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15 alternatives to asking 'How was school?' that will get kids talking about their day

Avoid the dreaded monosyllabic response with these engaging alternatives.

Sometimes kids just need to be asked the right questions at the right time.

Effective parenting is largely about communication, but sometimes communicating with kids is easier said than done. If you're a parent of a school-aged child, especially a tween or teen, you've likely had some version of this conversation more times than you can count:

"Hey, how was school today?"

"Fine."

"Just fine? Anything interesting happen?"

"Not really."

"Well, did you have a good day at least?"

"Yep."

The "How was school?" question inevitably leads to monosyllabic answers that feel more like an obligatory response rather than an actual, thoughtful answer. And yet we keep asking it because it's a reasonable question and we really want to know. We're not asking for a dissertation, so why don't kids open up when we ask them how school was? And how do we get them to do so?

According to child behavioral experts, the problem lies partially in the question itself.

"Often, we choose questions like 'How was school?' or 'How was your day?' Questions like that don’t give a child a place to start," says Kristi Budd, a school counselor at The Gordon School in Rhode Island. "They also don’t show a lot of thought or understanding on the part of the adult. Think about the different facets of your day, and how broad that question might seem."

Children's days are busy, just like ours. "A good rule of thumb is: could you answer the same question?" Budd says. "Or would it leave you wondering where to start?"

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, kids, after school, communication Broad, vague questions can be overwhelming for any of us.Photo credit: Canva

Thoughtful questions come from thinking through a child's day, putting yourself in their shoes, and recognizing where there might be triumphs or trials they might like to share. What might your kid have been thinking about during recess? What might they have been feeling in class?

"Try asking questions that help your child reflect and express their feelings," suggests Irin Rubin, author of The MamaZen Parenting Method. "This not only gets them talking, it shows them that you truly value their inner world."

Another reason kids might be reticent to open up? The timing of the question, Dr. Shereen Mohsen, a clinical psychologist, tells Upworthy. If you try to ask them about their day right as you're picking them up from school, you'll probably get shut down, as kids need time to shift gears.

"A lot of times, kids just need to decompress," Mohsen says. "School takes up a lot of their energy—academics, friends, rules, social stuff—that by the time they’re home, they don’t want to rehash it all."

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, kids, after school, communication Sometimes kids need a little time to decompress before they're ready to talk.Photo credit: Canva

Assuming they've had a little decompression time first, here are 15 alternative questions suggested by experts that might help kids open up about their day:

What was something that made you smile today?

Was there a moment you felt really proud of yourself?

What was tricky for you today, and how did you handle it?

Who did you feel most connected to at school?

Who do you want to get to know better?

What’s one thing you wish I could have seen you do today?

What is one thing that you enjoyed?

What was one thing that challenged you?

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, kids, after school, communication Walking and talking can help. Photo credit: Canva

What was something that annoyed you today?

What surprised you?

What was the funniest thing that happened today?

Who did you sit with at lunch?

Was there a part of your day that felt really long or boring?

If you could do over one thing from today, which one would you pick?

Did anyone say something that made you laugh?

If your kids are older, don't expect as much sharing about the details of their day, and don't take it personally.

"For tweens and teens, keeping things to themselves is often more about independence than rejection," Mohsen says. "Staying curious without pushing too hard shows them you are there for them whenever they’re ready."

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, kids, after school, communication Teens not wanting to open up to their parents is a normal phase.Photo credit: Canva

Budd suggests making sure teens have other trusted adults in their lives to open up to besides you.

"As your children approach high school, it is time to get your mind around the idea that they aren’t going to tell you everything," she says. "As a caregiver, it becomes more important that they have an adult—anyone—that they trust. It could be Aunt Cindy, it could be the librarian, it could be the school nurse. When your child is talking, listen to learn who the adults are in their life, and do what you can to encourage those relationships. It may break your heart to not be the only trusted adult in your child’s life, but you’re doing them a great service by making sure they have a team of grownups and not just one parent."

Getting kids to talk may seem harder than it should be, but with the right timing, questions, and expectations, the lines of communication can remain open and kids will know they can always come to you if and when they have things to share.

Family

Husband calls wife's idea for their baby's name 'abusive', and other parents agree

“Some traditions reach the point where they are no longer suitable for modern times. This is 100% that time."

A couple fighting

When it comes to parenting, the second most important decision—after whether to have a child or not—is choosing a name for the kid.

Even though we live in times where parents are getting more and more creative about picking a name for their children, those with a more common name have a greater chance of being socially accepted than those without. According to Psychology Today, grade-school kids with highly unusual names or names with negative associations tend to be “less popular” than those with more “desirable” names. Later in life, people with “unpopular or unattractive” names have more difficulty finding romantic partners.

A 23-year-old mother-to-be wanted to name her son Gaylord, which arguably falls under the more "unusual" category. While she had her family's full, passionate support, her husband, 24, and his side of the family were firmly against the idea. Seeking validation, the woman posted about the dilemma on Reddit's AITA forum.

“In my family, our genealogy is extremely important. The firstborn son since the 1800's has been given this name. I'm well aware it's a stigmatized name today, so that's why I have agreed to using a short form,” the woman wrote.

Understanding that her son would be bullied for being called Gaylord, she decided that it would be his legal first name, but could go by Gail. Her family believed that it would be acceptable for him to be known as Gail initially, and could transition to being called Gaylord when he gets older and society grew more tolerant, hopefully.

“They see the backlash over the name today as a fad that will eventually disappear, and I agree seeing how accepting each generation tends to become,” she continued. “When society stops being so immature about it, he can start using the full name.”

However, the father wouldn’t even consider naming his son Gaylord, or Gail, for that matter. His family went a step further and said that naming him Gaylord or Gail would be “abusive.”

"My in-laws are telling me that even Gail isn't an acceptable boy's name and that I need to 'get with the times' and choose something more appropriate," she continued. “What happened to respecting our elders and traditions? His family doesn't have any naming traditions, so it should fall to my family that does. How could I be expected to break a centuries-old family tradition?”

The commenters were overwhelmingly against the mother’s decision.

"Use your imagination. A boy named Gaylord goes to his first day of school. The teacher does the roll call. ‘GAYLORD SMITH?’ Class breaks into giggles. Embarrassed boy says, ‘It's Gail.’ Class giggles some more, since Gail is usually a girl's name. Boy has no chance of fitting in with his classmates. His fate is sealed. He is a social pariah for life. Don't do this to him. Please,” one user wrote.

"Your name is the first thing people know about you. It’s the cover page of how people perceive you. Even if you think Gaylord will just appear on the birth certificate, you’re wrong. His legal name will have to be used on official documents, at school, on his license and passport. It will appear at the top of every resume he hands out. It’s not as simple as putting a name on paper. It’s how he is going to appear to the whole world. Gaylord is totally stigmatized and has been for decades. It’s not going away, sorry." another added.

“Some traditions reach the point where they are no longer suitable for modern times. This is 100% that time. Pick another name," another person wrote.

After the post went viral, the mother shared that both sides of the family have tentatively agreed on a name.

“We managed to work out that Gale Gaylord would be a reasonable compromise, with Gale being the complete first name, and Gaylord being the middle name,” the woman wrote. “My husband can then add a second middle name after Gaylord if he wants. Grandpa is especially not impressed that it's being demoted to a middle name, but he did say he understands the pressure I'm facing here.”

Whether or not you think this name decision is a good one, we can all agree that there are so many factors to consider when choosing a name. Hopefully parents can manage all those while still enjoying the process.

This article originally appeared last year.

@imperfectdad/TikTok

This could save so much time and money.

On paper, AP classes, aka Advanced Placement courses, seem like a great opportunity to help teens get ahead. They get an early taste of college-level curriculum while earning college credit before high school ends, and therefore get advanced placement once actual college rolls around.

But one dad argues that in reality, they are a waste of time and money, and suggests a rather brilliant alternative:

“If you have a kid in high school, I'm going to tell you right now, do not put your kid in AP classes,” began content creator “Imperfect Dad” in a now-viral clip posted to TikTok.

@imperfectdad__ Save money on college, do dual enrollment not AP classes #college #money ♬ original sound - ImperfectDad | Husband | Life

“It's going to be a complete waste of their time, and you're going to stress them out for no reason,” he continued.

His advice? Instead, opt for dual enrollment at a nearby college.

While most high schools don’t advertise this option as much as they would for AP classes, Imperfect Dad explained that, “Your high school probably has a dual enrollment program with your local community college, meaning your kid can take college-level classes, and they will actually take over for some of their high school classes.”

There are a few advantages to this method, Imperfect Dad argues. One, there’s far less pressure than with AP classes (which many experts and AP survivors can attest to). Two, not every college accepts AP classes for credit, making the pressure even more unnecessary. Three, the amount of time and money saved is, as Imperfect Dad put it, “immeasurable.”

@imperfectdad__ Replying to @Erik Alvarez some of them were stressed! #college ♬ original sound - ImperfectDad | Husband | Life


He of course speaks from experience, as he initiated this strategy with his own daughter. In lieu of AP classes, she did dual enrollment, only attending one class, and racking up so many credits that now, one semester later, she’s starting her FIRST day of college as a junior.

“This first semester, she has one class. It's like a 2000-level class. And then everything else is right toward her major. You're going to save yourself a lot of money. Do the dual enrollment classes. Skip AP completely. Don't even bother,” Imperfect Dad concluded.

Down in the comments, thousands were inclined to agree. Many of whom chose this path and reaped the benefits.

“As an AP teacher…..this is pretty much true,”

“I did this. Got into UCLA and now have a Doctorate in Pharmacy,”

“My son is doing dual enrollment and graduating with an Associates and an HS diploma!”

There were also plenty of folks who shared their own horror stories of taking AP classes and now wishing they hadn’t.

“I took 6 AP classes in high school and not a single credit applied to my college transcript."

However, as useful as dual enrollment can be, it’s worth knowing some of the disadvantages as well. For example, some private and out-of-state colleges might be more stringent in their transfer policies, so it still behooves students to check. Second, if a student does not do well in a dual enrollment class, that grade will travel with them throughout their college career. Third, there might be some difficult travel logistics to contend with, depending on where the nearby community college is. Fourth, not every high school offers dual enrollment.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Still, many parents just like Imperfect Dad might find that the pros far outweigh the cons, which is why more parents and students should know about the option!

Image via Canva

Millennial mom shares why Boomer grandparents are the worst with grandkids.

Every generation has taken a different approach to parenting. From Gen X to Boomers to Millennials, each generation has brought up their kids different than the generation before. And for Millennial parents with Boomer grandparents, some have a bone to pick.

TikTokker Phyllis (@motherphyllis) pointed out three of the biggest reasons why she thinks Millennial parents (like herself) think that Boomer grandparents are *the worst* when it comes to helping take care of their grandchildren. The first reason she is calling out Boomer grandparents is because in her experience, they don't really want to help out if needed, and throw a "you need to raise your own kids" argument if asked for help.

"I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣," she captioned the post.

@motherphyllis

I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #grandparents #millennial #boomer #mom #sahm #fypage #honest #truth #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

In the video, she says, "Because y'all couldn't wait to have grandbabies. You were so excited about it. And then when they get here, you *maybe* stop up at the hospital, *maybe* stop over to the house. You stay for 45 minutes, snap a picture, upload it to Facebook and then you gotta get home to the dogs. And then you might not see the baby again until their first birthday."

She goes on to add that Boomer grandparents also like to add in that they are "not raising your kids. 'They're your kids. I raised my kids. Sorry but I'm not doing that'," she says, adding that when Boomer grandparents are asked to do a small favor like watch their grandkids for a doctor's appointment, they use that argument. "Us Millennials are like, 'Wait! We weren't asking you to raise them. We were asking you to keep them for maybe like, an hour or two."

Her second reason why she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is that they are irritated/agitated easily with grandkids. "Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩," she captioned the video.

@motherphyllis

Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩 #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #mom #millennial #momlife #boomer #generations

She goes on to explain that Boomer grandparents do "weird sh*t", like "they won't see the kids for a year, maybe because they're long distance, and they come around and are instantly irritated with the kids. They can't even stand it," she says. "It's like, 'Quit talking! Quit jumping! Quit doing that!' It's like, what are they doing? They're just eating Goldfish. 'The crunching is giving me a headache, it's just annoying.'"

Then she gives another scenario, with Boomer grandparents who live 45 minutes away who "act like it's a total inconvenience to see the kids like, I don't know, once a month or once a week even...Boomers be so irritated with the grandkids these days."

@motherphyllis

Just calling to chat about myself… #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #sahm #mom #millennial #boomer #generations #funny #honest #truth

Finally, she shares that the third reason she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is because when they call to check in, they only want to chat about themselves. "Just calling to chat about myself…," she captioned the post.

"You think they're calling to see how you're doing or how the kids are doing or something of that matter besides themselves, but nope...they're just calling to talk about themselves," she says. "They want to talk about the new beach house, they want to tell you about how they're furnishing it. They might start the conversation with, 'How's everyone doing?', and then when you start to explain how everyone's doing they're like, 'Okay well that's enough! I didn't want the whole story. I was just calling to talk about myself.'"