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People rally around woman who ghosted friend after his husband's sudden death

"This was a catastrophe..."

via Liza Summer/Pexels and Canva/Photos

A woman upset she's not talking to her friend.

A woman’s social media post begs the big question: How far should someone go to put themselves out for a friend after they experience a traumatizing situation together? It all began when a woman made friends with her neighbors, Eli and Leo, a same-sex married couple. However, she began to distance herself from Eli after a while because he was “selfish” and “not a very good friend.”

One day, as she was leaving the house to go shopping, she received multiple calls from Eli that she didn’t pick up. He then texted her, “Leo just passed. Please answer.” She rushed home and saw an ambulance in front of the apartment building. When she got to Eli’s apartment, she saw Leo lying dead on the floor with Eli hugging him, sobbing inconsolably.

“They were watching TV when Leo suddenly got up and said he has pain in his chest, then collapsed. Paramedics came and pronounced him dead. They said we now have to wait for the police,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “We were waiting like this on the floor—Eli sobbing and hugging Leo’s body, and me hugging Eli—for almost 2 hrs. Then police came, and we sat on the couch right in front of Leo for another few hours. I did my best to stay calm and collected and help Eli. Many hours later, they took Leo away.”

ambulkance, heart attack, health care, emergency, ambulance driverThe back doors of an ambulance.via Canva/Photos

Eli asked the woman to call and tell Leo’s parents, who didn’t know that he was gay or married. They didn’t believe her. Eli’s cousins came over for a while and then left. “I stayed till late night, ordered food, cleaned, etc. We watched TV under the same blanket I used to cover Leo’s body. I didn’t sleep that night,” the woman continued.

Over the next few days, Eli kept calling the woman, asking her to come over, but she told him she was “sick” because “the thought of entering that apartment makes me shake.” The incident was so traumatic for the woman that she has made an appointment to see a therapist. “I feel deeply affected by what happened. I keep seeing flashbacks. I’m afraid to leave my apartment because I’m afraid to run into Eli. I was already depressed and I’m so so lonely,” she wrote. “I feel so guilty for ghosting Eli in this horrible situation when his whole world collapsed.”

upset woman, sad woman, trauma, woman staring at floor, brunette, woman on couchAn upset woman with her thoughts.via Liza Summer/Pexels

She asked the online forum if she was in the wrong for ghosting Eli, and just about everyone supported her choice.

“No, dear, [it’s not your fault]. This was a catastrophe, and you are in crisis and need help. What happened to you was very traumatic, and you are traumatized; you need to find help from your loved ones (or professionals, if those resources are available to you) to heal from this. You can't draw water from an empty well, and in my opinion, you should only consider assisting Eli in ways that contribute to or at least don't completely derail your recovery. You've already been more help to them than anybody else has. You can't keep anybody warm by setting yourself on fire. I'm so sorry this happened to both of you, what a horrible, tragic experience and loss,” the most popular commenter wrote.

“His husband just died, and you were kind enough to help him through the immediate aftermath. It does suck that he doesn't have a support system he needs, but you don't either,” another commenter wrote.

via Canva/Photos

The only person with a problem with how the woman handled it believes that she needs to give Eli a reason why she isn’t responding to him. “[You’re in the wrong] for ghosting him without explanation. That only makes things worse. You are emotionally drained and do not have the bandwidth to support him. That is completely fine. You just need to communicate that fact to him,” they wrote.

Ultimately, the commenters believe the woman did the right thing to stand by Leo’s side, even in the most disturbing situations, and she deserves praise for her kindness. In the comments, the woman wrote that she has no support, so the positive response, even by a Reddit forum of strangers, has to have made her feel some relief at a time when she is so traumatized.

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The internet rallied behind a mom who wants Highlights to show gay parents.

Kristina Wertz‎ is a fan of Highlights' "Hello" magazine for kids. Her 1-year-old daughter adores it.

But, earlier this week, Wertz posed an important question on the publisher's Facebook page: Where are all the LGBTQ parents and families?

"One of the reasons we appreciate Hello is the diversity represented — families of all races, interracial families, and grandparents," wrote Wertz, who is in a same-sex relationship. "We are consistently disappointed, however, in the complete lack of same-sex parents in Hello magazine."

Wertz's message didn't go unnoticed by the publisher, who responded in the comments.

"For much of our readership, the topic of same-sex families is still new, and parents are still learning how to approach the subject with their children, even the very little ones," Highlights for Children wrote. "We believe that parents know best when their family is ready to open conversation around the topic of same-sex families."

The response didn't go over well with fans of the Highlights for Children Facebook page.

Although the comment wasn't blatantly homophobic, it showed the publisher certainly wasn't planning on doing all that much to address Wertz's concerns.

Scrolling through the thread, you can see lots of mentions of "disappointment" and talks of ending subscriptions unless more is done to include LGBTQ parents and families.

Many comments brought up the point that Highlights seemed to miss: Representation matters. And — being a publisher with a large readership base of impressionable children — the stories Highlights tells make a big difference.

Whether it's including interracial couples in cartoons, giving girls a chance to see female surgeons and political leaders in their coloring books, or reading a tale about a prince who falls in love with another boy, our kids deserve to see fair, positive versions of themselves and their families in the world around them.

Wertz summed that up nicely in the conclusion of her post:

"Since becoming a parent, I feel keenly aware of the messages kids’ books send to tiny minds. There is a deep need for books that positively reflect back the diversity of the world around us and I hope that Highlights embraces that diversity because we would love to keep it in our little one's life as she grows."

In response to Highlights' flubbed response, a hashtag cropped up on Twitter, #HighlightLGBTFamilies, so users could chime in with kids books that are LGBTQ-friendly.

The good news is, this story has a happy ending: Highlights apologized for "evolving too slowly" on the issue of LGBTQ-inclusiveness and promised to do better down the line.

Here is a portion of the statement posted to the publisher's website (emphasis added):

"In the last several days, Highlights for Children has received many comments and questions about representing LGBTQ families in our magazines. In our initial response, our words weren’t reflective of our values, intentions or our position, and we apologize. We want to assure you that we have read every message and are listening carefully. ... Our mission never changes: To help kids become their best selves — curious, creative, confident, and caring. But we are constantly evolving. It may seem to some that we are evolving too slowly. We want to reiterate that we believe all families matter. We know that there are many ways to build a family, and that love is the essential 'ingredient.' This conversation has helped us see that we can be more reflective of all kinds of families in our publications. We are committed to doing so as we plan future issues."

Nice move, Highlights — I can't wait to see more stories that accurately reflect the diverse families that make our world a beautiful place to call home.

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Watch LGBTQ couples explain why they got married right after the Orlando tragedy.

"We're not afraid."

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Modern Love

Many of us hugged our loved ones a little bit tighter on June 12, 2016. That was especially true for LGBTQ people.

After a gunman opened fire in a queer Orlando nightclub, we were reminded yet again that being part of the LGBTQ community still means living on the receiving end of discriminatory violence. That — even as we celebrate the one-year anniversary of national marriage equality — being LGBTQ can still mean being treated as less than.

The bigotry that spilled over on June 12 also reminded us of one very powerful thing: that love is love is love is love. If any one thing can triumph over the hate that exists in one man's heart, it's the resiliency that exists in our own.

Just ask Marko Jovanov and Mario Rodriguez, who tied the knot in NYC soon after 49 victims — many of them queer people of color — lost their lives in Orlando.

"It was important to still go through with our wedding, despite what happened," Jovanov explained to Upworthy.

Now, Jovanov and Rodriquez's marriage means something so much more.

"It is a sort of tribute to make sure that we are still visible, we are going on the way that we want to be," Jovanov said. "We're not afraid."

Watch Jovanov and Rodriguez and another same-sex couple explain in their own words why they decided to get married in the wake of tragedy:

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Harris Wofford has had two great loves: his wife of 48 years and his soon-to-be husband.

"At age 70, I did not imagine that I would fall in love again and remarry."

So begins an emotional and poignant personal essay from former U.S. Senator Harris Wofford published in The New York Times on Sunday.

The story Wofford tells is one of two loves, growing old, history, and a changing of tides.

Wofford campaigning for Barack Obama in 2008. Photo by Jeff Swensen/Getty Images.

On Jan. 3, 1996, Harris Wofford lost his wife, Clare, to leukemia.

They had been married 48 years; "a lifetime together," he wrote. When Clare died, Wofford felt lucky to be alive and grateful to have a job where he could serve his country, but understandably, he felt lost as well.

Wofford and Usher (!!!) at a hearing on improving America's commitment to service and volunteerism. Photo by Photo by Paul Morigi/Getty Images.

"I wondered what it would be like living by myself for the rest of my life. I was sure I would never again feel the kind of love Clare and I shared," Wofford wrote.

Yet, at age 75, Wofford found love again.

According to Wofford, he was standing alone on a beach in Florida when he was approached by two men who came over to say hello. That was when he met then-25-year-old Matthew Charlton.

"As we talked, I was struck by Matthew’s inquisitive and thoughtful manner and his charm," wrote Wofford. "I knew he was somebody I would enjoy getting to know. We were decades apart in age with far different professional interests, yet we clicked."

Pretty soon, the two were touring Europe together and meeting each other's families. In time, Wofford's children welcomed Charlton as part of their family, and Charlton's family did the same for Wofford.


Wofford was awarded the Presidential Citizens Medal in 2012 for his service to the country. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

As of Sunday, Wofford and Charlton have been together for 15 years. Soon, they'll be getting married.

"On April 30, at ages 90 and 40, we will join hands, vowing to be bound together: to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part."

There are many reasons why Wofford's story about his second great love is so notable: his age, his history, his career in politics, his romance-novel courtship of Matthew — to name a few.

Perhaps the most remarkable part of this story, however, is the fact that Wofford was born in 1926, long before there was an active LGBT rights movement and a time when doctors still treated homosexuality as a mental illness.

Despite decades of socially-constructed ideas about gender and sexuality, Wofford has embraced love for what it is: something beautiful, something unpredictable, and something that is for everyone.


Wofford was 89 when the Supreme Court declared same-sex marriage the law of the land. Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images.

Wofford knows that something as simple and as complicated as love can't be put in a box and labeled.

For 48 years, he loved a woman, and now he loves a man. It doesn't mean he's a different person or that his 48-year marriage to Clare wasn't special. It simply means he's not afraid to love who he loves.

"I had a half-century of marriage with a wonderful woman and now am lucky for a second time to have found happiness."

Frankly, we should all be so lucky.

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