upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Most Shared

How one actor turned her brush with street harassment into a raucous, emotional concert.

Three years ago, Diana Oh was followed down the street and viciously catcalled by a group of men in an SUV.

In the wake of that incident, the New York City-based actor and musician sat down in Times Square in her lingerie in front of a stack of paper bags arranged on a soapbox.

One bag read, "The world bends over backward to make excuses for male violence." She stood there, silent, for hours, as passersby stared, applauded, jeered, and, occasionally, joined in.


Photo by Jeremy Daniel.

That installation, titled {my lingerie play}, garnered a raft of national media attention (in Upworthy and elsewhere) and spawned nine further installments, which eventually came together in a raucous storytelling concert that follows Oh's struggle to assert her voice and exist without fear of abuse as a queer woman of color in America.

Now remounted at Rattlestick Playwrights Theater in New York after two years of development, the concert seesaws between tales from Oh's childhood and life in New York City and its anthemic songs, laid down by a hugely talented, synced-up band (full disclosure: Oh and I once collaborated together on a theatrical project). Where the piece truly transcends are in its audacious — and plentiful — moments of audience participation, including an on-stage haircut and an electric make-out session (more on that later). Audience members are encouraged to write their own messages on paper bags before the show and take one home at the end, either their own or someone else's.  

Oh, who grew up the child of working-class immigrant parents in Southern California, is a magnetic, open-hearted, and funny performer. She transforms the show's wrenching subject matter into a celebration of life, difference, and voice. She considers the stage show, with its message of joyful resistance and predominately performer-of-color cast, a radical statement.

"We do what we want," Oh says. "I do what I want on that stage. And that is a revolutionary act, to see a queer woman of color who is Korean-American get to be ... doing what I want on that stage."

As the Harvey Weinstein scandal sinks toward an unknown bottom, and #MeToo stories continue to spread, I sat down with Oh to discuss the performance, its call to arms, her belief that white critics frequently get art made by people of color wrong, how much work putting together a diverse team required, and why that work feels worth it.

(This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.)

Photo by Jeremy Daniel.

There's a moment, late in the concert, where you talk about the frightening experience you had on the street and how it led to the genesis of {my lingerie play}. What was the moment like when you decided, "I'm going to stand on a soapbox in my underwear in Times Square"?

My roommate was like, "Do you want this thing someone is throwing away outside? It's a soapbox." I remember I saw it, and it was turned over, so it looked like an open box, and then I turned it upside down, and it was like, "Oh my God. A soapbox. I know what soapboxes are. People used to use them. They used to stand up on them and talk about their feelings." And I was like, "OK, I think this is something. And then that was it. Before I even knew, like knew, what a soapbox was, I primally knew what a soapbox was. My memory, my previous life or something like that. It was like a spiritual something, where it was just like, my spirit knows that I have to be with this thing.

I knew that I wanted it to be silent. I knew that I just wanted to stand there and make a point, and I wasn't going to yell, and I wasn't going to be frantic.

How did you choose the location?

It was the most public location I could think of, and it was like the center of the universe, and anywhere else would have been too subtle. I was done being subtle. I don't want to be subtle anymore.

Diana Oh. Photo by Jeremy Daniel.

I was already writing this piece [for the stage]. And then eventually, I was like, "This is crap." Because all the people who know not to treat people like shit are going to come to the theater and be like, "I'm doing so great." It came out of being frustrated that I was choosing a bubble — that my art form was actually a bubble. Knowing the things I had to say, I wanted it blasted to the universe. So that's where the street installations came in.

It's very bold, obviously. You're standing there and you know that the people walking by you — it's not necessarily safe. What was the experience you expected to have?

I don't even know. It was like I blacked out. It was like something came over me. I didn't even have an expectation. I just knew that I had to. I had zero expectations.

"Every step of the way, I feel like, I always have agency. Always. And that is the power behind this piece." — Diana Oh

Being out there, it was a mix. A lot of people were like, "Thank you," and a lot of other people were like, "I don't understand? Why are we seeing more women in their underwear. I just don't get it."  

In thinking about the stage show, and selling it, was there something you came up with that was like, "This is how we're going to get people in who wouldn't ordinarily come?"

I'm a theater nerd at heart. And I believe in collecting people in a room together and having a powerful, spiritual experience. And that's a gift that only theater can give. So that's what I knew. In terms of marketing or selling it in any way, it was less about that than about "join in." The revolution can't be bought. I cannot sell the revolution. I don't own the revolution, so it's not mine to sell. But I can join the revolution, and you can join with me. And you can give your time and your support, and that's it.

In terms of this year, 2017, with this concert, the thing I keep rubbing up against right now is this concert is for the people and by the people. I can sense that there's a great chasm in between the people and theater culture and the theater critic world.

What sort of divide?

The divide I sense is in what we're doing. And I believe the people who come to it believe in it. And I believe the people of color who are in the audience are a direct result of us making sure that people of color are making the work. The culture of the room needs to be right for the culture of the room. And I wish you could write down this dance move.

I'll write down what you're doing.

[Oh does a breaststroke in the air, as if releasing, then corralling, a litter of puppies.]

The chasm I find is — I call it the "theater helmet." When people put on their theater helmet, that's like, "Ah-ha. I know how to take this work in because I am incredibly educated. I come from a lot of privilege. I studied many many things. And I come from a very certain socioeconomic background. And now I am deemed as a professional thinker in the arts. I know what good art is." But when it gets to be the same people with the same backgrounds commenting on what good art is, you can feel that commentary. You can feel the difference in experience an audience member is having versus a theater critic who has had a lot of schooling.

Guitarist Matt Park. Photo by Jeremy Daniel.

One of the things that I connect with is that many people of color have grown up in messy households. And I find that to be very true. Even if we're wealthy, even if we're becoming doctors or whatnot, there's a certain mess to our households by virtue of us straddling this dual citizenship in the world. And I think it's this messiness that our educated theater critic cohort don't quite know and understand. Understandably — because why would they? They didn't grow up in these messy households. So there's a certain hunger that I feel from them to have neatness.

Do you think there's a solution? Do you think there's something these critics and theater professionals can do to put in the work to come to a better understanding, or do you think it really has to be a change in personnel?

Does it have to be a change of personnel? Sure. Absolutely. Do I want to see more of my artist-of-color friends being reviewed by writers of color? Absolutely. Because I feel like we would feel more seen. It wouldn't feel so dimming. It would just feel like, "Oh my gosh, you see me. Thank you."

I think part of the nature of the game is, "I dispense my wisdom from up on this perch," and that in itself creates a resistance to listening. Because you get so many people telling you, from angles, who are mad at you for giving their shows a bad review, so I wonder if part of it is, you create this wall.

That sounds like a terrible life. I don't know why anyone would choose it.

The night I was there, at least, you had a very young audience, very diverse, all genders and ethnicities and ages. Not the typical profile of a theater audience. What does that feel like, that you made that happen?

That feels like we did the work. That feels like, I fucking fought for that. I'm done with subtlety, and I'm done with being silent. And if I'm feeling an instinct, I'm feeling an instinct. If these young people need to be reached out to, they need to be reached out to. And our collaborators need to represent the houses that we want. We have a big problem if the majority of our group is white or cisgender or straight. We've got a really big, big problem. And so we have to queer our room so that we can queer our room.

You spent five months looking for a female bassist of color. Was it important to you to have a woman of color in that specific role, or was it because you didn't have that represented already in the band?

Oh (L) with bassist Rocky Vega (R). Photo by Jeremy Daniel.

It just was really important that it extended beyond parity, that it extended beyond equality, that it was more about just representing my upbringing. I wanted more than one Asian person because I was tired of being the token Asian. I wanted that there, and I knew the bassist had to be a person of color, and I didn't want to be the only woman or non-binary or queer person in the band.

People often talk about, "If you're really committed to find full representation, you just have to look harder." What was that process like for you?

It was exactly that. So much digging, so many emails, so much asking friends of friends. And even with bass player Rocky Vega, we found her, we found this spirit, we found a voice, we found her politics, everything. And we still had to be like, "Let's teach you the instrument." Because we could find all these capable bassists, but also the ability to sing and do harmony and stand up on stage with us in their underwear and be liberated.

Where did you find her?

Guitarist Matt Park had done "Peer Gynt" with her, and he was like, "Rocky is so awesome." And for a long time, we were like, "Oh my gosh, but she doesn't play bass, so we can't." And then eventually it got down to the end of five months, and it was like, if we don't find someone, I'll be so sad, and we can't do it. So we just asked her, and Ryan got in a room with her alone to play bass, and he was like, "She can do this. She can learn this." And she's incredible.

There are two big moments in the show where you engage in fairly intimate audience interaction. There's one where you shave someone's head and one where you make out with an audience member as part of a consent workshop. And I'm wondering how you went about creating those moments — and the guardrails around them.

There was a lot of work that went into it, into framing it, into how to word it perfectly so that we are naming enthusiastic consent. So that we know that we are making sure it feels like an invitation and not like hazing. So that it feels like a gift for an audience member and not like they're a prop. And every night, it changes. I usually share my head-shaving story. And some nights, I don't want to share it when I'm shaving a person's head. I just want to honor it and be with them. And then I'll share my stuff later. And it's just about being really present.

The make-out workshop came out of so many rewrites and so many things being thrown away, being like, "We can't do this. We can't do this. It's not working." There was a point where there was a version of this concert where there was so much trauma in it that it was like, we're not here to exploit trauma. And the make-out session was born out of a conversation that our dramaturg Mei Ann Teo [note: a dramaturg is essentially a theatrical editor, though the scope of the role varies from production to production.] and the director Orion Johnstone had. I think they were having a conversation about the text, and they came to me the next day and were like, "We have a proposal for you. What if you make out with an audience member on stage." And I was like, done. Yes.

You were super enthusiastic about that from the beginning?

Yes. Huge. I was just like, life of my dreams. Let's freaking do it. We're done with subtlety. Orion, Mei Ann, and me were all aligned in the belief that our sexual liberation is so intertwined with social justice. Oftentimes, the shame or the hiding or the silence or the questions or the anxiety that surrounds my sexual expression, it wasn't born out of nowhere. And I wasn't born with all of that. And it's something that I feel like was piled on me as I have lived my life through this world, identifying the way I do sexually.

I don't want to feel shame in the streets. I don't want to feel shame in the bed. And I find that to be true of so many people. To think of how much hiding we do, of the kind of intimacy that we want and who we want to have it with and all this stuff, and all the hiding that we do, and all the breath-holding that we do, and how that's actually intertwined with, "Well, if you would just let us be who we are, maybe we wouldn't close in so much."

The night I was there, two people volunteered really quickly to make out with you. Do you ever have a moment where you felt uncomfortable during that part of the show? Where you had to be, like, this is not working for me at this moment?

This is why working with a sex and relationships coach [director Orion Johnstone] on your art is amazing because they literally had to tell me, "Take your time to choose." I have been conditioned to be like, "Make a choice. You have to love it. I'm so into it. Yeah. Do whatever you want." Where it's like, "No no no, we're going to disrupt that and be like, 'let me take this in and see who it is that I actually want to share this moment with.'"

From there, I have that time to sit with them in the Super Sexy Hot Enthusiastic Consent workshop to be like, "How is it that I want to kiss you as I'm looking at you?" And some nights I want to, like, make out with the person. And some night it's like, I want to give them a really soft, welcoming kiss. And some nights, it's like, I want to kiss you everywhere but the mouth. But every step of the way, I feel like, I always have agency. Always. And that is the power behind this piece. And that's something the dramaturg has given voice to. That the night is actually about watching you, about agency in the room.

You're performing this at a moment where these issues are exploding into public life in an unfortunate way — with previous accusations against the president of the United States and, of course, more recently in your industry, with Harvey Weinstein. What sort of tools do you hope people walk away from the show with?

My hope is that people walk away feeling like they have complete and total agency to act and speak out and honor themselves and honor their truth and honor their power. That any time they feel that urge to be like, "I feel like I can do something but I don't know if it's like this, and I don't know," that it's like, "You can. You can and you will. And you must." You just have to put one foot in front of the other to do it.

You said you're preparing one more installation?

Drummer Ryan McCurdy (L), Oh (C) and Vega (R). Photo by Jeremy Daniel.

On Oct. 28, at a to-be-disclosed location, at 4 p.m., we are going to be inviting all the past audience members of the show to stand outside together with the paper bag they left with. And if you don't have a brown paper bag, we'll give you one of the leftover ones that we have with the hopes that between now and then you will have given some thought to how we can make this thing possible in whatever small and big way. And it's just a chance for us to stand outside together, be together, meet each other.

I think that community is built by shared experience, and we will have shared this experience. And every night is so different.

In the meantime, we want everyone to see the show because we believe in it so much. We believe in the spell of it , that it's really using our civic duty.

{my lingerie play} 2017: THE CONCERT AND CALL TO ARMS. The Final Installation runs through Oct. 28 at Rattlestick Playwrights Theatre in New York City. Tickets can be found here.

Sandra visiting E’s family in Georgia (2023)

True
Levi Strauss Foundation

Sandra McAnany isn’t one to sit on the sidelines. A 58-year-old grandmother from Wisconsin, McAnany spends her days teaching soft skills classes to adults and spending time with her family. Outside the classroom, however, she’s taken on a role that’s helping people in a big way: serving as a humanitarian parole sponsor and personally taking on the financial responsibility of supporting families fleeing from persecution, violence, and instability.

Since 2023, McAnany has welcomed 17 migrants—11 adults and six children through the CHNV humanitarian parole program, which allows individuals and families from Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua and Venezuela to live and work temporarily in the United States with the support of an approved sponsor.


“Everyone has their own views and perspectives, but every person I sponsored is thriving and doing well here,” McAnany said.

McAnany didn’t know any of the parolees before sponsoring them, but she had a commitment to helping families from Venezuela specifically, hoping to reunite them with their families who were already living in the United States. After “praying a lot along the way” and communicating with the applicants through WhatsApp, she decided to apply as a sponsor and help them settle into the United States.

“I have a bedroom and a bathroom in my basement,” McAnany says. “My door is open and will always be open for any of the people I sponsored, if they ever have a need for housing.”

Sandra’s granddaughter, E’s daughter, and another friend at an indoor park (July 2025)

At the time, McAnany decided to volunteer as a sponsor to make friends and help other people through hardship. Now, her mission has grown: Seeing how humanitarian parole programs have changed her parole beneficiaries’ lives—as well as her own—for the better.

Humanitarian parole: A long history

Humanitarian parole programs are nothing new. Since 1952, both Democratic and Republican administrations have used humanitarian parole to provide a safer, lawful pathway for noncitizens to enter and live temporarily in the United States. In recent years, through different programs, people from Afghanistan, Ukraine, Cuba, Haiti, and other countries have been able to come to the U.S. to escape urgent crises in their own countries, such as political instability or war.

Coming to the United States through humanitarian parole is no easy feat. The process has its own strict criteria and involves extensive applications and vetting for both beneficiaries and their sponsors. Parolees don’t need to qualify for any other immigration benefit like asylum, but they need to meet the standard for humanitarian parole and successfully pass vetting requirements.

According to Refugees International, 532,000 people have been granted parole through the CHNV program.

A life-changing experience

From the moment she met her first parole beneficiaries at the airport—two families —McAnany already knew it would be a life-changing experience. “It immediately felt like family, like we were lifelong friends,” she said. But she could also sense that it was a culture shock for the parolees. On the way home from the airport, McAnany pulled into a nearby McDonald's and encouraged them to order dinner. Hearing the word “Big Mac,” the families smiled in recognition.

Despite the culture shock, McAnany’s parole beneficiaries had to adapt quickly to life in the United States. Once they were settled, McAnany worked “nonstop” to help the families acclimate to their new lives, answering questions about school and vaccinations while also helping them create resumes, search for jobs, and find English classes online.

It was through this process that McAnany realized just how resilient people could be, and was amazed “not only how hard it was for individuals to leave their loved ones behind, but the amount of work they did to come to the country and remain here.” McAnany also realized how fortunate she was to have her own family living nearby. “I can’t imagine any one of us leaving a country and being apart for an unknown length of time,” she said.

Eventually, and as circumstances changed—one of the parolees found a new job in another city, for example, and was able to move out. But no matter the length of time they spent with each other, McAnany says that with every parolee they formed a bond built for life. One woman, who she refers to as ‘E,’ has even become “like an adopted daughter.” McAnany has traveled to Georgia, where E now lives, three times to visit her.

Uncertain ground: What’s next for humanitarian parole programs

Despite being a critical part of immigration policy in the United States for the last 73 years, humanitarian parole programs are under threat. Immigrant justice nonprofits Justice Action Center and Human Rights First are currently suing the federal government to protect humanitarian parole programs and allow parole beneficiaries to remain in the country for the duration of their parole. McAnany is a plaintiff in the lawsuit.

One of the ladies Sandra sponsored from Venezuela and her partner during Sandra’s first visit to meet her (December 2023)

Participating in the lawsuit has only further bolstered McAnany’s belief in and support for humanitarian parole programs. She hopes the lawsuit will be successful, she says, so that parole beneficiaries and their families can finally have some stability.

“We don’t know what the future is,” she says, “but I want to be optimistic and hopeful that every person I sponsored will be able to stay here safely in the U.S. and continue to thrive.”

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.


Can you solve this "Wheel of Fortune" puzzle?

Watching a game show from the comfort of home is easy. Being on one is a totally different ball game. The lights, the cameras, the pressure. It's enough to make anyone's brain freeze up. And is there any game show that allows contestants to royally embarrass themselves on national TV quite like Wheel of Fortune? There’s always someone going viral for taking a big swing and missing on a phrase that seemed pretty apparent to the casual viewer. And when you take a big loss on a WOF word puzzle, there are a lot of folks shaking their heads at home. More than 8 million people watch the game show every night. Yikes.

One rather notorious of the wheel was Gishma Tabari from Encino, California, whose fantasy-inspired whiff of a common phrase back in 2023 earned her a lot of groans and some support from those who thought her imagination was inspiring. The 3-word puzzle read: “TH _ _ RITI _ S _ GR _ E,” and Tabari offered the answer, “The British Ogre.” The guess surprised host Pat Sajak, who responded, "Uh, no.” Tabari must have missed that there was a space between the R and the E in the puzzle, so ogre would have had to be spelled with 2 Rs.


She also probably wasn’t aware that England isn’t a place known for its ogres. The correct answer was: “The Critics Agree.”

The answer inspired a lot of activity on X, where people couldn’t believe someone could come up with such a fanciful answer to a puzzle with such a straightforward solution.







One person even created a lovely image of what could be the British Ogre.

Although…not everyone had a problem with the guess.

"OK, the puzzle was clearly THE CRITICS AGREE but to be honest I prefer THE BRITISH OGRE because the puzzles could use some more wacky originality sometimes.#WheelOfFortune"— Pasha Paterson (@zer0bandwidth) December 13, 2023

On the bright side, the incorrect guess is an opportunity for the world to learn that ogres aren’t a significant part of English folklore. Sure, there are characters in English myths and legends that have ogre-like qualities, such as Grendel from "Beowulf," the monstrous creature that terrorizes the mead hall of King Hrothgar. There’s also the Boggart, a mischievous spirit much like a hobgoblin and trolls, which appear in some English tales although they originate in Scandinavia.

If you’re looking for ogres in Europe, France is the best place to go.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The word ogre is of French descent and comes from the name of the Etruscan god of the underworld, Orcus. Orcus is a large, ugly, bearded giant who enjoys consuming human flesh. Ogres are primarily known for eating children, which they believe will give them eternal life.

As for Wheel of Fortune, the show will undergo significant changes over the next few years. The show’s host, Pat Sajak, 76, stepped down from the show at the end of the 2024 season after hosting it for 41 years. In September 2024, radio host and “American Idol” emcee Ryan Seacrest took over the hosting spot.

Although, it was just announced that Sajak would be making a special guest appearance on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune, performing what he called "Final Spin."

And in case you're wondering how Tabari is doing: on her Instagram she wears her "Wheel of Fortune Flub Girl" title with pride, declaring she is "British Ogre for life."

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

Albert Einstein writing on a blackboard.

Can you quickly and easily tell how intelligent someone is? There are some obvious ways to determine if someone is highly intelligent, like when you see them work out a complex trigonometry problem on a blackboard or when they can easily explain the science behind mRNA vaccines or dark matter.

But there are also those we meet at social gatherings who immediately make us think they are very smart. Usually, it isn’t because they are making a long-winded speech about the fall of the Roman Empire or explaining quarks. We know they are intelligent because of the way they interact with people and ideas.


A Redditor named SomethingAbout2020 asked people on the AskReddit forum to share the “non-obvious signs” that people are intelligent. Many of their responses centered on highly intelligent people being open-minded, curious, and not wasting their time arguing with others.

Brilliant people are confident in what they know, consider other people’s opinions, and readily admit when they don’t know the answer.


What are 15 'non-obvious' signs that someone is really smart?

1. They know what they don't know

"They acknowledge areas where they lack knowledge."

"'Never pretend to know something when you don't' is something I always teach. It covers lying and ignorance."

2. They consider other people's ideas

"They’ll listen to the other's facts and points and take them into account when giving an objection."

"One of the best developers at my last job and manager of a project I was at is an extremely intelligent person. ... One thing I noticed is how he would take everyone's opinion into account. He would take my opinions into consideration even if I'm not a smarter person or know less about development."

3. They make you feel smart

"Talking to a dumb person will make you feel smart. Talking to a smart person will make you feel dumb. Talking to a very smart person will make you feel smart."

4. They see patterns

"Part of the reason smart people throughout history are well-known is because they discovered something new and figured out how to maximize its potential. Darwin was a guy who discovered a bunch of islands with slightly different animals. He then collected and analyzed that data to come up with the theory of evolution, which was largely correct. Einstein’s theory of relativity was based off of his observation that physics acted on everything equally. He figured out that “exceptions” were because of the way high-speed objects interact with the universe’s speed limit (the speed of light). He recognized these exceptions by gathering them and recognizing the pattern between them all, then created his theory of relativity based on that."


intelligence, painter, paint brush, mural artists, curiosity A painter making a mural. via Canva/Photos

5. They consider multiple intelligences

"They realize not everyone is smart the same way. Your 'stupid hick neighbor' might have dropped out of school in 8th grade, but he can drive your car once and tell you exactly what's wrong, then fix it. That a**hole in school that had no empathy for anyone and showed no emotion made that sci-fi sh*t you thought would never be real. Yeah, she's dingy and her worldview is tiny, but she's the best teacher you've ever met and inspires tons of kids to go on and do great things with themselves. There's no one-size-fits-all answer here, really."

People who are super bright are probably familiar with Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. The theory suggests that people have more than just one type of just one type of intelligence, like being good at mathematics. Gardener says there are several, including musical, spatial, linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and kinesthetic intelligence. This theory allows people to appreciate different forms of intelligence that may not be of the academic variety.

6. They choose their battles

"When another person is not able to process something and, therefore, sticks with his opinion, after a few tries, the smart person just gives up. There is no use in trying to make someone understand something while they already have an uneducated opinion."



7. They speak to their audience

"They know how to explain concepts on just about any level, tailoring that level to their intended audience, and without coming across as condescending in any way."

"I heard a saying that went 'you have to be an expert to explain it simply.'"

8. They're confident in their intelligence

"Not constantly bragging about their intelligence. If they truly are smart, people can figure that out pretty quickly without them doing anything to show it."

"You generally only brag about things you're insecure about because you seek validation. If you are very comfortable with your intelligence, then you may not care if someone misinterprets you and makes you look dumb or something. You have nothing to prove. That's not just for intelligence but for anything."

9. They're funny

"I think the smart people are even more funny than stupid people because smart people understand the complexity behind humor and can make their jokes reflect that."

Scientific studies show that funny people, especially those with a dark sense of humor, are more intelligent than their not-so-funny peers. Researchers argue that it takes cognitive and emotional ability to make people laugh, and analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and non-verbal intelligence.

laugh, humor, sense of humor, jokes, men in suits, moment of levity, A man laughing at his friend's joke.via Canva/Photos

10. They mind their own business

"This is a big one. They keep to themselves and deal with their own drama."

11. They aren't necessarily great students

"Believe it or not 'average' or 'above average' students are often smarter than those with straight A’s on the report cards. They do enough to pass well and get what they want but don’t let the academic system control them. Life isn’t all about booksmarts. This shows they are independent thinkers and don’t get wrapped up in designed systems. Not all, but many. Many kids who are forced to always be exceptional in school can end up the worst off and can develop deeper issues."

12. They are good listeners

"They actually listen to who they are talking to as opposed to waiting for their turn to talk."

13. Curiosity

"It really does seem to be one of the single greatest differentiators between average and smart."

A meta-analysis of over 50,000 students from around 200 separate studies found that students who are curious do better in their school work over those who are not. Why is curiosity so important when it comes to IQ? “Curiosity is basically a hunger for exploration. If you’re intellectually curious, you’ll go home, you’ll read the books," Dr Sophie von Stumm, the study’s first author, said. "If you’re perceptually curious, you might go traveling to foreign countries and try different foods.”

14. Comfortable in silence

"Being comfortable enough to allow a moment of complete silence while you think when the natural instinct of most is to immediately start replying tells me that you are, at the very least, mindful of what you want to say."

15. Unattached to their opinions

"Most of the smart people I know are not pushy with their opinions; by contrast, most of the opinionated people I know are flaming morons. I don't know if there's a correlation there, but my anecdotal experience has always been that the more eager someone is to state their opinion, the less that opinion is probably worth."

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Jonah Berger explains how appealing to someone's identity makes them more likely to agree to a request.

Human psychology really isn't that complicated, if you think about it. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light. That’s the key to understanding Jonah Berger’s simple tactic that makes people 30% more likely to do what you ask. Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the bestselling author of “Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way.”

Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. The researchers messed up a classroom and made two similar requests to groups of 5-year-olds to help clean up.


One group was asked, "Can you help clean?" The other was asked, “Can you be a helper and clean up?" The kids who were asked if they wanted to be a “helper” were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. The children weren’t interested in cleaning but wanted to be known as “helpers.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger calls the reframing of the question as turning actions into identities.

"It comes down to the difference between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart and competent and intelligent in a variety of different things,” Berger told Big Think. “But rather than describing someone as hardworking, describing them as a hard worker will make that trait seem more persistent and more likely to last. Rather than asking people to lead more, tell them, 'Can you be a leader?' Rather than asking them to innovate, can you ask them to 'Be an innovator'? By turning actions into identities, you can make people a lot more likely to engage in those desired actions.”

Berger says that learning to reframe requests to appeal to people’s identities will make you more persuasive.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Framing actions as opportunities to claim desired identities will make people more likely to do them,” Berger tells CNBC Make It. “If voting becomes an opportunity to show myself and others that I am a voter, I’m more likely to do it.”

This technique doesn’t just work because people want to see themselves in a positive light. It also works for the opposite. People also want to avoid seeing themselves being portrayed negatively.

“Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse. Losing is bad, being a loser is worse,” Berger says.

The same tactic can also be used to persuade ourselves to change our self-concept. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity. “I’m a runner. I’m a straight-A student. We tell little kids, ‘You don’t just read, you’re a reader,’” Berger says. “You do these things because that’s the identity you hold.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger’s work shows how important it is to hone our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can get people to comply with our requests more effectively. But, as Berger says, words are magic and we have to use them skillfully. “We think individual words don’t really matter that much. That’s a mistake,” says Berger. “You could have excellent ideas, but excellent ideas aren’t necessarily going to get people to listen to you.”

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

Image via Canva/RgStudio

Gen Xer shares the dead giveaway texting habit that proved he was Gen X.

Every generation has different texting habits. For example, Boomers insist on using ellipses when they text, according to a Harvard linguist.

And Gen X has its own texting style, too. In the Reddit forum r/GenX, one man shared a funny interaction he had with one of his Millennial students that "gave away" his Gen X identity.


"Grammar is my 'tell.' Who knew?" he wrote, before sharing a text exchange he had with one of his students from the younger generation. The thread read:

texting, texts, texting style, gen x, gen xers Text Phone GIF by Life at Lower Giphy

Millennial: "Are you gen x?"

Gen X: "Some day, I'll stop asking questions I'm afraid to know the answers to, but today is not that day. Why? And yes, Gen X."

Millennial: "You text not like a millennial and I realized you use punctuation but no emojis and no ellipses or 'lols' in your communication."

gen x, gen x texting, texting styles, texting habits, gen x texting Gen Xer shares text convo with Millennial.Image via Reddit/Kestrel_Iolani

The lighthearted conversation tickled the Gen Xer. "NOTE: This is not a complaint about 'kids these days.' And I know full well that language changes over time. I'm an English major by training, a tech writer by day, and a 'fun' writer on nights and weekends," he explained. "All that said, I had this text exchange with one of my actors today and promptly crumbled into dust. Be fore-warned, my compatriots! Grammar and punctuation will pierce our clever disguises. LOL."

Many Gen Xers resonated with the text exchange. "I was late to the game with texting by several years, and to this day cannot compose nor send a text unless it's written the exact same way that I would write to anybody through any other media (that is to say, proper spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc.). I've caught a ton of shit for it since I don't use textspeak in any form. Not my problem," one wrote. "I’ve switched to one space after a period."

Other Gen Xers shared more about the use of "lol." "Lol fellow kids," one commented. Another added, "I would just like to point out that Gen X had a hand in inventing 'lol'. And emojis. You're welcome. lol." Another quipped, "We called them emoticons."

fellow kids, fellow kids gif, slang, gen x slang, cool gif steve buscemi youth GIF Giphy

Fellow Gen Xers also discussed their emoji use. "I use tons of emojis and ellipses, as well as punctuation. But I hate 'lol'. Dunno why, I just can't bring myself to use it," one Gen Xer commented. Another Gen Xer noted, "I thought Gen X was known for using ellipses, and it annoys younger people. I like them. But I like M dashes better. ... Just don't write like Thomas Chatterton..."

The conversation about Gen X texting habits also led to an aside on Gen X GIF use. "On this topic: would anyone care to comment on GIF usage? If anything, I am a heavy GIF user only because it allows me to convey a response in such a way that it potentially could end the conversation. I am Gen X because I’m really not interested in texting a lot," one explained. Another added, "My GenX friend group mostly communicates in Discord via GIFs and movie quotes. It's our own generational lexicon. Shaka, when the walls fell."

One Gen Xer concluded: "And we know you aren't a boomer because you DON'T WRITE IN ALL CAPS."

Community

Gen Xers spill hair care secrets on how they achieved perfectly feathered perms in the 80s

"The girls kept cans of Aqua Net in their lockers and every time the bell would ring they’d rush to re-apply."

Images via Reddit/DefinitionPast3694, ClickAmericana

Gen Xers share how they acheived their voluminous hair in the 1980s.

If there is one thing Gen X will go down in history for, it's their *amazing* hairstyles. From feathered perms to voluminous blowouts, hairstyles from the 1980s remains iconic to this day. And those styles may be making a comeback.

Over on Reddit, Gen Xers are sharing all of their hair care secrets from back in the day. From styling secrets to products, they are spilling it all after a member of a younger generation posed the question: "Hey Gen X! How did you guys get your hair to look like this back in the 80’s?"


The question was posed with a few follow-ups for Gen Xers. "I really want to get my hair styled and cut like this but I don’t know how I can. I’m guessing you guys got a feathered haircut and a perm and brushed it out and teased it? Do tell!"

@jenxwrites

80s Hair. Aqua Net made a lot of money back in the day. #80s #80shair #genx #genxkid #80sstyle #1980s

Their biggest secret? Aqua Net hairspray. "Aqua Net White," one commented. Another added, "Aquanet purple may she rest in peace. So had my hair feathered never permed. I would take my bangs and curl them up reg curling iron and spray the heck out of it while cooking. Release and brush. When it looks perfect more hairspray to keep it from moving even in a hurricane."

Another Gen Xer shared their memory of Aqua Net. "The girls kept cans of Aqua Net in their lockers and every time the bell would ring they’d rush to re-apply, the halls of my middle school smelled like a beauty parlor," they wrote.

Another Gen Xer shared that her go-to was Finesse. "God I remember those days. I got in and out of the locker room as fast as possible because I was always choking to death on fumes. I was lucky, I had naturally curly hair with a lot of volume. I used Finesse conditioner and brushed my hair with my head upside down until it fluffed out too much, then would brush it back with my head rightside up to shape it. I hated hairspray because it made my hair crunchy and gross to touch. My boyfriend once remarked on it, 'Hey, I love your hair b/c I can touch it and not break my fingers!' LOL."

Another agreed, commenting, "Sometimes you need a little Finesse, sometimes you need a LOT!!" A fellow Gen Xer shared, "I LOVED Finesse! It smelled SO good."

80s, 80s hair, 80s hairstyles, 1980s, 1980s hair Beauty Looking GIF Giphy

Another popular product brand was Paul Mitchell. "Rich town girls had Paul Mitchell," one Gen Xer commented. "I remember in middle school that we all wanted Paul Mitchell because the cool girls used that."

Other Gen Xers preferred Rave. "Rave in the pump bottle kept mine extra-crispy," one Gen Xer wrote. Another quipped, "Yes, that was my brand of choice in 1980 something. You spray it underneath and kinda scrunch it up with your hands. My hair is wavy so it wasn't too hard for me. Mousse products also helped thicken and expand it. The Rave shellacked it and it stayed as high as Long Island. These pics could easily have been my friends, lol. Pair with crazy prints and acid wash jeans and some giant dangle earrings!"

1980s, 80s hair, 80s hairstyles, big hair, perm 80S Hair Flip GIF Giphy

Besides products, Gen Xers revealed the secrets to their styling, which highlighted the use of perms. "Step 1- perm. Step 2- mousse, lots of it. Don't be shy. Step 3- blow dry, scrunching curls. Step 4- curling iron, set on HELL, for the top. Step 5- hair combs to pull the sides back. Step 6- hair spray the side hair that's pulled back, the styleable type spray. Step 7- use pick to fluff top, and sides. Step 8- rat sides with pick. Step 9- apply bullet proof hair spray to set in concrete," one wrote.

Another spilled, "A curling iron on the top, a hair pick (not a brush) to fluff it out, and a lot of hairspray at all stages. If you get a perm, don't do the top, depending on your hair texture. The top needs to be shorter, and the curls go horizontally (not down - straight across the top of your head), everything goes backwards except for your bangs, which get curled under. Spray spray spray, then use the pick to fluff. Then more spraying. Hell, we used to watch smoke rise from our heads as we sprayed our hair while the curling iron was still in it. Don't recommend. For extra authenticity, do all of this while smoking a Marlboro light. Don't recommend that, either, if only for the fire hazard. I have an aversion to hair tools now to the point where I rarely even blow dry my hair anymore."

80s, 1980s hair, hairspray, 80s hairspray, 1980s hairspray 1980s tv GIF by absurdnoise Giphy

The blowout technique was also key. "Flip your head upside down and max heat blow dry while scrunching curls with mousse. More volume that way!" one shared.

One Gen Xer summarized the glory of 80s hair perfectly: "The higher the hair, the closer to God."