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A boy told his teacher she can't understand him because she's white. Her response is on point.

'Be the teacher America's children of color deserve, because we, the teachers, are responsible for instilling empathy and understanding in the hearts of all kids. We are responsible for the future of this country.'

education, race, teachers, children, diversity
Photo by John Pike. Used with permission.

Emily E. Smith is no ordinary teacher.

Fifth-grade teacher Emily E. Smith is not your ordinary teacher. She founded The Hive Society — a classroom that's all about inspiring children to learn more about their world ... and themselves — by interacting with literature and current events. Students watch TED talks, read Rolling Stone, and analyze infographics.

She even has a long-distance running club to encourage students to take care of their minds and bodies. Smith is such an awesome teacher, in fact, that she recently received the 2015 Donald H. Graves Award for Excellence in the Teaching of Writing.

It had always been her dream to work with children in urban areas, so when Smith started teaching, she hit the ground running. She had her students making podcasts, and they had in-depth discussions about their readings on a cozy carpet.

But in her acceptance speech for her award, she made it clear that it took a turning point in her career before she really got it:

"Things changed for me the day when, during a classroom discussion, one of my kids bluntly told me I "couldn't understand because I was a white lady." I had to agree with him. I sat there and tried to speak openly about how I could never fully understand and went home and cried, because my children knew about white privilege before I did. The closest I could ever come was empathy."

Smith knew that just acknowledging her white privilege wasn't enough.

She wanted to move beyond just empathy and find a way to take some real action that would make a difference for her students.

She kept the same innovative and engaging teaching methods, but she totally revamped her curriculum to include works by people who looked like her students. She also carved out more time to discuss issues that her students were facing, such as xenophobia and racism.

And that effort? Absolutely worth it.

As she said in her acceptance speech:

"We studied the works of Sandra Cisneros, Pam Munoz Ryan, and Gary Soto, with the intertwined Spanish language and Latino culture — so fluent and deep in the memories of my kids that I saw light in their eyes I had never seen before."

The changes Smith made in her classroom make a whole lot of sense. And they're easy enough for teachers everywhere to make:

— They studied the work of historical Latino figures, with some of the original Spanish language included. Many children of color are growing up in bilingual households. In 2007, 55.4 million Americans 5 years of age and older spoke a language other than English at home.

— They analyzed the vision of America that great writers of color sought to create. And her students realized that our country still isn't quite living up to its ideals. Despite progress toward racial equality with the end of laws that enforced slavery or segregation, we still have a long way to go. Black people still fare worse than white people when it comes to things like wealth, unfair arrests, and health.

— They read excerpts from contemporary writers of color, like Ta-Nehisi Coates who writes about race. Her students are reading and learning from a diverse group of writers. No small thing when they live in a society that overwhelmingly gives more attention to white male writers (and where the number of employees of color in the newspaper industry stagnates at a paltry 12%).

— They read about the Syrian crisis, and many students wrote about journeys across the border in their family history for class. The opportunity particularly struck one student; the assignment touched him so much that he cried. He never had a teacher honor the journey his family made. And he was proud of his heritage for the first time ever. "One child cried," Smith shared, "and told me he never had a teacher who honored the journey his family took to the United States. He told me he was not ashamed anymore, but instead proud of the sacrifice his parents made for him."

Opportunities like this will only increase as the number of children from immigrant families is steadily increasing. As of 2013, almost 17.4 million children under 18 have at least one immigrant parent.

Smith now identifies not just as an English teacher, but as a social justice teacher.

ethnicity, responsibility, empathy

Teaching in a racially and ethnically diverse world.

Photo by John Pike. Used with permission.

Smith's successful shift in her teaching is an example for teachers everywhere, especially as our schools become increasingly ethnically and racially diverse. About 80% of American teachers are white. But as of last year, the majority of K-12 students in public schools are now children of color.

As America's demographics change, we need to work on creating work that reflects the experiences that our students relate to. And a more diverse curriculum isn't just important for students of color. It's vital for everyone.

As Smith put it, "We, the teachers, are responsible for instilling empathy and understanding in the hearts of all kids. We are responsible for the future of this country."


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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15 years ago, a Russian gymnast was interrupted by her 2-year-old daughter. It became a historic performance.

"This is beyond beautiful. 🥲"

dance, motherhood, mommy daughter dance, mother daughter relationship, parenting, wholesome
Umi4ika/Youtube

Svetlana Putintseva with her daughter Masha.

In 2005 at only 18 years old, Russian rhythmic gymnast Svetlana Putintseva became a world champion, after which she retired and eventually became a mom. Then, in 2011, Putintseva came out of retirement for one special Gala performance.

Little did anyone know that her then two-year-old daughter named Masha would be the key to making that performance so special.

As the story goes, the young child refused to leave her side that night. But rather than stopping the performance, Putintseva did what so many incredible moms do: she masterfully held space for two different identities.

As we see in the video below, Putintseva simply brought Masha onto the dance floor and incorporated her into the routine—holding and comforting her at times, performing impressive moves while she ran around at others…letting it all become a lively, endearing interaction rather than a rote routine. It became something really touching:

Watch:

Now, a bit of fact-checking as this video has once again started going viral. Despite what many captions say, Putintseva‘s daughter was likely always a planned part of the performance (the tiny leotard is a bit of a giveaway). But that doesn’t really take away from the message behind it: motherhood weaves another soul into one's identity, forever. And one of the biggest lessons it teaches is how to hold someone else steady, all while becoming ourselves.

Every day, moms are engaging in a similar type of “dance”: navigating through the world while guiding and nurturing their little ones. It probably doesn't always feel quite as graceful as what Putintseva put out, and, yet, it is just as beautiful.

dance, motherhood, mommy daughter dance, mother daughter relationship, parenting, wholesome A mother hugging her daughter.Photo credit: Canva

Maybe so many thought it was an improvised moment because improvising is a very real parent superpower. That’s certainly the takeaway we get from some of these lovely comments:

“You cannot control life but you can learn to dance with it. 🤍”

"This is beyond beautiful. 🥲"

“If this isn't a metaphor for motherhood. We improvise so much.”

“A mother’s unconditional love 🥹❤️ She just made my whole month.”

“I do this sometimes while deejaying. My daughter comes up so I hit the slicer and let her chop it up. A few chops and she is happy and goes about her business. 🥰”

“I can see my daughter doing this to me soon whenever I get up on stage on perform. She already stares long and hard at me whenever I am onnstage singing. She doesn't take her eyes off me. Sure she would be running up to stand with me when she starts walking 😂😂 i look forward to it tho”

“Sobbing 😭😭😭😭 As a dancer who hasn’t performed since having a kid, this inspires me in so many ways 🥹🥹 So beautiful and it’s clear that she admires her mom so much 🥰”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Though not much is written on Putintseva following this performance, one blog post says that Masha has followed in her footsteps by getting into rhythmic gymnastics. Maybe it all started with this one performance. ❤️

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NVIDIA's CEO realized the smartest people aren't 'technical.' They have a totally different skill.

"People who are able to see around corners are truly, truly smart."

jensen huang, nvidia, ai, chips, huang speech, huang 2016
via NVIDIA Taiwan/Wikimedia Commons

NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang speaking in 2016.

Artificial intelligence promises to completely upend just about every facet of modern life, from how we work to education, medical care, and the design and manufacture of everyday goods. On a deeper level, it will also change how we see ourselves as humans, placing greater value on the uniquely human skills that no computer can replicate, no matter how powerful the server.

One person who knows a great deal about that is Jensen Huang, the president and CEO of NVIDIA, a company that designs and manufactures chips for accelerated computing and AI data centers. Fortune has named Huang one of the world's best CEOs for his leadership and innovation.

Recently, he appeared on the A Bit Personal podcast with Jodi Shelton, who posed a big question: "Who is the smartest person you've ever met?"

jensen huang, nvidia, ai, chips, huang speech, huang 2016 NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang.via Raysonho/Wikimedia Commons

Who is the smartest person Huang ever met?

At first, the question sounds like a softball. Of course, Huang might be expected to name someone with exceptional technical talent or a keen eye for design and engineering. He could even point to an important scientist or a tech leader, such as Steve Jobs. Instead, Huang argues that the most intelligent people today are those whose skills can't be duplicated by AI.

"I know what people are thinking, the definition of smart is somebody who's intelligent solves [technical] problems," Huang responded. "But I find that's a commodity and we're not about to prove that artificial intelligence is able to handle that part easiest, right?"

He added that software engineers were once widely seen as the most intelligent, but AI is now challenging that idea.

Huang says truly intelligent people know the "unknowables"

"I think long term ... and my personal definition of smart is someone who sits at that intersection of being technically astute but [has] human empathy," Huang said. "And having the ability to infer the unspoken around the corners. The unknowables. People who are able to see around corners are truly, truly smart. To be able to preempt problems before they show up, just because you feel the vibe. And the vibe came from a combination of data analysis, first principle life experience, wisdom, sensing other people, that vibe. That's smart. I think it's gonna be the future definition of smart, and that person might actually score horribly on the SAT."

jensen huang, nvidia, ai, chips, huang speech, huang 2016 NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang speaking in 2023.via Wikimedia Commons

The podcast's Instagram post received hundreds of comments. "This is a very smart answer to make everyone sound like they have a chance of being smartest person," one popular commenter wrote. Another joked, "Bro knows he's the smartest person he's ever met."

Ultimately, as we enter the AI era, it's becoming clear that the edge humans have isn't processing power, but the skills that make us most human: empathy, perception, wisdom, emotional intelligence, and the ability to read the room at both micro and macro levels. Huang understands that true human intelligence, something that can't be created in a data center, is, for now, still the most valuable asset of all.

Watch the full podcast interview below:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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Her groundbreaking theory on the origin of life was rejected 15 times. Then biology proved her right.

Lynn Margulis had the audacity to challenge Darwin. And we're lucky she did.

lynn margulis, lynn margulis symbiosis, biology, scientific breakthroughs, darwin, darwinism, women in science
Facts That Will Blow Your Mind/Facebook

A photo of Lynn Margulis.

Throughout her prolific and distinguished career, biologist Lynn Margulis made several groundbreaking contributions to science that we take for granted as common knowledge today. For example, she championed James E. Lovelock’s “Gaia concept,” which posited that the Earth self-regulates to maintain conditions for life.

But by far, her most notable theory was symbiogenesis. While it was first written off as “strange” and “aesthetically pleasing” but “not compelling,” it would ultimately prevail, and completely rewrite how we viewed the origin of life itself.

In the late 1960s, Margulis wrote a paper titled "On the Origin of Mitosing Cells," that was quite avant-garde. In it, she proposed a theory: that life evolved through organisms merging together to become inseparable.

In essence, cooperation is the driver of life, not competition and domination. This directly went against Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” principle that was considered gospel in scientific circles. Margulis’ paper was rejected by fifteen journals before getting accepted into the Journal of Theoretical Biology.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Time would be on Margulis’ side, however. By the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, research proved that the two major building blocks of plants and animals, chloroplasts and mitochondria were at one time independent bacteria. This solidified the fact that on a biological level, connection trumps autonomy for longevity. And now that fact is written in textbooks, with no real story of the adversity it overcame to get there.

While it is customary for most new scientific theories to be met with criticism, especially those that completely shift the current narrative, many have noted that sexism played a key part in Margulis’ initial lack of acceptance. On more than one occasion, she herself had hinted that women were seen as mothers and wives first, and scientists second. She recalled that while married to fellow scientist Carl Sagan that “Carl would finish his sentence, unperturbed” while she was expected to “handle all the duties of a 1950s housewife, from washing dishes to paying the household bills.”

And yet, Margulis would have other ideas that were controversial that had nothing to do with her gender. Most famously, she did not believe that AIDS was caused by HIV, and instead believed it was cause by a syphilis-causing type of bacteria, despite there already being decades of research proving otherwise. That view was seen as an endorsement of AIDS denialism, which undermined prevention and treatment effort. Then later in life, Margulis became a vocal proponent of 9/11 conspiracy theories suggesting government involvement the in Twin Towers attacks.

And yet, perhaps this is one of those “you gotta take the good with the bad” situations. Margulis’ inherent contrarian nature gave us both these unfounded, even harmful stances, in addition to entirely new paradigms that altered our understanding of life itself.

And if nothing else, it illuminated the need for science to include multiple points of view in order to unlock the truth. It seems life is, after all, about coming together.

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People from outside America share the 'most common childhood meal' from where they grew up

Don’t read this list while you’re hungry.

comfort food, childhood, shrimp, congee, soup, rice, bread
Photo by Brett Wharton on Unsplash

Delicious bowls of food from different parts of the world.

There’s something about the delicious creature comforts from our childhood that stick with us throughout life. Maybe it’s a tasty recipe passed down from a relative, or a whiff of a certain food brings back memories of coming home from school and heating up leftovers? Whatever it is, it’s universal.

So when a person recently took to Reddit to ask, “What is a very common meal that is associated with childhood in your country?” it wasn’t surprising that it got nearly 800 responses in less than a week. People from all over the globe posted their childhood "common” dish, many accompanied by mouth-watering photos.

Portugal

Caldo Verde Soup (or Collard Green Soup)

Portugal, Caldo Verde soup, soup, comfort food, childhood A bowl of Caldo Verde soupPhoto Credit: Reddit, @WutCompadri

A Redditor shared this hearty-looking bowl of soup. Many in the comments were instantly brought back to yesteryear. One writes, “Omg. I’m not Portuguese but dated one and grew with my Portuguese friends. Caldo Verde is sooooooooo good.”

Another notes, “Grandma used to make that.”

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

10 ounces chouriço, linguiça, or Spanish chorizo, sliced into 1/4-inch (6-mm) coins

1 large Spanish onion, diced

kosher salt

2 garlic cloves, sliced; don’t be afraid to go for a third or fourth. We Portuguese love their garlic

6 medium potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped (I prefer Yukon Gold, as they are similar to Portugal’s yellow potatoes)

8 cups cold water, or half homemade chicken stock or canned chicken broth, and half water

1 pound collard greens or kale, stems removed, leaves cut into very, very thin slices

freshly ground black or white pepper

DIRECTIONS

In a large pot over medium heat, warm the 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil.

Add the 10 ounces chouriço, linguiça, or Spanish chorizo and cook until lightly browned on both sides, 3 to 5 minutes.

Remove the sausage slices with a slotted spoon and transfer them to a plate, making sure they drain well into the pot; its fat will flavor the soup.

Dump the 1 large Spanish onion into the pot. Sprinkle with kosher salt and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened and translucent, 5 to 7 minutes. Add the 2 garlic cloves and cook for 2 minutes more.

Plonk in the 6 medium potatoes, add the 8 cups cold water (or a combo of water and chicken stock), and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook until the potatoes are almost tender, 10 to 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and let the soup cool slightly.

When the caldo verde has cooled a little, purée it using an immersion blender or a food processor. (Tradition demands that one slice—and only one slice—of chouriço is added to each bowl, although some cooks like to add half the sausage to the soup before puréeing. It’s your choice. And that one-slice thing? To hell with it!)

Add the 1 pound collard greens or kale to the soup, bring it back to a boil, and then reduce the heat and simmer until tender, 2 to 5 minutes. Season with more salt, if needed, and freshly ground black or white pepper.

Ladle the caldo verde into bowls and garnish with the remaining slices of chouriço. Comer agora!

India

Potato Smiley

India, Potato, Potato Smiley, comfort food, childhood The comfort food Potato Smileys from India.Photo Credit: Reddit, @Muted-Elk6963

And yes, that’s what they’re called. (Though a Redditor with the user name Muted-Elk6963 specifically called them “Potato Smiley Thingies.”)

The name alone brought joy to the comment section from all over the world. From Finland, someone writes, “This made me laugh. Your friend is a genius.” And a commenter from Australia shares, “This is the most unexpected one here for me. Potato smileys unite us all!”

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

Potato – 1 large boiled

Cheese – 2 tbsp. grated. I used parmesan; you can use any

Salt to taste

Chili powder / Pepper powder – ½ tsp

Oregano – ½ tsp optional

Corn flour / Cornstarch – 2 to 3 tbsp. or more as needed

Oil for deep frying

DIRECTIONS

Take boiled potatoes and grate them. Now take them in a bowl along with all the other ingredients except cornflour and oil.

Mix this really well.

Now add in cornflour and mix well. Shape it into dough.

Put this dough in the fridge and let it rest and chill for 1 hour.

Now divide the dough into equal portions. Shape each portion into a smooth ball.

Take a ball, flatten it out. Now use a straw to make two eyes and a spoon to make a smile.

Heat oil for deep frying. Drop the smiles in hot oil and fry till it is crispy.

Drain on paper towel.

Serve with ketchup.

Singapore

Congee (or Rice Porridge)

Singapore, Congee, soup, childhood, cultural dishes, comfort food A bowl of mouth-watering Congee. Photo Credit: Reddit, @VincentVan_Dough

A person in Thailand joins in to say, “We love that in Thailand too, often paired with fried dough.”

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

White rice: (I usually use medium-grain white rice, but any kind of rice can be turned into congee.)

Toppings: This basic recipe keeps things simple with sliced scallion greens and a drizzle of toasted sesame oil. But the beautiful thing about congee is that it’s really a blank canvas in terms of how you choose to flavor it. You can add pork floss, reheated leftovers, or whatever you desire.

DIRECTIONS

Wash the rice. White rice will always have some starch on the outside of each grain.

Washing it off leads to a silkier, creamier congee. If you don’t properly wash your rice, your congee could become really slimy and sticky, which won’t get you the same light mouthfeel that properly cooked congee has.

Boil the rice in a good amount of water. I do one cup of rice to eight cups of water, but everyone has a different ratio that they use. Simmer until the rice is plump and tender, and the congee has thickened up considerably.

Czech Republic

Semolina Porridge with Cocoa and Butter

Czech Republic, Semolina porridge, porridge, comfort food, childhood Semolina porridge with cocoa and butter, a dish served as comfort in the Czech Republic.Photo Credit: Reddit, @Fr0st-F0x

“Heaven on a plate,” writes Reddit user @Fr0st-F0x.

Another concurs that they have a similar comfort food in their home country of Slovenia.

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

½ cup water

2.5 cups milk at room temperature

½ teaspoon cinnamon

½ cup semolina

2 teaspoons butter

2 teaspoons honey or any other sweetener to taste

DIRECTIONS

Add water in a small saucepan, add the cinnamon stick, and bring to a boil.

Add the milk to bring down the temperature of the water, then add the semolina slowly while stirring constantly to prevent lumps from forming.

Simmer gently and stir frequently to prevent the porridge from sticking until the semolina becomes tender with a porridge consistency.

Stir in the butter and simmer until the porridge reaches your desired consistency.

Serve and top with some fruits, then drizzle some honey over it or add any other sweetener.

Switzerland

Coquillettes au Jambon or With Frankfurt Sausage

Coquillettes au Jambon, Frankfurt Sausage, Switzerland, France, Germany, comfort food, childhood Coquillettes au jambon is ready to eat in Switzerland.Photo Credit: Reddit, @MediumDistinct9801

Over in Switzerland, MediumDistinct9807 shares a picture of this delicious-looking meal. Another Redditor observes, “That’s so French-German of you.”

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

240 g of coquillettes or macaroni pasta

2 large slices of white ham, sliced in 2 cm rectangles

100 g of grated Comté, Gruyère, Emmental cheese

30 g of grated Parmesan cheese

3 tbsp of heavy/double cream

50 g of unsalted butter

Parsley, finely chopped

Truffle oil optional

DIRECTIONS

Put a pan of water on to boil and season it lightly.

Add your pasta and let it cook according to the instructions on the packet.

Once tender, drain the pasta and put it back in the pot, ideally with a splash of pasta water.

On the lowest possible heat, add the ham and cream and stir to combine. Add your cheese and stir until melted. Add the parsley and truffle oil, if using, and serve immediately.

Australia

Fairy Bread

Australia, fairy bread, comfort food, childhood, childhood snacks A plate of colorful fairy bread in Australia. Photo Credit: Reddit, @Rowvan

This delightful candy-sprinkled bread looks a perfect dish after a fun night out. An American adds, “The American equivalent would be toast with butter and a pile of white sugar and cinnamon powder.”

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

8 slices white bread, with crusts trimmed

¼ cup butter or margarine, softened

¼ cup multicolored candy sprinkles

DIRECTIONS

Spread margarine onto slices of bread.

Cover with sprinkles.

Cut into triangles to serve.

Estonia

Ühepajatoit

Estonia, upepajatoit, comfort food, food, childhood ÜhepajatoitPhoto Credit: Reddit, @TheGodofGlitch

When someone asks how this is made, the OP of the photo (@GodofGlitch) writes, “It’s a one-pot meal (can also be called Estonian hotpot). It has veggies, meat, and water.”

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

600 g meat. I prefer pork sirloin

4 carrots

1 onion

4 potatoes

half of a small cabbage

(peas, beans, tomato….)

salt, pepper, oil

DIRECTIONS

Heat up oil and put into the hot oil meat, sliced into cubes.

Fry for a short time, until the pieces are lightly browned.

Add carrots and onion, blanch.

Add ca. 1/2 cup of hot water. Let braise, do not boil!

Cut cabbage and potatoes into slices. When carrots are semi-soft, add cabbage and potatoes and more hot water. Do not boil!

Stew until soft. Season with salt, pepper.

Brazil

Pasta and Hot Dogs in Tomato Sauce

Brazil, macaroni with sausage, hot dogs, comfort food, childhood Pasta and hot dogs in tomato sauce is a creature comfort for many Brazilians.Photo Credit: Reddit, @TheMageofMoths

This was a bit of a shock, but Redditors back up the claim. “Nothing is more Brazilian in childhood than eating macaroni with sausage.”

Recipe

INGREDIENTS

Hot dogs

Butter

Onion — yellow or white onion is what you’re looking for here. Don’t use a red or purple onion.

Garlic — freshly minced, please and thank you. OR, of course!

Short pasta — I used rotelle, but any short pasta works. You can use anything like penne, cavatappi, fiorelli, chiocciole, macaroni, farfalle, fusili, to name a few.

Marinara sauce — in my best Ina Garten voice store-bought is fine, haha. Just note that some brands of marinara may be thicker than others, and if that’s the case, you may need to add a bit more water to the IP to avoid the burning warning.

Heavy cream

Olives

Fresh parsley

Parmesan cheese — the parmesan cheese is totally optional, but topping your macaroni and hot dogs with some cheese will really complete the dish! You can even transfer the finished dish straight out of the pot to an oven-safe dish, add other cheeses, then broil it for a minute or two until the cheese bubbles. Now you’ve got yourself a hot dog casserole!

DIRECTIONS

Prep your ingredients. This means chopping the onion, garlic, olives, hot dogs, parsley, etc. You can shred the cheese at this point, too.

Set your electric pressure cooker on the sauté mode.

Melt the butter, and sauté the onion and garlic until translucent.

Turn off the pot.

Add the hot dogs, the pasta, the olives, and the marinara sauce to the Instant Pot.

Pour the water into the marinara jar to help remove any leftover marinara from the inside of the jar. Give it a shake, and pour it into the pot, along with the cream.

Give everything a nice stir, and make sure that most of everything is submerged in liquid, like in the image below.

Close the pot and turn on manual mode for 6 minutes.

After 6 minutes, release the pressure manually, and open the lid carefully.

Add the chopped parsley, and give it another big stir.

To serve, top it off with more parsley and some grated parmesan cheese, if you want.

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Inspirational speaker Simon Sinek's simple rule for how to be honest without being cruel

This golden advice can be applied to any relationship.

psychology, friendship, relationships, parenting, lying, honesty, dr. becky, motivational speaker, simon sinek
Photo credit: Canva

Two women chat at a cafe.

Most people value honesty and try to practice it in their daily lives. In fact, research shows that a majority of people do a pretty good job and are honest most of the time.

But there are certain situations where it's hard to be as truthful as you'd like. For example, when the truth has the potential to hurt someone's feelings, does being honest become cruel?

There may be a way to dole out necessary, genuine feedback even when it's tough for the receiver to hear, according to inspirational speaker Simon Sinek.


psychology, friendship, relationships, parenting, lying, honesty, dr. becky, motivational speaker, simon sinek Being honest with our friends is difficult, but crucial. Photo by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on Unsplash

Sinek, an author and expert in leadership training, recently appeared on a podcast with Dr. Becky, a clinical psychologist and one of the most prominent voices in the parenting advice space. She's often called the "millennial parent whisperer" for her uncanny ability to tap into the struggles of modern parents and offer solutions.

Dr. Becky spoke with Sinek about a conundrum most parents have faced, and one that anyone who has ever had a meaningful friendship or romantic relationship can relate to: what should you do if someone asks for your opinion, but that opinion is likely to sound cruel?

You might struggle to find the right words when your kid plays poorly in sports or asks for your opinion on a drawing that, let's face it, isn't great. You can always lie, but our brains don't like that solution. Lying doesn't feel good, especially when it's someone you care about. Besides, honest feedback is how you help your kids learn and how you help your friends grow.

Sinek provided another relatable example:

"I went to see a friend's performance. It was easily the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. At the end of the show, my friend comes out, she comes running up to me with a big smile on her face, and she says 'What did you think?'"

Here's where Sinek applies his golden rule: meet facts with facts, and meet emotions with emotions. In other words, "never bring facts to an emotional gunfight."

"I can't bring facts to an emotional state," Sinek said of the scenario. Instead, he brings his emotions to match those of his friend. He's excited, he's encouraging, and he says things that are true without making himself feel icky:

"It was so amazing to see you on the stage. True. I've never seen you do your thing before. True. I'm so glad I came to see you. True."

He decided to save his more critical feedback of the show for another time, when he and his friend can have a level-headed conversation, if she wants to hear it. In his case, a few days later, she did.

"I had a rational conversation in a rational setting," he said. "But you cannot have a rational conversation in an emotional setting."

The clip featuring Dr. Becky and Sinek struck a nerve with commenters, many of whom were eager to apply the idea to their own relationships, whether with their kids or other adults. Commenters wrote:

"Relationships 101 that is so easy to miss. I'll bet I'm successful at this 10% of the time. But getting better!"

"This is golden information thank you."

"I like this. It's a good mantra. Is this the place to be real or should reality wait for rationality"

"This is straight nervous system science. When someone's emotionally activated, their body is prioritizing safety over accuracy. The prefrontal cortex goes offline, threat-detection goes online, and even 'truth' can feel like an attack. So the skill isn't just honesty. It's timing."

However, others were more skeptical of the advice. In the scenario involving his friend's performance, some questioned whether Sinek needed to offer negative feedback about the show at all.

"Guaranteed that second conversation didn't actually go down well. Look at the skepticism on Dr Becky's face too"

The key element of the story is that Sinek's friend made it clear she was ready to hear his full opinion of the show. And if she knows him well, she likely had a good sense of what she was signing up for. On the other side of the equation, all of us have the right to choose whether we want to receive that kind of tough honesty from our friends. (At work, we may not have a choice.)

"This is the reason I have declined the conversation that starts with 'can I give you feedback?' And I am like NO WAY!" one user suggested.

"No" is almost always an option. And it goes the other way, too: you don't need to offer "constructive criticism" or harsh honesty when it isn't solicited. Keeping it to yourself isn't lying.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

That second conversation was probably still uncomfortable. But other experts agree that the ability for friends, family members, and trusted colleagues to give tough feedback ultimately fuels growth and makes relationships stronger.

Ilene Strauss Cohen, PhD, wrote in Psychology Today:

"Speaking beneficially and delivering tactful feedback eliminates the chance of causing unnecessary hurt. It also creates a happier environment filled with opportunities to grow. When we communicate authentically, kindly, constructively, and consistently about what we believe in, we can create richer and more meaningful relationships. It isn't easy to apply this strategy when we're angry or hurt, but our relationships will give us plenty of opportunities to practice."

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