Mel Robbins and a woman looking at her smartphone.
Most people have a few hundred or more followers on social media, and it can be paralyzing to post something because even if you express a rather bland opinion, it’s bound to bother someone. It's also nerve-racking to post a photo of yourself or your family because you may be judged on your appearance.
You have a joke? Someone might find it unfunny. Went on vacation? A friend may subtly brag that they went somewhere nicer. Went out for a nice dinner? Your dietary choices may face scrutiny. Lost a few pounds and want to show off how good you look? You know who may get jealous.
How to post on social media without fear
The problem is, you’re letting others subtly control how you express yourself on social media. Mel Robbins, a podcast host, author, motivational speaker, and former lawyer, offers empowering advice for those holding you back: Let them.
@melrobbins This is your sign to stop giving away your control to other people’s opinions… If you find that you take things personally, worry what other people think about you, are scared of being judged, or find that you can’t stop overthinking, you need to hear this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 “How to Stop Caring What People Think of You.” #melrobbins #melrobbinspodcast #letthem #peoplepleasing
“I want to remind you of something," Robbins says in a TikTok video. "Your social media is for your self-expression. It's for your business. It's for your artistry. It's not for your sorority sisters from college. It's not for your family. It's not for the women in your mother’s group. It's for you."
She adds that people’s reactions to your post are something that you have no control over. Instead, Robbins believes that you should take your life back by letting go of the need to control how others react to you.
Robbins' theory is so popular that she wrote an entire book about it, entitled The Let Them Theory.
“Let them think a negative thought about what you're gonna post," Robbins adds. "Let them unfollow you. Let them roll their eyes. Let them gossip. You can't control any of it anyway. The only thing you can control is you can control what you think of yourself...Let them think something negative. Let them do something negative, like unfollow you or write some comment or whatever...Let them know that the power is not in someone else. The power is in you.”
A granddaughter shares her social media post with grandmother.via Canva/Photos
Robbins is also clear that she’s talking about people looking to make posts about their business, a creative endeavor, or something about themselves that shows that they aren’t perfect. A lot of Robbins' work is about how to deal with difficult and toxic people, so she’s clearly not pushing people to feel free to make provocative posts that antagonize people, but to have the confidence to express themselves without worrying about pleasing everyone.
What is the locus of control?
Robbins' advice has its roots in psychology, in a concept known as the locus of control. It’s the extent to which people feel that the outcomes in their life are based on what they do (internal control orientation) or on events outside their personal control (external control orientation). When we say “Let them” to any host of reactions we get from people, we switch the locus of control to an internal setting, where we believe that by being unattached to opinions, we can better control the outcomes in our lives.
Next time you’re feeling a little trepidation before hitting “post,” don’t forget Robbins’ mantra: Let them. Their opinions don’t define you, but your willingness to share authentically does. Your social media feeds are your page to express your voice, not a monument to others’ expectations.
Who's gonna be doing tongue exercises at the gym now? 
A man walking through the airport.via 
Motivation expert Mel Robbins.Photo 
Motivation expert Mel Robbins.Photo
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Communications expert shares the 7-word phrase to shoot down anyone being disrespectful
Try this method next time someone says something rude.
A woman can't believe what she just heard.
Getting caught off guard by a rude comment from a coworker, family member, or total stranger can throw you for a loop. You immediately start wondering how you should respond. Should I insult the person right back or play it cool without stooping to their level? Everyone is going to be thrown by a disrespectful comment at some point, so it’s good to have a response in your back pocket for that moment when it comes.
Communications expert Jefferson Fisher provided a great response that we can all use recently on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Fisher is a Texas board-certified personal injury attorney and one of the most respected voices on argumentation and communication in the world. He is also the bestselling author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More.
How to respond to a rude or disrespectful comment
Fisher told Robbins that the first step in responding to the comment is nonverbal. You say nothing. “A lot of silence. So often, if you just wait 10 seconds that you're gonna add distance between what they said and how you're going to respond,” Fisher said. “They're saying this to get something out of you, cause in that moment, they're feeling something, whether it's a fear or an insecurity, whatever it is, you're not going to deliver on that same plane that they are.”
The next step is to let the rude person know that their behavior will not be tolerated in a confident manner.
“So somebody says something disrespectful, you give enough silence to make sure that it's a little awkward, and then you're going to say something to the effect of, ‘That's below my standard for a response.’ All of a sudden, you're now making it clear that what you just said was beneath me. And I don't respond to things that are beneath me in that way.”
Throw it back on them
If you prefer to put someone back on their heels instead of squelching the situation as Fisher recommends, John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of DisconnectionI Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of Disconnection, says that you should respond with a question: “Do you really mean that?”
“Say it with outrage or dripping sarcasm, with raised eyebrows or deadpan calm. It doesn’t matter. This phrase is quietly disarming and deceptively powerful,” Bowe writes for CNBC. Bowe says the response does two great things for you. First, it gives them a chance to reconsider their words because most rude comments are said without thinking. “By responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you’re holding up a mirror. Often, that’s all it takes for the other person to walk back their offense,” he writes.
After the person is asked if they meant what they said, they can double down on their rude comment, but they are probably more likely to backpedal or apologize.
Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that, unless you live under a rock, you’ll have to deal with people making rude comments. But the best thing you can do is to prepare yourself to confidently put someone in their place so they’ll think twice about ever being rude to you again.