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Hey, watch where you're going!

Hey, you're in California. Learn to speak Spanish.

My nanny was white, so I totally get it. Like I feel like I'm part-white because of my nanny.

OK, so I get that you're a proud, white person, but you need to tone down your attire just a notch. This is a corporate office. This isn't a Blink-182 concert.

You speak English?


Thank God! OK, can you talk to my accountant for me? I feel like he never understands me.


This is my friend, OK? This is my friend.

You're white, right? I hooked up with a white guy once. He was crazy.

Man, I totally have a thing for white girls. They're like "boosh!"

Is it true that all white people have small, quiet families? Wish I had that. How do you say your name again?


I love how you pronounce it. One more time?


God, I could never say it like that.

Which do you prefer, Caucasian or European?

Oh my God, I hate spicy food. I feel like I was meant to be white, you know. Hey, are you watching "Orange Is the New Black?"

Uh, duh!

Do you love all the white women on there? So much attitude, right? Your cousin's having a sweet 16?


Oh my Gosh, I have to meet all your crazy aunts and uncles. Can I come?

I love the way that white people announce soccer. I love it. It's like, "Oh, they dribbled past the defender and goal!"

You're white? I'm sorry, you're just not what I picture when I think of a white person. That's crazy. Whoa! You went to Princeton? Oh, it's because you're white. That's how you got in.

Oh, look, listen, let me tell you all the curse words I know in English: Fuck, dick, motherfucker, penis, cock, balls...

You are so pretty. You could totally pass for Latina. So, are you like here like legally? I'm sorry, I meant documented? Oh my Gosh, I love Julie Bowen on "Modern Family." She's huge now, you must be so excited.


I love her accent.

There may be small errors in this transcript.

Original by BuzzFeed Yellow, which I came upon after my sister plunked it onto on my Facebook timeline.

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