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Identity

An open letter to men who will have sex with me but won't date me

"It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences — but if you want to have sex with us without being seen in public with us, that's emotionally abusive."

An open letter to men who will have sex with me but won't date me


Many years before I got together with my boyfriend, I had a sex thing with this guy that I thought was relationship material.

He not only had an amazing body but a great personality as well. I was honest when I met him that I was looking for something more than just sex, and he led me to believe that was what he wanted, too.

Between mind-blowing sex sessions, we ordered in, played video games, and watched movies — couple things but without the label. But when I tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with me, he refused. My frustration grew as the months went on, and one day I confronted him.

"Why don't we ever go anywhere?"

"We have everything we need here," he answered while simultaneously distracting me by caressing my shoulder blades.

"We actually don't," I said. "I'm hungry, let's check out that new Indian place around the corner."

"No! We might run into one of my buddies," he said, moving his body further away from me. The underlining meaning was clear — he couldn't take the chance that someone he knew would see him with me.

He needed to keep our relationship on the DL so that no one would ever suspect that he enjoyed spending time with me — a fat woman.

He was super fit, so obviously that's the kind of woman he wanted to be associated with, the kind he could be seen with at the Indian place.

When I realized he was ashamed of being seen with me, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach — a place where much of my pain already resided.

To him, I was fuckable but not dateable. He dumped me soon after that conversation.

He did me a favor by not continuing to lead me on. Otherwise, I might still be trying to prove to him that I was worth any shit he might have gotten from other people. If I was still his secret shame, I might not have met my next boyfriend, so thanks, athletic asshole.

I had hoped that, in this age of body positivity, men would no longer need to hide their desires when it comes to fat women.

But I was wrong.

It's just a sad fact: Many men who are sexually attracted to fat women are ashamed of it.

They're OK with banging a fat girl, but they don't want to hang out with her — someone might judge them for it.

It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences, and not every body type appeals to everyone. But if you find larger women hot and you want to have sex with them without being associated in public with them, that's emotionally abusive.

Everyone should have the freedom to express their desires openly (as long as there's consent from both parties). If you modify your behavior and wants to what you think will protect you from criticism and/or ridicule, then you need help because that kind of self-loathing will only grow until it has destroyed you.

Don't act like we're in a relationship if all you really want is to experience what sex with a fat woman is like.

I'll tell you what it's like: It's as amazing and fun as having sex with anyone who's into having sex with you. We don't have magic vaginas, and our breasts don't do any special tricks — well besides the usual, like feed or comfort people.

Fat women are just as hot and sexually gifted as women of other shapes, sizes, and abilities. Being fat doesn't mean we're so hungry for attention that we'll put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to rock your world.

If you're with someone who doesn't make you feel beautiful or who isn't proud to have you on their arm, you need to dump their ass.

Being alone is far better than compromising on what you deserve or being made to feel as if you're someone's big dirty secret.

You're not only dateable, you're lovable and worthy of being treated with respect and love.

I regret not standing up for myself when I discovered the athletic guy was only using me for sex. But at least I learned, as we all should learn, that I'm responsible for being my biggest advocate and to never accepting anything less than what I need.


This article was written by Christine Schoenwald and originally appeared on 06.29.18

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Joy

A woman accidentally said, 'Love you!' to an important client. His response was perfect.

He even followed up with a heartwarming e-mail.

Photo credit: Canva

Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments.

For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, "Love you!" Before bed at night, "Love you!" Getting off a call with them, "Love you!"

That's all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you're talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)

I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMANGiphy

A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.

"Accidentally said 'Love you!' at the end of a call with an important client yesterday," wrote a Reddit user. "I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:"

The email began, "Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a 'love you.' I just found it funny because I've definitely done that before, and I know it happens."

Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn't bothered by the "love you." But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:

"I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)"

Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. "Have a great weekend! We'll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed."

embarrassing story, saying I love you on accident, workplace stories, professional communication"Love you!" Oops.Photo credit: Canva

He didn't just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he's done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.

The client's emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people's hearts.

"What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally."

"You work with good people."

"Honestly, this made my day 😂 It's so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!"

"Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward."

"Green flags from that client."

Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk ShowGiphy

People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental "love you"s and it was a veritable love-fest:

"I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call - she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed."

"I said 'love you' to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with 'bye love you!'"

"Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died."

"A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with 'I love you' when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night."

Embarrassed Hide GIF by florGiphy

"I had a coworker say 'love you,' just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, 'Don’t tell my wife.' We both laughed and finally disconnected."

"I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week."

"Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with "love you." Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn't think it was love."

Embarrassing moments don't have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.

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Joy

15 people share the one sentence they'll never forget because it completely changed their lives

"Never try to hate anyone; often they don't care, and you're left doing all the work."

via Canva/Photos

A woman having a revelation.

There’s nothing quite like having a breakthrough moment. When you hear something that completely reframes how you view a relationship or challenging life situation that helps you move past the barrier and into a new headspace, it can be exhilarating. It’s like scratching an itch that you didn’t know you had.

"Breakthrough is that moment when frustration, struggling, fear, worry, or anxiety disappears,” famed personal development coach Tony Robbins once said. “It's a moment of insight, recognition about who you are, and the realization that you are more than the moment. It's a radical, massive improvement in the quality of your life, and as a result, all those you have the privilege to touch."

A Redditor on the Confession subforum asked people to share the “one sentence that completely changed their life,” and they received over 1,000 responses from people who heard the right wisdom at the right time and never forgot it. These sentences are powerful truths that helped people stuck in a rut realize they had the power to change or move on.

advice, breakthroughs, confessions, wisdom, moments, thinking, adviceA mom consoling her daughter.via Canva/Photos

Here are 15 sentences that completely changed people’s lives.

1. Sometimes when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.

"That's a spin on an old saying, 'They tried to bury us, but they didn't realise we were seeds.'"

2. Never try to hate anyone; often they don't care, and you're left doing all the work.

"Said by a friend of mine at a very critical time in my life. It's been said in other ways, but that one stuck with me for the last 35+ years."

"Makes me think of this gem: Never get in a fight with a pig. You both get covered in sh*t but the pig enjoys it."

"Hate corrodes the vessel it's carried in."

3. Have you had a bad day, or did you have a bad 5 minutes that you let ruin your day?

"I love this one explained with money. If I gave you $100, then I stole 5, would you burn/throw away the rest?"

"I need someone to remind me of this sometimes! I'm not neurotypical and I can tell sometimes that when things can't go to my plan or agreed schedule it can be like a monkey wrench in a gear and just PAUSE my life in a way I hate sometimes."


advice, breakthroughs, confessions, wisdom, moments, thinking, advice, couchA woman upset on the couch.via Canva/Photos

4. People are quick to accept that the smallest change in the past can dramatically change the present, yet refuse to accept that the smallest action today can completely change the world.

"Hindsight’s 20/20 as they say, and it’s easier to know the difference between the outcome compared to the present. Whereas our current actions, we really have no way of knowing how it’ll affect the future, as there are so many other variables that could affect things, and we can’t see into the future."

5. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm

"This reminds of an African proverb I heard: Beware the naked man who offers you clothes."

6. I love you enough to let you hate me.

"My mom told me once during a heated argument in my teens, 'I love you enough to let you hate me.' Powerful."

7. Never break two laws at once; that's how you draw attention to yourself.

“If you have a body in the trunk, make sure you use your turn signals.”

"My dad was in law enforcement and told me that was how they often caught people. An example he used was at night when someone forgot to turn off their high beams there was a reasonable chance they might be an impaired driver."


8. Nothing is going to be different unless you do things differently.

"Nothing changes if nothing changes!"

"I've tried nothing and it didn't work!"

9. Living well is the best revenge!

"Instead of making yourself miserable stewing over the past, improve your life and make yourself happy."

"For the people that hate you, or just generally dislike you, there's nothing worse than seeing you be happy. If someone hurts you on purpose, you don't need to try and hurt them back, if you become obsessed with them, then they've won, but being happy and leading a good life is the best revenge you could have, because they'll hate to see it. If you can't love yourself for you, love yourself just out of spite towards the people who would bring you down."

10. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good enough.

"This is a good one in the professional world. I give this advice to my direct reports often. Move onto the next great thing."

11. Acceptance is the answer

"Big Book AA: Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."

"It changed my life… I was so consumed with everything that was wrong around me. It made me start looking at and adjusting myself instead. I can only control me. "

self acceptance, self love, self-care, peace, understandingA woman at peace with herself.via Canva/Photos

12. You never know what someone is going through, always be kind.

"Always react with kindness. It costs you nothing and can make most situations much better."

13. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

"Lives rent free in my head and has helped me every damn day of my life! Hahaha!"

"Especially when putting together furniture, saved me hours with allen keys."

14. The price of procrastination is the life you could have lived.

"Love this one!"

15. Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go, and the power of moving on.

"I needed this thank you."

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Pets

Woman builds an elaborate hotel in her yard for stray cats to stay cozy through the winter

People are calling it "Hotel Catifornia" and "The Fur Seasons."

Images via Canva

A woman in China provides a cozy home for stray cats in her neighborhood.

When winter comes around, people may wonder how stray animals stay warm and safe. Stray cats in particular are highly adaptable creatures and their home is the great outdoors, so most of the time there's not much that people need to do to protect them. But when temperatures dip to dangerous levels, caring humans naturally want to make sure strays have a place to go to get out of the harsh elements.

One woman has taken that desire to a whole new level with an elaborate cat apartment she built for the many stray cats in her neighborhood. We're not just talking about a shelter–it's like luxury hotel living for her feline friends. The apartment has multiple rooms, cushy blankets that get taken out and cleaned, and even a temperature-controlled water source so they're always able to find drinking water in frigid temps.

Check this out:

The woman who built the apartment actually lives in China and was sharing her videos on TikTok, but it seems her account has since been deactivated. This hasn't stopped people from talking about her and her impressive project, though. This thread on TikTok contains updates about the cat hotel from people finding and reposting the adorable story.

Welcome to the Meowtel Catifornia

Of course, the clever hotel jokes and puns started rolling in first thing:

'Welcome to the hotel catifornia."

"Such a lovely place."

"They can check out any time but they won't ever leave ^^"

"I prefer Hotel Calicofornia."

"Meowriott."

"Given my skill, mine would be more like Meowtel 6."

"Pawliday Inn.'

"The Fur Seasons."'

"Meowne Plaza."

People loved seeing the care and ingenuity she put into the "meowtel," as well as how happy the cats seem with the arrangement. In fact, some people were sure their own house cats would move out just to go live in this kind of cat commune.

"My cat just looked at me and sighed…"

"All the neighbours be looking for their cats and they’ve bailed to live at the kitty motel."

"They’d pack their little bags and move in without a second thought."

"They wouldn't even wait to pack their bags."

"Alright Carol it’s been real but we’re gonna head out. Found a great deal on a luxury apartment so yanno… take care."


Cats live where they want when they want

cats, stray cats, pet cats, felines, kittiesKitten snuggled in a person's arms. Image via Canva.

Those people may have been joking, but several others shared that their cats really did ditch them to go live with neighbors who had more desirable living situations.

"I’ve had two cats do this. One was annoyed at our second dog’s puppy energy so she moved in with an older lady a street over. We used to see her all the time until she passed. The other missed our kids being little so she moved next door where there’s a little girl. We talked to both neighbors and said if they get sick of them to let us know and we’ll take them back but both lived the rest of their lives with their new families."

"One of our cats moved next door because he loves children and wanted to be with the little girl next door. Because it’s a very small village, he goes to the school most days to wait for her and they come home together. School is 3 buildings away."

"We had a cat do the same thing about 20 years ago. She hated the barks of our new puppy and would put her paw on his mouth to try and stop it. One day, she slipped outside and I found her a month later, two streets over, hanging with a couple who didn’t have a dog. They said she just showed up at the door and moved in. I gave them all her cat food and hope she had a nice quiet life."

Is it a bad idea to feed and shelter stray cats?

cats, stray cats, feeding cats, feral cats, shelter catsCats eating kibble on the street.Image via Canva

People have differing opinions about whether it's good to feed stray cats or not, as cats can cause problems for local wildlife and it's not great to encourage an increasing stray cat population. According to Catster, in the United States alone, an estimated four billion birds and 22 billion mammals (such as mice, voles, rabbits, and shrews) are killed annually by both domestic and stray cats. In Canada, cats are the number one of killer of birds, killing "between 100 and 350 million birds every year." These numbers are staggering, but the bird and small mammal populations can be protected if stray cats are cared for responsibly: namely, spaying and neutering those in your area to cut down on the population and finding homes for those who are friendly and comfortable with humans.

According to the Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon, here are the best practices for feral and stray cats:

- Spay/neuter to prevent additional litters

- Find homes for friendly cats

- Feed outdoor cats on a schedule

- Remove food & dishes when they are done eating

- Pick up scraps and keep the feeding area tidy

- Provide fresh water

- Provide a warm place for the cats to sleep

So, go ahead and care for those kitties and keep them warm through the winter—just make sure they can't make any more kittens.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Culture

How do you become the pope? A 5-minute video explains the priest-to-pope career path.

A helpful explainer for non-Catholics.

CGP Grey/YouTube

Becoming pope is a multi-step process of ascending the Catholic church hierarchy.

Understanding the basics of different religious beliefs is an important part of living in a diverse world. Understanding the internal clerical or administrative structures of different religions, however, takes a bit more effort and can be confusing to those who haven't grown up within those systems.

Most of us know that the pope is the head of the Catholic church, and even people who aren't Catholic are familiar with terms like priest, bishop, and cardinal. But that's the extent of knowledge of the hierarchy for many. The holy roles and how one moves from one level to another within the Catholic priesthood can be confusing. Though the fictional movie Conclave offers a compelling glimpse into the process of choosing a new pope, the full career path from priest to pope isn't really clear for a lot of us.

catholic priest, catholic church, becoming pope, choosing a new pope, popeYou have to be a priest first, then move up the Catholic hierarchy to have any chance of becoming pope.Photo credit: Canva

Enter CGP Grey, who has a knack for explaining things simply and concisely with cool illustrations and just enough humor to make boring explanations entertaining. Grey made a video in 2013 just a month before Pope Francis was elected as the 266th pope, and it's become relevant again in 2025 with his passing.

The "How to Become Pope" video has been viewed 29 million times, so clearly this is a question of curiosity for many. Considering that there are 1.4 billion Catholics in the world and how powerful the pope is as a global figure, it's a good thing to know.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"Let's say you want to become pope, head of the Catholic church and shepherd to over one billion faithful," the video begins. "What requirements must you have for this lofty station?"

There are only two actual requirements. 1. Be a Catholic. 2. Be a man. Simple enough, right?

Technically speaking, any male Catholic could be chosen as pope, but there has never been an average Catholic person who is not part of the priesthood. In fact, it's been over 600 years since a non-cardinal became pope. So the career path for pope starts with becoming a priest, then moving up to becoming a bishop and then a cardinal.

Moving up the ladder in the Catholic church requires a lot of specific education. Becoming an ordained priest usually requires a degree in Catholic Philosophy and a master's degree in Divinity. To move up to bishop, you have to wait for a local bishop to retire or die, be on a list of potential bishops, be 35 years old, be a priest for at least five years, and generally have a PhD in theology. A congress of bishops examines the candidates for bishop, chooses one, and sends the name to the pope. The pope then approves or vetoes the choice. It's a long process.

catholic priest, catholic church, becoming pope, choosing a new pope, popeThere are around 5,000 Catholic bishops, and around 200 of them are designated as cardinals.Photo credit: Canva

There are about 400,000 Catholic priests in the world, according to the video, but only about 5,000 bishops. Of those bishops, about 200 are given the additional title of cardinal, which can only be bestowed by the pope.

When a pope dies or retires, the cardinals under age 80 gather together in the Vatican to elect the new pope, pretty much always from among themselves. They are isolated from the outside world in what's known as the conclave, where they go through whatever election process the previous Pope specified for choosing his successor. Typically, they vote four times a day, six days a week, and it can take weeks or sometimes even months to reach the two-thirds majority required to elect the pope.

Once the pope is elected, he chooses a new name for himself—it can be anything, but it's often the name of a previous Pope—and white smoke is released from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel, announcing to the world that a new pope has been chosen.

pope, pope selection, catholicism, choosing a new pope, Sistine Chapelbecomes pope francis GIFGiphy

"So that's the career path," CGP Grey concludes, "Be born into the right half of the population, become one of a billion Catholics, then one of 400,000 priests, then one of 5,000 bishops, then one of 200 cardinals, wait for the current pope to die or retire, and convince two-thirds of your fellow cardinals to select you as the one, the only pope."

There you have it, all wrapped up in one sentence.

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Culture

The world just learned what Swedish people put on their tacos, and it just ain't right

The toppings are diabolical.

via Google and Canva /Photos

A man recoils in feat after seeing a Swedish taco.

Tacos are such a big part of the American diet that we act like we invented the delicious, easy-to-hold, spicy bundles of joy. Of course, they are originally from Mexico, but intermingling our American and Mexican culture, especially in the Southwest, has made Americans proud stewards of the culinary tradition.

In a bizarre mix of culture and commerce, the people of Sweden have fallen in love with tacos over the past 35 years, and they’ve become a staple of the Swedish diet. It all began in 1990, when the country was rebounding from a financial crisis and the government deregulated TV, allowing ads to be shown for the first time. More ads on TV may seem like a bad thing to some, but a popular campaign by OLW exposed Swedes to the magic of the taco, popularizing them as the official meal of the country’s Cozy Fridays tradition.

What’s in a Swedish taco?

@notjimmymaio

Taco Friday #greenscreen #swedish #taco #cozyfriday #fredagsmys

“Commercials were very important in showing how you could put together tacos because before that, we didn’t have anything where you could put it together in front of the TV like that,” Richard Tellström, a food historian and professor at Stockholm University, told Atlas Obscura in 2020. “I remember being a teenager when you would start having dinners for school functions at restaurants, and the restaurant would make a taco buffet. That was, like, the best thing ever,” Swedish food columnist Daniella Illerbrand wrote.

Just as the Swedes were exposed to the taco in 1990, in 2025, the world is beginning to learn about the unique cultural spin the Swedes put on the food. Although they have the basics right, there are some modifications people find disturbing and downright unnatural.

This video of TikToker @ArlaMat making a traditional Swedish taco starts well, with him combining ground beef, taco seasoning, salsa, and cheese. However, things go off the rails with the introduction of cucumber, pineapple, multiple types of nuts, cheese doodles, feta cheese, pickles, mangos, and, finally, the most disturbing addition of all: bananas.

@arlamat

Swedish taco Ingredienser: 500 g nötfärs 2 msk Arla köket Smör- & rapsolja 1 påse taco kryddmix 1 dl vatten Till servering:
150 g isbergssallad 1 tärnad gurka 1 hackad rödlök 150 g tomater 2 dl majs
1 tortillabröd Arla Köket® Riven ost Texmex jalapeno/chili
Tacosalsa
Arla Ko® Gräddfil  Gör så här:  1. Stek färsen i smör- & rapsolja tills den är genomstekt.Tillsätt tacokryddmix och vatten. Sjud tills vattnet kokat in. Ta från värmen. 2. Servera med alla tillbehör tillsammans med köttfärsen i ett tortillabröd. Tips! Stek gärna majsen i lite smör- & rapsolja till fin färg. Wrap it all ihop och ät.  Klart!  
Fler recept hittar du på arla.se/recept #recept #arla #tacos #swedishtacos #tacofredag

Again, it seems the Swedes get the basics right, and then they clear out everything in their pantry and refrigerator and throw it on top. This is what people used to refer to as a "mad dog’s lunch."

The Swedes' liberties with the tacos broke this Mexican man’s heart. All he could do was look at them with quiet disdain.

@guillermomontema9

#dúo con @Gustaf Westman #mexico🇲🇽 #swedishtaco #banana #platano

Guillermo’s post inspired a lot of passionate responses. "Bruh, it was acceptable till I saw a banana," one wrote. "Everyone complaining about the banana and not the fact they said guac and added some flavor packet to avocado when they have everything to make actual guac," another pointed out. "The bananas are diabolical," quipped another.

One can judge the Swedes all they like for their maximalist approach to tacos but, haters be damned, they look like a really fun meal for families to enjoy on a Cozy Friday while watching a movie and snuggling up on the couch. As much as people try to gatekeep culinary culture, nothing is sacred when it comes to food, and people are free to reimagine recipes in any way they like. When it’s done right, we call it fusion. When it’s done wrong, well, we all wince on TikTok.

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