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Couple turns heartbreaking pregnancy loss into funny TikTok video that's surprisingly healing

The video is captioned, “When your resignation from being DINKS is denied.”

Photo credit: Canva

Humor can help us talk about the stuff too painful to open up about.

When we are grieving, there are moments of tears, and moments of laughter. Each is healing in their own special way, and are all part of the process.

This might not at first seem to apply to something as devastating as pregnancy loss, but one couple’s comedy video, and the overwhelming positive response that followed, suggest otherwise.

Husband and wife and content creator duo Alexandra Madison and Jon Bouffard are no strangers to creating funny skits about the regular goings on of their lives—one of their most popular being inspired by becoming pregnant.

In the clip, the couple arrives at “DINKS” (“Dual Income No Kids”) Headquarters, where they proudly hand off their resignation letter to a curmudgeonly office worker.

Cut to a few months later, and Madison and Bouffard lost the baby.

Madison told Today that while she and Jon had certainly experienced something “traumatic, heavy and sad,” there was a point in their healing journey where moments of joy were beginning to return, and they wanted to honor that without feeling guilty. They decided that making a lighthearted follow-up video showing them both might do the trick.

In the video, titled “When your resignation from being DINKS is denied,” Madison and Bouffard once again barge into the DINKS office and snatch up the application handed over in the previous video, since clearly that application was rejected. And as MAdison put it, “we don’t handle rejection very well.”

“We never thought we would be here making this follow-up to our first video resigning as DINKS, but here we are, “ Madison wrote in the video’s caption.


@alexandramadison_ We don’t handle rejection very well here 🙃 Jon and I have always posted skits inspired by what's going on in our lives, and that includes this one. We never thought we would be here making this 'follow-up' to our first video resigning as DINKs (Dual Income No Kids), but here we are. And that's life. Real life. There are ups and downs, and along the way, I've discovered that a little (sometimes dark) humor brings moments of relief. This post is a small part of that journey, a reminder that it's okay to give ourselves and each other permission to laugh again. We can’t thank you all enough for your continued outpouring of support. And to all the couples who had their DINK memberships renewed, did you turn your nursery into a wine cellar? We haven’t…just asking.
♬ original sound - Alex and Jon


“And that’s life. Real life. There are ups and downs, and along the way, I’ve discovered that a little (Sometimes dark) humor brings moments of relief. This post is a small part of that journey, a reminder that it’s okay to give ourselves and each other permission to laugh again.”

The video picked up speed very quickly, racking up nearly 8 million views. But more importantly, it seemed to be extremely cathartic for other partners who found themselves in similar situations.

“We were denied twice before our application finally went through,” one peronse wrote.

Another added, “We were denied three times (3rd application denied late stage) before our application was accepted/ The granted application is currently sleeping in his bassinet.”

Still another commented, “dark humor is the only thing getting us by these days.”

Others were moved by Madison and Bouffard’s willingness to be so open about their experience.

“I laughed…and then I cried. Thank you for sharing your journey…all of it. This is a vulnerable place to be and you guys always show up amazingly.”

Another echoed, “God bless you both for not being silent about this matter but sharing these hard times with us. We love you very much.”

Madison and Bouffard might have been concerned that they were being “insensitive” by making their video, but the support they’ve received has subsided that fear. After all, many therapists consider humor as a perfectly viable coping mechanism for trauma. It helps make tough things easier to digest and discuss, and it can help painful experiences feel a little less lonely. Which is what this couple accomplished. Hopefully it continues to help them heal a little more each day.

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Celebrity

Chrissy Teigen just learned her 2020 miscarriage was an abortion. She's not alone.

'I remember reading "spontaneous abortion" in my medical records after a very much wanted pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. It was devastating to read that.'

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Chrissy Teigen learned her miscarriage was an abortion.

Having a miscarriage is a devastating experience for most people that have experienced one. No one goes into a wanted pregnancy expecting this sad outcome, and for Chrissy Teigen and others like her, having a miscarriage later in pregnancy is beyond what most people can imagine. But two years ago, Teigen lost her son Jack at 20 weeks, after a complicated pregnancy that landed her in the hospital. Eventually, it was determined that to save Teigen's life, the hospital would need to deliver the baby only halfway through her pregnancy. After some time processing the loss of her son, Teigen came to understand that what she had was, in fact, an abortion.

Since she shared the news recently at a summit called "A Day of Unreasonable Conversation," people have been lambasting the expectant mom wondering how she couldn't know. When I first heard about the criticism of her sharing her discovery, it knocked the wind out of me. One in four women experience a miscarriage and I happen to be one of them. Most people know someone who has experienced a miscarriage and they've hopefully treated them with care and compassion, but few people know what comes next for those of us who have miscarried babies.

After getting through the tears, depression and haze of having had this experience, insurance paperwork shows up in your mailbox or you happen to look over the discharge papers from the hospital and you read the words "spontaneous abortion" in the diagnosis section. If you've had a D&C (dilation and curettage) or D&E (dilation and evacuation), the paperwork may only read "abortion." It reads this way because it's a medical term, even though it's a term that has become emotionally charged.

There are women like Teigen who may have been told something much less harsh when they miscarried. Doctors do their best to not cause extra duress on the person losing a child, so sentences like "we have to induce" or "we have to deliver" are used when they can, instead of words like "terminate" or "abortion."

No matter the situation, oftentimes seeing the word "abortion" on your paperwork when the child you lost was very wanted can knock you off kilter. So many people have been where Teigen is, having the realization the procedure they had was classified as an abortion, even if their bodies completed the miscarriage on its own.

On a post about how Teigen may not have realized she had an abortion, hundreds of people shared their stories about learning what was written in their charts. One commenter, Jennifer, wrote, "I remember reading 'habitual aborter' in my medical record. It was horrible and anxiety inducing. I had three miscarriages back to back while trying very hard to have a baby. I was dealing with a lot. I was not ready to read that in my records."

Another commenter, Julie, said "I remember reading 'spontaneous abortion' in my medical records after a very much wanted pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. It was devastating to read that. There's a reason doctors and nurses don't use that term with women going through that."

Stephanie shared, "I had a D&E because I was bleeding so bad they were afraid I was going to bleed to death. Heartbeat was gone. 3 weeks later I opened the mail and opened up a report with the word ABORTION on it. I screamed and cried for two hours."

The comments go on and on full of people who had no idea what they had was considered an abortion. It's heartbreaking to know Teigen is facing such harsh criticism over her discovery. No one wants to become one in four and no one wants their experience invalidated by people who have never experienced the pain.

Medical terminology doesn't care about the political atmosphere. It doesn't care about how emotionally charged people get around seeing or hearing the word. Medical terminology is there so other doctors and insurance carriers know what's going on and doctors do their best to shield grieving parents from terms that may make things worse.

Teigen may never see the comments people leave, but family and friends will. I don't know if there will ever be a day where the word abortion doesn't elicit such a visceral reaction from people, but education around how the word is used could be a start.

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Pop Culture

Moms rally around Chrissy Teigen after she cautiously announces pregnancy two years after a loss

"I don’t think I’ll ever walk out of an appointment with more excitement than nerves but so far, everything is perfect and beautiful and I’m feeling hopeful and amazing."

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Chrissy Teigen announces pregnancy.

Losing a baby is a tragedy at any stage of pregnancy, but losing a baby later in pregnancy can feel that much more devastating. Getting pregnant after loss is extremely anxiety-inducing, so when Chrissy Teigan cautiously announced she was pregnant with her fourth child, mothers who have experienced pregnancy loss collectively shared her apprehension.

In 2020, Teigen excitedly announced that she and her husband, singer John Legend, were expecting their third child and people were elated for them. But sadly the pregnancy ended at 20 weeks and the famous couple bravely shared the pictures of their beautiful son Jack with the world. The experience was understandably traumatic for the couple but their bravery in sharing the news allowed for others to open up about their own losses while offering support to the couple.

Now, two years later, the pair are expecting again and Teigen shared her apprehension on telling the world she was pregnant saying in part, "Every appointment I’ve said to myself, 'ok if it’s healthy today I’ll announce' but then I breathe a sigh of relief to hear a heartbeat and decide I’m just too nervous still." The supermodel continued, "I don’t think I’ll ever walk out of an appointment with more excitement than nerves but so far, everything is perfect and beautiful and I’m feeling hopeful and amazing."

Teigen isn't alone in her experience. Danielle Campoamor shared her own story in an essay on Today sharing her own experience with losing a baby at 19 weeks. About 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in 100 end at or after the 20-week mark. Each year, 24,000 babies are stillborn in America. The number feels staggering and it's a subject that is not talked about enough as it's a club that no one wants to join. Teigen sharing her story and photos of losing her son Jack helped catapult the reality of infant loss into the spotlight.

So when the mom of three shared she was expecting again, the comments on Teigen's Instagram were filled with people wishing her well and sharing their experiences. One commenter, Hilari Seagears, wrote, "Girl! After 4 miscarriages im 7 months pregnant with no medical intervention. Can we say MIRACLE!? 😭 i feel you 100000000000%." While Robyn Oyung said, "CHRISSY MY EYES ARE IMMEDIATELY FULL OF TEARS I AM SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND THE FAMILY CONGRATULATIONS LOVE YOU 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹."

The positive enveloping of the expectant mom did not stop there. LiShelle Trembath told the model, "Well done. The struggle to let yourself be happy and confident, is real and valid. You’re doing all the right things to honor Jack. He’d be so proud." While Ruth Kennedy sent her well wishes gently saying, "Gentle congratulations ❤️ I’m also pregnant after loss and can absolutely relate to the nerves and anxiety xx."

Of course there were celebrities in the comments as well, but the amount of mothers that are showering Teigen with love and well wishes were overwhelming. We are wishing Teigen and all the people experiencing pregnancy after loss healthy and smooth pregnancies.

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Family

After losing her own daughter, a labor nurse supports grieving parents with this device

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

The Cuddle Cot gives grieving parents a chance to say goodbye.

After a little over three months of pregnancy, Ashley Agnitch got the heartbreaking news no parent ever wants to receive. Her daughter, Greta Lynn, had a genetic abnormality and was not expected to survive pregnancy.

Searching for solace, Agnitch discovered an innovative resource called the Cuddle Cot, a cooling bassinet that keeps a baby’s body from deteriorating—without making it too cold—for days. During the most difficult event in a parent’s life, they get a precious gift: time.



Time to touch. Time to take photos. Time to hold a baptism. Time to introduce the family. Time to say goodbye.

The Cuddle Cot had been unavailable to Agnitch, which was yet another tragedy. But against all odds, Greta had been born and gave her mother “five beautiful hours of life.” However, as Agnitch became a labor and delivery nurse, she could see an overwhelming need for this kind of bereavement support in other families experiencing the loss of a child. And how difficult it was to get.

“I wanted to give local families precious time to bond with their babies,” Agnitch told news sources. So she started a fundraiser to purchase multiple Cuddle Cots, making the resource available to families at two birthing centers on California's Central Coast.

Agnitch writes on the fundraiser’s website, “I started this fundraising campaign to bring Cuddle Cots to local hospitals. I am beyond grateful to share that through generous donations we have been able to provide a Cuddle Cot to both Marian Regional Medical Center and French Hospital. My goal is to continue to provide high volume hospitals with Cuddle Cots. Through this campaign we have also identified a need for digital cameras and photo printers for the birthing units. We cherish our photos with Greta and it is one way we can share her life with our young kids. We would like to provide photos for families that are unable to have a professional photographer at their delivery or during their stay. Beyond your financial contribution you will be giving the gift of time for bereaved families to preserve a lasting memory with their child before saying their final goodbyes.”

So far, Agnitch has raised over $12,000.

Without this type of resource, babies are often immediately placed in the hospital’s morgue, giving parents little time to grieve. Hopes and dreams are snatched away, both figuratively and literally. According to The New York Times, only 400 to 500 hospitals in the country have Cuddle Cots available, mostly donated. Considering that one in four pregnancies end with child loss, there is no doubt that there is a need for more cots. Agnitch, and others like her, are helping parents create memories and say their goodbyes.

Nothing can ever truly take away the heartbreak of losing a child. But stories like this are a gentle reminder that, through innovation and compassion, support during a difficult time is out there. Even in our deepest pain, the opportunity to create beautiful, lasting memories is available to us. And that is something worth cherishing.

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