+
More

Here's what one chronically ill woman wants you to know about the holidays.

It’s that time of year again.

There’s a lot I love about this season — the colorful light displays in my neighborhood; holiday music (well, most of it); and my own little traditions, like celebrating both Hanukkah and Christmas.

It’s also a hard time of year for me, and so I thought I’d write a holiday letter, but not the usual “here’s-what-I-did-this-year” kind. Instead, I’d like to share some of my thoughts about being chronically ill during the holidays.


This way, you’ll understand better what this season is like for me and, hopefully, all of us will have a better time.

I know this time of year is, at times, stressful for everyone.

Expectations can get out of hand, leading to disappointment, crankiness, and sometimes a bad case of the holiday blues. The odds are high that at some point, you’ll feel exhausted from having too much to do and too little time in which to do it.

I also know that some of you have memories that give rise to sadness during the holidays. I certainly do — memories that have nothing to do with the current state of my health.

This a mixed-bag time of year for many of us. I want you to know that I know I don’t have a monopoly on stress and frustration and sadness simply because I’m chronically ill. That said, I have some thoughts on my experience that I'd like to share.

1. I wish my health didn’t have to be an issue during the holidays.

It feels as if it should be a private matter, especially at a time of celebration. It can be uncomfortable — even embarrassing — to talk about my health.

Unfortunately, I don’t always have the luxury of staying silent. I have to share some of my needs and limitations with you or the holidays will be a disaster for me: I’ll burn out fast and not be able to keep company with anyone for the duration.

2. Although I’m doing my best to enjoy our time together, I may be in physical pain or feeling quite sick.

Such is the nature of invisible pain and illness: What you see does not necessarily reflect how I’m feeling. Please don’t misinterpret why I might not be as animated or active as my appearance would indicate I should be. It lifts my spirits to try to look nice, so I’ll be doing my best to dress in the spirit of the holidays.

And if I suddenly disappear for a while, I hope you’ll understand that it’s out of necessity, not choice. I’m just resting.

3. This is a particularly hard time of year for me because it brings into focus just how limited my life has become.

Every year, I have to accept anew my inability to travel or even attend holiday parties that are nearby.

I also can’t shop the way I’d like to. I used to love wandering through small, locally-owned shops, waiting for just the right treasure to catch my eye. Part of the fun was unexpectedly running into friends and acquaintances I hadn’t seen for a long time.

Now, all my shopping is done online. I know that lots of people shop online these days, but now, it's my only option.

4. Though I can't do everything you'll be doing, I don't want you to cancel plans just because I can't participate.

You'll be going to holiday parties, maybe out to dinner and a movie or driving around at night to see the holiday lights, and I'm glad! I want you to have a great time this holiday season. I'll feel much better about the effect this chronic illness has had on our relationship if you don’t cancel plans just because I can’t come along.

So, please, do things that are fun! If you go out to dinner, you can always bring me take-out.

5. It feels incredibly good when you acknowledge that it's hard for me to be chronically ill.

I don’t need much of an acknowledgement of how difficult the holiday season can be for me — just a pat on the shoulder or a short comment, such as “I’m sorry; I know this must be tough for you.” It makes me feel understood, which is something everyone wants in life.

If I’m aware of some difficulties you’re facing — health or otherwise — I promise I’ll try to remember to reach out to you in the same way.

I love all of you and hope your holidays are fun and filled with joy!

This story originally appeared in Psychology Today and has been reprinted here with permission.

Joy

Sorry, Labradors. After 31 years, America has a new favorite dog.

The American Kennel Club has crowned a new favorite.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

Keep ReadingShow less

Two northern cardinals captured on Carla Rhodes' bird-feeder camera.

The pandemic has caused many people to reevaluate their surroundings. When you’re stuck at home more often than you’d like, you start to pay a lot more attention to what goes on in your own backyard.

This type of introspection inspired wildlife photographer Carla Rhodes to get a closer look at the furry friends that live near her home in the Catskill mountains of New York.

What she found was magical.

“The winter of 2020-2021 was particularly brutal to humankind. After months of enduring the Covid-19 pandemic, we were now collectively slogging through winter. As a result of being stuck at home, I focused on my immediate surroundings like never before,” Rhodes said in a statement.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

An 8-year-old snuck his handwritten book onto a library shelf. Now it has a 56-person waiting list.

Dillon Helbig's 81-page graphic novel— written by "Dillon His Self"—captured the hearts of his local librarians and their patrons.

Dillon Helbig's 81-page graphic novel captured the hearts of his local librarians.

Writing a book is no easy task, even for adult professional writers. Many would-be authors dream of a day when their work can be found on library shelves, unsure if it will ever come.

But for 8-year-old Dillon Helbig, that day has already arrived—in truly unconventional fashion—thanks to his own determination to make it happen.

Dillon wrote his 81-page graphic novel, "The Adventures of Dillon Helbig's Crismis" (written by "Dillon His Self") in a hardcover journal with colored pencils over the course of a few days. He even put a label on the back of the book that reads "Made in Idho" [sic] and put an illustrated spine label on it as well. Then, without telling anyone, he brought it to his local library in Boise, Idaho, and slipped it in among the books in the children's section.

Keep ReadingShow less
Identity

57-year-old former model Paulina Porizkova had the perfect response to ageist comment online

"We have earned our beauty, we understand what it is, and we can see it so much better."

Photo by Malin K. on Unsplash

Paulina Porizkova took on a commenter who said she was in "pain" being "old and ugly."

Aging is a weird thing. From one perspective, it's something we should be grateful for. Few people would wish for the kind of short, uneventful life that would remove aging from the equation completely. The longer we live, the more we grow and learn and experience life, and "aging" is simply the mathematical sum of those experiences. All good, right?

On the other hand, our society does everything in its power to hide the fact that aging happens. Especially when it comes to women. According to Statista, the global anti-aging beauty market is estimated to be worth $58.8 billion. People will try all manner of creams, serums, masks, acids, lights, technologies and surgeries to try to prevent wrinkles, lines, sagginess, spots and other signs that our bodies are changing with time.

Most of us live our daily lives somewhere in the middle of these two realities, wanting to embrace our aging selves but also hoping to stave off some of the more obvious signs that we're getting older. It's natural to resist it in some ways, since the older we get, the closer we get to the end of our lives, which we certainly don't want to hasten—especially if we actually love living.

It can be helpful to see people who are embracing their age, which is why it can be inspiring to see someone like former supermodel Paulina Porizkova confidently sharing photos of her 57-year-old self.

Keep ReadingShow less
via Google and Freepik

Google's new personal information removal submission page.

In the internet era, the idea of personal privacy is all but a myth. With a few keystrokes just about anyone can get your home address, phone number, email, age and the names of your family members. The fact that this information is readily available puts us all in the dangerous position of being the victim of fraud, stalking and violence.

What makes the situation even worse is that our information was put online without any of our consent.

The good news is that Google just made a big change that gives us all a little more control over our personal information. On April 27, the company announced it will allow anyone to request removals of their personal information from its Search feature.

“Open access to information is a key goal of Search, but so is empowering people with the tools they need to protect themselves and keep their sensitive, personally identifiable information private. That’s why we’re updating our policies to help people take more control of their online presence in Search,” Michelle Chang, Google’s Global Policy Lead for Search, announced on the company’s blog.

Keep ReadingShow less

Becca Moore and Raul Torres having margaritas.

Becca Moore is a popular TikToker with over 800,000 followers who's known for her funny, laid-back takes on dating. Like any influencer-type she was at the Coachella music and arts festival in Indio, California recently. While she was at Coachella, she was robbed of her phone, rental car keys and wallet.

“I went to Coachella this weekend and I thought this guy was kinda hitting on me but then he just robbed me,” Becca says at the beginning of her three-minute TikTok video with over 3 million views. After the festival, she was left with no ride, money, or means to get in contact with friends and family. She was stranded in the desert.

Becca’s friend’s hotel called her an Uber so she could get to a local store to buy a new phone. The driver she was incredibly lucky to be connected with was a lot more than a guy with a car in a time of need, he was a guardian angel named Raul Torres from Fresno, California, six hours north of Indio.

Keep ReadingShow less