The Official ‘How To Avoid Rape’ Satire. Inspired By Terrible Advice Everywhere.

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OK, let's give college bulletins and glossy magazines the benefit of the doubt: They're probably seriously concerned with stopping rapes on campuses (and elsewhere). And maybe they sincerely believe that a good way to do that is to suggest some of the steps you'll see below.

The problem is that when you focus on controlling how women behave to avoid rape, however well-meaning that advice is, you're missing a pretty big piece of the reason rape is so prevalent: namely, rapists. I'd much rather see a discussion about how we get men to understand consent and stop being creepers than the bizarre, contradictory wardrobe suggestions brilliantly parodied in this video.

TRIGGER WARNING: Nothing graphic, but this video features fictionalized rape scenarios and at least one incredibly skeevy-looking dude.

Transcript:
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Narrator: Being in college or just about anywhere is dangerous. By following these simple steps, you can avoid getting raped. Short skirts make you an easy target. Try wearing clothing that's not easy to remove. Like jumpsuits, overalls or by adding belts. Pony tails and long hair are easy to grab. So choose your hairstyle wisely. Remember, your choice of footwear can make the difference between getting raped and getting away. Always bring a friend when you go out. And tell them where you are going at all times. Or always bring a dog. Choose your venue wisely. No one will hear you scream for help at a loud club.

Also beware of bathrooms, many attacks occur there. Always keep your drink in your hand. And keep a hand on top so no one can slip something in it. Don't take drinks from anyone. It's better to be rude, then to get raped. And remember, don't get drunk. Beware of vans. They're the number one rapist vehicle. If you encounter a rapist in your car, drive into a lamppost or a dumpster. Or if you're in the passengers seat, don't be afraid to jump out of a moving car.

Remember, anything can be used as a weapon. Tell your attacker that you have a disease or are menstruating. Vomiting and urinating may also deter an attacker. Fight like a psychotic cat. It's better to seem crazy, then to get raped. Also, leave a mark on your rapist, to make it easier for him to be caught later.

Make eye contact with a potential attacker. Don't make eye contact with a potential attacker. Don't put yourself in a situation where you can be raped. Avoid isolation. Avoid walking alone. Avoid poorly lit areas. Avoid elevators with a lone stranger. Avoid giving a guy blue balls.

Remember, rape isn't just committed by strangers, but by friends, relatives and colleagues. So follow these tips to lower the chances of rape occurring. Because just being aware, wont save you from getting raped.

There may be small errors in this transcript.
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Made by artist and filmmaker Cat Del Buono. Follow her on Twitter and check out her other work. Also, this is satire so please don't be one of those people who rage in the comments without taking that into account. Seriously, it's the worst.

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