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anti bullying

As kids have prepared to go back to school in recent weeks, a cruel prank has circulated on TikTok. Dubbed the #NewTeacherChallenge, parents are sharing videos of them telling their kids that they have a new teacher, showing the kids the face of someone who is disabled or who has a facial deformity or disfigurement, and then filming the child's reaction.

If that sounds horrible, it's because it is.

The people whose faces are being used in this challenge have every right to be angry and hurt. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior, and no one would blame them if they colorfully told the whole internet to shove it.

But two of the targets in these challenges are well-known disability activists who somehow manage to always take the high road, serving as an example to the rest of us. Their ability to respond to people's basest behaviors with dignity and strength, calling out the cruelty with clear and calm eloquence, saying over and over again, "It is absolutely not okay to treat me or any other human being this way and here's why," is awe-inspiring. If you want a role model for your kids, look to these ladies.


Lizzie Velasquez was born with a rare congenital disease called Marfanoid–progeroid–lipodystrophy syndrome, which prevents her from putting on weight, among other physical symptoms After being dubbed "The World's Ugliest Woman" at age 17, she became a popular of advocacy for people who are different, for anti-bullying, and for teaching empathy and compassion. She continues to be an ongoing target of horrible memes and jokes, and yet she continues to respond by teaching valuable lessons and showing her own kind heart with her motivational speaking.

She shared a video when the New Teacher Challenge first started surfacing, explaining how the prank was not okay:

This week, she posted another video showing how not to teach your kids about empathy utilizing this challenge. Some parents might use it as a teaching opportunity, getting kids to see why their own reactions are unkind, but if the parent's own reaction to the reaction is to laugh, then kids can get confused and the lesson gets lost.

Responses to Velasquez's videos have been largely positive, but of course she has also received even more cruel messages. And again, she reacts by stating that these people "need help figuring out how to channel their own anger/hate in a way that doesn't hurt someone else." (I would personally like to tell these people to shove it on her behalf, but I will try to follow her example.)

Melissa Blake is another disability activist and writer who has been the subject of countless jokes, memes, and pranks on social media. She wrote an article for Refinery29 about her face being used as a prop for unkindness-as-entertainment in the New Teacher Challenge.

One thing she pointed out was that the parents making these videos aren't just being cruel to her and others with disabilities, but also to their own children.

"I can't help but feel sorry for their children," she wrote. "Imagine your mom filming a vulnerable moment, one where you can't help but burst into tears, and they actually post it for the whole world to see. How is humiliating your child, or watching other children go through that, a source of amusement?"

She was also direct about the impact this cruel treatment has on her personally:

"I want to be clear: I am violated. Every single time. Each photo, taunt, and cruel word is a clear violation of my dignity and my worth as a human being. And every time these platforms fail to take action, they're sending the message that this bullying is okay. So many disabled people have become inured to our appearance being mocked. That's not something we should ever have to get used to."

Blake battles the trolls in a delightfully subversive way—by insisting she be seen in all her glory, refusing to hide away the way some tell her she should, and letting bullies know they will not win in her world.

Not only should we be teaching our kids to understand and embrace that some people are going to look different or move differently or have different abilities, but we should also show our kids outstanding examples of strength, resilience, and respect they can look up to. These women fit that bill to a tee.

Someone called me "four eyes" for the first time in middle school.

It didn't bother me enough to stop wearing my glasses, which I'd proudly worn since third grade — but those first bullying words stuck with me.

Yep, that's me and my beloved "four eyes" days! Image from the author, used with permission.


Middle school is a time when words start to matter a little bit more.

As teens try to shape their identities, insults can sting for a little longer. Peers' opinions seem to matter more. Teens want to be cool and unique, but they also want to fit in and belong.

That's why Amy Beth Gardner, a loving mom from Cleveland, Tennessee, squeezed out a tube of toothpaste for her daughter.

Huh? Let me explain.

Last week, Amy shared a story on Facebook about an interaction she had with her 11-year-old daughter, Breonna. First, Amy gave Breonna a tube of toothpaste and squirted it all out onto a plate. Then she asked her to put it back into the tube.

Breonna was understandably confused and frustrated. But the toothpaste was her mother's brilliant and beautiful metaphor for explaining that words matter. Once your words are out of your mouth, you can't just put them back in your mouth ... just like the toothpaste.

"My toothpaste was a mess and I went to clean it and started thinking about how, just like words once you have said them, you can't put toothpaste back in a tube," Amy said.

Here's Amy's original post:

My daughter starts middle school tomorrow. We've decorated her locker, bought new uniforms, even surprised her with a...

Posted by Amy Beth Gardner on Sunday, August 14, 2016

Here's the full text:

"My daughter starts middle school tomorrow. We've decorated her locker, bought new uniforms, even surprised her with a new backpack. But tonight just before bed, we did another pre-middle school task that is far more important than the others. I gave her a tube of toothpaste and asked her to squirt it out onto a plate. When she finished, I calmly asked her to put all the toothpaste back in the tube. She began exclaiming things like 'But I can't!' and 'It won't be like it was before!' I quietly waited for her to finish and then said the following:

'You will remember this plate of toothpaste for the rest of your life. Your words have the power of life or death. As you go into middle school, you are about to see just how much weight your words carry. You are going to have the opportunity to use your words to hurt, demean, slander and wound others. You are also going to have the opportunity to use your words to heal, encourage, inspire and love others. You will occasionally make the wrong choice; I can think of three times this week I have used my own words carelessly and caused harm. Just like this toothpaste, once the words leave your mouth, you can't take them back. Use your words carefully, Breonna. When others are misusing their words, guard your words. Make the choice every morning that life-giving words will come out of your mouth. Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion. Use your life to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness.'"

We all have a choice about whether to say something hurtful or hold it in — and that's what's important.

As Amy acknowledges in the post, everyone — including herself — can make the wrong choice sometimes and say something hurtful. We can either choose to use our words for good and make people feel better about themselves, or the other way around.

What Amy did is not only admirable, but also necessary.

Bullying is a major problem in schools, and it's important to teach kids and teens that their words have power.

Can you imagine if more parents used this clever metaphor to teach their kids about the weight of their words? That's a lot of wasted toothpaste, but a whole lot of spared feelings and goodness in the world too.

Monica Lewinsky knows a thing or two about bullying.

Photo by Fernando Leon/Getty Images.


As the 22-year-old former White House intern at the center of Bill Clinton's most notorious sex scandal, Lewinsky endured a round of public humiliation that rivals any in recent history.

Diners watch Monica Lewinsky's interview with Barbara Walters in 1999. Photo by Tannen Maury/Getty Images.

Now, 18 years after the protracted political saga that upended her life, she's back on a mission to helping kids fight back against online bullying.

Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images.

...with emojis.


The emojis, which Lewinsky conceived with a friend, are designed to send a message.

According to Lewinsky, who wrote an op-ed for Vanity Fair introducing the project, the icons give smartphone users a simple, direct way to say, "I'm here for you, and I've got your back," to anyone they see being attacked online. The designs — hands reaching out on either a heart-shaped or round colored background — are intended to evoke solidarity.

"Support — whether it’s from friends or strangers — matters," Lewinsky wrote.

The emojis were developed in collaboration with Vodaphone and are currently available for free download on iOS devices.

Lewinsky recalls that support from friends, family, and strangers was critical for her when the shaming and mockery over her affair with Clinton became almost too much to bear.

Lewinsky in 1998. Photo by Timothy Clary/Getty Images.

"In 1998, there was quite a long period of time where the highlight of my day was going down the hall to the lobby to get the mail," Lewinsky said in a video piece that accompanies her article. "I received so many letters from strangers who were offering support in different ways, and that was really a sea of compassion and support that helped me survive that period."

Now she wants to make sure that kids who are going through hell online can receive the same support from those closest to them.

Calling out bullying is important. But for Lewinsky, allying with victims is even more crucial.

"Knowing you are not alone — is vital and can even save lives," Lewinsky wrote.

Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images.

Pretty great for a second act.

True
Petfinder

You might be surprised about what you can find in a rescue dog. There are remarkable dogs up for adoption in shelters nationwide who just need to find a home. Here's the story of one of them.

Meet Marshall.


All images and GIFs via Marshall The Miracle Dog/YouTube.

Marshall once had a lot stacked against him.

He was one of over 60 animals rescued in 2010 on an episode of Animal Planet's "Confessions: Animal Hoarding."

Out of all the animals, Marshall was in the worst shape. He'd suffered injuries so bad that his medical team didn't think he was going to make it.

But he did. Little by little, Marshall recovered, even learning to walk on three legs after his broken limb had to be amputated.

Marshall 's owner (center) and the vet who saved him (right).


Marshall earned a nickname "Marshall the Miracle Dog."

"(Veterinarians) started calling him a miracle dog because he just persevered and wouldn't quit," said Cyndi Willenbrock, who adopted Marshall from the Humane Society of Missouri.

Realizing children could relate to Marshall inspired his owner to share his story.

Cyndi knew Marshall's journey to overcome his troubled past could resonate with kids who struggled with problems in their own lives. She wrote a children's book about Marshall and used it as a way to talk to kids about courage and acceptance.

She turned this into a larger campaign, called "The Marshall Movement":

"The Marshall Movement serves to carry a universal message of acceptance, tolerance, and kindness. Our goal is to help children recognize, prevent, and speak up when experiencing or witnessing tough social issues such as bullying, peer pressure, abuse, or animal cruelty. The Marshall Movement, with the use of thought-provoking character building programs and activities, strives to provide children with the strength and path to find their own voice. We inspire them to be empowered."

Marshall was also trained as a therapy dog, making it easier to take him into schools to share his story. The training also helped Marshall cope with the anxiety left over from his trauma, and brought him into contact with lots of people looking to give him as much healing love and attention as he wanted to give them.

Marshall hard at work as a therapy dog.

Cyndi also encourages kids to volunteer with animals, or elsewhere, to help them cope with personal problems. In an interview with The Daily Republic, she put it like this:

"I always tell people if they're going through tough times to go volunteer. It's the same thing with animals," says Cyndi. "Having him trained as a therapy dog gave him confidence and exposed him to people in a really safe environment. It really showed him that he does have a purpose to serve. Everyone has a purpose and, more often than not, you find that while giving to others."

If that purpose is belly rubs, Marshall isn't complaining.

The pair now travels around the country to inspire children to be kind to one another and to "act with courage" to end bullying. They've visited more than 450 schools in 25 states and met more than 150,000 students.

Marshall's story is so compelling, it even inspired a Hollywood film about his life!

Hollywood caught wind of this amazing pup's journey and reached out to Cyndi and her husband about creating a film based on Marshall's journey.The movie released on November 16, 2014.

We need more Marshalls in the world.

Sadly, students live in a world that looks like this:

  • Nearly 1 in 3 students report being bullied during the school year
  • Students who experience bullying are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and poor school adjustment
  • Students who bully others are at increased risk for substance use, academic problems, and violence later in adolescence and adulthood

But there are thousands of dogs that may be able to help.

Researchers have found that therapy dogs are great for providing emotional support, but also for teaching kids better ways to interact with one another.

Students can try out "pro-social" behaviors with them, learning to care for the dogs and receiving the dogs' love in return. Practicing commands that the dogs already know is also a great way to instill a sense of responsibility and accomplishment.

They can also help with pervasive issues like anxiety and social skills.

It would be awesome to see more rescued dogs like Marshall get the chance to give and receive the support they once never thought they'd have.

Could your very own Marshall be just a Petfinder search away? Considering adoption could not only save a precious pet's life, but could give untold benefits to you and your family... and maybe even the world — just like Marshall.

Indeed, who has saved whom?!


Watch this video to learn even more about Marshall and how his new life has helped him leave behind his past: