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An anxious person covers their face. Sheet music.

What if we could reframe the way we view anxiety? Instead of it being this negative, festering nuisance, could it be finessed into something that's ultimately positive?

Well, psychologist Rollo May–who was often considered one of the most renowned existential psychologists/philosophers of his time–believed that the way many of us think about anxiety is all wrong. In 1950, May released his book The Meaning of Anxiety, which was revised and re-released in 1977, and sought to challenge the belief that anxiety is a "bad" emotion. Instead, May suggests it's a feeling that should serve as a reminder to "take action."

 Rollo May, psychology, anxiety, psychologist, positive, negative Archivo:Rollo May USD Alcalá 1977.jpg - Wikipedia, la enciclopedia ...  es.m.wikipedia.org  

Of the latter 1977 release, Goodreads describes it as, "the first modern book on anxiety following Freud and Kierkegaard. May challenges the idea that 'mental health is living without anxiety,' believing it is essential to being human. He explores how it can relieve boredom, sharpen sensibilities, and produce the tension necessary to preserve human existence."

The gist is that anxiety can't be ignored as it's such a normal part of the human condition. Instead, it should be used as a guide to cultivate knowledge, spring into action, and enhance creativity.

In the late 1980s, May sat for an interview entitled "The Human Dilemma with Rollo May" as part of Jeffrey Mishlove's Thinking Allowed series. Among many ideas discussed, Mishlove asks, "When you speak of anxiety, you don't think of it as a symptom to be removed, but rather as a gateway for exploration into the meaning of life."


May gives a resounding, "Yes, you got that exactly!" He adds, "I think anxiety is associated with creativity. When you're in a situation of anxiety, you can of course run away from it and that's certainly not constructive." He then exemplifies the "no-nonsense" approach he was often known for: "You could take a bunch of pills to get over it or cocaine or whatever else you may take."

Mishlove interjects, "You could meditate." May responds, "You could meditate. But I think none of those things, including meditation–which I happen to believe in–but none of those paths lead you to creative activity."

"What anxiety means," he continues, "is it's as though the world were knocking at your door. That you need to create. You need to make something. You need to DO something. And I think anxiety, thus, is well for people who have found their own heart and their own souls. For them, it is a stimulus toward creativity, toward courage. It's what makes us human beings."

The full interview contains a moment when Mishlove states, "I suppose much of anxiety comes from the basic human dilemma of being mortal. Of ultimately having to confront our own demise."

  -Jeffrey Mishlove's Thinking Allowed series with guest Rollo May  www.youtube.com  

May answers, in part: "Man is the only creature—men, women and children sometimes, even—who can be aware of their death. And out of that comes normal anxiety. When I can let myself FEEL that, I apply myself to new ideas. I write books. I communicate with my fellows. In other words, the creative interchange of human personality rests upon the fact that we know we're going to die…Our knowledge of our death is what gives us a normal anxiety that says to us to make the most of these years you are alive. And that's what I've tried to do."

Mishlove also points out, "Another source of anxiety you've described in your writing, is our very freedom. The ability to make choices and to have to confront the consequences of those choices." May once again agrees. "Freedom is also the mother of anxiety. If you had no freedom, you'd have no anxiety."

He's essentially stating that again, anxiety comes from the very act of being aware of our own consciousness. "Those of us who do have anxiety are alert, alive. We're aware that what we do matters. We only have about 70 or 80 or 90 years in which to do it, so why not do it and get joy out of it, rather than running away from it?'

The comments sections across the board are full of insightful thoughts. This person sums it up nicely: "Our existential freedom is what allows us to feel anxiety and despair; this, in turn, gives rise to creativity, growth, understanding, and joy. It's almost like anxiety and creativity are two sides of the same coin."


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One mom started a heartwarming discussion when she shared how her son ordered at a restaurant for the first time.

This summer in my house, we've made a big change. For the first time ever, we're letting our oldest daughter walk to the pool by herself. It's about three-quarters of a mile, or a 10-15 minute walk. It feels like a big deal to us. The walk is along a very busy road that she has to cross at the very end. She was nervous the first time she tried it, and so were we.

But...she's 10 years old. It's time. For reference, I was walking all over the place by myself at the same age, or playing outside for hours with my parents only having a very vague sense of where I was. This is a natural part of growing up that, it seems, more and more kids are being deprived of. Not through malicious intent on the part of parents, but just because we're scared.

It seems that everywhere I go, one parent or another is telling me I need to read The Anxious Generation. We're all worried about the Gen Alpha kids, apparently. And though I've yet to read it myself, one of the key takeaways I keep seeing is that "as parents, we’re too overprotective in the real world and not overprotective enough online," as summed up by The Everymom. In other words, we smother them and shelter them from any possible harm like kidnapping, getting hit by a car, being bullied or even made to feel uncomfortable—and in doing so, we stifle their growth, their confidence, and their ability to become successful adults.

One mom recently took to social media to share a big independence win. She called it a "lightbulb moment" when she realized she'd been helicopter parenting her son and finally decided to take a big step back.

Soon, dozens of other parents chimed in on the Reddit thread with similar stories. They're so heartwarming and empowering, reminding us that the kids are capable of so much more than we think. They just need the chance to shine.

1. "Let my son order his own meal at a restaurant for the first time."

parenting, kids, moms, dads, the anxious generation, anxiety, millennial parents, boomer parents, motherhood, fatherhood"Let my son order his own food at a restaurant for the first time."Canva Photos

The OP kicked off the powerful thread with a simple story from dinner.

"So yesterday we went to our usual diner for breakfast, and instead of automatically ordering for him like I always do, I told my son (7) that he was going to tell the waitress what he wanted all by himself. The look of panic on his face was immediate."

As hard as it was to hold back, Mom didn't help. She just smiled and encouraged her son to handle the interaction himself.

"He stumbled a bit at first, speaking so quietly she had to lean in, but then he found his voice. He ordered his pancakes, asked for extra syrup, and even remembered to say please. The waitress was so sweet about it too, giving him her full attention and treating him like a real customer. After she walked away, he had this huge grin and said 'Mom, did you see that? I did it all by myself' He sat up straighter in the booth and you could just see the confidence radiating from him.

"It was such a small thing, but watching him realize he could handle it on his own was incredible. I've been ordering for him out of habit and probably some misguided attempt to make things 'easier,' but I was actually robbing him of these little moments to grow."

2. "Sent my 4-year-old to the register with my credit card."

Handing over cash to a child is always risky. There's no guarantee you'll ever get it back. But the whole credit card?! That takes some serious bravery as a parent. But this is how kids learn.

"My proudest moment recently was when I sent my 4yo to the counter at McDonalds with my credit card and told him to buy himself a bottle of water. He came back with the water, my card, a receipt, and a huge proud smile on his face," another user added.

3. "Let my 6-year-old make his own noodles."

A child handling a heavy pot of boiling water. What could possibly go wrong!? Turns out, that's the wrong question. What could go right? That's a better one.

"I taught my six year old how to make noodles today. The only thing I did was lift the heavy pot twice. He was over the moon about making his own dinner. Then, of course my four year old decided he wanted to do it too, but that still didn't ruin the moment for the older one. Going to start doing this more," one user said.

4. "Encouraged my son to speak for himself at the doctor's office."

Once you start thinking about it, it's really amazing how often parents end up speaking on behalf of their kids who are perfectly capable of using their own voice. Again, it's not malicious, it's from a place of protectiveness. Maybe they don't need us to speak for them after all.

"We took our son (7) to an after hours clinic yesterday because we were worried about some ongoing stomach pain and wanted to rule out appendicitis. I had gone over with him what would likely happen in the appointment. The doctor came in and addressed my son asking what was going on and getting his story before addressing us parents. He did a very good job explaining how he had been feeling and when. He answered her questions as best he could," a user shared.

"But hearing him explain to her what was going on was a similar experience for me as what you had described. It was great to see him practice telling someone who is not his parent what is going on."

5. "Sent my 18-year-old to the bank to open his own account."

Even teens and young adults need lessons in independence. A parent's job is never truly done.

"My 18 year old went to the bank this weekend and opened an account all by himself. When I saw him afterwards he had the 18 year old version of your son’s expression. Confidence, pride, belief in self. It’s a big deal letting them do the things in their own. "

6. "Let my kid work the self-checkout all by himself."

parenting, kids, moms, dads, the anxious generation, anxiety, millennial parents, boomer parents, motherhood, fatherhood"I let my kid do the self-checkout from start to finish."Canva Photos

The grocery store is chock-full of lessons and opportunities for kids to practice independence.

"I have mine ring up the groceries at the self check out from start to finish. Or if he wants to buy something at a store: I give him my card and then stand back and let him check out (taught him to greet the cashier, say bye etc). Also at the library, if he’s looking for a book, damaged a book (it happened once), or needs help, I have him speak to the librarian and work it out," one parent shared.

7. "Asked my 8-year-old to return the cart across the parking lot."

You've got to start somewhere, even if these little independent moments seem small. They can really build on themselves if keep it up.

"My son just turned 8 and my in laws are taking him on a big camping trip for a week by themselves without us there. It's kind of been a crash course in independence getting him ready ... The last couple of weeks he's been showering by himself and today I let him park the cart across the parking lot in the little slots while I buckled his sister in the car. It's amazing what kids can do when you give them the opportunity!" a parent said.

8. "Helped the kids learn to call in the pizza order."

Calling in a pizza order seems small, too, but don't forget that a lot of younger people—heck, people in general—get extremely anxious about speaking on the phone. This is excellent practice for them.

"My kids [used] to get so angry when I would ask what's for dinner and one would suggest pizza, I would say great, who is calling it in. This started from age 12 with the oldest. We would write out the order so they just had to read and I would be right there if there was an issue," this parent added.

9. "Let my 6-year-old call the shots at the drive-thru"

Ordering their own food seems to be a popular and effective place to start, even for very young kids.

"I let my 6 year old daughter order her Happy Meals in the drive-thru. She gets to roll down her back window and give the order and she makes sure to say please and thank you. A few times I’ve had to step-in and confirm everything because her voice is still soft. And sometimes she gets stage fright and doesn’t want to talk at all and I take over. But no matter what she LOVES when I pull forward enough for the attendant to hand her the Happy Meal box," a parent shared.

10. "Taught my kids to check themselves in to the doctor."

parenting, kids, moms, dads, the anxious generation, anxiety, millennial parents, boomer parents, motherhood, fatherhood"I taught my kids how to check themselves in at the doctor."Canva Photos

Teaching your child independence isn't just about confidence. It could quite literally be a life-saving skill one day.

"I started having my children at 11 'check themselves in' to doctors appointments," one parent said. "I would always do the pre-check, but let them give their name. At 13 I stopped doing the pre-check. ... I started giving them their insurance cards that come in the mail at 12.5.

"My kiddos know their insurance information, know their primary care doctors name, and know how to handle checking in. I did this specifically just in case they ever had an emergency and didn't have the information and I wasn't with them. They know their address, 5 main phone numbers, primary care doctor, and both insurances. We are now working on social security numbers."

11. "I let my 4-year-old have the CostCo experience"

If you want to throw your kiddo in the deep end, just take them to the jungle that is CostCo on a Sunday morning.

"I've ... been trying to back off and let my 4yo son be more independent," another parent shared. "I have such high anxiety that I'm just trying to get from one thing to another quickly, but like you said robbing him of those moments to practice independence.

"Today we went to Costco to get batteries and he scanned the membership card, carried the batteries to the self checkout, scanned it, used my credit card to pay, and showed the employee at the exit our receipt. The employees were so nice and patient with him too (luckily it wasn't very busy) and all told him what a good job he did! He has been talking about how he went shopping all by himself for 4 hours now nonstop."

Fostering independence in our kids is not just good for their long-term outcomes and confidence, it's crucial for their mental health.

They need to feel that they have agency and some level of control in our crazy world. And though letting go of the reins can feel scary for parents who are constantly bombarded with worst-case-scenario news, there are lots of little ways to make progress: let them order at a restaurant, make a phone call, or check out at a store. When you start to stack bigger and bigger wins over time, you'll be amazed what they can do.

Influencer admits she's not 'naturally pretty' breaking down changes

Influencer is a word that has seeped into the lexicon all over the world. It's now considered a legitimate career option that Millennials and Gen Zers have fully taken advantage of, as it can be lucrative. But just like magazines, everything you see on social media isn't real. Influencers highly curate their content, even the ones that have "messy" homes. It's curated mess much of the time.

The other area that is highly curated is the image viewers see of the person making the content. Oftentimes they look incredibly put together causing people to believe their "no makeup" makeup is the way they naturally look. An influencer named Mila has decided to set the record straight after consistently receiving comments saying that she's naturally pretty. Mila adamantly contends that she is in fact not naturally pretty and doesn't want people to think that she is.

influencers; social media; social media mental health; mental health; plastic surgery; social media filterswoman leaning on wall Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

Social media has been linked to low self-esteem in both young teenage girls and boys causing other mental health issues such as body dysmorphia, eating disorders, depression and anxiety. Some cite the heavily edited and curated photos of influencers and celebrities on the platforms as contributing factors. Given this information, it seems more influencers are ripping the filter off to show that they don't even look who they portray once the filters fall.

Mila shares her reason for people not to fall for her being a naturally pretty person in a now viral video shared across multiple social media platforms. The seemingly makeup free beautiful blond says, "I don't want anyone to ever think that I'm like naturally pretty or I naturally look like this. My hair is bleached. Eyebrows are dyed and groomed. Eyelashes, eyelash serum. If I don't have an eyelash serum on I don't have eyelashes."

influencers; social media; social media mental health; mental health; plastic surgery; social media filterswoman in black off-shoulder shirt sitting on brown wooden stairs Photo by Jon Ly on Unsplash

The woman then starts pointing out sections on her face where she receives botox before adding, "I've had multiple lip flips in my life. Nails are busted but they are in fact fake. Tan is fake. Teeth are not fake but they were thousands of dollars and five years worth of braces and dental work and then on top of that, whitening the f**k out of my teeth every single week so they look like this. None of this is natural. I don't want any young girl following me to think that this is a natural beauty standard."

While Mila admits that there may be some people out there that just naturally wake up looking like that, she does not. She explains that she's spent a lot of money to look the way she does so she can feel her best. It seems that she's hoping her honest video reaches teenagers who are falling into the trap of believing that people on the internet are naturally beautiful without trying. People in the comments were thrilled with the influencers honesty with some wanting others to do the same.

"WE NEED MORE INFLUENCERS LIKE YOU!!!!!" one person exclaims.

"THANK YOU! I would have needed this content when I was a kid," someone else says.

"Thank you. Sometimes I forget that people (can) get things done and I just assume everyone is as pretty as they come while scrolling," another writes.

influencers; social media; social media mental health; mental health; plastic surgery; social media filterswoman getting cosmetic injectionsPhoto credit: Canva

"Thank you. Sometimes I forget that people (can) get things done and I just assume everyone is as pretty as they come while scrolling," someone shares.

Another commenter shares that she hopes things will go further, "This is definitely a huge step in the right direction. Maybe one day we can prove to little girls that it doesn’t take so much work to feel our best. Maybe we don’t feel the need to spend sooooo much time effort and hard earned money to finally feel content in our skin. Cause if it requires all of that maybe it’s not really contentment. Nothing against OP just bringing up a thought I had when I saw it."

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Lighting a candle? That's basic compared to these advanced tips.

Poop anxiety isn't the most heavily studied medical field, but some estimates say up to a third of people suffer from some kind of anxiety around going to the bathroom in a public place or another person's home. On the low end, they can feel ashamed or embarrassed. At the higher end, they may avoid social functions, public events, or leaving their own home entirely. This phenomenon also tends to affect women more than men. For some people the worry gets so bad that they constipate themselves or refuse to eat, all because they're worried of what people will think of them.

But you don't have to have extreme "shy bowel" to know the uncertainty associated with feeling a rumbly tummy while you're a guest in someone's house. There are a lot of unknowns to manage. How good is their soundproofing? Does their toilet actually flush properly? Will someone be waiting to go in right after me? Some people anticipate these worries and come up with elaborate rules and routines to leave as little evidence of their go as possible.

A guy took a simple question to social media: Should you always courtesy flush when you're a guest in someone's house? The answer sparked a huge debate about the secret etiquette of public pooping.


poop, bathroom, dancing, funny, humor, toiletThis dancing poop says pooping can be fun!Giphy

In a thread on the subreddit r/NoStupidQuestions, the OP asked: "My mother tells me that at other people's houses, when going to the bathroom, it's expected to do a 'courtesy flush'. Is this a real thing?"

For the uninitiated, a courtesy flush is when you flush halfway through your "go." The thinking is that it helps get rid of odors before they build up. Not only that did the poster's mother advocate for courtesy flushing, she insisted on a very specific ritual when visiting other people's homes:

  1. Always carry Poopurri and spray before you go
  2. Flush halfway through your session
  3. Flush at the end (obviously)
  4. Clean toilet bowl with wand... every time!
If it sounds a little extreme to you, you're not alone.

However, some commenters were extremely pro-courtesy flush.

toilet, bathroom, home, hygiene, cleaning, etiquetteWhite ceramic toilet bowl with cover. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

"I’ve done the 'courtesy flush' thing for years… mainly to help minimize lingering odors more than any other reason."

"That’s good advice. First flush on delivery, second flush with clean up. Reduces odor and skid marks."

A few people noted that the courtesy flush is common in jails and prisons, of all places. Due to the tight (extremely tight) quarters, inmates are encouraged to repeatedly flush while they go. I don't want to know what the consequence might be for violating this code.

Others claimed the courtesy flush was a waste of water:

"Flushing twice seems very wasteful in my opinion. I would not like a guest to do that."

"No, please don't waste my water. But do make sure everything goes down."

"If someone did that at my house I'd be low key annoyed at them for wasting water."

Experts agree that the effectiveness of the courtesy flush is very much up for debate. Does it mildly lessen odor? Maybe. It's also a gigantic waste of water. Older toilets can use up to six gallons per flush—yikes! An extra flush is also questionable at best when it comes to sanitation—flushing poop with the lid open is known to spray bacteria all over the bathroom. Yuck.

"Everyone poops, I don't want my guests worrying about it," wrote one commenter. "Crack a window if it's like, lethally stinky, I guess. If you clog the toilet, the plunger is in a plastic tub right there. If you need help, cool, now we have a funny story."

The courtesy flush, however, was only the beginning of the OPSEC tips for pooping in public.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Some commenters were on board with OP's mother's idea of using the toilet brush if it's available:

"If there's some brown stuck to the porcelain after I flush, and if there's a toilet brush on hand, I give it a quick cleaning and a second flush. But not if things look clean otherwise," someone wrote.

Another commenter had an even more advanced idea: "You can also float a strip of toilet paper on top of the water before you poo. Gets wrapped in paper as you drop off your delivery and less likely to leave skid marks in the bowl."

Of course, commenters in threads all over the Internet sing the praises of Poo-Pourri, or even carrying a lighter with you at all times to burn up some of the stinky oxygen. And how's this for a pro-level tip?

"Tip for the courtesy flush.. if one who finds it hard to poop in a public bathroom because you don’t want people to hear you. Flush just right before you push and the sound of the water will cover the sound of gas etc and it will go right down with the water so very minimal smell."

I mean, all you can do really is clap at the social-anxiety-fueled ingenuity on display. The experts seem to agree here. Even Healthline recommends carrying air purifier spray, lining the inside of the bowl with toilet paper to absorb sound, and flushing several times to reduce anxiety worries.

The general consensus is that, when pooping at someone's house, basic etiquette applies. Clean up after yourself to a normal degree, but remember, as the saying goes: Everybody poops.

Some people are really protective over the bathrooms in their homes, which is their right. But if that's the case, they really shouldn't be having guests over and expecting them not to partake in normal human biological behaviors.

Some of the advanced tips shared by anxious-pooers might help, but try not to send yourself into a tailspin trying to cover your tracks. In extreme cases of bathroom anxiety, experts say cognitive behavior therapy or even antidepressants may be needed. But the rest of us might just need to read that world famous children's book again.

This article originally appeared in March