mel robbins

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control.

“It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 


Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”

This article originally appeared on 3.4.24

The science of the snooze button.

Mornings can be a challenge for a lot of folks. Our beds feel incredibly cozy, and after the alarm sounds, the allure of "just five more minutes" seems irresistible. The snooze button promises a brief escape to the warmth of dreams, a little respite before facing the day. It's a small comfort, a momentary delay from the bustle ahead.

But five minutes becomes 10 minutes and then 15 minutes, until we find ourselves racing against the clock to get to work on time. The snooze button can create a terrible cycle that feels like an addiction.

If you’re a snoozeaholic, a one-minute video by Melanie Robbins may break your dependence. Robbins is a podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer. She is known for her TEDx talk, "How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over," and her books, “The 5 Second Rule” and “The High 5 Habit,” as well as for hosting The Mel Robbins Podcast.

In a TikTok video taken from her podcast, Robbins explains the neuroscience behind why hitting the snooze button is a terrible idea.


Stop hitting the snooze button on your life and TAKE CONTROL! 🚀 Sign up for my new, FREE 3-part training, Take Control with Mel Robbins. It’s designed specifically to to help you step back into excellence, take ACTION, and create the life you deserve! 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #dailyinspiration #mindsetmotivation #tapintopotential #takecontrol #reinventyourlife #snoozebutton #wakeup #wakeupcall

“Let me hit you with some neuroscience here. Two words: sleep inertia,” Robbins begins the clip. “When you hit the snooze button, you're awake, and as the alarm turns off, your brain then drifts back into sleep."

“Here's the thing that researchers have figured out—when you drift back to sleep after you've woken up, your brain starts a sleep cycle. Sleep cycles take 75 to 90 minutes to complete,” she continued. “So, when that alarm goes off again in nine minutes and you're like ‘oh my God’—have you ever noticed you're in deep sleep when you drift back to sleep?”

Robbins reasons that because you’ve entered a new sleep cycle, you will feel even more exhausted than if you woke up when the alarm first went off, and the feeling can last for a good part of the day.

“That's because you're nine minutes into a 75-minute sleep cycle." That groggy, exhausted feeling that you have, that's not a function of how well you slept. "It takes your brain about four hours to get through that groggy-a** feeling," Robbins says.

If you’re looking for a scientific take on the same issue, Steven Bender, a clinical assistant professor at Texas A&M University, agrees with Robbins. “Delaying getting out of bed for nine minutes by hitting the snooze is simply not going to give us any more restorative sleep. In fact, it may serve to confuse the brain into starting the process of secreting more neurochemicals that cause sleep to occur, according to some hypotheses,” Bender wrote in an article published by Popular Science.

Ultimately, it’s all about feeling our best in the morning to have a productive day. Most people snooze because they want a few extra minutes of sleep to feel even more energized. But, unfortunately, the truth is that it makes you feel worse. So, hopefully, all those snoozers out there will break their habits and get up when the alarm sounds so they can feel their best.