'Supergirl' actress Melissa Benoist opened up about her experiences with domestic violence to 'empower others'

One in four women and one in seven men will be victims of intimate partner violence in their lives. However, much of this violence goes unreported. Only 25% of physical assaults against women are reported to the police each year.
Even Supergirl has experienced domestic violence. For the first time, actress Melissa Benoist opened up about her own experiences with domestic violence on her Instagram page. In a 14-minute video, Benoist spoke about her abusive relationship, which she compared to a "runaway freight train."
Benoist didn't name the partner who was abusive, but said he was younger than she was. "He was a magnanimous person, who didn't really give you a choice not to be drawn to him. He could be charming, funny, manipulative, devious," she said.
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Benoist said the relationship was "not violent at first," but he would get jealous and spy on her devices or make her change clothes before she went out. After five months, he became violent.
"The stark truth is I learned what it felt like to be pinned down and slapped repeatedly, punched so hard the wind was knocked out of me, dragged by my hair across pavement, head-butted, pinched until my skin broke, shoved into a wall so hard the drywall broke, choked," she said. "I learned to lock myself in rooms but quickly stopped because the door was inevitably broken down. I learned to not value any of my property — replaceable and irreplaceable. I learned not to value myself."
Benoist's partner threw an iPhone at her face, which permanently altered her vision. "The impact tore my iris, nearly ruptured my eyeball, lacerated my skin and broke my nose," she said. "My left eye swelled shut. I had a fat lip … Something inside of me broke, this was too far."
After speaking with a friend, Benoist decided to leave the relationship. "Leaving was not a walk in the park. It is not an event, it's a process. I felt complicated feelings of guilt for leaving and for hurting someone I had protected for so long, and yes, [a] mournful feeling of leaving something familiar," she said. "But luckily, the people I let in, the more I was bolstered, I never lost the sense of clarity that kept telling me, 'You do not deserve this.'"
Ultimately, Benoist decided to share her story so others won't have to experience what she did. "I want those statistics to change, and I hope that telling my story will prevent more stories like this from happening," she said. "If you are enduring what I went through and you see this, you might be able to find the tiny straw that will break the camel's back."
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Benoist's current husband, actor Chris Wood, tweeted out a message of support after his wife shared her story.
Happy Thanksgiving! I’m going to kiss my wife and hold her tenderly. All day. And every day. How do YOU show love? #IStandWithMelissa— Chris Wood (@Chris Wood) 1574960126
Other celebrities and fans were supportive of Benoist, sharing messages of support using the hashtag #istandwithmelissa.
just finished watching, and @MelissaBenoist is a fucking hero. talking about something as complex & layered as inti… https://t.co/5Y5ovTfCMd— Dove Cameron (@Dove Cameron) 1574933908
@MelissaBenoist You just saved someone’s life today. I’m certain of it. Thank you for using your voice for the powers of good.— Julie Plec (@Julie Plec) 1574925000
For those asking why Melissa Benoist didn’t come forward sooner; Victims of DA either don’t want to confront/admit… https://t.co/G9IFZpGXJ9— Nat / Angelina Jolie ♥️ (@Nat / Angelina Jolie ♥️) 1574915320
I’m so glad this is getting national news. I hope this helps people who need to hear this. Melissa is incredibly br… https://t.co/guOVkYX8Lt— MGM (@MGM) 1574985890
I'm gonna tell my kids Supergirl is real. #IStandWithMelissa https://t.co/m5Q0ZCBRlv— Casey K (@Casey K) 1574949031
Despite the horrific experience she's been through this inedible woman didn't shut out her heart. Melissa continues… https://t.co/EfA47WVghE— T 💔 (@T 💔) 1574924075
When this photo of Melissa Benoist was taken, she had recently been announced as Supergirl. She spent that first se… https://t.co/YkgutSoRaH— Jen Bartel (@Jen Bartel) 1574927043
remember when news like this one came out and everyone was talking shit about her? imagine how she felt... that's w… https://t.co/bBgd7Wwr0o— elle (@elle) 1574902003
Benoist's powerful story is a reminder that you never really know what someone might going through. No matter how great someone's life looks on the outside, they might be going through hell on the inside.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.