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Equality

Ever wonder how kids with autism see the world? That's all it may take to understand them.

Ever wonder how kids with autism see the world? That's all it may take to understand them.

This article originally appeared on 02.19.16


At one of the worst points, she was banging her head on the floor and the walls of her bedroom, raging and crying.

And I was doing the same because I just didn't know what else to do anymore.

Something had triggered a full-on, pupil-dilated tantrum for my then-3-year-old, Emma, complete with hair-pulling and biting — both herself and me.


That's Emma around age 3. That sweet kid having a meltdown? HEARTBREAKING, let me tell you. All photos by Tana Totsch-Kimsey, used with permission.

Feeling just as helpless as I had the last dozen times this happened, I ticked down a mental checklist: Weird food? Wrong clothes? Too hot? Loud sounds? Missing toy? She fitfully stripped down to nothing, finally signaling to me that yes, it was the jammies. She curled up next to me (me, still sobbing) and promptly fell asleep, quiet and stark naked with brilliantly red-purple bruises blooming on her arms.

This is autism. Or one form of it anyway. It has many, many ways of showing itself.

It can be both good and bad. I'll get to the good.

Fully known as autism spectrum disorder, it's a neurodevelopmental quirk that results in various shades of social and behavioral issues. One of the most common challenges across the spectrum is communicating with others; people with autism struggle with the give-and-take flow of conversation, understanding how to interact with others, and processing their own or other people's feelings. They may even seem lost in their own world or unable to express their thoughts or emotions either verbally or nonverbally.

"Lost in their own world" often looks like this. We took over 100 pictures on family picture day, and this was the only useable one.

I have a non-autistic child, too. She's five years older than Emma, and I remember my biggest frustration as a brand-new parent was that I just wished she could tell me what she needed. And it wasn't long before she did: "Mama" quickly became "I have this?" and "Don't like that" and "I can do it myself" and — now — "Oh-em-gee, Mom, get out of my room, please, GOD, ugh!" She's 10; it's fun. She cracks jokes, she rails against gender biases, and she's lined up for honors classes.

But when Emma came along next with an incessant buzz of energy — ripping pages from books presumably for the feel of it, climbing and jumping off tall things presumably for the thrill of it, eating rocks and grass (and just about anything really) presumably for the taste of it — and all of it without being able to tell me anything at all about what she needed ... it took me a long while to understand that autism is not me being terrible at parenting.

What I learned is that Emma calls for a different kind of parenting altogether.


A typical day at home for us includes peanut butter smearing, cabinet scaling, mud eating, and paper ripping. It's a little exhausting sometimes.

Progress actually happened when I let go of what was "wrong" with Emma and started figuring out what to do about it.

Emma was nearly 4 years old by the time she was given an official autism diagnosis. But when the panel of specialists finally handed over their "findings" of autism spectrum disorder after a particularly awful six-hour doctor appointment, I distinctly felt at that point (and still do) that I could not have cared less what they wanted to call it.

The moment of the diagnosis wasn't a big deal to me because it didn't really change anything. By then, Emma was already in speech and occupational therapy and going to preschool, and all of that was helping some. But the autism label did eventually lead us to a kind of therapy we hadn't heard about before.

It's called applied behavior analysis — ABA for short — and that has brought a lot of change.

Some doctors explain ABA as a reward system for when a child does something right, but it's much more than that.

Behavioral scholars and autism experts date ABA treatments back to at least 1968, when a group of university researchers wrote in an introduction for the Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis that ABA interventions could benefit individuals and society.

The treatment is highly individualized, with analysts measuring specific behaviors for each patient, crafting trials to change variables in controlled environments for each patient, and evaluating outcomes for each patient. It's used for both children and adults who have intellectual or developmental issues, and it can help them gain skills in language, socialization, and attention as well as in more educational areas, like reading and math.

And this kid is gonna need more skills than taking selfies ... although she's quite amazing at them, IMO.

ABA is complex stuff. But put super simply, it's empathy on an ultimate level.

It involves patiently observing and trying to understand what a person — often one who can't fully communicate (or even necessarily process the things going on in the world) — feels and thinks.

ABA is putting yourself in that person's place, realizing what is motivating them, and then tinkering with those behaviors using positive encouragement and reinforcement. These are "rewards" of a kind, but not necessarily tangible ones; Emma's greatest motivators are hugs and kisses, high-fives, and tickles.

And wagon rides. And a mom deciding that chewing on a piece of grass to satisfy a sensory need is not so terrible in the big picture.

Even though ABA isn't a new treatment, it's gaining attention recently because of how life-changing the empathetic perspective can be. Agencies like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institute of Mental Health (and several autism-research organizations) recognize ABA as an effective treatment for autism. Plus, access to ABA experts is expanding: Clinics with extensive ABA support and research existed mainly in larger cities for many years, but now services are being offered in places all over the country.

For me, an intensified effort to understand Emma through ABA, and to help her understand her world, changed everything.

She's almost 6 years old now, and these days, she charms just about everyone she meets. She's still mischievous and daring, but she also runs into a room and gives out hugs to everyone there. (Even strangers! It's actually really awkward sometimes.)

Seems like a small thing, but she sings about how Old MacDonald has a cow that moos. (You should hear "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" ... adorbs!)

She can pick out her own jammies and a book to be read and a toy to keep her hands busy and the perfect spot to cuddle while she winds herself down to sleep. She giggles and beeps noses and plays chase with the dog and likes to announce, "Happy Tuesday!" She's even learning to read and write, which blows my mind when I think of those long nights spent banging heads on floors.

Emma still has autistic-meltdown fits, of course, but I get it now.

Even I have moments where I just can't even. It's really not that hard for any parent or person to relate to that. What's great, though, is that I've noticed how people outside the ABA therapy world — teachers and family and even total strangers — use the therapy, sometimes without even realizing it.

They change how they do things to adapt to what it must seem like from Emma's perspective, and that's how they end up really connecting with her. I find myself, too, exercising those empathy muscles with people other than Emma, and it makes me wonder sometimes:

What if we all did?

time off requests, pto, sick leave, gen z manager, manager positions, asking for time off

This Manager thinks PTO is for vacation, not "life changing events."

What does it take to be a good boss? You can answer this a million different ways—by being a clear communicator, earning employee trust, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a positive and supportive work environment while also being open to feedback and recognizing your team's contributions—but really, it all seems to stem from respecting your employees as fellow human beings.

Part of that means acknowledging that these employees have lives that are, frankly, more important to them than the job, and not penalizing them for it. One manager, and Gen Zer no less, seems to fully understand this basic principle, and folks are applauding her for it.


Elizabeth Beggs, who manages a five-person team for a packaging distribution company in Virginia, recently made a TikTok sharing which time-off requests she “rejects. ”You’ll see why “rejects” is in quotes shortly.

One example: when a female rep notified Beggs that she was likely having a miscarriage. After the team member asked how she can file for time off to see to the issue, Beggs immediately responded, “Girl, go to the doctor! We’re not submitting time off for that!”

In Beggs’ mind, PTO is for “vacation,” not medical emergencies. What a concept.

@bunchesofbeggs

Edited to clarify- 1. My team is all salary. 2. These examples are not all recent or from my current position. 3. My team works hard and hits thier KPIs above and beyond. Time off is meant to recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events #mangers #corporate #genzmanagers #sales #vetstocorporate #veterans

Beggs went on to explain a couple more situations, like when one employee—a parent—was “up all night” with their sick kid. And her last one wasn’t even negative—she had an employee who wanted to work a half-day to do something nice for their anniversary.

“Seriously, if any of these triggered anyone, then you need to evaluate how you run your team as a manager,” she concluded.

By and large, the response to Beggs’ management style has been overwhelmingly positive, and people seem to find it completely refreshing.

“You are not a manager, you’re a LEADER,” one person wrote.

@bunchesofbeggs

Everything you do should be to better your team, not to make your life easier #leadership #ownership #corporatelife #veteran #military

Another said, “The better you treat your employees, the more loyal they will be and the better work they will put out. Most people do not understand how management works.”

A few noted how this attitude seems to be more present among younger leaders. One person commented, "millennial manager here. My team members are human first, employees second. Like just go do what you want but get the work done too.”

Another joked that “Boomer managers could NEVER.”

Beggs would later clarify this doesn’t mean she doesn't have clear productivity expectations for her team (who work on salary). Perhaps if she had a team member not making their KPIs (key performance indicators), there would be an additional conversation surrounding time off, but there is still an inherent respect as a fellow human being. Which, to her, means treating bona fide time off as a way to “recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events.”

@bunchesofbeggs

If you’re planning does not account for people being human- it’s bad planning #genzleaders #armyvet #militaryvet #genz #corporatelife #corporate #manager #timeoff

Younger generations might get labeled “lazy” or “entitled,” but they are also the ones fighting to change the status quo so that we all may be treated less like cogs in the machine, and more like actual human beings. Its leaders like Beggs who show that operating in new ways doesn't compromise productivity—it, in fact, enhances it. We might not be able to change the global standard overnight, but we certainly aren’t going to get to a better place without leaders who choose to serve their community rather than a bottom line.

This article originally appeared in March.

average home tours, messy home, christmas decor, home, home decor, real life, instaworthy, housecleaning

Everyone knows a kitchen table doubles as a work station and junk shelf.

Even knowing that most of what we see on Instagram is manipulated to look aspirational, it can still be easy to scroll through and feel like we are somehow doing life wrong.

Take for instance the barrage of Christmas home decor content we get right around now, the stuff that feels like it’s pulled right out of a Hallmark movie or Ralph Lauren ad. On some level we know that most houses don’t look like this (and still manage to conjure up holiday magic), and yet we can’t help but compare.


That’s why it’s always a nice mental reset when someone shows off their very non-aesthetic, lived-in, messy, unequivocally average home. Megan Archer, a self described "overwhelmed mother of two,” (well, "overwhelmed mum of two," technically) recently gave such a tour.

For starters, Archer’s Christmas tree featured a crushed Chocolate Santa from the prior year as an ornament, along with a Halloween decoration that keeps finding its way back to a branch. You won’t find Christmas gifts hiding in a closet (no room) but they are on top of a dress with a blanket over it.

“Wondering how big it has to get before the children ask about it,” Archer quipped.

The rest of the mess seemed to be non-seasonal: piles of toys, pajamas, drying socks all throughout the house, stickers in the most random of places since Archer dreads the days when her kids’ suddenly find such things “uncool,” a “mystery” bag filled with items long forgotten about hanging on a door, and of course, a “corner of doom” with items Archer dares not inquire about.

But the true star of this show was the kitchen table, completely covered with random items. For, as many of us know, the kitchen table is never just a palace to eat. It’s also where families work, and, more importantly, shove stuff that's not immediately needed (because anything is a shelf if you’re brave enough). Archer’s table hosted grocery items not yet put away.

“Hope you enjoyed the tour, You are normal, I hope you have realized,” she concluded.

Archer's video got a huge (and emotional) response from people in the comments, who were both relieved and inspired.

My house was like this growing up and I had the best Mum ever. She was always playing with us or setting up crafts, our art was everywhere and it wasn’t a big deal that toys were all over the house because we lived there.”

“All of this feels so real! And a good reminder that a lot of what we see on here is carefully curated. I'd rather have a home that was clearly lived in and full of love than a show home!”

“A lovely welcoming home where children are not constantly barked at to ‘put that away’, ‘look at all the mess you’ve made’. Sounds like a very relaxed and loving home. This is a blessing, not a failure❤️”

“This is our home too. 5yr old and 3yr old sen child my favourite is our corner of doom which i recently decluttered to put our Christmas tree in 😂 ❤️”

“The crushed Santa is hilarious and your chaos makes mine feel normal, thank you!!”

“Pajamas live on our sofa too until we all get back and put them back on/ or I throw them in a wash basket to be put away in 3 weeks 😂😂”

So if you’re feeling bummed that your home doesn’t boast a pristine holiday spread, or never manages to look put together any day of the year…don’t. You’re in good company. Sure, get inspo from the ‘gram, but remember that real life is messy. A “perfect” home helps you contain that wonderful messiness, that’s all.

Education & Information

This surprising map reveals the real value of $100 in each state

Your purchasing power can swing by nearly 25 percent from state to state.

cheapest states, cost of living, finances, cost of living, $100

Map represents the value of 100 dollars across America.

As the cost of living in large cities continues to rise due to inflation, tariffs, and other economic factors, more and more people are realizing that the value of a dollar in the United States is a very relative concept. For decades, cost of living indices have sought to address and benchmark the inconsistencies in what money will buy, but they are often so specific they prevent a holistic picture or the ability to "browse" the data based on geographic location.

Each year, the Tax Foundation addresses many of these shortcomings using the most recent Bureau of Economic Analysis data to provide a familiar map of the United States overlaid with the relative value of what $100 is "worth" in each state. In recent years, they've further updated their data so that you can break down the value of your money across every single metro area in the United States. It's an incredibly valuable tool for the many people considering (or who have already acted and migrated from states like California to Florida), Texas and other states with friendly state taxes rates and more affordable housing options.


The map quantifies and presents the cost of living by geography in a brilliantly simple way. For instance, if you're looking for a beach lifestyle but don't want to pay California prices, try Florida, which is about as close to "average"—in terms of purchasing power, anyway—as any state in the Union. If you happen to earn (or luck) your way into Silicon Valley tax brackets, head to Hawaii, D.C., or New York. You'll burn through your money in no time. And in some of those places like Hawaii, there are quality of life measurements that often exceed raw purchasing power.

So, where does your dollar go the furthest in 2025? The financial planning site GoBankingRates.com compiled its own list of cash purchasing power across each state and found that in California, you get the least bang for your buck: only $87.42 in real purchasing power for every $100 of cash. The average person in California makes $96,344 annually, one of the higher income levels in the country. However, just living in California on average costs residents a staggering $86,408, leaving the average person with little flexibility for long-term financial planning projects like retirement, saving for a new home, or even buying a new car.

At the other end of the spectrum is Arkansas, where your dollar goes the furthest. In fact, that $100 bill burning a hole in your proverbial wallet is in fact worth more than its technical value, with a real value of $113.49. On top of that, the cost of living is only $37,067, less than half of that in California. Further, the average cost of a new home in Arkansas is $208,743, less than one-third of a new home in California. Not coincidentally, in 2023, Arkansas was the top destination for people moving to another state within the United States, followed by Texas.

family, moving, income, finances, $100 Family moving into a new home. Canva Photos.

How about Florida, which has received outsized attention in recent years for its overt efforts to draw residents from California and other states with higher costs of living? According to the most recent data, Florida is in fact much closer to California than Arkansas, coming in only in 40th place on the GoBankingRates rankings, with $100 in cash only being worth $96.55. However, the annual cost of living is still only slightly more than half of that in California, coming in at $53,505. And if you're looking to buy some real estate, the average home is valued at $404,924. That's still well outside the purchasing power of many Americans, but with built-in advantages such as warm weather and one of the top-ranked state education system in America, it's obvious why so many people, especially those with families, are choosing Florida over California in recent years.

florida, cost of living, finances, $100, education Driving Road Trip GIF by Rosen Hotels & Resorts Giphy

According to U.S. News and World Report's data analysis, California only has the nation's 23rd best education system and is ranked a paltry 37th overall in their state rankings. It's quite a contrast for a state that bills itself on the promise of opportunity, natural wonder, and positive lifestyle options. And with 2025's wildfires (as well as an annually-worsening wildfire season), the constant threat of earthquakes, and other factors, California clearly has challenges beyond economics if it wants to remain one of the more attractive states in the nation.

Of course, those numbers are always in flux, and political leaders in California have promised concrete reforms in order to address the state's high cost of living compared with the value of its social and emergency services. If you want proof of how quickly things can change, look at a similar analysis of the value of $100 in each state from 2015:

- YouTube youtu.be

However, those negative statistical trends aside, California continues to have an incredible pull on our collective imagination. Four hundred twenty-three thousand, one hundred ninety-four Americans left their state for California according to the most recent data in 2023, placing it in third behind our previously mentioned top two states, Arkansas and Texas.

So, it's clear there are a number of factors that determine the best place to live in America. When it comes to raw purchasing power, you cannot beat Arkansas. But there's so much else to consider: public resources like education and healthcare, job opportunities (you probably won't make nearly as much in Arkansas as you might in California) and other factors such as proximity to family, friends, and personal interests.

There's no doubt America is rapidly changing and that includes what people value the most when they decide where to live. In uncertain economic times, the face of America will likely change radically in the coming years with the political, economic, and social landscape shifting in meaningful ways.

This article originally appeared in August.

Music

How a forgotten verse of 'O Holy Night' became an anti-slavery anthem in 1855

Many are surprised to learn the third verse of the famous carol even exists.

o holy night, christmas carols, john sullivan dwight, cantique de noel, history of christmas carols
Public Domain

John Sullivan Dwight is responsible for the English translation of "O Holy Night."

People have been singing "O Holy Night" as a Christmas standard for well over a century, and yet most of us have only ever heard the first verse. In fact, it's likely that most people aren't even aware that there are two verses beyond the final "Oh, night divine," and fair to guess that most don't know the third verse contains a blatantly anti-slavery message.

"O Holy Night" originated as a poem written by French leftist wine merchant, Placide Cappeau, before it was set to music by secular composer Adolphe Adam in either 1843 or 1847. The carol, known as "Minuit Chrétien" ("Midnight, Christians) or "Cantique de Noël" ("Christmas Hymn") in French, sings of Christ's birth and the visit of the three wise men in the first two verses. However, the third verse translates directly from French as such:


The Redeemer has overcome every obstacle:
The Earth is free, and Heaven is open.
He sees a brother where there was only a slave,

Love unites those that iron had chained.
Who will tell Him of our gratitude,
It's for all of us that He is born,
That He suffers and dies.

However, American music critic John Sullivan Dwight first translated the carol into English in 1855, and he chose a more poetic, emotional wording for the entire song. His version of the third verse goes like this

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,

and in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
let all within us praise His holy name.


"Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother and in His name all oppression shall cease" was quite the statement to make in the mid-19th century United States, where civil unrest over slavery would soon reach its peak. It's no wonder that Dwight, a Unitarian minister and staunch abolitionist, was keen to bring the song to the U.S. and share it in his magazine, Dwight's Journal of Music. According to America magazine, Dwight had written publicly about the “three or four millions of our human brethren in slavery” calling it “moral suicide” for the United States. Thus, his English version of the carol became a holiday favorite, particularly among Americans in the North in the Civil War years.

However, back home in France, the song was having a moment with the Catholic church. Cappeau, the poet who wrote the lyrics, ended up renouncing Christianity and joining a Socialist movement. The composer, Adam, was of Jewish descent, and that combination wasn't exactly viewed as ideal for a song about the origins of the Christian faith. Additionally, official publications of Catholic music criticized the song's “militant tone and dubious theology.” It ended up being banned in churches for years, but that didn't seem to impact its popularity.

The idea of "O Holy Night" being in any way "militant" in tone may seem confusing if you're only considering the English version. But again, Dwight took liberties with his interpretation in ways that don't fully reflect the direct translation from French. Here is how the familiar first verse directly translates from French compares to the way Dwight rewrote the lyrics in English (in parentheses):

Midnight, Christians, it's the solemn hour, (O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;)
When God-man descended to us (It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.)
To erase the stain of original sin (Long lay the world in sin and error pining,)

from Music

And to end the wrath of His Father. (Til he appeared and the soul felt its worth.)
The entire world thrills with hope (A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices)
On this night that gives it a Savior. (For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!)

People kneel down, wait for your deliverance. (Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!)
Christmas, Christmas, here is the Redeemer, (O night divine! O night when Christ was born!)
Christmas, Christmas, here is the Redeemer! (O night divine! O night, O night divine!)

Perhaps it's not egregiously militant, but the direct translation does have a bit more of a "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" feel to it than the softer, more poetic American version.

Why do we not hear the second and third verses of the song, though? Part of it might be the anti-slavery messaging not being widely accepted in the Southern U.S. It also might have to do with the song's length. This version of the carol that includes all three verses is seven minutes long:

- YouTube youtu.be

Whether we sing the whole song or not, "O Holy Night" remains a widely beloved classic, even topping ClassicFM's list of most loved Christmas carols in 2023. It is fascinating to know that there's so much more to it than the version we most often hear, though.

holiday travel, travel hacks, airport, airports hacks, airport near me, traveling for holidays, government shutdown

A photo of a woman whizzing through the airport happily.

Holiday traveling is upon us, and this year feels particularly…turbulent. It seems like getting to the airport super early, packing light, and even having little luxuries like TSA pre-check or global entry isn’t enough to handle the crowds, costs, and overall chaos that awaits.

Luckily, there are still plenty of tried-and-true ways to make flights flow a little smoother. Recently a travel content creator (@emmahaswanderlust) asked for people to share airport hacks that “changed the way you travel forever.” She emphasized that she was looking for things a little more unique than “take layers because the lane gets cold!”and folks did not disappoint.


From genius packing ideas to simple ways to avoid paying exorbitant airport fees, here are 20 hacks that real people swear by to make air travel a breeze.

1. “Take a free shuttle to any hotel. Get the Uber from there to avoid the airport upcharging.”

2. “Compression socks are a game changer after a lot of airport walking and sitting on the flight.”

3. “My mom and dad split packing in their two suitcases. That way, if one is lost, they both have clothes! Too bad I’m single, lol.”

4. “AirTag your bags—airline lost my bags and told me it was in France, I pulled up my AirTag and told them it was in London, and that’s how they found them.”

5. “Be bored in the airport. No scrolling, reading, etc. Save all the interesting activities/mind stimulation for the airplane to help the flight feel faster.”

holiday travel, travel hacks, airport, airports hacks, airport near me, traveling for holidays, government shutdown media0.giphy.com

6. “When you land, never use the first restroom you see – use the next one; everyone from your flight will jump in the first and you’ll end up waiting the same amount of time as going to the next.”

7. “I’m a big guy. The shoulder strap on my personal item is adjustable. I put it around my knees and adjust it so I don’t “man-spread” into my neighbor’s space if/when I fall asleep.”

8. “I ALWAYS travel with brand new activity books for a boy and a girl so i can bring it to the mom of a screaming kid.”

holiday travel, travel hacks, airport, airports hacks, airport near me, traveling for holidays, government shutdown media1.giphy.com

9. “I once bought an item from the gift shop and have kept the bag since. Now, when I go to the airport, I use that bag for any of my oversized items, so they believe I bought them in the airport, and I don’t get charged for additional stuff on the plane.”

10. “Take food so you don’t spend money at the airport on food. I always make breakfast burritos before each flight.”

11. “Order a neck pillow pillow case – stuff it with clothes. Extra “personal bag” & neck pillow in one.”

12. “Take an old cell phone with you, download a bunch of movies and shows on it to consume your content on so you never have to worry about your cellphone that has service, tickets, etc dying.”

13. “Take oranges on the plane. If there’s a smell you don’t like, tear the orange. The oils are a natural “air freshener” and it’s not as offensive as a normal air freshener or cologne/perfume.”

holiday travel, travel hacks, airport, airports hacks, airport near me, traveling for holidays, government shutdown media4.giphy.com

14. “TAKE PHOTOS OF EVERYTHING! Luggage? Photo. IDS and medications? Photos. PLANE TICKET?? PHOTO.”

15. “CLEAN BEFORE YOU LEAVE! Clean your house, bedroom, wash and change your sheets and make your bed, prepare your house for when you come home, get all the chores out of the way so you can get home and just relax.”

16. “If you feel nauseous on the plane, ask for an alcohol wipe, the smell can stave off nausea.”

17. “If you’re arriving on a late flight (like 10pm or later), have your ride pick you up at departures instead of arrivals. Far less crowded since less flights go out that late, less of a headache for you and your ride.”

18. “I have a playlist for when I have to run to catch my next flight with songs like ‘I Need a Hero’ and ‘Eye of the Tiger.’ I start it right when my plane lands so I’m ready to rumble.”

19. “I wear a light jacket with my keys, wallet, everything that needs to be scanned in those pockets. Easy off, easy on.”


holiday travel, travel hacks, airport, airports hacks, airport near me, traveling for holidays, government shutdown media2.giphy.com

20. “[I] put the keys to my home in my backpack in the front pocket…When I’m finally home and likely exhausted from traveling, I don't have to dig around to get inside my place.”

And of course, let’s not forget to be patient, and be kind. It might not seem like a “hack” necessarily, but it really does make an already hectic time more bearable for everyone.