Speaker: My wife and I have three kids. Two biological and one adopted and these are actual things that people have said to either us or adoptive families that we know. Now we have to assume that people aren't meaning to actually be mean, they just don't know what kind of language to use when they're talking to adoptive families. So we came up with this rule of thumb. Before you say it, ask yourself this question, "Would I say it about a boob job?". If you wouldn't say it about a boob job, then don't say it about adoptive families.
Are those real? Is that your real daughter?
Yep, she's real, she's not a unicorn. The word that you're looking for is not, "Is she your real daughter?" It's, "Is she your biological daughter?"
Whoo, where'd you get those? Oh, where'd you get her from?
As adorable as she is, my daughter actually isn't a training accessory that you just pick up at a boutique. The question you probably wanted to ask here is, "Where is your daughter from?"
Oh, did you pick those out yourself? Did you get to like pick the kid out that you wanted?
Nope. We didn't actually go in and haggle with Ms. Hannigan and try to find the cutest little singing redheaded orphan. That only happens in musicals. The question you're probably wanting to ask here is, "How does the adoption process actually work?"
Oh, did you get those because you couldn't have boobs of your own?
This is a question you probably just want to avoid altogether because adoption isn't always the result of infertility and, honestly, even if it was, it's none of your business.
Do you mind if I touch those? Do you love your boobs even though they're not real? Weren't you worried that they weren't going to like look right? Wow, how much did those cost?
It's not polite to stare, unless it's at my butt. Remember, if you wouldn't say it about a boob job, don't say it about an adoptive family.There may be small errors in this transcript.