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Joy

What it's like for a man to share his feelings every day for a week.

For a week, I decided that when strangers asked how I was doing, I'd actually tell them. Here's what happened.

masculinity
Canva

Men can learn how to share what they're feeling.

We all know that phrases like “How's it going?” and “How are you?” are mostly pleasantries.

It's just how we say "Hello." You're not expected to answer any more than the person asking is expected to care.

But every once in a while, someone will surprise you. You'll toss out a casual and totally insincere “How are you?” and the floodgates will open out of nowhere. “I've had the WORST DAY,” they'll say.


I've always secretly envied people who can open up on a whim like that. It seems weirdly fun. And there might be a lot of psychological benefits to it.

So I tried it. For a week, I decided that when strangers asked how I was doing, I'd actually tell them.

But before I could start, a pretty important question occurred to me: Would I even know what to say? After all, I am a dude, and everyone knows dudes aren't always super in touch with how we're feeling.

Ronald Levant, a professor of counseling psychology at Akron University, told me a story about a man he once treated early in his career that sums up this whole thing pretty nicely:

“[He] came in complaining about how his son had stood him up for a father son hockey game. Being relatively naive back then, I said, 'So, how did you feel about that?' His answer was 'Well, he shouldn't have done it!' I said again, 'Yeah, he shouldn't have done it, but how did you feel?'
“He just looked at me blankly.”

Levant recalled similar sessions where women, by contrast, were able to walk him — in detail — through their emotional reaction to a situation: how anger turned to disappointment turned to worry, and so on.

“Among the men I was treating or working with there was a singular inability for many of them to put their emotions into words,” Levant said.

As part of my project, I wanted to test Levant's theory, to see what it would be like to, you know, actually try to express my feelings. As the king of non-answers, deflection, and “I'm fine, how are you?” I wanted to know what it would be like to talk about me.

It turned out to be much less simple than I thought.

grocery, enthusiastic conversation, strangers

Getting engaged and talking with other people throughout the day.

Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash

Day One

I was on my way to my daughter's daycare to drop off more diapers, and I was trying to think about how I felt at that specific moment. It was a beautiful sunny day. There was a guy on the sidewalk walking three huge, puffy dogs. It made me laugh.The day had been a bit of a rollercoaster. My 1-year-old daughter woke up all smiles. But by the end of breakfast, she had collapsed into an inconsolable heap of tears, and that was how she left the house that day: wailing in the backseat of my wife's car. When I arrived at daycare, though, she ran to me and leapt into my arms. She laid her head on my chest and giggled as she stared into my eyes. It was a total turnaround and a wonderful midday boost to my mood.

On my way home, I stopped off at a grocery store to grab an energy drink and, potentially, to share this happy moment with a stranger.

I chose the line manned by a fast-talking, bubbly woman. And when I got to the front, she teed me up perfectly with a sincere: “How are you?”

“Hey, I'm good!” I said enthusiastically. In the next instant, though, she was onto other things. “Ma'am?” she yelled to a wandering woman behind me. “I can ring you up over here.”

Her attention swung back to me, but almost immediately, she was telling me my total. “That'll be $2.03.”

The transaction moved at hyper-speed. The moment was gone. As I shuffled for my wallet, I considered just blurting it out anyway, “I just visited my daughter at daycare and she was so happy to see me and it was the freaking best!”

But a voice popped up in my head, and I couldn’t shake it: She's not going to care. Why would she care?

So I said nothing, paid, and went home.

To understand why men and women often handle feelings differently, we have to look at society first.

I can't help but think my wife would have had no trouble talking to the woman in the store. Why is it harder for me then? Are we wired differently? Is it a brain thing? A hormone thing?

Apparently, in the 1980s and '90s, researchers had something of a breakthrough on this question. They became “stimulated by this idea that gender was something that was socially determined,” Levant explained. He noted that boys were being socialized differently than girls were, and it was making a big difference for them down the road.

In a TEDx Talk called “Unmasking Masculinity” Ryan McKelley, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin La Crosse, echoed similar findings from his research.

First, he learned that infant and young boys surprisingly displayed more intensity and range of emotion than their female counterparts. “But that story starts to change over time,” he said.

Second, he looked at a series of studies polling men and women in America, which asked people to generate a list of emotions that are “culturally acceptable” for each sex. While the study found that women felt “allowed” to display nearly the entire emotional spectrum, men seemed to be limited to three primary feelings: anger, contempt, and pride.

But despite all these cultural “requirements” about emotion, it turns out that our brains aren't processing things all that differently. McKelley says if you hook men and women up to equipment that measures things like heart rate, skin conductance, sweat, and breath rate, and then expose them to stimuli that can provoke strong emotions, “these gender differences disappear.”

“I do not deny there are biological differences,” McKelly told me in an interview. “However, the degree to which it influences all that other stuff, I believe, is overblown.”

My learning after talking to these researchers? Men DO feel feelings (yay!) but society isn’t doing us any favors when it comes to helping us learn how to express them.

Day Two

I was sitting in the sweltering parking lot outside a Home Depot when I decided I was going to do better than the day before.

I walked inside and stood in line at the customer service counter for what felt like an eternity. Finally, one of the tellers called me up. She had a shock of white curly hair and kind eyes. A grandmotherly type. “How can I help you?” she asked. Not the exact question I wanted, but we'll see where it goes. “I have some returns,” I said.

I decided I was going to do better today.

We launched right into the specifics of what I was returning and why, and it was looking like I was about to strike out again. The transaction took a while so there was ample space to fill. Since she hadn’t asked me about my day, I took the initiative while she tapped impatient fingers along her computer waiting for it to load.

“How's your day going so far?” I asked. She went on to tell me about how a big storm that rolled through nearly knocked out the store's power and how the computers had been acting up ever since. “My day was going great until this!” she said playfully.

In my eagerness to share, I'd accidentally stumbled into a pretty pleasant conversation with a stranger. OK, so it was about computers and the weather, but it sure beats an awkward silence. She never did ask me how I was doing, and that's OK.

But it did make me realize that talking about your own feelings is pretty damn hard, even when you're going out of your way to try.

rainy day, gray, feeling depressed, shame

A rainy day affects the human experience and emotional state.

Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash

Day Three

Day three was tough. Outside it was gray and dreary and inside I felt about the same. Flat. Gray.

I was having trouble identifying the root of why I felt so, for lack of a better word, “blah,” so I Googled “how to find out what you're feeling,” like I was some sort of robot trying to understand the human experience. “Pay attention to your physiology,” one article said. I felt totally normal and my heart rate was an unremarkable 80. What does that mean?

“Don't think about it too much,” another article said. Well, shit.

As I read on about meditation and mindfulness and things of that sort, I started to get a little nervous. “What if I get too in touch with my emotions?” There's something comforting about being a reasonably even-keeled guy without a lot of emotional highs and lows. I don't want to go digging in the darkest recesses of my subconscious and unlock some terrible shit.

Apparently a lot of men feel like this.

McKelley described one man he treated who had severe anger issues and wasn't exactly open to talking about his problems: “I asked him, 'What do you find so subversive about crying?' He said, 'If I start, I'm afraid I'm going to curl up in a fetal position and never be able to stop.'”

I thought a little too much about this and decided I had to get out of the house.

I don't want to go digging in the darkest recesses of my subconscious and unlock some terrible shit.

I headed out to grab a coffee at a local establishment (OK, it was a McDonald's, but I really don't need your judgment right now). There was a young, freckle-faced girl working the counter. She was probably 19. When it was my turn, she gave me a shy “Hello.”

“How are you?” I started. “Good. How are you?” she responded, on cue.

Since I hadn’t had any major emotional breakthroughs at that point, I just ... told her the truth. “I just had to get out of the house a little bit. It's so gray and crappy today and I just needed a break. You know?”

She gave me possibly the blankest stare I had ever seen in my life. I quickly filled the silence with my order — a large iced coffee. To go.

The more I learn, the more I realize there is so much more to this whole emotions thing than just “opening up.”

By the third day, I’d learned that men definitely feel things. Lots of things. But it's what happens before those feelings bubble to the surface that accounts for the myth that dudes don’t have any emotions at all.

Think of it this way: Almost every single day, you take the same route driving home from work. And while driving is usually a conscious process that takes a lot of focus and effort, you could probably make that super-familiar drive home from work with barely any involvement from your brain at all. We sometimes call this “going on autopilot.” It’s the same way with breathing or blinking. Sure, you can control them if you want, but more often than not, they’re totally automatic.

And I've learned that it can be the same thing with suppressing emotions. For years and years, most men have been trained not to give any indication that we might be scared or lonely or nervous, and we push it down. If we do that enough, it can start to seem like we don’t feel those feelings at all.

It's what happens before those feelings bubble to the surface that accounts for the myth that dudes don't have any emotions at all.

McKelley expands on this idea in his TEDx Talk when he talks about the “male emotional funnel system.” Basically, he says all those emotions men might feel that make them vulnerable or that make them subject to judgment, or even being outcast, by their peers are transformed into anger, aggression, or silence. It's how we avoid ridicule.

It's how we survive.

But over time, not only do we lose the ability to understand our own true emotions — the emotions behind the anger or silence — but we get worse at figuring out and empathizing with what others are feeling too.

When it comes to emotional fluency, McKelley said, “it's like speaking a foreign language. If you don't use it, you lose it. It's something you have to practice.”

Day Four

When I went to bed the previous night, the country was heartbroken over the death of Alton Sterling. When I woke up, we were heartbroken over the death of Philando Castile. Two black men dead at the hands of police within 48 hours.

But as devastated as I was, life goes on — right? I had work to do and, later, errands. In fact, we needed more diapers.

But the shootings were the only thing on my mind all day.

When I reached the cashier at the Walgreens down the street from my house, a small pack of size-five Pampers clutched to my side, I saw she was a young black girl. She asked how I was doing. And I told her, with all honesty, that I was sad.

We talked briefly about the news. She'd been at work and hadn’t heard much about Philando Castile yet. We paused so I could enter my phone number for reward points. There were no tears or hugs or anything like that — after all, we were standing at the front of a Walgreens and people were starting to form a line behind me.

She asked how I was doing. And I told her, with all honesty, that I was sad.

When I left, I don't know if I felt any better. But I certainly didn’t feel worse. And talking to a real live human being about an awful tragedy felt a lot more meaningful than reading Facebook comments and Tweets.

So, on an awful, terrible, no-good day, I guess that was something.

While I worked on this project, I often wondered why all of this mattered. Do I really need to tell people what I’m feeling all the time?

And then I thought about our nation, and all the tragedies that we hear about on the news every day.

I thought about the 100 million men in America who, to varying degrees, have had their ability to empathize with the emotions of others slowly eroded over time because society tells them they cannot be vulnerable. I thought about the creep on the street chatting up a woman who clearly, visibly wants nothing to do with him. I thought about the catcallers who seem to be convinced they are paying women a compliment and are oblivious to how uncomfortable, even afraid, they're making them.

I thought of the millions of men in America being conditioned from an early age to turn fear, helplessness, loneliness, shame, and guilt into two things: anger and aggression. I thought of the 80-plus mass shootings in America since 1982 and how almost all of them were committed by men. I thought about how many of those men might have been bullied, hurt, shamed, or humiliated and, perhaps, could think of no other outlet for those feelings than the barrel of a gun.

I thought about the millions of men in America who will never harm another person, but might funnel that anger and aggression inwards through alcohol or drug abuse or worse, with three and a half times more men dying by suicide than women.

To be extremely clear: There is no excuse for hurting another person, whether through harassment, rape, abuse, or gun violence. But when we talk about providing better mental health services in our country, maybe we ought to make sure we're thinking of the next generation of otherwise healthy boys who need guidance about what to do with their emotions.

“If we're not allowed to talk about [shame], we're not allowed to express it, we're not allowed to admit we're experiencing it. And then you surround it with exposure to violence and seeing it modeled as a way to solve problems,” McKelley told me. “But women are bathed in the same violent cultural forces, so what's the difference?”

“Until we can figure out a better way socially to help boys and men navigate feelings of shame, we're going to continue to have problems.”

As bad as all the research sounds, there IS some good news.

intimacy, honesty, emotional intelligence, terrifying, men

Giving self reflection and intimacy a real shot.

Photo by Suzana Sousa on Unsplash

My best advice for how all of the men I know can figure out what their feelings are? Give it a shot.

Many of us are risk-takers. We go skydiving, wakeboarding, speedboating, or even shopping-cart-riding (full-speed into a thorn bush on a rowdy Saturday night, amiright?).

But we won’t tell our best friend that we love them.

“The irony is men repeatedly score higher than women on average in risk-taking behaviors. And yet we won't take those types of risks. Those emotional risks are terrifying for a lot of men. That’s probably the one thing at the end of the day that I suggest guys do,” McKelley said.

It might not always work out, but more often than not, he says, you'll find so many other people are feeling the same way and just waiting for someone else to say it.

“It doesn't require courage to hide behind a mask,” McKelley said in the closing minutes of his TEDx Talk. “What requires courage is being open and vulnerable no matter what the outcome.”

And as for me? I learned that talking about how I'm feeling, especially with people I don't know or trust, can be pretty hard.

Throughout the week, there were a lot of voices inside me telling me not to do it.

It'll be weird! They won't care! They're going to judge you!

And sometimes those voices were right. But as the week went along, it got a little bit easier to ignore them. And in the days since the “experiment” ended, I've found myself sharing just a little, tiny, minuscule bit more on a day-to-day basis.

What was most incredible was that I started to realize that the experts were right: This IS a skill. It’s something I can learn how to do, even as a self-described “nonemotional” guy. By taking “little risks” with my feelings, I am getting better and better at bypassing those instincts in me that want me to clam up and be the strong, stoic man.

I just hope I’ll have the courage to keep practicing.

But again, this isn't just about me. And it's probably not just about you either. It’s about the next generation of young people who will look to us (both men and women) for reassurance that men can feel, can talk about feeling, and can respond with things other than anger, aggression, or silence.

I want to leave you with a question, one I want you to really think about and answer as honestly as you possibly can. It might seem silly, but answering it could be one of the bravest things you'll ever do.

All right. Are you ready? Here it goes:

How are you?


This article originally appeared on 07.27.16

Joy

Pet behaviorist explains the viral phenomenon of people buying their cats concrete slabs

A pet behaviorist explains why this trend is actually purrfect enrichment.

@annieknowsanimals/TikTok

Cat owners everywhere are shocked to see how much their feline love a simple $2 concrete slab.

If you’ve traipsed through @CatTok over the past few days, you’ve undoubtedly come across various videos of cat parents bringing their feline friends a fairly unusual yet surprisingly effective enrichment tool. We are talking of course about a concrete slab. Yes, you read that right. Not a fancy new scratching post. Not some laser contraption. A cement square. That’s it.

Seriously, folks are going in droves to Home Depot to purchase these unassuming blocks. And every time they present their kitties this new treat, the reactions look something like this:

 
 @shecatcalls PART 2 | Cat enrichment ideas. The way she sits more on this $7 brick than any of the actual cat beds and huts I buy her 😂 Can anyone else relate? 🤦♀️ Video idea inspired by Kurt the Cat @Abram Engle @The Home Depot #creatorsearchinsights #cats #cattok #sillycat #funny #meow ♬ Cute - In Music 
 
 



The trend seems like it could have been ignited by this orange tabby (named Kurt) below, who loved rolling around on the sidewalk, thus inspiring his owner Abram Engle to see if he'd enjoy a concrete slab just as much. Spoiler alert: he did.

 
 @abrameng Kurt was conking the crete
 ♬ original sound - Abram Engle 
 
 

There have been as many theories as to why kitties go gaga for concrete as there are toy mice under the couch (meaning, a lot). But below, pet behaviorist Dr. Annie gives a few of her hunches as to what's driving this phenomeownon…though she adds the caveat that there haven’t yet been any official studies on it. So it's all based on her educated guesses.

 
 @annieknowsanimals why do cats like concrete? 🤔 here are my thoughts on the latest cat enrichment #trend! vc: @aero.mace #catbehavior #catsoftiktok #cat #cats ♬ original sound - Dr. Annie | pet behaviorist 
 
 

“First, I think cats are enjoying the concrete slab being brought into their homes because they are new and kind of out of place. There’s probably nothing quite like them already in the home environment,” Dr. Annie says.

This might initially sound counterintuitive, since it’s generally accepted that cats thrive on routine. While this may be true, as Dr. Annie has discussed in previous videos, their "predatory and territorial nature” makes them "sensitive to novelty.” When a toy seems static, it no longer mimics actual live prey, and therefore does not stimulate kitty as it would in nature. Same goes for cat beds and scratching posts, as they’re used to exploring and monitoring their environment. When something “new” appears in their territory, they are very motivated to interact with it.

 
 @annieknowsanimals Replying to @joshtmeadows let’s explain why cats are so sensitive to “new” stuff! @Abram Engle ♬ original sound - Dr. Annie | pet behaviorist 
 
 

Second, Dr. Annie surmises that the concrete’s porous surface makes it really great for holding onto the cat's scent, which is a key factor in marking a kitty's territory. Again, cat’s really like knowing (or in this case, smelling) what’s theirs. In many videos, you can see cat’s actively rubbing their cheek glands on the slab, Dr. Annie notes.

Also, and probably more of a no-brainer, the concrete surface is very, very fun for scratching! And while we all might know that cats enjoy the tactile pleasure of using their claws, having a part of their environment that they have control over is very fulfilling for their mental health.

Lastly, Dr. Annie confirms what many cat parents assumed, which is that temperature plays a huge role in making the concrete slab cat-friendly. Cats like warmth because they have a higher body temperature, and evolved from creatures that live in warmer climates (like topical jungles, African plains, etc.). If they are seeking a way to raise their temperature—especially in air conditioned homes—a concrete slab that’s been soaking up the sun is a great way to do so.

Thank you Dr. Annie for that fascinating deep dive. Those all seem like pretty solid theories. And while we might not ever get actual studies on this, there’s yet another fact that becomes abundantly clear: cat parents will go above and beyond to make their fur babies happy. Even if that means taking on a job in construction for free concrete.

For even more fantastic cat facts, give Dr. Annie a follow on TikTok.

Joy

Sales for GoodPop are surging after husband's obsession over watermelon flavor goes viral

The story of this full blown love affair over a simple popsicle is a must-watch.

Sometimes when the taste hits, it really hits.

A big part of marriage—or simply living with another person—means learning to love the little quirks of the person we're coexisting with. Be it their routines, hygienic habits (or lack thereof) or strange obsessions.

For Eli McMann, that meant embracing his husband’s years-long, uncontrollable compulsion for GoodPop watermelon-flavored popsicles.

“He tried them, and was like, ‘this is the best thing I’ve ever had in my entire life,’” McMann recalls in a now-viral TikTok.

 


After that fateful moment, McMann noticed his husband eating “ridiculous” amounts of these watermelon popsicles (the GoodPop brand, specifically). Their freezer was filled “to the brink,” the house would be riddled with used popsicle sticks… McMann's husband even commandeered the freezers of all of their friends as well, just in case they happened to be there and a craving struck.

 

Eventually McMann thought to himself “is there a problem? Am I supposed to have an intervention?” He went to X trying to get answers as to how these frozen treats could have taken over their lives, which unfortunately only inspired curiosity in other folks who decided they too must try this tantalizing watermelon popsicle.

Lo and behold, the trend took off so much that GoodPop reached out to McCann, specifically thanking him (well, his husband, rather) for causing their sales to skyrocket across the country, and even offered to send them some free merch.

“It’s been amazing to see so many new people discover GoodPop in such a real, unscripted and joyful way," GoodPop's Founder/CEO Daniel Goetz tells Upworthy. "We’ve been doing this for 15 years - crafting feel-good frozen treats with integrity - and to see all this love come to life has been so incredibly humbling and exciting."

And that just makes this hilarious story even sweeter when you learn more about the fact that GoodPop is a pretty cool company with real people behind it trying to make a positive impact in the world.

"I’m so happy for everyone this impacts - from to our Texas watermelon farmers, to our team that cuts the melons, to our nonprofit partners across the country - we we are all able to share in this viral moment," Goetz added.

And now, McCann’s husband is practically their new brand ambassador, wearing all the branded hats, shirts, gloves, etc, everywhere he goes. They of course also send boxes upon boxes of popsicles for them to sample. If McCann thought GoodPop was taking over his life before…

 


 

Little did they know that soon, their popsicle luck would run out. About three minutes into the video, McMann shares that a few days prior, his husband let out a blood curdling scream from the other room. Worried something had happened with their baby, he rushed into the other room only to find the real reason behind the scream: their grocery store would no longer carry his husband’s drug of choice. In fact, no surrounding stores would carry them either. Naturally, this sent McMann’s husband into a “full blown spiral.”

“This man spent the better part of two hours calling grocery stores within a fifty mile radius," McMann said. Eventually he found one a mere twenty miles away, and began planning how he could make regular excursions out to buy the popsicles in bulk.

“I am not a religious man, but I am begging you people to pray for us,” McCann concludes.

 


GoodPop, of course, seized the opportunity to deepen its bond with its number one fan. In a subsequent series of videos, we see a GoodPop delivery driver supposedly pedaling some boxes all the way from GoodPop headquarters in Austin,TX to Salt Lake City, where McMann and his husband live. The company even changed their TikTok bio to read “Eli’s husband’s favorite pop.” In an exceedingly ironic twist of fate, a photo of McMann begrudgingly holding a watermelon popsicle is now GoodPop’s profile pic, making him more of a mascot for the brand than his husband.

 
 @goodpop We’re on our way! Stay tuned and follow our journey to get pops to Eli’s husband! 🍉💨 . #popsicleemergency #goodpop #watermelonpopsicle #goodpoppopsicle #goodpopwatermelon #watermelonpop ♬ original sound - GoodPop 
 
 

In a time when companies seem more and more out of touch with the people they supposedly serve, and when the internet seems to continuously disconnect us, moments like this feel all the more special. McCann certainly didn’t share this little story about his husband’s popsicle obsession in order to go viral, but viral went nonetheless, making so many emotionally invested in a product they might have otherwise never known of. In turn, GoodPop could have simply used the viral video to promote their products, but instead established an actual human relationship. Just a little dose of TikTok using its powers for good.

By the way, even if watermelon flavor isn’t your thing, GoodPop has other delicious flavors, along with a ton of other tasty, good-for-you treats, like ice cream sandwiches, orange creamsicles, Mickey Mouse pops, and more. Check out their website here.

Gemma Leighton/Twitter
A 6-yr-old's art teacher said she did her painting 'wrong' and the responses are just great

The impulse and ability to create art is one of the highlights of being human. It's a key quality that sets us apart from the animal world, one that makes life more meaningful and enjoyable. While there are artistic skills that make it easier for people to bring their imaginations into the visible, tangible world, art doesn't abide by any hard and fast rules. Especially kids' art. Especially young kids' art.

There is no right or wrong in art, only expression and interpretation. That's the beauty of it. Unlike working with numbers and spreadsheets and data, there is no correct answer and no one way to arrive at the proper destination. As the famous quote from Dead Poet's Society goes, "Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

That's why one mom was furious when her 6-year-old's art teacher told the girl her painting was "wrong."

Gemma Leighton, mother of 6-year-old Edie, shared her daughter's painting on Twitter with a request for support. Edie created the painting in an after school art club, and her art teacher told her she did it wrong.

"You can't do art wrong!" wrote Leighton. "She was so upset as art is her favourite thing to do."


 

Now, we don't know exactly what the teacher said to Edie, or why, but if a 6-year-old comes home upset and feeling like there's something wrong with their art, the teacher did something wrong. Full stop. Six-year-olds are just beginning to learn about technique, and encouragement is the most vital thing a teacher can offer a budding artist.

The internet rightfully pounced to Edie's defense, and the responses are incredibly heartwarming.

Many people shared how hurt they were as children when a teacher told them something was wrong with their art—and that they were wrong. Knowing that grown-ups had experienced the same kinds of unnecessary criticism as kids and realized that it was wrong can help Edie feel confident that her painting is not "wrong."

Others pointed out the famous artists that her painting reminded them of. Seeing how her own painting reflects some of the style and color choices of professional artists can help Edie see the spark of genius in her own artwork.

 

Songwriter Kimya Dawson, most famous for her songs in the movie Juno, shared that a middle school English teacher had told her to stop writing poems because they were "too juvenile."

"I never stopped though and making rhyming poems has been my career for over 20 years!" Dawson wrote in a Reply. "Your painting is perfect! Keep it up! Don't worry what anyone else thinks."

Professional artists chimed in with words of encouragement, pointing out that Edie's use of perspective and expressionism were quite impressive for her age.

"The only 'wrong' is not making art that speaks from your heart," wrote an artist who goes by @Artsy on Twitter. "When she expresses her passion, her vision of her world, her personal reactions to what she sees and feels, she'll never be 'wrong.'"

Now that's how it's done! Experts say that not just general encouragement, but pointing out specific things in a child's work that are the building blocks of art and literacy are key to building their self-esteem. In fact, the creative process in and of itself is great at building a child's self-esteem! It allows them to practice independence and feel immense pride at their finished product, no matter what anyone thinks it looks like. Really the only way to turn art into a negative thing for a child is to criticize it.

Even KISS guitarist Paul Stanley offered Edie words of encouragement.

 art, artists, kids, children, kids art, imagination, play, creativity, self-esteem, education, teachers, parents, moms Judging technique can come later. Way later. For now, just let kids create.  Photo by Bahar Ghiasi on Unsplash  

"Your art is AWESOME!!!" he wrote.

"There is no such thing as doing art 'wrong.' There are only teachers who are wrong!!! Your art shows amazing freedom and spirit. How can that be 'wrong'?!?! Keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing. I LOVE it!!!"

 

Imagine being a heartbroken 6-year-old who has been told by a teacher that her art was wrong, and then seeing a flood of thousands of supportive comments from people who looked at the same piece of art and told you what they loved about it. This is how social media should be used. To lift people up, to encourage and inspire, to share beauty and creativity.

After the outpouring, Leighton created a new Twitter account called Edie's Art for people to share kids' artwork, and gracious, it's a delight to peruse.

There's nothing more pure, more colorful, more full of life than art that came from a child's imagination. They may not have the technical skills to perfectly create what they envision in their minds or what they're looking at for inspiration, but that's part of what makes it so beautiful. They aren't self-conscious enough yet to hold back, and their art comes from a place of confidence and acceptance of their own abilities—that is, until some adult comes along and squashes their artistic spirit.

 

One of my favorite things as a parent has been watching my kids' artistic expressions evolve as they've grown, and I've loved their artwork at every stage. And not just because I'm their mom, but because kid creations are the best reminder of how natural the human impulse to create really is, and how beautiful it is when we share that impulse without fear or doubt.

As for Edie, she didn't let that early criticism keep her down. The original story happened about four years ago, and today Evie continues to pursue art. Her mom still occasionally shares the odd piece or two on Twitter/X, and even posted a fun stop-motion video Evie created using one of her stuffed animals. Clearly, her creative spirit could not be suppressed so easily.

"Edie is now immersed in the digital art world and still creates wonderful things every day Keep creating little artists," her mom shared in a recent update on X.

Keep painting, Edie, and all you kiddos out there. Don't let one person's opinion—even a teacher's—hold you back.

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

Californians love-hate relationship with Gavin Newsom is comedy gold

Gavin Newsom is a name most people know whether they live in California or not. But in case you're new here, Gavin Newsom is the governor of California, which is essentially like being the president of a country given the size of the state. Due to his role, good looks and politics on many things, he's an easily recognizable figure that is often romanticized.

Of course the romanticization could be because he looks more like a movie star than a governor but the people who live within the state he governs have feelings about people's infatuation with him. Everything is often rose colored when you're outside looking in. When Californians started taking to social media to explain their relationship with the governor, the average social media user was unprepared.

  Gavin Newsom; Gavin Newsom Trump; California governor; California; Gavin; Newsom; love-hate Gavin NewsomPhoto by Frederic Poirot/Flickr

The conversation first started in comment sections of people from states with problematic leaders making swooning videos over Newsom's handling of political attacks on his state. Comment sections became flooded with Californians expressing very conflicting responses within a singular sentence. When pressed for a better explanation on why his constituents didn't like him but also felt passionately about their like for him, the responses became comical.

"Gavin Newsom is Godzilla in the movies where he's on your side against another kaijuu but still has beef with us," one person writes.

 
 @squid.hat i’m new to california but y’all crack me UP!! see u saturday!!
 ♬ original sound - Flawed Mangoes 
 
 

"He may be a monster, but he is our monster," another says.

"The enemy of my enemy is technically, my friend, if my friend was also evil and not a good person and also my enemy," someone laments.

What is it exactly that Gavin Newsom has done to make people love to hate him? No one ever really says explicitly what it is. In the current context of America, it seems that people dislike him due to his swift shift on homeless encampments in California. Once the United States Supreme Court ruled that states were legally allowed to fine and jail people experiencing homelessness, Newsom reversed course on the protections homeless individuals had in California.

The phrase, "Gavin Newsom hates two things, Republicans and homeless people, and he's all out of homeless people" has appeared multiple times under videos of him roasting political opponents. But for some people, the love-hate relationship started much earlier in Newsom's political career. In 2003, the then 36-year-old Newsom was elected mayor of San Francisco and while his policies were progressive, he knocked plenty of things over and put his feet up on the political coffee table.

People accused him of being more focused on his public image than his actual job. Given that he looks like he could be on the cover of a romance novel, it was probably easy to lean into that notion while discounting the good he was trying to do. Granted, a young Newsom didn't help muffle the criticism with the choices he was making in his personal life like marrying television commentator and lawyer Kimberly Guilfoyle, posing for fashion magazine spreads and lashing out at the media according to San Francisco Chronicle.

 
 @traceyh415 I just want to provide a little bit of background on why some California folks are not praising him for his current actions. They are burnt out by his policies.
 ♬ original sound - Traceyh415 
 
 

While there doesn't seem to be much talk about Newsom attempting to project a Hollywood perfect image nowadays, people still love to hate him.

"Republicans are afraid of Gavin Newsom but so are we kinda," someone says.

"Gavin Newsom cares about people in the way that vampires care about their food source," one creator relays.

"Gavin Newsom the typa guy to protect you from other people's wrongdoings just so HE can be the one to ruin your life" another writes.

 
 @hannynutcheerios he is a bit of a petty psycho but at least he’s OUR petty psycho #gavinnewsom #toxicboyfriend #california ♬ original sound - hanny 
 
 

"He’s like a well groomed well fed cat and we are just the house mice he allows to stay bc he is bored." one person jokes.

"Existing under Newsom is like driving by a cop that already has somebody pulled over, like 'oh thank god, he's already busy'" a commenter laughs.

One person reminds others that it's a good thing to criticize politicians, "like yes we're joking about it, but also this is exactly how we SHOULD be acting about our politicians. applaud and support when they do things we agree with, but never ever forget the ways they can turn on us."

Is Gavin Newsom upping his public presence because he's planning a 2028 run for president? Eh, probably. But based on the thirst trap videos people are creating of California's governor, people may be willing to overlook the hate part of Californians' relationship with him. One woman admits, "I want this man to lead America just so we get to see him often."

When it comes to this oxymoronic relationship, one Californian wraps up the sentiment, "Patrick Bateman of democrats is sending me. We have a love-hate relationship with Gavin and right now it's love!! Thank you for having our backs like a leader!!"

Joy

Woman uses funny 'man on the street' interviews with guys to explain how the estrogen patch works

"If men had to go through perimenopause, we'd have hormone therapy in vending machines."

Canva

A woman puts on her estrogen patch. A man looks baffled.

Women going through menopause or perimenopause are learning quickly that not everyone understands what we're dealing with. Which makes sense—it’s confusing even for us, let alone those who can't physically relate.

Luckily, lots of women are willing to teach. Just recently we shared the story of a woman who built the "We Do Not Care" club as a community for those experiencing this "change" in both physical and emotional ways. Our priorities have shifted. Things we once cared about, like "wearing the right bra" on errands, no longer seem that important.

Another woman on Instagram, Beth Crosby (@garbagemom), is taking it up a notch and just so happens to also be a proud member of the WDNC club. In a sponsored clip entitled "Explaining Perimenopause to Dudes," she approaches people on the street with a microphone. For her first interaction, she whips out an estrogen patch and explains to a guy, "This is an estrogen patch." She shows it to the camera as she continues, "This has saved my entire life." She then illustrates how to put it on. "This goes on my butt…"

The man has questions. "So you do this in public?" Similarly to our friends in the We Do Not Care club, Crosby answers, "I don't even give a F anymore. I'm over 40, nothing matters." She reassures him, "Don't be embarrassed," and he cheekily replies, "I'm embarrassed FOR you." She ignores this and puts it on while narrating, "And you put it close to your butt," which she then slaps. "Ah, that's the good stuff."

Next up, she talks to a woman and asks, "If men had to have periods and go through perimenopause…?" The woman quickly interjects, "We'd have hormone therapy in a vending machine." Crosby concurs. "Period."

 vending machine, hormone therapy, The Office, chips Dwight digs through a vending machine on The Office.  Giphy Peacock. NBC 

She explains to another guy, "I take estrogen and I smear it all over my face." He replies, "No you don't. Are you kidding me?" She confirms that yes, indeed, and in fact, "People put it on their vagina. Your vagina shrivels up during perimenopause." He lets an audible "yikes" and then nods and says, "Here we go, okay. Now we're in it."

Lastly, she cuts to a man who inquires, "Wasn't there like a pill or something?" To which Crosby assures, "There is help. I have been seeing an online clinic called Midi Health. They've been incredible. They've prescribed hormone replacement therapy for me and also some supplements, like holistic supplements."

Now switching between people, she explains, "So if you know any women in their mid-40s, just be really nice to them. They've got a lot going on. Thank you!" As she leaves, he—in jest—says, "Good luck with your shriveled self." She turns to the camera while sad clown music plays. He softens it up, "Maybe yours isn't though?" To which Crosby hilariously responds, "It is. Let's just be honest, it is."

Crosby makes it clear she's in a paid partnership with @midihealth, but Upworthy reached out to her and she shares that she's truly a huge fan. "It's been a game changer for me."

She also explains, specifically, how hormones have helped. "I suddenly started getting super anxious, and as someone who has dealt with anxiety my entire life, THIS anxiety felt different. It felt physical. So I finally checked out MIDI health and got prescribed HRT, estrogen (the patch) and progesterone. It was a game changer. I know it sounds dramatic and that's because it was! I'm sleeping a million times better, and my anxiety feels manageable."

The comments were extremely supportive, with one pointing out, "Educating the masses." Crosby responds, "Someone's gotta do it!"