That's not OK.
I think it goes without saying that we're not trivializing domestic violence by likening it to things like nose-picking. However, in case it needs to be stated, the point is that just about anybody would look at these situations and feel they're not exactly socially acceptable. And yet we don't always take domestic violence as seriously as we should — we say things like, "Why didn't she leave?" and "He shouldn't hit her, but she stays, so she's allowing it."
So let's get this right: Domestic violence is never, under any circumstances, OK. And there's no "but..."
(I do have to disagree with one part: It's totally acceptable to dress funky and be yourself.)