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One mom started a heartwarming discussion when she shared how her son ordered at a restaurant for the first time.

This summer in my house, we've made a big change. For the first time ever, we're letting our oldest daughter walk to the pool by herself. It's about three-quarters of a mile, or a 10-15 minute walk. It feels like a big deal to us. The walk is along a very busy road that she has to cross at the very end. She was nervous the first time she tried it, and so were we.

But...she's 10 years old. It's time. For reference, I was walking all over the place by myself at the same age, or playing outside for hours with my parents only having a very vague sense of where I was. This is a natural part of growing up that, it seems, more and more kids are being deprived of. Not through malicious intent on the part of parents, but just because we're scared.

It seems that everywhere I go, one parent or another is telling me I need to read The Anxious Generation. We're all worried about the Gen Alpha kids, apparently. And though I've yet to read it myself, one of the key takeaways I keep seeing is that "as parents, we’re too overprotective in the real world and not overprotective enough online," as summed up by The Everymom. In other words, we smother them and shelter them from any possible harm like kidnapping, getting hit by a car, being bullied or even made to feel uncomfortable—and in doing so, we stifle their growth, their confidence, and their ability to become successful adults.

One mom recently took to social media to share a big independence win. She called it a "lightbulb moment" when she realized she'd been helicopter parenting her son and finally decided to take a big step back.

Soon, dozens of other parents chimed in on the Reddit thread with similar stories. They're so heartwarming and empowering, reminding us that the kids are capable of so much more than we think. They just need the chance to shine.

1. "Let my son order his own meal at a restaurant for the first time."

parenting, kids, moms, dads, the anxious generation, anxiety, millennial parents, boomer parents, motherhood, fatherhood"Let my son order his own food at a restaurant for the first time."Canva Photos

The OP kicked off the powerful thread with a simple story from dinner.

"So yesterday we went to our usual diner for breakfast, and instead of automatically ordering for him like I always do, I told my son (7) that he was going to tell the waitress what he wanted all by himself. The look of panic on his face was immediate."

As hard as it was to hold back, Mom didn't help. She just smiled and encouraged her son to handle the interaction himself.

"He stumbled a bit at first, speaking so quietly she had to lean in, but then he found his voice. He ordered his pancakes, asked for extra syrup, and even remembered to say please. The waitress was so sweet about it too, giving him her full attention and treating him like a real customer. After she walked away, he had this huge grin and said 'Mom, did you see that? I did it all by myself' He sat up straighter in the booth and you could just see the confidence radiating from him.

"It was such a small thing, but watching him realize he could handle it on his own was incredible. I've been ordering for him out of habit and probably some misguided attempt to make things 'easier,' but I was actually robbing him of these little moments to grow."

2. "Sent my 4-year-old to the register with my credit card."

Handing over cash to a child is always risky. There's no guarantee you'll ever get it back. But the whole credit card?! That takes some serious bravery as a parent. But this is how kids learn.

"My proudest moment recently was when I sent my 4yo to the counter at McDonalds with my credit card and told him to buy himself a bottle of water. He came back with the water, my card, a receipt, and a huge proud smile on his face," another user added.

3. "Let my 6-year-old make his own noodles."

A child handling a heavy pot of boiling water. What could possibly go wrong!? Turns out, that's the wrong question. What could go right? That's a better one.

"I taught my six year old how to make noodles today. The only thing I did was lift the heavy pot twice. He was over the moon about making his own dinner. Then, of course my four year old decided he wanted to do it too, but that still didn't ruin the moment for the older one. Going to start doing this more," one user said.

4. "Encouraged my son to speak for himself at the doctor's office."

Once you start thinking about it, it's really amazing how often parents end up speaking on behalf of their kids who are perfectly capable of using their own voice. Again, it's not malicious, it's from a place of protectiveness. Maybe they don't need us to speak for them after all.

"We took our son (7) to an after hours clinic yesterday because we were worried about some ongoing stomach pain and wanted to rule out appendicitis. I had gone over with him what would likely happen in the appointment. The doctor came in and addressed my son asking what was going on and getting his story before addressing us parents. He did a very good job explaining how he had been feeling and when. He answered her questions as best he could," a user shared.

"But hearing him explain to her what was going on was a similar experience for me as what you had described. It was great to see him practice telling someone who is not his parent what is going on."

5. "Sent my 18-year-old to the bank to open his own account."

Even teens and young adults need lessons in independence. A parent's job is never truly done.

"My 18 year old went to the bank this weekend and opened an account all by himself. When I saw him afterwards he had the 18 year old version of your son’s expression. Confidence, pride, belief in self. It’s a big deal letting them do the things in their own. "

6. "Let my kid work the self-checkout all by himself."

parenting, kids, moms, dads, the anxious generation, anxiety, millennial parents, boomer parents, motherhood, fatherhood"I let my kid do the self-checkout from start to finish."Canva Photos

The grocery store is chock-full of lessons and opportunities for kids to practice independence.

"I have mine ring up the groceries at the self check out from start to finish. Or if he wants to buy something at a store: I give him my card and then stand back and let him check out (taught him to greet the cashier, say bye etc). Also at the library, if he’s looking for a book, damaged a book (it happened once), or needs help, I have him speak to the librarian and work it out," one parent shared.

7. "Asked my 8-year-old to return the cart across the parking lot."

You've got to start somewhere, even if these little independent moments seem small. They can really build on themselves if keep it up.

"My son just turned 8 and my in laws are taking him on a big camping trip for a week by themselves without us there. It's kind of been a crash course in independence getting him ready ... The last couple of weeks he's been showering by himself and today I let him park the cart across the parking lot in the little slots while I buckled his sister in the car. It's amazing what kids can do when you give them the opportunity!" a parent said.

8. "Helped the kids learn to call in the pizza order."

Calling in a pizza order seems small, too, but don't forget that a lot of younger people—heck, people in general—get extremely anxious about speaking on the phone. This is excellent practice for them.

"My kids [used] to get so angry when I would ask what's for dinner and one would suggest pizza, I would say great, who is calling it in. This started from age 12 with the oldest. We would write out the order so they just had to read and I would be right there if there was an issue," this parent added.

9. "Let my 6-year-old call the shots at the drive-thru"

Ordering their own food seems to be a popular and effective place to start, even for very young kids.

"I let my 6 year old daughter order her Happy Meals in the drive-thru. She gets to roll down her back window and give the order and she makes sure to say please and thank you. A few times I’ve had to step-in and confirm everything because her voice is still soft. And sometimes she gets stage fright and doesn’t want to talk at all and I take over. But no matter what she LOVES when I pull forward enough for the attendant to hand her the Happy Meal box," a parent shared.

10. "Taught my kids to check themselves in to the doctor."

parenting, kids, moms, dads, the anxious generation, anxiety, millennial parents, boomer parents, motherhood, fatherhood"I taught my kids how to check themselves in at the doctor."Canva Photos

Teaching your child independence isn't just about confidence. It could quite literally be a life-saving skill one day.

"I started having my children at 11 'check themselves in' to doctors appointments," one parent said. "I would always do the pre-check, but let them give their name. At 13 I stopped doing the pre-check. ... I started giving them their insurance cards that come in the mail at 12.5.

"My kiddos know their insurance information, know their primary care doctors name, and know how to handle checking in. I did this specifically just in case they ever had an emergency and didn't have the information and I wasn't with them. They know their address, 5 main phone numbers, primary care doctor, and both insurances. We are now working on social security numbers."

11. "I let my 4-year-old have the CostCo experience"

If you want to throw your kiddo in the deep end, just take them to the jungle that is CostCo on a Sunday morning.

"I've ... been trying to back off and let my 4yo son be more independent," another parent shared. "I have such high anxiety that I'm just trying to get from one thing to another quickly, but like you said robbing him of those moments to practice independence.

"Today we went to Costco to get batteries and he scanned the membership card, carried the batteries to the self checkout, scanned it, used my credit card to pay, and showed the employee at the exit our receipt. The employees were so nice and patient with him too (luckily it wasn't very busy) and all told him what a good job he did! He has been talking about how he went shopping all by himself for 4 hours now nonstop."

Fostering independence in our kids is not just good for their long-term outcomes and confidence, it's crucial for their mental health.

They need to feel that they have agency and some level of control in our crazy world. And though letting go of the reins can feel scary for parents who are constantly bombarded with worst-case-scenario news, there are lots of little ways to make progress: let them order at a restaurant, make a phone call, or check out at a store. When you start to stack bigger and bigger wins over time, you'll be amazed what they can do.

Bluey's little sister Bingo learns to wake up in her own bed in "Sleepytime."

If you're reading this article as an adult who keeps hearing people talk about "Bluey" and are wondering what all the fuss is about, hi there. I used to be you. I'd heard people recommend "Bluey" over and over, but I had no inclination to watch a children's show after already paying my dues in that department. My youngest is a teenager. Why on Earth would I want to watch "Bluey?"

I was wrong. So very wrong. It took my teen checking it out and getting hooked for me to finally cave and watch a few episodes. Initial intrigue morphed into sheer delight, and now I'm a totally unapologetic "Bluey" evangelist.

And I'm not alone. More and more adults are falling for the family of Australian Blue Heeler dogs and comparing their favorite episodes. One fan favorite that comes up frequently is "Sleepytime." Many adults find themselves in a puddle by the end of it. But why?


Blue does a lot of things beautifully, but one of them is creatively highlighting child development milestones. In "Sleepytime," Bingo, the youngest, wants to "do a big girl sleep" and wake up in her own bed in the morning. The episode follows the family through the night, alternating between Bingo's dream world and the "musical beds" happening in the real world.

Really, it's a short tale about growing up, letting go in your own time, knowing Mom is always there even if you can't see her and the reality of sleep in families with young children.

X user Justin Dubin, MD, a first-time "Bluey" watcher, shared his thoughts on "Sleepytime" after seeing that it was ranked as one of the best episodes of TV ever on IMDB.

"Good god, it’s perfect," Dubin wrote. "Rarely do you see such a simple idea considered in such a complex and relatable way. In just 8 minutes it tackles parenthood, growing up, independence, and family dynamics- all with very little dialogue."

While there's much less dialogue in "Sleepytime" than there is in a normal "Bluey" episode, the music (Holst's "Jupiter" from "The Planets") creates a sense of magic as Bingo floats around in space, gravitating toward the warmth of her mother, getting help from her stuffed bunny, Floppy, and friends, and ultimately finding comfort without Mom. And all of that magic is interspersed with real life in which kids are asking for water, climbing into Mom and Dad's bed, kicking in their sleep, sleepwalking, and more.

First of all, a kids' show acknowledging that children end up in parents' or siblings' beds frequently is refreshing to see. So real. Second of all, the tenderness with which Bingo's budding independence is handled is just lovely. People often praise "Bluey" as a show that depicts good parenting examples, and it does. But it does that while being real—there's one episode where Chili, Bluey and Bingo's mom, says, "I JUST NEED 20 MINUTES WHERE NO ONE COMES NEAR ME," and moms everywhere felt it in their bones.

The beginning of the "Sleepytime" episode is shown at the beginning of this video on Bluey's YouTube channel if you want a taste:

But to see more than the first couple of minutes, you'll have to watch the entire episode on Disney + (Season 2, Episode 26). It honestly might be worth the subscription price for a month just to watch all the Bluey episodes.

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A man thought it was OK to question her son's tutu. Was he ever wrong.

'I will not let angry strangers tell my son what he can or cannot wear.'

When people ask Jen Anderson Shattuck's 3-year-old son about the sparkly tutus he likes to wear, he says they make him feel beautiful and brave.

He wisely says there are no rules about what boys can wear or what girls can wear.

Jen says people are generally pretty accepting of the tutus ... except for people like the stranger Jen and her son met a few weeks ago. Check out Jen's Facebook post below about what the man said and how she responded:


My three-and-a-half-year-old son likes to play trucks. He likes to do jigsaw puzzles. He likes to eat plums. And he...

Posted by Jen Anderson Shattuck on Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Here's the full text:

My three-and-a-half-year-old son likes to play trucks. He likes to do jigsaw puzzles. He likes to eat plums. And he likes to wear sparkly tutus. If asked, he will say the tutus make him feel beautiful and brave. If asked, he will say there are no rules about what boys can wear or what girls can wear.

My son has worn tutus to church. He has worn tutus to the grocery store. He has worn tutus on the train and in the sandbox. It has been, in our part of the world, a non-issue. We have been asked some well-intentioned questions; we've answered them; it has been fine. It WAS fine, until yesterday.

Yesterday, on our walk to the park, my son and I were accosted by someone who demanded to know why my son was wearing a skirt. We didn't know him, but he appeared to have been watching us for some time.

"I'm just curious," the man said. "Why do you keep doing this to your son?"

He wasn't curious. He didn't want answers. He wanted to make sure we both knew that what my son was doing---what I was ALLOWING him to do---was wrong."She shouldn't keep doing this to you," he said. He spoke directly to my son. "You're a boy. She's a bad mommy. It's child abuse."

He took pictures of us, although I asked him not to; he threatened me. "Now everyone will know," he said. "You'll see."

I called the police. They came, they took their report, they complimented the skirt. Still, my son does not feel safe today. He wants to know: "Is the man coming back? The bad man? Is he going to shout more unkind things about my skirt? Is he going to take more pictures?"

I can't say for sure. But I can say this: I will not be intimidated. I will not be made to feel vulnerable or afraid. I will not let angry strangers tell my son what he can or cannot wear.

The world may not love my son for who he is, but I do. I was put on this earth to make sure he knows it.

I will shout my love from street corners.

I will defend, shouting, his right to walk down the street in peace, wearing whatever items of clothing he wants to wear.

I will show him, in whatever way I can, that I value the person he is, trust in his vision for himself, and support his choices---no matter what anybody else says, no matter who tries to stop him or how often.

Our family has a motto. The motto is this:

We are loving.

We are kind.

We are determined and persistent.

We are beautiful and brave.

We know who we are. Angry strangers will not change who we are. The world will not change who we are---we will change the world.

































Jen's Facebook post has been met with an outpouring of support since she posted her story.

It's been shared over 51,000 times, and the comments have been empowering and supportive overall. Sure, there will always be haters. And yes, tutus are frilly, sparkly garments often associated with girls and princesses, sugar and spice and everything nice. But is there a rule that says boys can't also love those things? Nope.

Jen's not alone in her open-minded approach to her kid's self-expression. Charlize Theron was recently criticized after her son was photographed dressed as Elsa from "Frozen," but she supported his choices just like Jen did.

Kudos to Jen (and other parents like her!) for encouraging this awesome display of self-expression. And kudos to her young son for not letting small-minded people get in the way of his desire to express himself!

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Science found 4 categories of independence in young adults. Where do you belong?

More young people than ever are living with their families. But does that make them less independent?

For about four months last year, I needed to live with my family.

A month after I turned 26, my housing plans fell apart. Suddenly, I found myself living in Seattle with few resources and nowhere to go.


Couch-surfing might not seem so bad at first, but talk to me again after a week, mister. Photo from iStock.

I tried couch-surfing for about a month. I'd stay for a week at one friend's house, then for a few days at another.

But it soon became apparent that I needed a long-term solution. So I asked a nearby family member, my aunt, if I could stay with her.

Don't get me wrong — I love my family. But the whole experience kind of messed with my head.

What did living with my family say about me? I had recently earned a master's degree, and people kept calling me successful — but I didn't feel successful. Could I call myself an independent adult if I wasn't living on my own?

Also, where did this beanie and scarf come from? Photo from iStock.

That's how I fell into a rut of looking at independence as a "yes" or "no" thing.

I felt like living on my own was independent, and living with my family was not. But the truth is that it's not a yes or no thing at all.

In fact, a recent study showed that for most young people today, independence has become a lot more nuanced than it was in the past.

North Carolina State University sociology professor Anna Manzoni analyzed data about the lives of more than 14,000 Americans age 18-25.

She measured the idea of independence in a few different ways: by whether the subject had their own living space, by asking them to record their earnings and whether they got financial support from their parents, and by considering their own perceptions of independence and adulthood.

Most young people can be roughly split into four different, nearly evenly split groups of independence.

Only about 28% of the people she surveyed were classified as fully independent — people who lived by themselves, didn't receive support from their families, and personally felt independent.

On the other extreme, only 23% were more or less dependent. They lived with their parents, received financial support, and thought of themselves as dependent.

In between those two, however, were two more groups, making up about half of the population:

About 24% were a category I'll call free range. They live apart from family and have their own finances but still feel connected in an emotional way to their parent's home.

And another 25% were what I'd call housemates. They're financially independent, and thought of themselves as mostly independent, but lived with their parents.

What does this tell us? In real life, people's relationships with their families are a lot more nuanced than just "independent" or "dependent."

Everyone's situation is different, and independence today is definitely on a spectrum.

In many families, older siblings help raise younger ones. Photo from iStock.

Maybe a young person is staying at home while going to school so they can save money while living under mountains of student debt.

Or maybe that young person is one of the many folks who stay with their family in order to take care of an ailing loved one, to help raise younger siblings, or to help provide financially.

Or maybe they come from one of the many cultures around the world that encourage kids to stay with their families for years.

As today's millennials come into adulthood, their independence is likely to fall onto more of a spectrum than in years past.

This research could hopefully help inform future research and policies for the public, too.

"The fact that we have this diverse range of groups across the spectrum of independence, and that each of these groups is so well-represented in the population, means we need to stop thinking of independence as a binary concept: either dependent or independent," Manzoni said in a press release.

"It's more complicated than that. Our research and policies — on everything from education to housing — need to reflect these nuances, because they are important."

Today, I have my own place again. But now I'll think differently about what it means to be independent.

Like so many things in life, it comes down to what's best for each of us.