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Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy.
Leo Tolstoy was a Russian novelist known for epic works such as War and Peace and Anna Karenina. His life experiences—from witnessing war to spiritual quests—profoundly influenced his writings and gave him profound insights into the human soul. His understanding of emotions, motivations and moral dilemmas has made his work stand the test of time, and it still resonates with people today.
Julian de Medeiros, a TikToker who shares his thoughts on philosophy, recently shared how Tolstoy knew if someone was highly intelligent—and his observation says something extraordinary about humanity.
An intelligent man's thought process.Canva Photos
“The more intelligent a person is, the more he discovers kindness in others,” Tolstoy once wrote. “For nothing enriches the world more than kindness. It makes mysterious things clear, difficult things easy, and dull things cheerful.”
@julianphilosophy Intelligent people are kind #intelligent #intelligence #kindness #smart #tolstoy #men #women
De Medeiros boiled down Tolstoy’s thoughts into a simple statement: “Intelligent people are unafraid to be kind.” He then took things a step further by noting that Tolstoy believed in the power of emotional intelligence. "To have emotional intelligence is to see the good in other people, that is what Tolstoy meant, that to be intelligent is to be kind," he added.
It seems that, according to de Medeiros, Tolstoy understood that intelligent people are kind and perceptive of the kindness in others. The intelligent person is conscious of the kindness within themselves and in the world around them.
In a 2024 opinion piece for Inc., author and speaker Jeff Hayden cites organizational psychologist Adam Grant, who says, "Generosity isn't just a sign of virtue. It's also a mark of intelligence. Data: people with high IQs have more unselfish values, give more to charity, and negotiate better deals for others. They prioritize the long-term collective good over short-term self-interest. It's smarter to be a giver than a taker."
Hayden adds on to this statement, saying, "...You can also be smart enough to be generous, thoughtful, and kind. You can be smart enough to build people up instead of tearing them down. You can be smart enough to give before you receive (or better yet, with no expectation of reciprocation.) You can be smart enough to shift the credit from yourself to others."
Kids showing kindness through sharing. Canva Photos
In other words, these findings certainly line up with what Tolstoy's take on the correlation between kindness and intelligence.
Through Tolstoy's musings, de Medeiros (and Hayden and Grant) makes a point that is often overlooked when people talk about intelligence: truly smart people are as in touch with their hearts as they are with their minds.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
An older couple proudly staring at a laptop.
In many ways, millennials have had the short end of the stick when it comes to generational luck. They grew up during the Great Recession, and by the time they were old enough to make it on their own, they had to deal with an incredible increase in the cost of living. For many millennials, the American dream seems to be fading away. It’s no wonder so many say they are exhausted.
Life can be even harder for millennial parents who need all the support they can get trying to raise a family at such a difficult time. The unfortunate reality for many is that their baby boomer parents, or their kids’ grandma and grandpa, aren't around to help. A big reason why baby boomers aren’t around for the grandkids is that they have more money than previous generations and spend a lot of time on vacation or pursuing their hobbies. For many, it's no shock that the cohort dubbed the "Me Generation" in the '70s has taken that ethos into their golden years.
An older woman looking at a laptop.via Canva/Photos
Even though many boomer grandparents aren’t there for their children and grandchildren, many like to pretend they are by sharing photos of their grandkids at events they didn’t even attend on Facebook. Popular millennial TikToker @MotherPhyillis, who has a lot to say about absent boomer grandparents, took a shot at her parents in a video in which she mocked their misleading Facebook posts.
@motherphyllis That’s why I don’t post anymore When the absent grandparent reposts the pictures acting like they know what’s going on #foryoupage #momlife #mom #relatable #fypシ #millennial #fypage #generations #funny
In the video, Phyllis pretends she's on the phone with her mother, describing the photos she took of her kids, only to realize she has already posted them on Facebook. The video touched a nerve with many millennial mothers who have had the same experience. “I stopped posting altogether. For that reason,” one wrote. “My mom tags herself like she was there,” another added. “I blocked my mother-in-law because she would do the same thing and I can’t stand when she would act like she was seeing my son all the time when it’s only on his birthday and some holidays,” wrote another.
“I stopped posting. My mother posts things on her FB about how she misses her grandkids but she doesn’t even call them on their birthdays,” another frustrated mom wrote. “My monster in law doesn’t get to see anything I post because I have the privacy settings on. She thinks I never post pictures,” one more added.
A young mom who's exhausted.via Canva/Photos
The topic of absentee boomer grandparents must be on many millennials' minds because one of Phyllis' videos, where she explains why her generation is “exhausted,” received over nine million views.
@motherphyllis These new age grandparents got it made. I love my kids to death, but a night out with my husband with out finding a babysitter would be nice 😊 #fyp #fypシ#mom #momlife #sahm #truth #viral #love @laneige_us
“If our parents were exhausted or just needed a weekend off, weekend away, call grandma. We go stay the night at our grandparents for the weekend, and we had a blast. It was so fun. They wanted to spend time with us. That's the difference. They wanted to,” Phyllis said. “These new age grandparents, where they at? And don't even get me started on, ‘Oh, times have changed. Things are expensive.’ You can still hang out with your current grandkids.”
Obviously, it’s wrong to paint all boomer grandparents with the same brush. However, the ones who aren't there for their grandkids are a popular topic on social media. Talking about their absence may not make any grandparents wake up and help out, but at least it can help the millennials who have to raise their kids all by themselves feel less alone.
How are these both high schoolers?
Have you ever looked back at your parents’ high school yearbook and thought that all the 11th graders looked like they were in their early 30s? Whether they were in school in the ‘60s and the kids had horn-rimmed glasses or the ‘80s with feathered hair, they looked at least a decade older than today's high school kids. One wonders if in 30 years, kids look at a yearbook from 2025 and see boys with broccoli cuts and girls with nose rings and they think, “What are they, 35?”
The folks at Bright Side did a deep dive into the phenomenon and found a few reasons why people looked so much older in the past than they do now. It’s a mix of how our minds perceive older fashion and why people age more gracefully in modern times.
“Specialists have looked into this phenomenon, and it does have some scientific facts to back it up,” the narrator states. “It's not necessarily that our ancestors looked older; it's more that we appear to look younger. And younger as generations go by, that's because over time humans have improved the way they live their lives in the us alone over the last 200 years.”
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
A big reason people looked a lot older when photography became common in the late 1800s is that it happened at a time when we were making tremendous advances in public health. The 1880s to the 1920s were a time of rapid advancement, when we began to understand infectious diseases and how they spread. “We gained access after safer types of foods, and we understand the importance of clean water. Our individual lifestyle choices can impact the way we look,” the video says.
The way we work has also drastically changed how people look. Working in an office for eight hours a day in air conditioning will keep you a lot younger-looking than working all day as a Victorian chimney sweep. Plus, for people who work outside, sunscreen has made it much easier to protect our skin and decrease wrinkles.
Let’s not forget the importance of a straight, white smile. Advances in dental care also help make people look younger.
A "girl gang" in 1976. via Earthworm/Flickr
Finally, there’s the clothes issue, and, yes, this does have a big impact on how we view the age of people from the past. “Our brains are wired to associate old trends with being old,” the video says. “For example, your grandpa might still have the shirt he wore in that 1970s picture, and it's because of that shirt that you retroactively associate that trend with being old, despite the fact that your granddad does look younger in the picture than he looks today. “
GIrls in class in the 1960s.via Phillips Academy/Flickr
In the end, the fact that people look a lot younger today than they did in the past is a testament to how the quality of life has drastically improved since cameras were first invented. However, that doesn’t mean that fashion has improved at all. You have to admit that your dad with that fly butterfly collar in his 1977 graduation photo looks better than that multi-colored, Machine Gun Kelly-style hoodie you see guys wearing in high schools today.
This resonated with so many men.
Trans men and trans women have the unique experience of living life as more than one gender—and all the societal expectations and/or baggage that comes along with that. Their unique perspectives provide them with extremely valuable insights and opportunities for deep understanding—which, hopefully, provides those who are listening with newfound compassion for the struggle each sex endures.
Recently, a trans man opened up about the “culture shock” of navigating male loneliness, and shared how, if they had been forced to grow up with the often insidious messaging boys and men receive, it would have really damaged their psyche.
In a Reddit post, the man first got candid about the “social isolation” that comes from constantly being perceived as a "potential predator.”
While he noted that “all strangers, no matter their gender, keep their guard up around me,” women in particular came across as “incredibly aloof, cold, and mirthless." He did add the disclaimer that, as someone who used to have to protect themselves in the same way, they understood where the “armor” was coming from (“women aren’t just being needlessly guard[ed]”). But, for those who had never experienced life as a woman, he could easily see how this type of behavior could be viewed as “a conspiracy" against the other sex.
“Even now, with all that I know about navigating the world as a woman, I’m failing to convince my monkey-brain that this armor isn’t social rejection.”
Then there’s the lack of "inherent camaraderie,” which is something the OP got to experience as a woman, but now, is hard won. “The fact that I don’t ambiently experience mutual kinship in basic exchanges anymore is an insanely lonely feeling,” he wrote, "I'm mourning the loss of a privilege I didn’t even know I had.”
He added that the only way it’s acceptable for men to share platonic intimacy with one another is in the “very specific environment” often portrayed by the media, in activities that involve “being teamed up against an opposing force.” Otherwise, that type of emotional connection makes men seem “soft” and triggers “garden variety homophobia.”
From CBS' 'Seal Team'media4.giphy.com
This led the OP to this tragic conclusion: “The human species looks so much colder standing from this side.”
“It’s now blatantly clear to me that most cis men probably experience chronic emotional malnutrition. They're deprived of social connection just enough for it to seriously f**k with their psyches, but not enough for them to realize that it’s happening,” he wrote, adding that it certainly would have done a number on him mentally to have grown up that way.
This post resonated with so many well-meaning men who have dealt with some form of this loneliness and stigma their entire lives.
“It’s so weird, like, I remember really specifically the moment going from kid to teenager where I was seen as like… cute, or harmless, or whatever to a possible threat. And it genuinely, like, really, really, really fucks you up in a way that I don’t ever hear talked about. Which is nuts to me because it’s honestly one of the worst things that’s happened to me! And a guy tried to kill me once!”
“I'm a guy who's been on the other end of that situation. Once, girl of maybe 10-12 or so [was] alone in a big store and looking scared about being alone. I consider myself a generally good person and my instinct obviously is to go to her and try and help. I genuinely paused after a step, thinking how does a strange guy twice her age approaching in this situation make anything better? It kinda sucks that I have that thought.”
“Growing up I was a big crier…Members of my family and essentially every adult in my life tried to do literally everything they could to break me of that. I remember being punished and forced to do "masculine" things in middle school like wind sprints and burpees if I did…I was rewarded for being angry instead of crying… if I got upset and swore I wasn't punished at first because it was viewed as better than the alternative…It really messed me up and honestly it didn't help that I've had complicated thoughts about my own gender since I was really young.”
“I hate seeing people bristle up when I'm being genuinely friendly and helpful. On the one hand, I know that folks are shaped by their experiences and a lot of folks have had a bad time with guys who look and sound like me. On the other hand, I can't really help what I look like or where I grew up! One good thing is that this has caused me to think a lot more about my own biases.”
"It sucks to realize that just being naturally energetic, jolly, friendly, and boisterous intimidates smaller/more timid people when you're a guy.”Photo credit: Canva
“When you’ve lived under a system your whole life, learned and followed its rules of survival, and you don’t see any chance of it changing in your lifetime, it switches on a kind of coping mechanism convincing you that it’s somehow right.”
“I'm a large, loud, physically imposing man [think Hagrid with a slight cowboy vibe]... which means that I have learned to very intentionally ‘turn down’ my presence in social spaces so that people aren't freaked out. It sucks to realize that just being naturally energetic, jolly, friendly, and boisterous intimidates smaller/more timid people when you're a guy.”
“As someone who’s had to coach a newly transitioned guy that everyone just kinda doesn’t like you anymore for no discernible reason and that’s just how it is, yeah it must be a real shock to see stuff from the other side…Made me think about how different the female side of the world I live in must be. Maybe it’s a lot more open in some ways. Not like I’ll ever know though, got no choice but to play the cards I’ve been dealt.”
Still, there were a few that also offered some words of encouragement, by sharing how they were able to break through stigma, form their own friend groups, and develop emotional awareness in spite of it all.
“Practicing emotional reflection allowed me to have a more fulfilling relationship where I could immediately recognize and address how things made me feel bad before things got worse - not just with my SO, but with friends, too. Thankfully, I think society's getting a lot better at recognizing mental health struggles, including the importance of men being able to recognize the value of addressing their emotional needs.”
“Genuinely, texting your boys ‘I love you’ makes an enormous difference. Carve out a space of care if the world will not.”
Two men huggingPhoto credit: Canva
“I experience a lot of what is described here. That said, this whole thread is making me feel even more thankful for the friend group I had. Large, all-male group of mostly cishet men. I'm usually the only one who will say ‘I love you’ first, but they'll all hug me, tell me how much they admire me and appreciate being my friend, talk about their feelings and ask and care about mine. This is not to brag, but to tell men that you can have this, and you can be this.”
If only we could all walk in another's shoes, empathy would be easier to come by. We'd have a visceral understanding that the world is tough for everyone, and arguably, unnecessarily so. But stories like these can be powerful reminders all the same.
A pink rose garden. A landscaper trims a hedge.
Sometimes we just need a good hug and a good cry. That's most certainly what happened when a woman who goes by the name Lady Ak (@Ladya2thek) on TikTok was able to hug her beloved friend and landscaper, after he was detained and incarcerated by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement).
Rewinding a few days prior, she posted a video of all the wonderful work her landscaper, Fernando, had done in her garden. Under the chyron: "Our landscaper is not a criminal, but ICE took him away anyway," she gives a tour of the beautiful rose bushes, oranges, pears, marigolds, sunflowers, and more. She then asks, "Why am I showing y'all a video of my garden? I'm showing y'all because this morning, the man who planted all of this, built that garden bed, and has cultivated food and beauty for my family for the last few years, got deported this morning."
@ladya2thek He was more like family....
She explains how her family met Fernando and how her husband reached out to him when they bought their first house. Her voice quivers as she continues. "When we moved in, our garden looked like this." She pans the camera from an empty cement square to a flower bed full of blooming flowers and fruit, "And Fernando did this."
In tears, she relays, "Now he's gone. He's headed to Mexico. His children live here. His wife is here. And the way I know that he's been deported today is because my husband is a police officer. And they locked him up in the jail my husband works in. And my husband couldn't even talk to him or tell him everything was gonna be okay."
Her empathy extends to her husband, as well. "I feel bad for my husband because I know this is really hard on him too. He's a really great guy, and a great officer. He's kind, he's compassionate, he's courteous."
Red strawberries in a garden. Photo by Oliver Hale on Unsplash
Half a million likes and thousands of comments flooded her page. One TikToker writes, "Thank you to you and your husband for caring so much. We need more people with compassion like you. Thank you so much."
But it's the follow-up video that truly exemplifies the good in humans. Simply captioned, "We got Fernando back," we see the original poster hugging Fernando in a sweetly protective embrace. She writes, "Thank you to everyone who helped us get him back. We still have an uphill battle ahead, but we won't do it alone. Fernando is our family, and family fights for one another. Fernando is no criminal. He's a father, husband, and entrepreneur."
@ladya2thek Thank you to everyone who helped us get him back. We still have an uphill battle ahead but we won't do it alone. Fernando is our family and family fights for one another. Fernando is no criminal. He's a father, husband and entrepreneur.
The first of tens of thousands of comments is: "That's my Dad!" And after quite a few messages back and forth, it would appear to be so. The OP writes, "We got your all, Liz."
Another family member vulnerably shares, "From the moment my father was detained, you and your family have shown us tremendous support and stuck by our side. We are extremely grateful to have Fernando back and fight this uphill battle. Thank you for all the support, we are grateful to have you guys in our corner."
The comment section continues to glow with love and support, not only for Fernando and his team, but for the woman and her law enforcement husband too. The idea that these bridges across all walks of life are being built, simply by looking out for one another, is a hopeful one. The two people in this embrace aren't bound by a political matter, but a human one.