around the world these past few days," Tolman wrote as Stevie. "If you have a doggo in your life, share that love with those around you."

A lot has changed in the past 6 years since this story warmed hearts around the globe. The boys have since moved away, but as of September 2024, Stevie is around 8 years old and still doing well. Her keeper and Sarah's partner, Chris Bowley, shared an update on Instagram. "[The boys] sadly moved out of Bristol. However, we have always tried to keep the ethos going of Stevie having as many friends and meetups as possible," Bowley wrote.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Wellness

The powerful Polish mindset that conquers challenges with unwavering spirit and resourcefulness

‘Jakoś to będzie’ is a game-changer.

Photo by Bianca Fazacas on Unsplash

Angel statue in Poland

Over the past decade, Scandinavian concepts like ‘hygge’ and ‘lagom’ have dominated wellness and decorating trends. Hygge, a Danish concept without a direct English translation, captures the essence of coziness, warmth, and comfort in one's surroundings—think candles, fireplaces, and strategically placed lamps. Lagom, on the other hand, comes from the Swedes and roughly means “just enough. " This concept preaches finding tranquility in the balance of all things.

Which, you know, is nice. (Who doesn’t want to live in a lovely, snug home and bathe in the warm glow of candlelight?) What idiot would say no to a perfectly balanced life where there’s never too much or too little?

But sometimes, the biggest concern in life isn’t “How can I make this room cozier?” Life comes at you fast. Money arrives, then leaves even quicker. Families disagree, creating generational rifts that seem insurmountable. Governments fail to protect their citizens, exposing them to war, danger, and poverty. What then? Do Europeans have a neat little phrase for that?


white book near mugHygge is nice, certainly Photo by Pavan Trikutam on Unsplash


“Things will work out in the end”

In fact, the answer is yes. Enter 'Jakoś to będzie' (pronounced 'Ya-kosh toe ben-jay'), which literally translates to "Things will work out in the end." This contrasts sharply with the sunny, optimistic advice that often emerges from idyllic nations like Denmark, the Netherlands, and Sweden. “Learning about happiness from the Scandinavians can feel a little like learning about money from a millionaire when you struggle financially,” writes Olga Mecking. “Instead,” she continues, “why not learn from a country that has been through hell and back — multiple times — and is still standing?”


beautiful multicolored buildings Poland is a living testament to the human spirit Photo by Maksym Harbar on Unsplash

Of course, she is referring to Poland, a Central European country that has existed for 500,000 years. As one imagines, there’s a lot of history sandwiched between those 500,000 years, beginning with the Polish state’s establishment during the 10th century. In the 14th century, Poland joined forces with the Grand Duchy of Lithuania, culminating in the formation of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth—one of Europe’s largest and most populous nations. Then, the strife: during the 18th century, the Commonwealth began to decline, eventually leading to the last King of Poland, Stanislaw Augustus, abdicating the throne in 1975. From there, many wars, insurrections, and violent protests were mounted against the country’s forced partitions, upheld by unwelcomed, occupying armies. However, Poland would not see independence again until 1918, when the Allies agreed to the country’s reconstitution in the aftermath of World War I. From there, even more chaos ensued. Devastation reigned during World War II, as much of the country fell into Nazi Germany’s hands, and Poland saw the near-annihilation of its Jewish population during the Holocaust.

Poland stands today not just as a country but as a powerful testament to the strength of the human spirit: despite the traumas that may come, optimism is always available to us. ‘Jakoś to będzie;’ “things will work out in the end.”


The true meaning of ‘jakoś to będzie’

Much like the country it hails from, the concept of ‘jakoś to będzie’ is all about resilience and grit in the face of life’s darkest and most uncertain moments. “It’s the unwavering certainty that we can do anything, no matter what obstacles we face along the way,” says Beata Chomątowska, co-author of “Jakoś to będzie. Szczęście po polsku” (or “Jakoś to będzie, the Polish way of life”). Meanwhile, the BBC describes ‘jakoś to będzie’ as “the perfect philosophy for tough times.”


brown and green concrete building under white sky during daytimeIt's Poland's philosophy for hard times. Photo by Zhi Xuan Hew on Unsplash

In some circles, ‘jakoś to będzie’ is presented as the anti-‘hygge’. While the latter encourages us to retreat into comfort, to adorn ourselves in cozy objects and fuzzy socks, the Polish approach embraces uncertainty head-on. This isn’t the time for hiding under a blanket with hot cocoa; ‘jakoś to będzie’ stresses the importance of acting without overthinking the consequences. It’s a peculiar philosophy that could only emerge from a country that has endured some of the most brutal hardships in history.

So, in an increasingly erratic, unknowable world, it might be wise to borrow a page or two from this Polish school of thought. Whenever a scary, daunting challenge arises—personal crises, difficulties at work, attempts to navigate any number of global problems, etc.—instead of falling into despair, try channeling a bit of this Polish spirit instead. Don’t overthink. Take that risk. Make something happen. ‘Jakoś to będzie’ — somehow, everything will work out. Moving forward is always better than staying still, no matter how frightening. Or, as Polish author Daniel Lis puts it, “[Life] is always a bit of adventure.”

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Motherhood

People are in disbelief learning how many moms literally daydream about being hospitalized

It's a real phenomenon.

Canva, @emilykmay/X

woman lying in a hospital bed looking out the window

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll. In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break.

moms, motherhood, exhaustion, parenting, parentingAn exhausted mom looks at her laptop while kids play in the backgroundImage via Canva

In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: "[I don't know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days."

In a follow-up tweet, she added, "And other moms are like 'yeah totally' while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror."

Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:

"And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice," wrote one mom.

"I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss," shared another.


motherhood, moms, babies, exhaustion, mental healthAn exhausted mom holds her newborn babyImage via Canva

Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it's not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That's why she pointed to "lack of community care" in her original post.


They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We're not just running the ultramarathon—we're also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes—and we're doing it all without any rest.

Why don't moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It's not that simple. Many people don't have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there's a certain level of "mom guilt" that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it's forced—if you're in the hospital, you have to be there, so there's no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making—someone else is calling the all shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting—no one needs anything from you. And unlike when you're on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you're in the hospital aren't going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They'll leave you to let you rest.

Paula Fitzgibbons shares that had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion's share of childcare—"delightful utter chaos" as she refers to it—fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring.

"When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at 'the spa,' and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in," she tells Upworthy. "My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom."

moms, motherhood, mental health, exhaustion, relaxing, relaxation A mom relaxing in a chairImage via Canva

When you have young children, your concept of what's relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me—I didn't even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than "Open a little wider, please."

Obviously, being hospitalized isn't ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren't a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break—not just an hour or two, but a few days—but maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn't feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to be able to rejuvenate.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Family

Dad surprises wife with epic sushi gondola after she gives birth, and folks are taking notes

"Brother, how can one become your wife?"

@trace.gotsis/Instagram

This probably fed the entire staff too.

Mothers need support from their partners during all stages of pregnancy, but especially while going through postpartum. And while having basic needs met, like doing a fair share of the domestic chores, making sure supplies are replenished, doing night feedings, etc. are vital, a little pampering also goes a long way for making mom feel taken care of and helping to boost her mood.

And what constitutes grade-A pampering? FOOD. Glorious, indulgent food. Especially after nine months of having to abstain from many, many no-no foods and drinks. In this regard, a McDonald's order might taste just as luxurious as a Michelin meal. Hopefully dad/partner knows his lady’s cravings well enough to know which route to take.

One dad (@trace.gotsis on Instagram) certainly understood this assignment to the nth degree, showing up with a literal GONDOLA of fresh sushi that was pretty much an edible work of art. His wife apparently had an epic meal before the baby even got its name.

Watch:

Needless to say, folks were impressed.

“God I see what you’ve done for others 😭”

“Best way to propose to me.”

“What an absolutely epic moment”

“If i ever have a husband and he does this i will marry him again and then 10 more times after that. 😫😫”

That goes for the dudes too.

"Brother, how can one become your wife?"

Many joked that the newborn’s name should be sushi-related.

“You better name that baby Nigiri.”

“Just call him…baby sashimi”

“So did you name it Noah or Sushi? Gotta know.”

Turns out, they would name their little guy Alfie. Which is probably better than a food name in the long run.

Sushi, like soft cheese, alcohol, and caffeine, is off-limits to pregnant women. Sushi in particular can expose a growing baby to mercury, bacteria, and other harmful parasites. That said, Healthline does say that sushi rolls with low mercury cooked fish can be consumed, like spicy crab rolls, spicy shrimp rolls, chicken katsu rolls, or vegan rolls like cucumber avocado rolls and shiitake mushroom rolls. Probably doesn’t hit quite the same, but might satisfy those cravings nonetheless.

sushi, pregnancy, safe pregnancy foods, sushi rolls, new parentsRows of sushi rolls.

And hopefully moms and moms-to-be have partners who know how to show up and anticipate needs during those intense craving moments, and beyond. That, and helping to make sure she can rest and that spaces are clean and comfortable, will help take off some of the load. Even still, those postpartum blues may come, but boy, does it make a difference.

It probably goes without saying that this type of support needn't show up in the form of a huge sushi boat, but hopefully this does offer up some inspo.



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Heroes

Biker spots elderly man with walker struggling with shoe strap, stops to take him home

It turned out to be one of his last acts of kindness.

Photo credit: Canva

Biker stops to push elderly man home after his shoe broke

Twenty-year-old Idris Shehu, known as cold_r6 online, loves riding his red Yamaha motorcycle and recording each ride on a GoPro strapped to his helmet. On one of his rides, Shehu noticed a man sitting on the padded seat of his wheeled walker and seemingly struggling with the straps on his shoe. Shehu was riding on the other side of the street when he saw the man, but instead of passing him by, he did a U-turn to check on the elderly individual.

What ensued is beyond heartwarming. The act of selflessness happened in April 2024 and was one of his last interactions caught on his GoPro before a motorcycle accident claimed his life just several months later. Recently the clip of his kind act was shared on the social media platform Reddit where it has been racking up views.

In the short video you see Shehu pull up next to the man sitting on his walker to see if he needed assistance. The 20-year-old Farmington State College sophomore asks several times if the man is okay but it's unclear if the man responds. That's when the motorcyclist hops off his bike to try to offer assistance. The older gentleman was wearing black sandals with Velcro straps, but one of the straps appears to be undone.

motorcycle, ride, gopro, good deed, cyclistman riding motorcycleGiphy

Shehu asks if he can strap the shoe for the man, then tries several times to get it to stick before telling the unnamed man, "I think your Velcro's ruined." It was then that the man says he just wants to get home. Clearly the elderly man was unable to walk or scoot the rest of the way home with his broken strap. The man tells Shehu that he lives around the corner and that's when the kind motorcyclist asks if he wants to be pushed, and push him he did.

As the college student pushes the elderly man home, the man asks him about his motorcycle before admitting he once had a Honda 450. The two talked bikes as they maneuvered over bumps and even got strange looks as one person stopped to see if they were all right. Shehu had never removed his helmet so from the outside people could only see a guy in full motorcycle gear pushing an elderly gentleman down the sidewalk. It was likely a sight to see, but eventually they made it back to the man's apartment where they were promptly greeted by a cat.

it's really the small things that matter
byu/techitachi inMadeMeSmile

Shehu was so gentle and kind with the man, it's no wonder that not only did he warm hearts with this interaction, but followers of his accounts flocked to his page to leave well wishes after his final journey.

"The most excellent content. I’m going to sign off the internet for a while after this post so nothing undermines how much I’m smiling right now. Just want to ride the happy wave of seeing human empathy and compassion shine. The 'oh look at the cat!' at the end sent me into another stratosphere," one person writes.

"Imagine how great America could really be if everyone has this level of empathy and compassion. It's people like this guy who restore my faith in humanity," another shares.

motorcycle, motorcyclist, helmet, bike, peopleGoing for a rideGiphy

On the biker's video posted to his own social media page, people share heartfelt messages:

"Rest in peace honey you are a great loss to this world but at least now you can ride forever without knowing anymore pain!!! Ride fast, ride easy, ride high."

Another shared, "This is the first video I saw of you and it's the one I'll remember for life, hold on tight up there."

It's unfortunate such a kind soul was taken so soon but what a sweet memory he leaves behind, not only for the man he helped but for his family, friends, and followers. May people learn from his selfless act of kindness and be inspired to do the same.

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