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How To Tell Your Woman To Stay In The Kitchen

Oh, pre-Internet America! How I miss the days when you had to use a stamp to spread sexist propaganda. And who knew one reason men didn’t want women to vote was that they were scared of being influenced by the ladies’ smoldering sexuality? Sadly, the old calling-a-feminist-ugly angle isn’t a surprise at all.


https://www.pitasplanters.com

Pita and David in front of their mobile plant shop

True

If there is a positive connection between mental health and caring for plants, Lupita Ríos is determined to make it her life’s work to share it with the world.

Ríos owns Dallas-based Pita’s Planters, a small business offering handmade planters, vases, art, bouquet preservation. Her love of vegetation can be traced back to where she spent her childhood—in the jungles of Guatemala—but it wasn’t until Ríos began struggling with panic attacks after college that she realized how healing plants can be.

During a particularly anxious period in her life, the only thing that brought her comfort was a plant she’d inherited from a co-worker. “Every day I would come into work and see some new growth or a new little leaf, and I would just feel so excited … it was like this little seed of light for me during a time when I was not feeling much joy,” said Ríos.

Pita in her plant shop https://www.pitasplanters.com

So she did what made sense: she kept growing plants, eventually learning how to create pots from recycled materials. During the pandemic, she and her husband opened a mobile plant store, which allowed her to share her passion with people in the community. What began as a meditative hobby quickly turned into a booming business, and Ríos, who is also working towards a Ph.D in Neuroscience, found herself overwhelmed with the things that come with being a small business owner (like keeping up with voice messages!).

“I learn as I go,” said Ríos, mentioning that one of the rookie decisions she made as a first-time business owner was to list her cell phone number under the business as the official contact number. “I quickly learned that was not a good idea! I got calls from customers left and right because the business grew so quickly.”

A friend suggested leveraging technology to keep Ríos’ sanity intact. She enrolled in Verizon Small Business Digital Ready, a free online program that offers small businesses nationwide access to over 50 expert courses and grant funding opportunities. The program includes resources created by small business owners for small business owners, covering topics such as marketing, financial planning, social media management, and more. For Ríos, this was the answer to juggling school and business without dropping any balls while the business continues to grow.

Taking control of her mobile plan was the first step in streamlining—and leveling up!—the business. Verizon’s My Biz Plan allowed her select and pay for only what she needed the One Talk App allowed her to reclaim her cell phone for personal use, and Verizon Business Assistant, a GenAI-powered text messaging solution , has been an enormous time-saver. Verizon Business’ 2025 State of Small Business Survey revealed 38% of SMBs are currently using AI–Lupita is one of many using it to help. Instead of spending precious time replying to every DM inquiring about the hours of her shop or troubleshooting a repotted plant’s wilting leaves, business owners like Ríos can set up, customize, and train a virtual assistant to field these questions.

“I didn't even realize I needed this in my life, but Verizon was like, we work with a lot of small businesses and we have a lot of tools that help set your business up so that I can focus on the products, on the marketing, on everything else. And I know that Verizon's got me covered in other ways where I don't have to think about it so much. It is so nice to have someone looking out for you and saying, ‘Yeah, you're busy. We got you covered here. We can take care of this."’

Verizon is committed to reaching one million small businesses with the resources they need to be successful by 2030—with over 450,000 small businesses like Pita’s Planters already using Digital Ready to help their businesses thrive.

Pita and David at their brick and mortar shophttps://www.pitasplanters.com

As for Ríos’ plans for after she receives her doctorate in Neuroscience? She wants to become a professor and continue growing her plant business.“Honestly, there’s nothing quite like having someone walk in who says they’ve never owned a plant before,” said Ríos. “Let me start your plant journey…within a few weeks, you’ll have a jungle in your house.”

Do you own a small business? Verizon offers over $1M in small business grants every year! Complete an application for the Verizon Small Business Digital Readyportal between May 1, 2025, and 11:59 pm PT on June 30, 2025, to be eligible for the application process for a $10,000 grant consideration.

A man and two women having a fun conversation.

There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levityA group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafeA man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive peopleA man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

Life was dramatically different before and after smartphones came into our lives.

Isn't it wild that we're living in a time where a big chunk of the population knows what it's like to live in a world without cell phones and a big chunk don't and never will? Gen X was the last generation to have a fully cell-phone-free upbringing, and considering how much our modern phones have influenced life on Earth, that difference is significant.

It's wild to think that young people today have no concept of what life was like without cell phones being the norm. People with kids often share stories of trying to explain how we navigated without Google Maps or how we let someone know we were running late or what we did when we were standing in a long line. It's a whole new world, for better or for worse.


Someone asked the /AskOldPeople subreddit, "Was it nice to live without cell phones?" and Gen Xers and boomers reminisced about the good and the bad of the disconnected life. Like most things, the transition to cell phone ubiquity has had its up sides and its down sides, which they tried to explain for the youngster who asked.

PROS OF LIFE BEFORE CELL PHONES

Not having your youthful stupidity recorded and broadcast

There were lots of shenanigans in the 70s, 80s, and 90s that no one will ever know about, thank goodness.

"I think one of the greatest perks of not having smart phones back then, is that all of the stupid things we did and said were not documented."

"I was SO cringe as a teenager. I’m glad there’s a very minimal digital footprint of that."

teens, hanging out, bowling, young people, funYoung people were free to just be without every move being documented.Photo credit: Canva

"I’d be in jail if I had a smart phone back then."

"Bwahahahahahahahah my husband and I were just talking about this. We are a fairly normal couple now with two children and a dog but Lord if there was video footage of things we did when we were in our twenties. I'm so glad that there's no evidence for our children to see the debauchery."

"I'd never be able to hold a job."

People enjoyed more face-to-face interaction

This is probably the most obvious pro of not having cell phones. People can still do this, of course, but we're not forced to.

"People hung out and interacted more. You didn’t see families at restaurants all looking at their phones. People were more connected on a personal level."

"Absolutely! If I were to take a photo in a restaurant today you’d see most people looking at their phones and not engaging. And a restaurant photo taken in the 70s, the only people I recall who didn’t engage with each other were older married couples. The differences are stark."

teens, hanging out, friends, playing outside, face to faceHanging out was just hanging out.Photo credit: Canva

"I struggled the first few years that phones were big when everyone was at thanksgiving staring at their phones and nobody was talking to each other. Now I’m used to it and heck I probably do it myself now..it becomes the new norm."

"Yes. I spent a lot more time staring into space and thinking when alone and it was wonderful. Also, not hearing from friends or dates after a day or so didn’t mean they hated me."

More freedom

In some ways, smartphones have opened up the world to us, but they've also created addictions and a style of life that's incredibly busy and overstimulating.

"Able to be actually completely unavailable. Reading books in my downtime. Silence. Darkness. True reflective solitude. Hell yeah it was good."

"GenX here. Things were more spontaneous. We’d leave messages and notes for friends. If you missed it, you missed it. We had more mental freedom. Meeting people was more fun. Making eye contact out at a nightclub or party was a thing."

"There was no anxiety when you left the house. You left the house and people knew you were leaving and then knew you weren’t gonna be back for a certain amount of time and if they had questions for you, they would have to wait until you got home. People had patience. Because you knew you could not get an answer in that exact second in that moment. The amount of people who get offended when you don’t text them back immediately is staggeringly stupid."

hanging out, face to face, socializing, friends, peersBefore cell phones people hung out and were choosy with their photos.Photo credit: Canva

CONS OF LIFE BEFORE CELL PHONES

Lots of waiting around for people to call

Gen Z's minds are often blown trying to imagine not being able to text someone, much less having to just wait around by the phone for them to call.

"I recall sitting by the phone in the house for hours waiting for an expected call, wishing I could go out and do something. There was some good and some bad. We'd have loved to be able to contact friends without being home."

"That's what I remember too. And as a teen, relying on parents/siblings to give you messages back in the dark days before answering machines."

rotary phone, days before cell phones, waiting by the phone, no cell phones, home phonesWhen you were waiting for a call, you had to stay close to the phone.Photo credit: Canva

"Back in 95, When I sent my mom a message on her pager to call me, I would never leave the phone. I would sit there waiting all night! Reading magazines most likely. Or drawing."

"I love this comment because now I'm remembering the downsides. My friends all out having fun without me because I wanted to stay home and see if a stupid boy was going to call me and my parents giving me crap about it. Also constantly fighting with my sister about being on the phone to the point that we had to have a timer for how long we could be on a single phone call. Or driving around looking for parties and trying to figure out where people were hanging out and just spending the whole Saturday in the car feeling frustrated because there was nothing to do. Still, I think it was mostly positive. We actually had to be with people without having to document everything or post it online."

Less safety and ease when traveling

Those who miss the pre-phone days may be forgetting what a pain it was to travel and how much less safe you felt if you got lost.

"I do a lot of traveling alone and if something happens to my car I make a phone call and get road service. That makes this phone priceless."

GPS, smartphone, google maps, navigation, safetyHaving a handheld GPS is pretty darn convenient.Photo credit: Canva

"My wife was being followed on her walk in a deserted park. The guy was getting very aggressive. She called me on her cell, then the police. I got there quickest and 'dealt' with the creep. My cousin had a blowout on the highway and went off the highway into a snow covered ditch. She used her phone to call for help and did not die in the -30 weather. I will take these obtrusive calls any day of the week. Like any other tool, it's how you use it. A good "do not disturb" setting with important people excepted from that list is the way to go. Overall, it is like any other tool - it's how you use it. As an older guy, the internet and smartphone is the best advance I have ever seen in technology and I embraced it from day one."

"It was awful. My town had no transit and you had to prearrange rides and miscommunication was common. Lots of yelling. And finding a location at night in the rain was horrible whereas Maps pinpoints your location and where you are trying to get to."

Many people miss the days before smartphones, but not cell phones

It's not so much the cell phones as it is the mini computers that we carry around with us now. The camera and Google Maps are great, but social media and carrying 24/7 news and all of the information in the world around with us is a lot.

"I'm not too nostalgic for a time before cell-phones, but I am nostalgic for the time before smart-phones. From ~1990 to ~2009, cell-phones were just what the name implies: mobile phones. But once smart-phones came out and social media exploded in popularity, they started actually changing the way human beings interact and behave and even how they think, and none of these changes were for the better."

flip phone, cell phone, calls, availability, no phonesMany people would prefer flip phones to be the norm.Giphy GIF by Laff

"This is my take as well. I appreciated having a dumb cell phone in the 90s when I was a single woman when driving places alone late. I could call AAA from my car if my car broke down instead of walking to god knows where to find a pay phone to call. Smart phones + social media though have had a lot of downsides."

"This is such an important distinction. My first reaction reading the original post was all the stories of girls who walked home alone, couldn’t call for a safe ride and were never heard from again and all the times there was an accident and someone had to try to set off on foot to go get help. Cell phones are an amazing safety innovation. Smartphones are something different."

"I agree completely! I like very few things about smartphones... having Google Maps, but that's about it. I could have a flip phone and a Navman on my dash and never give a single fuck about "smart" phones ever again.

I hate what society and human interaction has become because of these things."

"Absolutely, there was a sweet spot when we had cell phones or gps (I used to get lost so much more) but before social media became so ubiquitous and employers expected you to be available 24/7. Miss those days!"

It truly is a mixed bag

One person's comment summed it all up quite perfectly:

"It's a mixed bag.

On the one hand, back in those days I had a lot less 'noise' coming at me all day. The phone ringing, texts coming in, emails, my company's instant messaging platform... none of those existed. Life was much quieter.

smart phone, cell phone, phones, distraction, connectednes Smart phones have made our lives both easier and more complex.Giphy GIF by Schitt's Creek

On the other hand, tasks that are simple and quick now were much harder then. The top one that comes to mind was just getting around a place I didn't know well. Having to pull out a map, try to figure out where I even was let alone where I was going, stopping to ask strangers for directions, driving to a phone booth so I could look up the address of a business in the Yellow Pages. Not knowing what restaurants are worth visiting in a new town and just having to wing it. It was a headache.

Sometimes I needed to get a hold of someone and just couldn't. Call, leave a voicemail, wait for a call back, hope I'm home and available to answer the phone when the return call happened.

Banking required going to the bank. Paying bills required writing a bunch of checks by hand, stamping envelopes, and going to the mailbox.

That said, even though these tasks are way easier and faster now, I don't have any more free time. I have less. Because we're expected to just cram more in our day."

Good or bad, better or worse, we live in a world where phones are so interwoven into our lives, using them wisely and judiciously is the most important thing.

A woman holding back her laughter.

One of the biggest topics in parenting these days is the mental and physical drain that comes with being the default parent in a family. The default parent is the one who is first in line when it comes to taking responsibility for parenting duties, whether that means making doctor’s appointments, ensuring the homework is done, or making sure the child has enough socks to make it through the week.

Being the default parent can lead to fatigue and burnout, and the parent can experience incredible anxiety when their attention turns away from the household or family. The situation is even worse when the default parent’s partner only does the bare minimum. Unfortunately, in American society, fathers are often the parents who do just enough to get by and are praised for it.

The notion that men don’t have to pull their equal weight in American family life is so ingrained that when Emma Hughes, a travel nanny with over one year of experience in childcare and family support, visited Sweden for two weeks, she experienced extreme culture shock.


"I've been in Sweden now and I think I've been ruined for American men," the 24-year-old said in a viral Instagram video. "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss …"

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this because all of the observations that I've made have really revealed to me how deeply ingrained [expletive] dads have become like in my brain, and it's just like the default,” she continued.

The notion that fathers only have to do the bare minimum was so ingrained in Hughes’ psyche that she couldn’t understand seeing so many involved fathers in Sweden.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, soccer, swedish childA dad playing soccer with his child.via Canva/Photos

"When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, what does my brain think … That's weird, there is something abnormal about that,” Hughes said. “When I see dads at the grocery store with their kids. When I see dads out at restaurants or in public. It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families."

She said that even the best dads she's worked with in America would be considered the "Scandinavian bare minimum." She applauded one Swedish father who purchased a new size of diapers for his baby without being told to do so by his partner.

swedes, swedish couple, scandanavia, swedish flag, happy swedesA couple holding up the Swedish flag.via Canva/Photos

"Like I watched a Swedish dad go to the grocery store and come home with like four bags of groceries and in that trip he had bought size two diapers for a baby that had previously been wearing size one and was ready to move into size two but that conversation had not happened between the mom and the dad,” she said.

Given Swedish dads' dedication towards their parenting responsibilities, it’s fair to assume that their partners are much happier and stress-free than those in the States. But what about their kids? Researchers at the United Nations who studied “child well-being in rich countries” found that Swedish fathers also ranked high by their children. The survey asked children in 28 countries if it was easy to talk to their dads, and while 67% of children in the study said their parents were easy to talk to, Swedish fathers scored higher at 72.4%. Meanwhile, the U.S ranked 25, out of 28, at just 59.7%.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, swedish child, dad reading note, A Swedish dad reading a note. via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Hughes makes an important point that Scandinavian men have set a high bar for being fathers and that American men need to step up. The positive sign is that in America, the discussion around default parenting has been getting louder and louder, and hopefully, that will prompt more American men and women to set higher expectations so that one day, American men can catch Sweden’s.

Joy

Tourist visits American Starbucks for the first time and accidentally asks his barista out

"One year later, she is still standing outside the Starbucks, waiting for you."

He didn't realize until after he left.

Google Translate and cram-studying Duolingo can be great tools when traveling to new places, but let’s face it—certain things are still bound to get lost in translation. Especially the unspoken context behind certain words and phrases, which also tends to change from location to location.

For a 39-year-old British man visiting Chicago for the first time, a little linguistic snafu led to him unknowingly asking someone out on a date.

In a hilarious story posted on Reddit, the man shared how a year prior, despite not being a coffee drinker, he wanted to try an American Starbucks during his stay in the states. So, he popped into one near his hotel where he met a “very friendly” barista with a “super cute smile.” After hearing the man’s accent, a conversation was struck up between them.

Here’s where it gets good: as the UK man explained, he often asks folks what time they finish work, "especially if they say it’s been a long day.” After pulling out this seemingly innocent icebreaker on his barista, he noticed that she (and her coworkers) “looked at him funny.” But he shrugged it off in the moment.

When she replied that she got off at 3 p.m., the man responded, “That’s not so bad.” Then, before leaving, he quipped, “See you later,” which can mean “Bye” in the UK.

However, as many of us know, in America, that’s…not exactly what it means.

It wasn’t until talking about his day to a cousin from North Carolina that the man was informed what actually happened: he had basically asked his barista out on a date.

“I avoided that coffee shop for the rest of my trip, I felt so embarrassed,” the OP concluded.

This, of course, became fodder for the comments section, where countless readers joked that it was a missed romantic opportunity.

"One year later, she is still standing outside the Starbucks, waiting for you," one person wrote. Another added, "Can't wait for the post from a Starbucks barista: 'Cute guy from England asked me out and then ghosted me.'"

Still another suggested “one year after, same date, 3 pm. If she protests say you don't know what she is talking about, you asked her out this morning.”

“Gaslighting. The way to a girl's heart," another viewer joked.

To the OP’s credit, several people—including Americans—chimed in to say that asking about when a person gets off work can, in fact, be seen as normal chitchat rather than a flirtation.

“Working in retail (Ireland) have been asked a good few times about my work/ shift times and have asked people this myself. Never saw it as an intention to ask people out,” one person wrote.

Another echoed, “Yeah same here it just feels like making small talk haha, or like how long you've got left to suffer and they're commiserating with.”

Still, several noted the double whammy of “when do you get off?” + “see you later” was really what set things off.

“I feel like the 'when do you get off work' question on its own would not be a huge issue, but it probably confirmed her suspicion when you said 'see you later'. I've said the first to people before, and never had any funny looks; that, or I just never noticed. BRB, gonna go review every minor interaction I have ever had.”

We’ll never know whether or not this barista actually thought she was being asked out on a date. But that’s not really the point, anyway. It’s just interesting to see how there truly are worlds within worlds on this planet. The exact same phrase spoken exactly the same way can take on entirely different meanings, depending on where you are. It’s part of what makes exploring so endlessly fascinating…even if it can lead to embarrassing moments along the way.

A woman celebrating a big victory.

Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, an adjunct associate professor of psychology at Columbia University’s Barnard College, makes a powerful point in his new book, Rise Above. He believes that the difference between those who are happy and prosperous and those who are not is that one group has managed to “unlearn fear.”

The problem for most people is that learning and unlearning fear are two very separate processes. Learning to be afraid happens automatically in our brains after we have a traumatic or frightening experience. That’s why when we encounter something we are fearful of, we have an emotional and mental response that can be difficult to overcome.

However, unlearning fear is something we must do intentionally. “Fear is automatically learned. And fear must be actively unlearned: We have to choose a different way of living, and we can start by taking responsibility for the fact that unlearning fear—or any past patterns—can take a lot of inner work,” he said, according to CNBC.

success, happiness, fear, overcoming, barriers, teamwork, fear, challengesA team of co-workers celebrating a win.via Canva/Photos

Simply put, our brains constantly collect new fears without our control. But to unlearn those fears, we have to do so intentionally. That’s why countless people are unable to chase their dreams, take risks, and be vulnerable. They haven’t unlearned the unnecessary fears that their brains installed without their knowledge or permission.

For example, at some point in life, most of us acquire a fear of rejection. This prevents a lot of people from asking the boss for a raise, even when they deserve one. But those who have unlearned that fear can get past the barrier and ask for what they deserve. “Our default state is to have a sense of helplessness when we get overwhelmed,” Kaufman says.

Even though we didn’t choose our fears, Kaufman says they are still our responsibility to unlearn. “Sometimes we’re responsible for things not because they’re our fault, but because we’re the only ones who can change them,” he told Psychology Today.


How to “unlearn” fear

Kaufman says that we can unlearn fear by correctly talking about it to ourselves when we experience it. He says that in these situations we should ask ourselves “what” questions, instead of “why" questions. For example, let’s say your boss gave you extra work that you weren’t prepared for. “You can go from ‘Why am I feeling this?’ to ‘OK, what am I feeling?' What would make me feel better?” Kaufman says. “Asking ‘what’ questions—‘What do I need right now, in this moment?’—these lead to a whole upward spiral of productive questions.”

Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich agrees. “'Why' questions can draw us to our limitations. 'What' questions help us see our potential. 'Why' questions stir up negative emotions. 'What' questions keep us curious. 'Why' questions trap us in our past. 'What' questions help us create a better future.”

The difference between the two types of questions is huge. It’s the same as the difference between asking ourselves, “Why does this happen to me?” and “What can I do about it?”

success, happiness, fear, overcoming, barriers, happy woman, race, marathon, runnersA woman winning a race.via Canva/Photos


It’s empowering to consider that the fears that hold us back in life weren’t our choice, so we don’t have to give them the power that they demand. A fear you acquired in the fifth grade may be the same thing holding you back from a raise. So, why not ask what you can do about it, push through, and watch it disappear while building a ladder to greater success and happiness?