Therapist explains 'Orchid vs Dandelion Child' theory and how kids react differently to trauma
Are you an orchid child or a dandelion child?
Judy Lee explaining the difference between dandelion children and orchid children
Sometimes it really helps to have specific words to describe difficult experiences. Labels have their limitations, of course, but they can help prevent someone from feeling further isolated by a negative circumstance. After all, if there’s a specific phrase, analogy, etc. for what you’re going through or have gone through, then it can’t be all that uncommon. And if there are words to describe it, then there might be words to help navigate through it as well.
This is why hypnotherapist Judy Lee is sharing a term that she learned in grad school, one that changed her life and one she thinks can help others—particularly those who grew up in an abusive or unstable environment.
As Lee explains in a now-viral TikTok video, siblings who grew up in the same unsafe household often have starkly different reactions. One tends to be more resilient, while the other is more sensitive. This sensitivity manifests not only emotionally, but with certain sounds, foods (i.e allergies), certain fabrics…you get it.
“There always seems to be that sibling that does really well and the sibling that doesn’t do very well in an abusive environment,” Lee says in the video.
These are “dandelion children” and “orchid children,” respectively.
The terms, coined by pediatrician Thomas Boyce and psychologist Bruce J. Ellis, are fairly straightforward. As the names suggest, dandelion children are able to survive and even thrive under whatever circumstances befall them. Orchid children, on the other hand, wilt and wither without a good deal of nurturing, much like the orchid flower itself.
“At first glance, it seems that one is much more preferable than the other,” Lee says, referring to the dandelion child’s apparent benefits.
@theorchidchild why some siblings raised in the same traumatic environment can react differently #orchidchild #traumatok #wellnessjourney #emotionalintelligence #hypnotherapy #dandelionchild #developmentalpsychology #ancestralhealing ♬ Lift Me Up - From Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - Music From and Inspired By - Rihanna
But as she explained, there is also evidence suggesting that if “an orchid child is removed from that abusive environment and grows up and is then replaced into a nurturing and nourishing environment, they can actually surpass their dandelion counterparts.”
Really, Lee’s point isn’t to suggest that one type is better than the other. It’s moreso to encourage folks who might classify themselves as orchids to “find a beautiful community to be a part of.”
She should know—she’s a thriving orchid child herself.
As Lee revealed in an interview with Buzzfeed, she had harbored resentment against her dandelion sister, who seemingly came out of their shared traumatic childhood unscathed. Highly successful, even. Lee, on the other hand, battled with both mental and chronic physical illness.
However, learning about these terms helped Lee understand her and her sister’s unique paths and strengths. It even gave her the name of her healing practice, The Orchid Child.
Since sharing her TikTok, Lee has been flooded with comments from people who felt like the terms validated their own experiences.
“My sister is an orchid and I am a dandelion. She suffered at my parent’s house. She is in a safe and happy marriage now, watching her thrive is amazing,” one person wrote.
“Cries in Orchid,” wrote another.” But also thank you for the glimmer at the end. It’s up to me who I’m around now.”
As Lee also pointed out to Buzzfeed, in reality, most children fall somewhere on the spectrum between orchid and dandelion. In fact, there’s a third term, “tulip child,” to describe a kid who falls somewhere in between the extremes. All in all these terms help to provide some nuanced context, rather than give a hard-and-fast diagnosis.
Here’s to all the dandelions, orchids and tulips out there. No matter how your upbringing caused you to grow, you’re all valuable parts of the bouquet.
If you’d like even more content from The Orchid Child, you can follow her on TikTok here.- Prince Harry shares how he uses EMDR therapy for trauma. What is it and how does it work? ›
- Maisie Williams opens up about the complicated feelings of a traumatic childhood ›
- 25 things you do as an adult when you've experienced childhood emotional abuse. ›
- As a therapist, I've never punished my children and here's why - Upworthy ›
The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on 
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.