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mel robbins

Health

Expert shares how people and families can fall into the curmudgeon trap and how to escape

It starts as a fear response and becomes an exhausting personality.

Three people who ae very grumpy.

Is there anyone in your life who is negative about everything? They seem to lack joy and avoid positivity altogether. They mock people for their vulnerabilities and are always down to give you a dose of “realism” when you get your hopes up for anything. These people are known as curmudgeons and their Debbie Downer personalities can take over entire families and suck the joy out of everyone.

Why are people curmudgeonly?

Clinical psychologist, Dr. Angelica Shiels, recently broke down how people get infected with what she calls “curmudgeonitis” and how it can take over entire family identities. She says that it begins at first as an anxiety response. Because the person is afraid, they must think of potential dangers five steps ahead. But eventually, this becomes a personality type, even when they aren’t facing any threat. “So it becomes just like a personality style when it starts as an anxiety reaction,” Sheils said.

@dr..angelica.shie

#familysystems #toxicnegativity #connection #flight response #superiority #negative

Shiels says that this personality type can spread inside a family, engulfing everyone and even being passed down through generations. “This is when you have a very long line of nobody being vulnerable, including and especially the type of vulnerability that comes with being positive,” Shiels says. This personality pattern is terrible for individuals and families because it prevents people from truly feeling connected.

“Nobody connects or bonds over anything positive because that's just too vulnerable and then you don't end up having real relationship because you are depressing the life inside of you and you're gonna be ostracized if you don't go along with the chromaginitis rules of ‘we just give negative reviews’ and ‘ugh this this disgusting,’” Shiels continues.

Being part of a family or in a relationship with someone who reacts negatively to everything is incredibly stifling. If you like something, they think it’s bad. If you feel hopeful, they will try to squash it. If you think something went well, they will pick it apart. If you go to an event together, they will find a way to take the joy out of it, and if you’re looking for approval from them, it will never happen.

@dr..angelica.shie

Replying to @Grace Lawley #jung #anima #animus #rigid #neuroticism #balance #male #female #survival #creation

In a follow-up video, Shiels says people can overcome this incredible negative personality by being exposed to more creativity, wonder, and “lively flexibility,” or what Carl Jung called the anima. This can help them overcome their rigid mindset.

How to deal with negative people

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

But in the meantime, before the incredibly negative person (or people) in your life can break free from their rigid ways, how do you handle all that Debbie Downer energy? Mel Robbins, New York Times best-selling author, podcast host, and motivational expert, says that you should build up your “positivity shield.” She says you should create an imaginary positive force field yourself that allows you to smile and have a positive outlook, even in the presence of those who want to take you down.

“Your positivity shield protects you from negative energy bringing you down," Robbins says. "And here's the other thing, it's kind of contagious to other people, too. So, if you're positive, if you're smiling, if you don't let somebody bumping into you bother you … you can feel something lifting them, too.”

One of the greatest gifts a good therapist offers is helping you understand things in a way that protects you from toxic people and environments. Shiels' video reminds us that when we come across negative people, we should understand that it’s a coping mechanism that has stuck around far too long and treat it as such.

GIPHY, @melrobbins/TikTok

One in three Americans consume true crime content

Unlike the murder victims it centers around, there seems to be no end in sight for true crime, and the cult-like following it inspires. One in three Americans consume true crime content—be it in the form of a podcast, movies, television series, books, even online forums and videos—at least once a week. Thirteen percent of those folks would even say it’s their favorite genre.

But just what is it about this pop culture juggernaut that has us hooked? Danger and suspense? Mystery? Our fascination with the dark side of humanity?

Perhaps. But according to one psychologist, there’s another insidious reason lurking in the shadows of our subconscious.

While appearing on a recent episode of “The Mel Robbins Podcast,” Dr. Thema Bryant told viewers:

“If your idea of relaxing before you go to sleep is watching three episodes of ‘Law & Order,’ I would encourage you to think about, ‘Why is trauma relaxing to me?’”

Driving the point home, Bryant follows up with, “That’s what it is. It’s harm, crime violation, attacks, and that’s what’s going to soothe me into my bedtime.”

Bryant explained that her clients who engage in this activity often say they enjoy it because it feels “normal and familiar.”

In other words, some of us might be crime aficionados because of unresolved trauma.

@melrobbins If your idea of “relaxing” before bed is watching a few episodes of Law & Order (or any other #truecrime show), listen up. This was just ONE of the many incredible mic drop moments 🎤 and knowledge bombs 💣 that @Dr Thema Bryant drops on the #melrobbinspodcast. Listen now!! 👉 “6 Signs You’re Disconnected From Your Power and How to Get It Back: Life-Changing Advice From the Remarkable Dr. Thema Bryant” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #podcast #trauma #traumatok #healing #bingewatching ♬ original sound - Mel Robbins

“Some of us grew up in high stress, so people mistake peace for boring,” she said. “And it’s like, to come home to yourself, you have to lean into the discomfort, because it’s gonna feel unfamiliar.”

Bryant’s perspective was a bit of a mic drop moment online, with several true-crime fans coming to some shocking self realizations.

“[And] this was the moment I realized . . . I haven’t watched [‘Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’] since I went to therapy and started healing,” another person wrote. one person wrote on TikTok.

“Gut drop…Off to journal,” wrote another.

Over on Youtube, folks had a similar reaction.

via GIPHY

“Ouch! Hit home! Never ever thought about that. Wow!” exclaimed one viewer.

Still, others weren’t so sold on the theory, and attested that there was much more nuance to their intrigue.

One person argued “The trauma isn’t relaxing to me- it’s the justice the characters/real people often get that I never did in my own life.”

Or maybe, a few suggested, people listen to true crime simply for its distinct monotonous timbre.

“I really thought it's because of the boring solemn tone of the show, the soothing voice of the narrator,” one person quipped.

There might be other components at play as well. According to YouGov.com, over half of all American true crime consumers say it not only gives them a better understanding of the justice system, but it makes them more empathetic as well—which goes against the common sentiment that the genre desensitizes people to violence and makes them overly fearful or paranoid.

via GIPHY

As any good detective knows, all motivations are worth considering. I think we can all agree that it’s always interesting to contemplate why we do the things we do. Whether that’s committing a crime, or using one to go to sleep.

The science of the snooze button.

Mornings can be a challenge for a lot of folks. Our beds feel incredibly cozy, and after the alarm sounds, the allure of "just five more minutes" seems irresistible. The snooze button promises a brief escape to the warmth of dreams, a little respite before facing the day. It's a small comfort, a momentary delay from the bustle ahead.

But five minutes becomes 10 minutes and then 15 minutes, until we find ourselves racing against the clock to get to work on time. The snooze button can create a terrible cycle that feels like an addiction.

If you’re a snoozeaholic, a one-minute video by Melanie Robbins may break your dependence. Robbins is a podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer. She is known for her TEDx talk, "How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over," and her books, “The 5 Second Rule” and “The High 5 Habit,” as well as for hosting The Mel Robbins Podcast.


In a TikTok video taken from her podcast, Robbins explains the neuroscience behind why hitting the snooze button is a terrible idea.

@melrobbins

Stop hitting the snooze button on your life and TAKE CONTROL! 🚀 Sign up for my new, FREE 3-part training, Take Control with Mel Robbins. It’s designed specifically to to help you step back into excellence, take ACTION, and create the life you deserve! 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #dailyinspiration #mindsetmotivation #tapintopotential #takecontrol #reinventyourlife #snoozebutton #wakeup #wakeupcall

“Let me hit you with some neuroscience here. Two words: sleep inertia,” Robbins begins the clip. “When you hit the snooze button, you're awake, and as the alarm turns off, your brain then drifts back into sleep."

“Here's the thing that researchers have figured out—when you drift back to sleep after you've woken up, your brain starts a sleep cycle. Sleep cycles take 75 to 90 minutes to complete,” she continued. “So, when that alarm goes off again in nine minutes and you're like ‘oh my God’—have you ever noticed you're in deep sleep when you drift back to sleep?”

Robbins reasons that because you’ve entered a new sleep cycle, you will feel even more exhausted than if you woke up when the alarm first went off, and the feeling can last for a good part of the day.

“That's because you're nine minutes into a 75-minute sleep cycle." That groggy, exhausted feeling that you have, that's not a function of how well you slept. "It takes your brain about four hours to get through that groggy-a** feeling," Robbins says.

If you’re looking for a scientific take on the same issue, Steven Bender, a clinical assistant professor at Texas A&M University, agrees with Robbins. “Delaying getting out of bed for nine minutes by hitting the snooze is simply not going to give us any more restorative sleep. In fact, it may serve to confuse the brain into starting the process of secreting more neurochemicals that cause sleep to occur, according to some hypotheses,” Bender wrote in an article published by Popular Science.

Ultimately, it’s all about feeling our best in the morning to have a productive day. Most people snooze because they want a few extra minutes of sleep to feel even more energized. But, unfortunately, the truth is that it makes you feel worse. So, hopefully, all those snoozers out there will break their habits and get up when the alarm sounds so they can feel their best.