miscarriage

The pain of miscarriage and pregnancy loss is a reality for many women. According to the Cleveland Clinic, 10-20% of pregnancies result in miscarriage. One mom who has walked through pregnancy loss is helping others.

Annie (@seasonsofanniebakery), a mom and baker in College Station, Texas, has opened up on her grief journey following four miscarriages. These experiences led her to create resources for other women struggling with grief following pregnancy loss. She created a video series for family and friends of women going through pregnancy loss (that can also be applied to general grief) on helpful things they can both say and do to help.

She explains her first tip, which is: "Lots of people got really weird around me after my babies died," before adding: "Don't ask how they are for at least a month. They are not good."

Then she offered an additional list of 24 more helpful phrases and actions to say or do instead. These include:

• I'm so sorry.
• I love you.
• I'm thinking about you.
• Ask if they want to talk.
• Listen to what they respond.
• Ask what their favorite memory of the person who died is.
• If it was a baby who died, ask about their favorite memory of their pregnancy. Annie added in the comments, "Seriously - I get asked to share about my living daughter’s birth story often, but never the others, & I have cool stories I like to remember!"
• I'm dropping off your favorite drink and snack.
• Drop off a care box.

• Say you're about to order takeout from their favorite restaurant and ask what they want.
• If you're religious tell them you're praying for them, but don't be condescending about it.
• Don't expect to be invited in. But be available if they want you to come in.
• If you do get invited in, let them take the lead.
• Hug them if they like hugs.
• Sit with them.
• Talk to them like you always do. Don't get a weird tone.

• The sympathy face is the worst. Obviously they're sad, and you're sad for them. But don't gaze at them in pity. Try to have a normal face.
• Remember they are not stronger than you are. If you were forced into this reality, you would figure it out.
• Suggest a few shows or movies you could watch together.
• Bring over your favorite lighthearted books to distract them if they like to read.
• Write a letter if you really can’t help yourself and need to make it about you. That way they have the option to read it or not and if they hate what you wrote, they can rip it in a billion pieces.
• Absolutely do not tell them that God needed another angel under any circumstances. Just don't.
• Share a memory of the person who died if you knew them.
• Tell them you'll keep checking in on them and do it. Even if you don't always hear back. You'll need to hold up the friendship for a bit. Don't expect your friend to be a great friend while they're falling apart.