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To the men I love, about men who scare me.

I went to get a drink by myself, and I have a message for men everywhere.

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

For the well-intentioned men in my life.


I got a promotion a few days ago, so I decided to stop for a drink on my way home—just me and my sense of accomplishment.

I ended up alone in the bar, running defense against a bouncer who held my ID hostage while he commented on my ass (among other things) and asked me vaguely threatening questions about my sex life.

This is not a Yelp review. It's not an angry rant, and it's definitely not something women need to be reminded of.

As far as I can tell, there is only one good lesson to pull out of this otherwise shitty and all-too-familiar interaction: In my experience, a lot of thoroughly decent men are still having trouble understanding this.

I have a friend who once joked that it was all right for him to catcall women because he's good-looking. I had another ask me in faux outrage why it was OK for me to describe a cupcake (as in an actual chocolate baked good) as a “seven," but not OK for him to rank women the same way. I was recently at a house party where a group of guys referred to a soundproofed recording studio in the basement as the “rape room" 45 times.

Some of these jokes were a little funny. Some of them really weren't. But they were all endemic of something more sinister, and I honestly don't think the men in question even realize it.

So to the generally well-intentioned men in my life, please consider this:

This has made me defensive. It has put me more on my guard than I would like to be.

woman sitting in a crowded bar

Navigating the bar scene.

Photo by Alex Voulgaris on Unsplash

Decent male humans, this is not your fault, but it also does not have nothing to do with you.

If a woman is frosty or standoffish or doesn't laugh at your joke, consider the notion that maybe she is not an uptight, humorless bitch, but rather has had experiences outside your realm of understanding that have adversely colored her perception of the world.

Consider that while you're just joking around, a woman might actually be doing some quick mental math to see if she's going to have to hide in a bathroom stall and call someone to come help her, like I did three days ago.

Please adjust your mindset and your words accordingly.


This article was written by Laura Munoz and originally appeared nine years ago.

via Giphy and Daniel Barnes / Twitter

"Jane the Virgin" actor Greice Santo revealed that a scene featuring her and Looney Tunes character Pepé Le Pew has been cut from the upcoming Warner Bros. film, "Space Jam: A New Legacy."

The film is a sequel to the 1996 film "Space Jam" which paired NBA legend Michael Jordan with Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies characters.

Santo and Le Pew were supposed to appear together in a black-and-white scene parodying "Casablanca" where she beats up the cartoon skunk for being sexually aggressive.


Le Pew has come under fire recently for being seen by some as the epitome of rape culture. The French skunk was known for being overly aggressive in his pursuit of a black cat known as Penelope Pussycat. Le Pew would kiss the cat's arms and hold her in a deep embrace, even when they protested.

Every time a female fought back against Le Pew, he'd misinterpret it as a sign of interest.

Simply put, "no" never meant "no" to Le Pew. In a 2021 column for The New York Times, Charles M. Blow wrote that Le Pew "normalized rape culture."


While some will say that cutting Le Pew from the "Space Jam" sequel makes the character another victim of today's intolerant "cancel culture," criticism of the skunk isn't a new thing.

Comedian Dave Chappelle realized that Le Pew was a terrible example for kids back in 2000, when he made fun of the skunk in his "Killin' Them Softly' standup special.

Warning: Strong language.

"Some wild shit! Like, I was with my nephew, sitting there watching Pepé Le Pew, and I said, 'Now, pay attention to this guy because he's funny. I used to watch him when I was little," Chapelle says in the bit. "And we're watching gPepé Le Pew, and… Good god, what kind of fucking rapist is this guy? Take it easy, Pepe!'"

In the bit, Chapelle's nephew responds to Le Pew by taking a terrible lesson from the skunk — sometimes you just have to "take" what you want from women. That's the exact reason many of today's parents don't want him in their children's movies.





Many men don't understand the constant anxiety countless women experience every day surrounding the fear of being sexually assaulted.

This lack of empathy has been in the forefront of the American consciousness over the last few years, especially since Donald Trump entered the center of the political arena. He's been accused by multiple women of sexual assault and rape, was friends with a man accused of sex trafficking minors, caught on tape bragging about sexually abusive behavior, and has supported men for Senate and the Supreme Court who've been credibly accused of assault as well.


Disney heiress visits theme park undercover and leaves 'livid' over working conditions.

The shocking thing about Trump is not that a man in power has attempted to wield it over women — it's that his actions haven't deterred his supporters.

A.R. Moxon, author of the upcoming book, "The Revisionaries," came up with a brilliant, yet brutal metaphor to help men understand the constant fear and anxiety that potential sexual abuse causes women. It also helps them understand how women feel when powerful men such as Trump are able to get away with the abuse because the system supports them.

Penguins in New Zealand repeatedly detained after showing 'complete disregard for police authority.'


He used the analogy to explain how women felt about the Brock Turner rape case.

He then applied the analogy to President Trump.

The analogy also applies to Trump's support of Judge Roy Moore and Brett Kavanaugh.

Men, imagine if you got kicked in the nuts and it made you pregnant and then the government forced you to carry the baby to full-term.

In October 1991, Anita Hill sat before five white male senators during Clarence Thomas' Supreme Court confirmation hearing and bravely spoke her truth.

As her former supervisor, Hill said, Thomas had sexually harassed her in the workplace. Her recollections and testimony — given long before the #MeToo era helped change the way we see sexual harassment and assault — were criticized, questioned, and brushed aside by congressional leaders. Thomas was confirmed to the Supreme Court shortly after.

But Hill's voice was instrumental in helping pave the way for survivors to speak up.


Photo by Jennifer Law/AFP/Getty Images.

Nearly 27 years after testifying, Hill — now a professor at Brandeis University — sat down with John Oliver on an episode of "Last Week Tonight" to chat about how we can keep moving forward in ways that empower and protect survivors.

"There's been a tremendous amount of change," Hill said. "There's been a change in public attitude, and there's been a change in the amount of information that we have about sexual harassment."

But for all we've learned, Hill still gets an incredibly frustrating question.

"So far, much of the approaches we've had is to put all of the burden on women," Hill noted. "One of the questions I get that just sort of sticks out with me is: 'How do we raise our daughter to make sure that she doesn't set herself up to be a victim of sexual harassment?' These are the kinds of things that we're thinking — 'If we fix her, then she won't encounter this problem.'

"In reality, she is not the problem."

Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images.

"She is not the problem" — men are. Can we keep saying that until it truly sinks in?

Because instead of focusing on teaching men about consent, society often tells women that their clothing or the amount of alcohol they consume are to blame for the actions of abusers. It's nonsensical.

More awareness campaigns are urging men to speak up and stop sexual assault when they see it. The #MeToo movement has challenged Washington and Hollywood alike to rethink how we view and respond to harassment and assault. So we're headed in the right direction in many ways.

But still, Hill believes men "need to step up."

"At this point in time, there are no innocent bystanders," she continued. "If you are aware of something — you acknowledge it, you know it's wrong, but you don't do anything about it — then it's the same as participating in it."

Watch Hill and Oliver's interview, which starts at about 17:50, below: