Millennial man wonders if he's 'dumb' for wanting kids in his late 30s
"I don't want to be a geriatric dad, but I don't feel like I'm old?"

A man is wondering if it's too late for him to have children at 38 years old.
The medical community coined the term “geriatric pregnancy” to differentiate anyone who becomes pregnant after the age of 35, mostly as a safety measure. But while there are some age-related risks that come from having a baby later in life, many argue that the label is misleading and outdated…not to mention offensive.
Still, it’s enough for some to wonder if they’re somehow too late when it comes to starting a family.
That was certainly the case for a man who sought advice on the “Millennial” subreddit asking if he and his wife were “dumb” for changing their minds about having kids in their late 30s.“My wife (34 f) and I (37 m) have suddenly found ourselves having the kid conversation a lot after 12 years together as ‘childfree,’” he wrote, saying that he could see them both “trying” in about a year to 18 months. By then he’ll be 38.
He went on to explain that a lot his childhood was spent moving around and feeling neglected as a result of his parents getting divorced, all of which made him not feel “stable” enough to have kids of his own.
But now, he and his wife are debt free and have stable income, setting a solid foundation to start a new chapter. But still, they wonder if it’s too late.
Am I dumb for having kids at age 38?
byu/stillyoinkgasp inMillennials
“Now I'm staring down the reality that the youngest I'll be if we have kids is 38. I don't want to be a geriatric dad, but I don't feel like I'm old? I already have back and neck issues, though. I have friends with a 16-year-old FFS! Do I want to be 56 with an 18-year-old? Anyone have kids late that maybe can shed some perspective?”
People were quick to offer insight.
“My dad was 38 when I was born, I’m 40. He’s a healthy, active 78 and is a fully present granddad. We had our first at 30 and were oddly the youngest parents in our friend group and among our kids peers at school,” one person wrote.
Another added, “My dad was 38 when I was born, and 56 when I was 18. And guess what? We’re now 71 and 33 and still go biking, sailing, and bar hopping. All is possible! :)”
A third shared:
“I'm 36 with a 3 yr old. Met a woman at the playground yesterday who is 42 with a 4 yr old. I personally am glad that it panned out this way for me, bc my spouse and I are in a much better place relationship wise, financially, and professionally to take optimum care for our kiddo. If it had happened sooner, we would have struggled and I probably wouldn't be where I am today career wise.
There is absolutely pros and cons to both, but 38 is not too old. Hell my parents had my youngest brother when they were both 48 and he's a great kid. Just because your path deviates from the norm doesn't mean it's wrong or you missed your chance.”
Another suspected that the man’s fears had “nothing to do with age” and were really just the regular parenting anxiety. The OP replied, “Fair…I thought maybe it was financial, but when we ‘solved’ that it persists…”
And that’s when another person broke down how parenting is a logic-defying “leap of faith” at any age, so anxiety is just part of the process.
"No one can really prepare you for what it’s like to be a parent."
“Part of the problem is that no one can really prepare you for what it’s like to be a parent. You just can’t fully understand what it’s like until you have a kid…The best descriptions of parenthood that I got before having a kid was 1) that it’s both the best and worst thing that will ever happen to you and 2) that it’s like dying and being reborn as a completely new person. Parenthood isn’t like your old life plus a kid. It is a totally different life,” they wrote.
“We had kids late and as far as that goes it’s been fine so far. Biggest issues for us have been that dealing with both the sleep deprivation during the baby years and the constant illness in the daycare and school age years would probably have been easier in our 20s and 30s but I don’t think those are really easy for parents of any age.
There’s no real wrong or right answer in this decision. Whatever you choose it will be the best choice for you.”
Lastly, someone suggested that if they were wanting to have kids, to act now, as “there’s no sense in kicking the can any further.” Apparently, that’s what the OP’s wife keeps telling him.
Bottom line: having a baby earlier in adulthood is by no means an inherently superior choice to waiting until later. And no matter what age it happens, you’ll never feel 100% ready for such a huge transition. Make the choice that works best for you. Forget the rest.
- Widower beautifully recreates late wife's pregnancy photos with their 1-year-old daughter ›
- CEO raised $53 million while rejecting investors who took issue with her pregnancy ›
- It's time to rethink the term 'geriatric pregnancy' as more women wait to have children ›
- Parents over 35 share what it's really like having kids later in life - Upworthy ›
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.