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Dudes get real about why it feels 'embarrassing' to give flowers, and it's eye-opening

More conversations like this, please.

Photo credit: Canva

Maybe it's not just men being lazy.

“I hate giving flowers because of how it makes me feel.”

This was a confession recently given by a man (Safe Elghorab) which turned into a very vulnerable, yet very insightful—not to mention very healthy—conversation about the connection between affection and masculinity.

“How does it make you feel? Let's talk about it!” responded his friend Yaqoub Adiver, a content creator who also posted the video.

“Just always ask why,” chimed in the third friend, Chui, from offscreen.

@yaqoubadiver A moment of introspection with @Safe Elghorab @Chui⭐️ @Chui2.0 #flowerarrangement #deepconversations #withtheboys #yaqoubadiver #somalitiktok ♬ original sound - Yaqoubadiver

Elghorab then dived in, sharing how it feels “embarrassing” and totally unfamiliar since growing up, he never received flowers as a token of appreciation. Typically speaking, that’s a gift only bestowed upon girls.

“We didn't grow up with that type of love and affection,” Adiver affirmed, adding that now, in adulthood, it feels “out of character” to then go and show love in a way they were never taught exists.

“This ain't love for me,” he said.

Practical, basic necessities, on the other hand, like food, shelter, and clothes, feel “normal” and familiar. Chui, Adiver, and Elghorab discussed how food in particular, especially in POC communities, was a vital love language.

“That's the way of showing love or appreciation to someone coming into your home. Or even, within our cultures, if you're going to someone else's home, you usually bring something to share. That's the way of showing love for us in our culture,” said Chui.

That said, Elghorab didn’t hesitate to hold out a bouquet to Chui and tell his friend, “I got this type of love for you though.”

men, mens health, flowers, psychology, conversations, vulnerability, confessions, relationships A man hold flowersPhoto credit: Canva

It didn’t take long for this video to go viral on TikTok, with tons of people commending Chui, Adiver, and Elghorab for being able to have such an open and honest conversation.

“This is the kind of conversation men need to keep having with each other.”

“This is healthy masculinity 👏🏻”

“THE BOYS ARE HEALING 🥹🥹🥹”

“This is community. THIS IS BOYS BEING BOYS. These are the type of relationships I had growing up and they helped shape me into a man and I’ll never forget those relationships ❤️

Another viewer said, “Let’s talk about the fact that there’s a group of young men preparing flowers and talking about it. Not just grabbing a random bouquet from a grocery store and giving it no thought. Appreciate you!!” making a nod to an age-old complaint among women.

@bannersbysofia #bf #fyp #flowers ♬ original sound - Bannersbysofia

However, keeping the previous conversation in mind, maybe it’s not that “no thought is given,” and rather, it’s just unfamiliar territory.

It’s clearly inspiring and refreshing to a lot of people that more and more men are getting vulnerable in this way. Not only because it gets them in touch with their feelings (a practice not commonly encouraged even a generation ago) but also offers the women in their life a new level of insight. Both factors encourage more understanding and compassion, which something the world desperately needs right now.

At a time when so many people raising young men are concerned about "redpilling," toxic masculinity, and reverting back to truly troubling patriarchal views in search of belonging, it’s comforting to know that not all hope is lost.

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Fatherhood

Anthony Mackie explains his refreshingly old-school approach to raising his boys to be men

"In the past 20 years, we've been living through the death of the American male."

@thepivot/TikTok

Anthony Mackie explains how he raises his boys to become men.

While on an episode of The Pivot podcast, Marvel star and father to four sons Anthony Mackie recently took a strong stance regarding masculinity, saying: "In the past 20 years, we've been living through the death of the American male…but I raised my boys to become young men.”

While that sentence might at first seem like we’re heading into some cringey “alpha male” territory, the Captain America: Brave New World actor also elaborated on the values he instills in sons, like being respectful, having humility, saying “yes sir” or “yes ma'am” and “thank you,” opening the door for women, making sure their mother is "taken care of and provided for.”

@thepivot

Anthony Mackie On The Death Of The American Male #anthonymackie #captainamerica #marvel #foryou #mindset #fatherhood #america #masculinity #fyp

Mackie then provided an example, saying that before leaving for a job, he would make his 15-year-old son the “man of the house,” with the responsibility of making sure the doors were locked and the alarm was on. Because, as Mackie put it, “if I’m not there to protect, he gotta be there to protect.”

This sentiment reflects a broader shift that many parents are experiencing. While there are certainly many praises to sing about modern practices like gentle parenting, many people are also longing for a return of some “traditional” approaches that are equally beneficial, particularly when it comes to setting helpful boundaries and teaching manners.

As one viewer put it, “That’s called structure, responsibility, accountability, and direction.”

But there’s also Mackie’s take on masculinity itself—involving caring for and protecting others, showing up for responsibilities, and embodying true leadership—which people are positively responding to.

leadership, raising sons, fathers and sons, young menMasculinity doesn't have to be toxic. Photo credit: Canva

Mackie's take t seems to touch on admirable traits that can go unnoticed by both far left progressives, who wave the flag of “toxic masculinity” (and thus alienate half the population), and the right wing "manfluencers" like Andrew Tate who offer a place for men to be welcomed while promoting actual toxic traits like misogyny, narcissism, and domination.

“That’s not the masculinity that needs to die. More fathers need to teach this,” one person wrote about Mackie's take.

Another echoed, “What a beautiful way to articulate being a man.”

As another viewer noted, parents can of course teach boys these traits while also teaching “emotional intelligence too—vulnerability, honesty, empathy, care. Then the boys will be golden.”

And just as we can incorporate both new and old parenting styles, we can also integrate some nuance in the way we talk about masculinity. Our conversations surrounding gender roles are constantly in flux, and yet there's a bit of stuckness around this topic—what makes a “real” man, how to be a “good” man, and so on. Mackie’s take put to words what a lot of folks are feeling: that the good parts of masculinity are being erased along with the bad, and that if we really do want the next generation of men to be fully realized, we need to teach them what that looks like.

Watch the full podcast episode below:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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Men's Health

Husband demonstrates 'Triangle' showering technique to his wife and guys, we need to talk

The horror!

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It's long been known that women, on average, take longer showers than men. The disparity isn't too large, just a minute or two overall, but it indicates there is a difference between how men and women are approaching their bathing hygiene. Now we know why... even if wish we didn't.

Brit Richards recently asked her husband about his shower routine on a whim of curiosity. After he explained it, she whipped out her phone in disbelief and asked him to tell her again while she recorded. Other people were going to need to see this to believe it.

"I'm just so upset," she says jokingly in the intro to the video. "I found out how my husband washes his body in the shower."

A caption overlaying the video reads: "PLEASE HELP. THIS CAN NOT BE HOW MEN SHOWER."

What's got Brit so freaked out? The pantomimed routine starts off well enough, with John scrubbing his beard and scalp with soap. OK, cool. But then we move onto the body, and, well, you'll just want to watch. Or, actually, maybe you don't.

@britforreal

“Mom, I’m scared. Can you come pick me up?” #men #husband #shower #help

Brit reacts in horror as her husband demonstrates that he washes what he calls "The Triangle" (an area that encompasses the groin and lower belly, basically) and then the "AMEX" (don't make me explain it. You watched the video, right?). And then... that's it.

Sure, we've covered the most important bits. But the thoroughness of John's routine definitely leaves a lot to be desired.

"You don't even wash your pits?" she asks him. "Sometimes," he says.

"You don't round the corners of your cheeks and you sit on public toilets? ... You've never washed your legs or feet?" The answer is extremely unfortunate.

Brit ends the video by telling him, tongue-in-cheek, of course, "You can't live here anymore."

Giphy

John takes the criticism in stride and with a laugh, but the viral video's three million viewers are raising important questions.

To put it bluntly, women who saw Brit's video were absolutely horrified:

"Girl you didn't realize his showers were 20 seconds long?" one user asked.

"EVERY INCH NEEDS TO BE WASHED. EVERY INCH."

"You need to take showers together to supervise."

"BRB going to go talk to my teenage boys…I’m not about to raise a man that does this."

The roasts just kept coming, to the point that Brit started to feel a little bad for publicly putting her husband on blast. "POV: You told the Internet that your husband does the triangle wash in the shower and now millions of people are roasting him in your comment section and its actually all your fault," she captioned a follow up video. Woops!

John may be the unwitting face of the 'Triangle Wash' movement, but he's definitely not the only one. Commenters had plenty to say about that, too:

@britforreal

Replying to @Mama I’m sorry babe, but 2025 isn’t gonna be your year. #marriage #shower #help #sos

"You are not alone! I even saved your video to show my husband because apparently washing “parts” is all he does too 🙄🤣.. it’s been an argument for years!"

"My husband takes like THE shortest showers and I’m so nervous to have this conversation with him! My anxiety can not"

"Yup I broke up with a guy after I seen the way he "washed" himself."

My theory on why so many men seem to be lacking in basic hygiene and grooming? It's because they weren't taught anything growing up outside of the bare basics, and then they were conditioned to think anything more than that was 'girly'. There are lot of hygiene and hygiene-related tasks that are considered feminine, like: Washing your face, moisturizing, taming your eyebrows, trimming your nails, exfoliating, wearing chapstick, and more. It stands to reason that putting too much effort into smelling good, being clean, and grooming our most sensitive areas could be interpreted as "unmanly."

A 2022 review of survey data interestingly found that more egalitarian countries, or countries where there was greater social equality between sexes, tended to see a smaller difference between how men and women approached hygiene. Less sex equality was associated with a greater difference in hygiene norms between men and women. So there's plenty of evidence that our gendered hygiene habits are created, at least in part, by our surroundings and not inherently embedded in our DNA.

Guys, I know that our culture has instilled some toxic beliefs in us, but we've just got to do better. We need to wash our pits and feet and, occasionally, wash the grime and oil from our faces properly. It's the least we can do, if not for ourselves, then for our partners. Being a little stinky and rough around the edges might have been cool in the Wild West, but they invented body wash for a reason.

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Celebrity

An over 30-year-old interview with Randy Savage is going viral because of his awesome take on masculinity

"I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more."

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"Macho Man'" Randy Savage during a 1992 appearance on "The Arsenio Hall Show."

A surprisingly wholesome video clip of the late iconic professional wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage went viral in 2022 for the surprisingly vulnerable answer he gave when asked if he ever cries.

The 1992 interview with Arsenio Hall began with Hall joking that Savage's middle name is 'Macho,' and asking if he ever cried. If you're not familiar with professional wrestling in the 1980s and early '90s, it was common for the biggest names of the day—Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Ultimate Warrior, Mr. Perfect and, of course, Macho Man—to take on personas that often embodied what we might now call "toxic masculinity." Many of them were after all what they call "heels," in wrestling circles, aka the bad guys.

So, it was pretty surprising to see the downright deep and wholesome response Savage gave to Hall without hesitation.

"It's OK for macho men to show every emotion available," Savage says in the clip. "I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more."

This explanation of macho men being able to show all emotions was probably just as relevant then as it is now. The notion that it's not just OK, but completely normal and acceptable for men to cry goes against everything that some masculine norms have told boys from a young age. Not being able to express authentic emotions outside of anger can lead to mental health issues in men.

Watch the full clip below:

"I've soared with the eagles, I've slithered with the snakes and I've been everywhere in between," Savage continued. "Understand this: Nobody likes a quitter. Nobody said life was easy. So, if you get knocked down, take the standing eight count, get back up and fight again!"

As a public figure that boys, teens, and young men looked up to, it was pretty incredible to see Savage appear on national television and dispel the myth that tough guys don't cry and then take it one step further by proudly stating that he himself had cried "a thousand times" was powerful.

While this interview was filmed in the '90s, boys and men today are still fighting against the cultural norm of the hyper-masculine male image that includes bottling up emotions and not asking for help. All men experience a range of emotions, including sadness, because men are people and Macho Man is here to remind everyone it's OK to cry. Even when you're "macho."


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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