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@allieandsam/Instagram, used with permission

Moms Allie and Sam Conway answer the questions the commonly get a lesbian parents

Despite society having made a lot of progress when it comes to same-sex relationships and alternative families, it’s not so commonplace that many queer parents are still presented with questions about their lifestyle from straight people.

And while queer parents probably (rightfully) grow tired of answering certain questions day in and day out, having open conversation helps break through the lack of understanding which causes stigma and misconceptions in the first place.

In a now-viral video shared to their Instagram, lesbian moms Allie and Sam Conway answer commonly asked questions they get as a queer married couple with twins.

Of course, they started with the age-old question:

“Who’s the real mom?”

Though people by and large are able to differentiate biological connection from emotional connection (like with adoptive parents or step-parents to take on an active role in their step children’s lives), this is still a question that same-sex parents face regularly. And it’s a fairly harmful one at that, as it implicitly undermines the non-biological parent’s role in the family.

So, to Sam’s point: “We’re both the mom.”

Allie also told Upworthy that the usual response to this answer is "oh my gosh! That’s amazing!" Which makes her—and us—"smile so much."

Next up:

“Who’s the dad?”

To which they replied: “there isn’t a dad.”

This is also a question fused with negative connotation, as it suggests a father figure is necessary for raising well-adjusted kids. But research shows that kids born to same-sex parents fare just as well as the children of straight couples, indicating that what’s really necessary for a child’s development is two healthy, loving parents. That’s it.

Okay, this next one actually had an answer that surprised some folks:

“Who carried them?”

Though Sam wanted to be the one to get pregnant, Allie agreed to try after Sam’s “long fertility journey” of three IUI’s, three embryo transfers and multiple chemical pregnancies with one miscarriage.

However, the couple used Sam’s eggs, and Sam did the breastfeeding.

How the heck did that happen, you might wonder. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. So did lots of viewers. Sam underwent induced lactation, which tricks the body into thinking it’s pregnant and producing breast milk—it’s something often utilized by adoptive mothers.

Lastly, a fun one:

“What do the kids call you?”

“Mummy and other mummy,” Sam quipped. “We’re rotating all day,” Allie added.

Without proper understanding, stigma persists. That’s how myths like “queer parents turn their children gay” or “children of two-mother families are more likely to be bullied” continue. And while it’s certainly not the responsibility of parents like Allie and Sam to educate folks on the realities of queer parenting, it’s great that they do offer genuine insight.

And thankfully, they are usually met with positive reactions from people, Allie tells Upworthy. Which only further encourages them to answer more question and offer glimpses into "different types of families."

At the end of the day, families are made up of people who love and support one another. Everything else is just window dressing.

Check out even more heartwarming family content from Allie and Sam on Instagram.


This article originally appeared on 3.15.24

Family

12 hilariously relatable comics about life as a new mom.

Embarrassing stains on your T-shirt, sniffing someone's bum to check if they have pooped, the first time having sex post-giving birth — as a new mom, your life turns upside-down.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

Some good not so good moments with babies.



Embarrassing stains on your T-shirt, sniffing someone's bum to check if they have pooped, the first time having sex post-giving birth — as a new mom, your life turns upside-down.

Illustrator Ingebritt ter Veld and Corinne de Vries, who works for Hippe-Birth Cards, a webshop for birth announcements, had babies shortly after one another.


In the series "#ThingsOnlyMomsKnow" Ingebritt and Corinne depict the reality of motherhood — with all the painful, funny, and loving moments not always talked about.

1. Pee-regnant.

pregnancy, family, bathroom breaks, comedy

Expectant moms plan for the bathroom.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

2. How (not) to sleep.

sleep habits, body changes, hormones, relationships

Learning how to go with the flow.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

3. Cry baby.

mood swings, empathy, relationship advice, funny

Moms can be emotional... and dads too.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

4. The new things that scare you...

maternity, prenatal care, postpartum depression, raising kids

Falling in love with the necessary conveniences.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

5. ...and the new things that give you the creeps.

gender roles, social issues, respect, pregnancy

People have the ability to make normal situations feel weird.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

6. Being a new mom can get a little ... disgusting.

pregnancy test, birth control, moms, relationship advice

The convenience of a pregnancy tests is also peeing on a stick.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

7. And every mom has experienced these postpartum horror stories.

bladder control, body transformation, human miracles, body positivity

Taking advantage of two bodily functions at one time.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

8. There are many, many memorable firsts.

infants, adults, baby poo, intestinal gas

Walking into a house with babies... yep.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

9. Getting to know your post-baby body is an adventure.

lactation, friendship, me time, breast pump

Have a spare shirt ready to go.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

10. Pumping ain't for wimps.

convenient pregnancy aids, pumping, breast feeding, baby formula

Looking behind the magic of a breast pump.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

11. You become very comfortable with spit-up. Very comfortable.

possetting, infancy,

No need to duck.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

12. Your body, mind, and most importantly, heart, will expand in ways you didn't know possible.

body and mind awareness, love, family, mothers

There are going to be changes.

All illustrations by Ingebritt ter Veld. Reprinted here with permission.

This story first appeared on Hippe Birth Cards and is reprinted here with permission.


This article originally appeared on 09.13.17

@dadnamedryan/TikTok

More dad like this, please.

“Breast pumping” and “fun” are not two words that seem to go together. “Exhausting,” “tedious” and even “lonely” are adjectives nursing moms would more likely use to describe the activity. “Awkward” and “embarrassing” could also be thrown into the mix, given how society often treats breastfeeding moms like tacky, amoral exhibitionists when they have to do their milking in public.

But one husband made it his mission to make breast pumping an enjoyable, stress-free experience for his wife, and it has people positively swooning.


In Ryan Ploof (@dadnamedryan)’s TikTok video, we see the doting dad up at 7am and giving his child milk from a previous pump (helping his wife catch as many extra zzz’s as possible).

He then organizes the remaining serving of milk, preps the pumping machine, and presents said machine to his wife—now on the couch—along with a gift wrapped present. Seriously, may we all get a gift wrapped present the day we have to do something unpleasant.

Then, then! Ploof bakes banana muffin for breakfast—maybe a little burnt, but it’s the thought that counts—and serves up some hot chocolate with mini marshmallows. Later in the day he will continue serving up handmade treats—chocolate covered strawberries. And for each pumping session he takes it upon himself to carefully package the milk into servings.

Watch:

@dadnamedryan I mean it cant be fun #newdad #dad #baby #newborn #minivlog #parent #boydad #parents ♬ original sound - DadNamedRyan

Talk about making someone feel loved and supported.

Millions tuned in to watch Ploof’s video, and were completely taken aback by his enthusiasm to actually participate in what’s normally a responsibility moms seem to take on solo.

“I wish pumping was seen as a family task instead of just a ‘me’ task omg,” the top comment read.

Meanwhile, another person wrote, “I’m telling you, so many women do not get this. BF is a lonely journey for many. Good job, dad.”

One person even joked that Ploof was “written by a woman.”

It’s important to give Ploof credit for not just showing up to help with breastfeeding. He has several videos showing him shopping, sprucing up the house, cooking. One day he even surprised his wife with a day trip to the salon while he took the kids to a trampoline park.
@dadnamedryan I mean it cant be fun #newdad #dad #baby #newborn #minivlog #parent #boydad #parents ♬ original sound - DadNamedRyan

While yes, it would be nice to see Ploof’s acts of service and think nothing of it, since this should be the standard for dads, it is nonetheless heartening to see through videos like his that a mindset shift is 100% happening. And there are probably more dedicated fathers like him than we give credit to. Either way, seeing it in action helps add a little inspiration into the world.

Izabele Lomax was secretly filmed breastfeeding on the beach.

A woman who was livid after seeing another mom breastfeed her hungry baby on the beach reacted in a way that completely violated her privacy. She secretly recorded the mother and child and then posted a video of them on social media. To make things even worse, she shamed her in the caption.

"I'm not shaming women who breastfeed their babies. I'm shaming the woman who [breastfed] in public with no respect to cover themselves up and just let their boobs hang out (nipple included) for everyone to see!" the woman captioned the photo.

"I shouldn't have to cover my son's eyes and explain why your boobs are out, and quite frankly, I don't want to see it, either. Have some respect!" she continued.

The video first appeared on Snapchat and then was posted to Facebook, where it was later removed. It’s puzzling that the woman posted the breastfeeding video when she found it so disgusting. If she didn’t think it was appropriate for people to see, why share it with the world?


The woman in the video, Izabele Lomax, saw the video online and couldn’t believe that a stranger would violate her and her child that way. So, she posted a reaction to the video on TikTok, and it’s been seen over 750,000 times. What’s excellent about Izabele’s reaction is she is calm and respectful about a situation where she had all the right in the world to be enraged.

ill leave this here 😊 #breastfeeding

@izlomax

ill leave this here 😊 #breastfeeding

The mother also turned the situation positive by suggesting another way for people to react when they see a woman breastfeeding in public.

"Imagine waking up, getting on Facebook, and seeing this video of yourself from yesterday at the beach,” Izabele started her video. “What if you were told that the only way that you could eat at the beach is if you were covered up by a towel?”

She then noted that the woman and her child walked past her more than once, even though she didn’t want her son to see her breastfeed.

“Not only did this woman walk past me multiple times with her son, you had every opportunity in the world to say something to me. Not that I would’ve cared or stopped what I was doing. My child was also hungry in multiple restaurants and while we were walking down the street, and guess what? He ate,” she continued.

Izabele finished the video by providing a new way for people to react to seeing a mother breastfeeding in public. "Next time you see a mom breastfeeding her child in public, covered up or not, tell her how good of a job she’s doing. If you are sexualizing a breast to a four-year-old, you’ve got your own set of issues.”

The video received a lot of love from women in the comments who supported her right to breastfeed on the beach and how she handled being shamed by a stranger.

"YES GIRL! Feed your baby any way you choose. You are doing AMAZING," Emma Clark wrote. "I nurse publicly and have for 8 months now, and this is my worst nightmare. I can’t imagine how you felt. I’m so sorry," A added.

"You’re one strong momma. I’m sorry you had to go through this, but I’m proud of how you’re handling it," another user wrote.