+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
Popular

A director asked to see Jennifer Lopez's breasts. Her response says a lot about standing up for yourself.

A director asked to see Jennifer Lopez's breasts. Her response says a lot about standing up for yourself.
Instagram / JLo

The Me Too movement has shed light on just how many actresses have been placed in positions that make them feel uncomfortable. Abuse of power has been all too commonplace. Some actresses have been coerced into doing something that made them uncomfortable because they felt they couldn't say no to the director. And it's not always as flagrant as Louis C.K. masturbating in front of an up-and-coming comedian, or Harvey Weinstein forcing himself on actresses in hotel rooms.

But it's important to remember that you can always firmly put your foot down and say no. While speaking at The Hollywood Reporter's annual Actress Roundtable, Jennifer Lopez opened up about her experiences with a director who behaved inappropriately. Laura Dern, Awkwafina, Scarlett Johansson, Lupita Nyong'o, and Renee Zellweger were also at the roundtable.

Lopez was supposed to do nudity in a film, and the director asked see Lopez's breasts during a fitting. Lopez did not name the director or the film, but she did describe what happened.

RELATED: The comedian who called out Harvey Weinstein is now getting the support she should have gotten from the venue

"He wanted to see my boobs," Lopez said at the roundtable. "And I said no, I stood up for myself. But it was so funny because I remember being so panicked in the moment. And by the way, there was a costume designer in the room with me. So there was another woman in the room and he says this and I said no. Luckily a little bit of the Bronx came out, and I was like, 'I don't have to show you my — No. On the set, you see them.'"

Lopez made a point about why it's important to stand up for yourself when you're placed in uncomfortable situations. "That's the thing, because if you give in, in that moment, all of a sudden that person is off and running, thinking they can do whatever they want. And because I put up a little boundary right there and said no, he laid off and then later on apologized. But the minute he walked out of the room the costume designer was like, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that just happened,'" she continued.

Sometimes, demonstrating that you're willing to stand up for yourself is enough to stop you from getting pushed around.

Since the Me Too movement gained momentum just two years ago, more and more women are comfortable speaking up for themselves – and others. "The difference now, though, is that because of the conversations that are happening in public, it's easier to tell when something is inappropriate," Nyong'o pointed out at the roundtable.

RELATED: Emma Watson launches hotline that provides women legal advice on workplace sexual harassment

Nyong'o noted that situation might have gone differently if the fitting had happened today. "Because in that moment, if the costume designer had said something, it could've changed. If she had supported you in some way, had spoken up, it would have changed the dynamic. So now we are programming the younger generation to know what's OK and what's not. To know that it's not OK to be in a costume fitting and for a man to ask that of you. Even though those things might happen, our defense would be sharper in those moments," Nyong'o continued.

Luckily, the culture is shifting and women are less likely to be placed in situations where we have to act tough and risk being labeled as a "bitch" just because we don't want to be harassed at work. But when you're placed in a situation that you want to stop, it's important to remember that you can always speak up and say no.

From Your Site Articles
Related Articles Around the Web
Family

Mom took heat for cleaning her teen's bedroom. Her response was a lesson in grace.

She won the #CleanTok controversy.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in.

For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, essentially.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready.

“I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”


@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her.,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audreynis certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Joy

Entire neighborhood bids fond farewell to their mailman after 31 years of service

The beauty of community captured in a single video.

@blissfullbuda_/TikTok

Need something heartwarming? We got you.

With constant coverage of how we are losing a sense of interconnectedness as a society, stories of communities coming together like this one feel particularly impactful.

On Sept 21, Bill Buda had his final route as a USPS mail carrier, after 31 years of service. A video posted by his daughter, Alexa Buda, shows the entire neighborhood coming out to celebrate the milestone.

In the now-viral clip, Bill is greeted with balloons, hugs, fond farewells, kids’ drawings, tail-wagging dogs, sidewalk art, congratulatory signs, even what looks like a DIY christening with water bottles…pretty much the best sendoff ever.

"People will NEVER forget how you made them feel," Alexa Buda writes in the caption.

Down in the comments, people seconded Alexa’s statement. So many people wrote in to commend Bill for pouring his heart into his job and creating genuine relationships with those he interacted with for decades.

“This is my parents' neighborhood! Your dad was always so kind & i’ll never forget him congratulating me when he delivered my diploma from Kent State.”

“Bill, thank you for your many years of service to Oak Rd, we were out of town Saturday and we missed being able to say goodbye. You were always so friendly and kind, we really appreciated all you did. Enjoy this new chapter!”

“Your dad was always so kind to me and my husband when either of us were out running near HFS! I remember he was a mailman from when we were in grade school and I’m sure he didn’t know who I was but he was always so friendly when I’d see him.”

“Bill is the best. Loved talking with him. I ride an old motorcycle and he saw it in my garage and we talked about rides we've taken.”

“This was so amazing. We just moved to the neighborhood and liked him instantly. Happy retirement!”

Even those who didn’t know Bill were moved by seeing such fanfare.

“I’m CRYING this is so pure, congratulations to your dad. No one better than the friendly neighborhood mailman,” said one person.

Bill told Good Morning America that after being asked multiple times about his retirement, he decided to make things simple by taping a "save the date" card to his customers' doors.

But never did he expect a full blown blowout. Alexa told People that her dad’s normal route lasted an extra two hours because of all the people they would end up talking to.

“I really must have done something right to have this…it was fantastic," Bill also shared with Good Morning America.

With his near perfect attendance, checking in on those along his route (especially on elderly folks), and generally having a perpetually upbeat attitude, it’s safe to say that Bill did, in fact, do something very, very right. And got the recognition he dearly deserved.

And as Alexa shared with People, this heartwarming moment feels especially refreshing in a modern time.

“As this generation becomes more digital, genuine interactions with people are becoming rare.”

Rare, perhaps. But still happening. And still incredibly impactful.

From Your Site Articles
best of humanity
Joy

'90s kid shares the 10 lies that everyone's parent told them

"Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

via 90sKid4lyfe/TikTok (used with permission)

90sKidforLife shares 10 lies everyone's parents told in the era.


Children believe everything their parents tell them. So when parents lie to prevent their kids to stop them from doing something dumb, the mistruth can take on a life of its own. The lie can get passed on from generation to generation until it becomes a zombie lie that has a life of its own.

Justin, known as 90sKid4Lyfe on TikTok and Instagram, put together a list of 10 lies that parents told their kids in the ‘90s, and the Gen X kids in the comments thought it was spot on.

“Why was I told EVERY ONE of these?” Brittany, the most popular commenter, wrote. “I heard all of these plus the classic ‘If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that,’” Amanda added. After just four days of being posted, it has already been seen 250,000 times.

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

@90skid4lyfe

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

Here are Justin’s 10 lies '90s parents told their kids:

1. "You can't drink coffee. It'll stunt your growth."

2. "If you pee in the pool, it's gonna turn blue."

3. "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows."

4. "If you eat those watermelon seeds, you'll grow a watermelon in your stomach."

5. "Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

6. "I told you we can't drive with the interior light on. ... It's illegal."

7. "Sitting that close to the TV is going to ruin your vision."

8. "If you keep cracking your knuckles, you're gonna get arthritis."

8. "You just ate, you gotta wait 30 minutes before you can swim."

10. "If you get a tattoo, you won't find a job."


This article originally appeared on 4.26.24

From Your Site Articles
1990s nostalgia
Pop Culture

Andrew Garfield crying while reading an essay on 'Modern Love' has everyone tearing up

This is what makes art so valuable.

Photo credit: Xfranksun

Andrew Garfield has become a fan favorite on and off-screen.

Andrew Garfield is beloved for his performances in films such as "The Social Network," "Tick, Tick, Boom" and his portion of Marvel's "Spider-Man" franchise. But he's also endeared himself to the public with his willingness to openly show emotion in real life.

In 2021, Garfield shared a moving moment with Stephen Colbert when he tenderly talked about the loss of his mom and "all of the unexpressed love" that gets expressed through grief. He also said his mother was a "warrior" for art and that she "knew the power of art and knew the power of leaving the world in a slightly more beautiful state" than she found it.

Now he's touched us again reading a story on the New York Times' "Modern Love" podcast. You can hear the emotion rising in Garfield's voice as the narrator describes some of the things that have changed about his life. Then Garfield reads a line that begins, "My parents don't drive at night anymore," and the dam breaks.

Watch:

@nytimes

"I'm sad at the transience of certain relationships in my life. I'm sad at losing my mother." The actor Andrew Garfield talked about love, loss and grief on "Modern Love." The result was a conversation unlike any other in the history of the show. Tap the link in bio to listen. #AndrewGarfield #loss #grief

Preceding this clip, Garfield and "Modern Love" host Anna Martin had been discussing Garfield's new film, "We Live in Time," which led to a discussion on big existential thoughts about life. Then he began to read the essay, "Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss," by Chris Huntington, which led to the emotional moment.

Garfield spoke to the power of art to make us feel

When Martin asked Garfield what was hitting him so much in that part of the story, and at first he said he didn't know, that it was "mysterious."

"This is why art is so important," he said. "Because it can get us to places we can't get to any other way."

Then he went on. "It's the preciousness. It's the preciousness, as we've been talking about. And it's the longing for more. It's like we all live, we all pass with so much more to know, with so much more longing."

After this clip, he added, "I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad at losing anyone. I'm sad at losing anything. I'm sad at the transience of certain relationships in my life. I'm sad at losing my mother, of course, and I'm sad at the idea of losing my father…but the sadness is longing. It's true longing. And there's no shame in it."

But even as he was expressing all of these feelings, he shared that he could feel within himself a pull to put the "modern conditioning taboo on this very, very pure feeling," and that made him sad, too. "There's a part of me that's like, okay, come on now, dude, pull yourself together…but I think that is the killer. That impulse—that is not mine, that is inherited, that is conditioned from our culture—to not feel, to calcify the heart, to not reveal the heart, to not trust another person with our hearts is what gets us into trouble."

People adore Andrew Garfield for his emotional accessibility

People loved Garfield's openness and vulnerability:

"He understands life and being human better than most."

"He speaks so articulately, and seems to be in touch with his emotions. Quite beautiful."

"The empathy, the compassion for humanity. It's beautiful and heartbreaking."

"This man feels so deeply. It's amazing to see."

"His vulnerability and authenticity is so moving. He deserves the best in life."

"The way he says preciousness is so profound you can't help but relate so deep in your soul. What a beautiful clip."

"'This is why art is so important, it can get us to places we can't get to any other way.'"

i.giphy.com

That quote about art hit people especially hard. We live in a weird space where we value art deeply in our own lives, yet arts programs are often undervalued and underfunded. Even people who don't think of themselves as "artsy" enjoy art, even if they don't recognize the music they listen to, shows they watch, stories they enjoy or items they have decorating their houses as art.

But sometime art hits the way Huntington's essay hit Andrew Garfield. As he told Martin, "I feel this man's writing, and it feels like, for all of us, it feels like he's tapping into something so universal—a longing to be here."

Art reminds us of our humanity and connects us with others by tapping into feelings and experiences we share. And people who express those feelings and experiences like Andrew Garfield remind us how powerful that really is.

The full episode is worth listening to. Find "Modern Love" wherever you find your podcasts.

From Your Site Articles
andrew garfield
Joy

Couple astonished after finding 57-year-old lost wedding footage through Facebook

What an incredible coincidence.

via Canva

An 8 mm film reel.

Aileen and Bill Turnbull, 77, were married in Aberdeen, Scotland, in 1967 and filmed leaving the church on 8mm film equipment borrowed from one of Bill’s coworkers. After the footage was developed, the couple watched it on a borrowed projector. When they returned the projector, they forgot to remove the film from the reel and it wound up in storage at the coworker’s place. The couple looked for the footage over the years, and it never turned up. They assumed it got mixed up with some of their other belongings.

In 1981, the Turnbulls moved to Brisbane, Australia.

Decades later, Terry Cheyne of Aberdeen was told by his uncle that he needed to come by and pick up his reels of 8mm military footage taken in the ‘70s that he had stored at his place. “When I left the Navy, my uncle told me he was downsizing, so I went to rescue my films and just threw them in a cupboard for years and years,” he told Claire and Pete on the Original 106 Breakfast Show.

Years later, Terry had his 8mm reels transferred to DVD and was puzzled to find that among the converted film was wedding footage of a couple he didn’t know. “Everyone had passed away and I’m the oldest in the family, so I had nobody to ask who it was,” he told the Original 106 Breakfast Show.

After retiring last year, he decided to try to find out who the couple was, so he posted a screenshot of the footage on Facebook. Six months later, it was reposted to a Facebook page for people from Mastrick, Scotland.



Five minutes after joining the Facebook page, Aileen, who grew up in Mastrick, saw the photo of herself and her husband. “I was absolutely amazed, I couldn’t believe it,” she said. “If I hadn’t done it, there’s no way I would have seen the photograph Terry put in.”

The couple later realized that Terry's uncle had lent them the projector to watch their wedding footage all those years ago. The footage got mixed up with Terry’s old 8mm film and transferred alongside the old Navy footage. Terry sent the couple a link so they could watch the long-lost footage.



"It just seems strange for me to see my mother and my father, not just in a photograph but there actually moving and walking," Aileen told BBC Scotland. “And my husband, he saw his grandmother and his grandfather, who was 100 when he died. I watched it again today, I could still recognize everybody. To look back and see these people was just absolutely amazing—I still can't believe it really.”

The story of the Turnbull’s wedding footage shows how much technology has changed in the past 57 years. In 1967, the average person couldn’t get ahold of a VHS camera and there were no smartphones or digital cameras to capture video. So, people used 8mm film stock, most of which was silent. To watch the footage, you had to use a projector and the film was fragile. It could quickly burn up if left too long in front of the projector lamp and was easy to snap and pull apart.

Terry hopes to meet the couple one day if they return to Aberdeen on vacation. "I've just been glad to help Aileen and Bill," Terry told the BBC. "They are delighted 57 years later. It's a very happy ending."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

From Your Site Articles
weddings
Trending Stories