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Health

'This is the face of domestic violence.' Megan Montgomery's tragic story is far too common.

"THIS is the face of domestic violence."

megan montgomery, domestic violence, face of domestic violence

Megan Montgomery and Jason McIntosh on their wedding day

If you were to look at Megan Montgomery's Instagram account, you'd see a beautiful, smiling woman in the prime of her life, her youth and fitness the envy of women the world over. You'd even see some photos of her with her husband (#datenight), with comments saying things like "Aww, gorgeous couple!"

But beneath her picture-perfect feed was the story of a woman in an abusive relationship with her husband—one that would start with his arrest shortly after they got married, and end 10 months later with him shooting her to death in a parking lot.

In a Facebook post, one of the people who was out with Megan the night of her murder detailed how her estranged husband had come to their table, put his hand on her neck and shoulder, and escorted her out of the building.


She went with him willingly, but anyone familiar with abusive relationships knows that "willingly" is a subjective term. He had reportedly threatened mass violence before. Perhaps she was trying to protect the people she was with. Perhaps staying felt more dangerous to her than going with him.

The couple reportedly had a volatile relationship from the start, and at one point both had restraining orders against the other. Regardless, she was killed by the man who had claimed to love her, an ex-cop who had been arrested for domestic violence and had been bailed out multiple times prior to that evening.

Feminist News wrote the gist of Megan's story on Facebook, sharing photos from the couple's wedding to illustrate how invisible domestic violence can be to those outside of it. "THIS is the face of domestic violence," they wrote.

But what was perhaps most striking about the post was the deluge of comments from women describing their own experiences with domestic violence. Comment after comment explaining how a partner always made them think the abuse was their fault, how restraining orders were repeatedly violated, how they were charmed and loved into questioning whether the verbal abuse or physical violence was really that bad. Story after story of how they didn't see it coming, how slowly and insidiously it escalated, how terrifying it was to try to leave.

Those of us who have not been in abusive relationships don't always understand why people don't leave them. But the dynamics of abuse—the emotional manipulation, the gaslighting, the self-esteem destruction, the fear and shame—are well documented.

Unfortunately, those dynamics can prove deadly. Domestic violence murders have been on the rise in recent years, going up 19% between 2014 and 2017. And sadly, our justice system does not protect domestic violence survivors as well as it should.

Part of the challenge of prosecuting in domestic violence cases is that victims are not always willing to cooperate, either out of fear or shame or embarrassment, or unhealthy loyalty. According to some estimates, domestic violence victims recant their testimony up to 70% of the time. That's why some are pushing for evidence-based prosecution without requiring victim testimony, much like we try murder cases.

But some, like University of Maryland law professor Leah Goodmark, argue that pushing for more law enforcement hasn't proven to reduce domestic violence rates. Addressing issues of poverty, childhood trauma, attitudes toward gender equality, and other risk factors for domestic violence may be more effective by stopping violence before it starts.

While abuse happens to both men and women, women are more likely to be victims and much more likely to be murdered by a partner. Thankfully, there are many resources for domestic violence survivors to seek help, whether you're trying to determine if your relationship is abusive or trying to figure out if, when, and how to leave. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org or call 1−800−799−7233) has a wealth of information on domestic violence and what to do about it. The website even has a live chat where you can get your questions answered and receive assistance making a safety plan for you and your family.

If you are afraid of your partner or other loved one, there's something wrong. No one should live in fear of the people who are supposed to love them the most.


This article originally appeared on 12.16.19

Modern Families

Husband who lost his job reluctantly moves family in with mother-in-law. Pure joy ensued.

Families moving in together isn't failure. Sometimes it's their greatest success.

Image via Canva

Katie Bunton shares her family's journey with multigenerational living.

Multigenerational living is not as common in our independent, self-sufficient American culture–but Instagrammer Katie Bunton (@ktbunton) is hoping her experience will open more people's minds to it. Bunton, her husband Harry and their twin boys recently moved in with their mother-in-law Louella Beale (@nana_lulu_love) after experiencing financial hardship, and opened up about the experience with her followers.

"We moved in with my MIL (mother-in-law) 2 months ago when my husband lost his job and I just keep thinking...it must have taken a lot of propaganda to make us believe this was failure," she writes in the video's caption.

In the inspiring video, Bunton showed her viewers some of the incredible benefits they've had with the extra support of Nana Lulu. From making and eating meals together to time spent in the garden and doing other menial daily tasks, she shows that life has truly improved–even though society may look at their living situation differently. "So you’re telling me, this isn’t how it was supposed to be all along ? #multigenerationalliving with @nana_lulu_love 🫶🏽," she captioned the video.

And viewers are showing their support. "I wholeheartedly believe that we’re supposed to be living with family❤️," one wrote. Another added, "It’s the best. My grandmother and mother live with us. I could never asked for a better support system. I would never ever live without multiple generations in the same house or compound." And another shared, "This has forever been my dream 😢 I’m with you, we’ve been lied to in the west. Intergenerational living is beautiful and to me the gold standard for living in harmony and raising children well ❤️."

And Nana Lulu herself commented, "🥹🥹😭😍😍 I’m such a lucky lucky so and so. 🙏🏽Thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 for the beautiful blessings of family love. 💛💛💛💛"

In another video, Bunton shared a vlog with her followers showing more about living with her MIL and the benefits of living multigenerationally. "You’re telling me we could have both parents present and hands on, all we have to do is just lower our cost of living? spend less money? And pool our resources with family? 🤯" she wrote.

In the video, she explains that her family moved in with Nana Lulu at the end of January 2025. "It's taken us quite a while to get into the swing of things. We moved into a new town as well," she adds.

Their routine has completely changed, but in a good way. And she has noticed positive changes in her relationship. "My husband has felt happier, lighter and more himself than I have ever seen him," she says.

The second video also got tons of positive comments from viewers who are loving their new living situation. "This is my definition of rich ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As someone that doesn’t have a MIL to fall back on, I just want you to know that I’m so happy you have that. So happy you know the peace that extended family can bring and that you/your husband have the support you need to get to the next stage 🫶🏼💕." And another shared, "My husband and I live with my parents. They built us a basement apartment and I am forever grateful to them not only for that but for the bond it has allowed them to have with my kiddos ❤️ I definitely get caught up thinking we’ve done something wrong but we’ve just done what we can with the cards we are dealt. I am so grateful for my village."

Love Stories

Woman's 'controversial' take on breakups illustrates our shifting attitudes about divorce

She claims she's "never thought" one of her newly single friends made the wrong choice.

Canva Photos

More women than ever are being empowered to leave bad relationships.

Did you know that almost half of all people have gotten back together with an ex at some point after ending the relationship? It's so common that it's almost become a joke. Uh oh, don't let your friend have too many drinks or she'll start texting her ex. We all know trying to revive a dead romance as a comically bad idea in almost all cases.

But surely there are exceptions. There must be cases where people break up for silly or inconsequential reasons when they're really better off together. There have to be people out there who really should try to win their ex back, right? Depending on who you listen to, this may be true for men. For women? Well...

A woman recently went viral for a simple but powerful observation about her newly single friends: They're all doing just fine.

relationships, chelsea handler, love, sex, dating, breakups, divorceChelsea Handler gets it: Being single is better than being with the wrong person.Giphy

The woman, who goes by @devonstephen on TikTok, mused that in all of her experience with her female friends leaving their partners, it's always been the right decision.

"I have never met a divorced woman and never been friends with a girl going through a breakup who, after they leave their partner, I've thought, you need him back. 'Go get him back girl.' I've never thought that."

She didn't directly elaborate on why she thought that was the case, but viewers were able to fill in the context and implications quite easily. The short, 15-second clip struck a huge nerve with women everywhere, racking up over half a million views and hundreds of comments.

@devonstephen

this is my official stance on divorce #girlhood #bigsister #fyp

Though the opinion seemed controversial, commenters overwhelmingly agreed:

Seems every woman who chimed in had a story about a friend, or even themselves, coming out on the other side of a breakup better off:

"I've also never met a divorced woman doing worse in life after the divorce. They always level up"

"I've NEVER thought, 'her loss'"

"I have never met a woman who left a man and regretted it; only regretted not leaving sooner."

"Every time I tell an older woman that I’m divorced she tells me congratulations and means it"

"it’s always, 'thank god finally' she’s always so much better off!!"

"When I talk to all my elders, the grandmas and the tias, they all tell me to stay single and enjoy the life they never got to live. Watching them in their relationships makes it real bc they suffered"

It sounds harsh, and of course it doesn't reflect 100% of reality, but the comments were extremely illuminating when it comes to a rising sentiment.


@devonstephen

Replying to @itsame! 🇨🇦 the hot girl trifecta: strong, healthy, wealthy (in so many ways) #fyp #girlhood #bigsister #breakup

The latest data shows that about 41% of first marriages end in divorce. For those that get remarried, the numbers rise drastically. Divorce rates rose for decades before peaking around 1980 and going into a gradual decline in subsequent years. A stunning 70% of these divorces are initiated by women.

In the past, women, especially, were locked into bad marriages because of a lack of financial independence and the non-existence of no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce laws were introduced in the 1970s and allowed either party to leave a marriage without assigning fault or blame to the other party. These laws gave women more agency to leave marriages and some argue they even save lives to this day by allowing women to escape domestic violence without having to prove it in court.

The relatively high divorce rate (though it's down quite a bit from its peak) is often pointed to as a bad thing or as a sign of a crumbling society. But that point of view misses the bigger context. It's become more culturally acceptable to divorce, and fewer people are trapped for life in loveless or broken relationships. Women, in particular, have been empowered and given agency to leave bad, abusive, or unhappy situations.

It's probably an oversimplification to claim that women are never at fault in a break up with a solid guy or can't make mistakes in an otherwise good relationship, but the point of the video stands that, in general, when women leave a partner, it's usually for a good reason. And the difference in 2025 is that they're more empowered culturally and legally to do so, and get on with living their best lives.

@bunchesofbeggs/TikTok

This Manager think PTO is for vacation, not "life changing events."

What does it take to be a good boss? You can answer this a bajillion different ways—being a clear communicator, earning employee trust, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a positive and supportive work environment while also being open to feedback and recognizing your team's contributions—but really, it all seems to stem from respecting your employees as fellow human beings.

And part of that means acknowledging that these employees have lives that are, frankly, more important to them than the job, and not penalizing them for it. One manager, and Gen Zer no less, seems to fully understand this basic principle, and folks are applauding her for it.

Elizabeth Beggs, who manages a five-person team for a packaging distribution company in Virginia, recently made a TikTok sharing which time-off requests she “rejects.”You’ll see why “rejects” is in quotes shortly.

One example: when a female rep notified Beggs that she was likely having a miscarriage. After the team member asked how she can file for time off to see to the issue, Beggs immediately responded, “Girl, go to the doctor! We’re not submitting time off for that!”

In Beggs’ mind, PTO is for “vacation,” not medical emergencies. What a concept.

@bunchesofbeggs Edited to clarify- 1. My team is all salary. 2. These examples are not all recent or from my current position. 3. My team works hard and hits thier KPIs above and beyond. Time off is meant to recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events #mangers #corporate #genzmanagers #sales #vetstocorporate #veterans ♬ original sound - Elizabeth


Beggs went on to explain a couple more situations, like when a parent who was “up all night” with a sick kid. And her last one wasn’t even negative—she had an employee who wanted to work a half-day to do something nice for their anniversary.

“Seriously, if any of these triggered anyone, then you need to evaluate how you run your team as a manager,” she concluded.

By and large, the response to Beggs’ management style has been overwhelmingly positive, and people seem to find it completely refreshing.

“You are not a manager, you’re a LEADER,” one person wrote.

@bunchesofbeggs Everything you do should be to better your team, not to make your life easier #leadership #ownership #corporatelife #veteran #military ♬ original sound - Elizabeth

Another said,“The better you treat your employees, the more loyal they will be and the better work they will put out. Most people do not understand how management works.”

A few noted how this attitude seems to be more present among younger leaders.

One person commented, "millennial manager here. My team members are human first, employees second. Like just go do what you want but get the work done too.”

Another joked that “Boomer managers could NEVER.”

Beggs would later clarify this doesn’t mean she doesn't have clear productivity expectations for her team (who work on salary). Perhaps if she had a team member not making their KPIs (key performance indicator), there would be an additional conversation surrounding time off, but there is still an inherent respect as a fellow human being. Which, to her, means treating bona fide time- off as a way to “recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events.”

@bunchesofbeggs If you’re planning does not account for people being human- it’s bad planning #genzleaders #armyvet #militaryvet #genz #corporatelife #corporate #manager #timeoff ♬ original sound - Elizabeth

Younger generations might get labeled “lazy” or “entitled,” but they are also the ones fighting to change the status quo, so that we all may be treated less like cogs in the machine, and more like actual human beings. Its leaders like Beggs who show that operating in new ways doesn't compromise productivity, and in fact enhances it. We might not be able to change the global standard overnight, but we certainly aren’t going to get to a better place without leaders who choose to serve their community rather than a bottom line.

Teachers

Merit-based pay for teachers is a ridiculously absurd idea, and insulting to boot

The idea that schools should be run like businesses fundamentally misses the goal of education.

Education isn't a business, and teachers don't need merit-based incentives to do their best work.

In the ongoing question of how to educate the masses in the modern age, some ideas are worthy of serious consideration and some are not. Merit-based pay for teachers falls in the "not" category.

Entrepreneur and previous presidential hopeful Vivek Ramaswamy has been making the rounds on news programs advocating for merit-based pay for teachers. Ramaswamy claims that "pay for performance" is what businesses in the private sector do, and says, "There's no reason we shouldn't be running our public schools in the same way."

Oh yes, there are many reasons why we shouldn't be running our public schools this way.

1. Things that are not businesses should not be run like a business

Businesses are businesses. Governments are governments. Schools are schools. The idea of of running any of those things like any of the others is just silly, no matter which way you try to do it. Imagine saying a business should be run like a school or a government. Makes no sense, right? Having been both a teacher and a business owner, I can tell you that educating children and running a business are night and day endeavors, and what applies to one has nothing to do with the other.

The goal of a business is to make money by providing consumers a product or a service. The more money you make, the more successful your business is. That's a pretty simple equation with simple definitions. The goal of a school is to make sure that children and teens gain the knowledge and skills they need to enter the adult world and be a functioning, contributing member of a society.

But what does that entail? And what does "educate" even mean? Who decides what skills and knowledge are necessary for the masses to have, and how do we go about making sure each child and teen learns those things? These are questions education specialists have been asking for centuries, and the answers aren't cut and dry. Education itself is complicated, and measuring education is even more so.

2. Measuring "merit" and "performance" of teachers is incredibly complex

Let's say we were going to go ahead with merit pay for teachers. How do we measure it? How do we determine what makes someone a high-performing teacher vs. a low-performing teacher?

In a business, we have Key Performance Indicators (KPIs)—measurable things we keep track of to see how we're doing. A KPI might be a quota or a percentage of growth or something else numerical that can be put into a spreadsheet and charted to see performance or progress.

What kind of KPIs would teachers have? Number of lesson plans? That's going to vary by teacher and subject. Number of hours spent teaching? That's already predetermined. Quality of teaching? Based on whose methodology or subjective perspective?

We'd have to use measurements such as student test scores, grades, or other assessments to which we try to assign numbers, which are already controversial in and of themselves. Tying teacher "merit" to those student scores is inherently problematic for several reasons.

3. It ignores inherent advantages and disadvantages in different schools and districts

Tying teacher pay to student outcomes assumes a good teacher = good student test scores/grades and bad teacher = poor student test scores/grades. But people who actually have experience teaching hundreds or thousands of kids will tell you that's not how the math works out. There are incredible teachers who bend over backward for their students and pour their entire heart into teaching whose students struggle to perform well on tests or get good grades. And there are teachers who don't have to make a big effort because they work in wealthy districts where parent involvement and resources means students will almost assuredly score well on tests regardless of the quality of teaching.

Schools and school districts vary by degrees that would probably shock most Americans if they saw the discrepancies. It is patently unfair to reward teachers who live and work in districts where students have every advantage, from the latest technology to private tutors, and punish those who work in districts where families struggle just to put food on the table and students have to navigate the perils of poverty while trying to learn.

teaching, classroom, teachers, merit pay for teachersEducation is as much an art as a science.Photo credit: Canva

How to best measure student outcomes is already a big question mark in education. Tying them to teacher pay as a measurement of "merit" just adds another unnecessary layer of complexity to it.

4. It incentivizes the abandonment of disadvantaged students

If you're a teacher and your pay is tied directly to student outcomes, where are you going to want to teach? In a school district in a wealthy district where parents have the means to pay for tutors, high property taxes ensure schools are well-funded, and kids have plenty to eat? Or a school district where kids come to school hungry, parents may not be as engaged, and schools struggle to get the resources they need? Which student outcomes are going to mean a better paycheck for you as a teacher?

Merit-based pay means well-off school districts with higher student scores will get more teacher applicants, and can therefore be more selective, and will therefore perpetuate high student outcomes even more.

5. It incentivizes 'teaching to the test' and discourages other learning

Some student learning is easily measurable with a standardized test and some is not. Math? That's easy to measure. Rote memorization of facts? Sure, test it. But how well a student understands historical implications or grasps lessons learned through literature studies or are able to appreciate a work of art or can apply what they've learned to real-world situations? Those things are a lot harder to standardize or measure. Teaching is an art and a science, and teachers know that learning growth is neither a linear process nor a purely numerical one. There's so much progress that teachers can see that a test can't measure what gets lost when test score "outcomes" are overemphasized.

And what about grades? For many subjects, grades are subjective, so if teacher pay is tied to grade improvements, that's just asking for grades to be even more subjective. Even if merit-based pay for teachers resulted in improved test scores or grade measurements on paper, that doesn't mean the quality of teaching or education has actually gone up. It just means the focus has shifted to measurable learning, often to the detriment of equally important learning that's harder to measure.

Ramaswamy has said that merit measurement would also include things like parent feedback and peer assessments. But those kinds of assessments are wildly subjective and rife with gaming potential.

6. It's insulting to the majority of teachers who are already doing their best

There will always be teachers who are willing to work in lower income districts because they love kids and they love teaching and they're doing it for the good of humankind. In fact, I'd say most teachers fall into the category of doing it for the love of the work, which is also why merit-based pay is ridiculous. The merit-based pay idea is based on an assumption that most teachers aren't already doing their best. Teachers want to be paid what their work is worth, not compete for who gets better pay based on measurements they only have so much control over. The idea that throngs of teachers are just phoning it in, and that they'd only work harder or perform better if there were some kind of merit-based incentive to do so, is insulting.


I'm not claiming to have all the answers to improving education in the United States, but the idea that educator performance is the primary problem is a claim made by people who have never set foot in a classroom as a teacher. There are lots of solutions that can and should be tried, but merit-based pay for teachers isn't one of them.

Images via Wikicommons

Robert DeNiro and Noel Gallagher from Oasis

Oasis's Noel Gallagher might have a bone to pick. No, not with his brother Liam, though probably that too. This time, it could possibly be with legendary actor Robert De Niro.

Let's back it up. About nine years ago, Noel posted an Instagram photo where he's sitting at a table with Robert seemingly deep in conversation with the caption: “So we’ve been down to the South of France for a few days, and at a 17-hour lunch at our friend's house THIS... THIS... Actually happened!!!”

The "friend"—it turns out—was Bono, of course, the front man for the band U2. As reported by Alex Flood for an article on NME, Noel not only posted the photo but kept telling the story to anyone who would listen. One such person was Alex Goldstein on the UK radio show TalkSport, who had Noel on as a guest.

robert de niro, actor, famous, celebrities, gif robert deniro GIFGiphy


He says to Noel, "Robert De Niro, you've tweeted a picture." Noel quickly points out he didn't "tweet" it, he "grammed" it. Once that's all settled, Goldstein asks how the "17-hour lunch" came about.

Noel humble-brags that his friend "casually mentioned" that De Niro was joining him and his then-wife Sara. Genuinely excited, Noel then confesses, "The only thing that could top that is probably going on a bender with Jack Nicholson." Noel then claims that the dinner started at 1:00 p.m. and went until 6:00 a.m. the following morning. "I don't remember dinner being served."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


When asked if De Niro knew who he was, Noel admits, "I gotta say, he didn't have a clue, no." And even better, he—according to Noel—said, "Write down the name of that band again that you were in."

Cut to this week. De Niro is making the press-junket rounds for his new film The Alto Kings, directed by Barry Levinson. NME Magazine writer and interviewer, Alex Flood, sat down with him and candidly says, "Robert, I know that you've met Noel Gallagher because he posted this picture of you at a dinner on his Instagram in the South of France once." Seemingly taken aback, both Robert and his co-star Debra Messing look a tad worried. The picture is then handed to Robert, who studies it like a script.

"He's gone on the radio to talk about it, and I just wanted to know if you remembered that and any memories of what happened."

The 81-year-old actor does not remember. "But," he says, "I know where it is. And I heard about it through a mutual friend who knows him. He said they were getting back together and it's a big, big deal."

Flood goes on to relay what Noel had said about the whole day/night. "He said he bent your ear for about two hours. He said you didn't know who Oasis were, but when you were leaving, you asked him—'what was the name of that band?' And I just wondered, did you go away and listen to them?"

Oasis, band, gif, musicians, music, British 90S GIF by OasisGiphy

De Niro and Messing explode in laughter. "No!" He then adds, "But I did have a mutual friend who told me we almost had dinner with him, supposedly, last night. It didn't happen, but anyway..."

Hopefully, that means Noel still stans De Niro, despite possibly not having reciprocity. However, his feelings about his brother Liam? We might have to wait until after their upcoming reunion tour to find out.