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Joy

What it's like for a man to share his feelings every day for a week.

For a week, I decided that when strangers asked how I was doing, I'd actually tell them. Here's what happened.

masculinity
Canva

Men can learn how to share what they're feeling.

We all know that phrases like “How's it going?” and “How are you?” are mostly pleasantries.

It's just how we say "Hello." You're not expected to answer any more than the person asking is expected to care.

But every once in a while, someone will surprise you. You'll toss out a casual and totally insincere “How are you?” and the floodgates will open out of nowhere. “I've had the WORST DAY,” they'll say.


I've always secretly envied people who can open up on a whim like that. It seems weirdly fun. And there might be a lot of psychological benefits to it.

So I tried it. For a week, I decided that when strangers asked how I was doing, I'd actually tell them.

But before I could start, a pretty important question occurred to me: Would I even know what to say? After all, I am a dude, and everyone knows dudes aren't always super in touch with how we're feeling.

Ronald Levant, a professor of counseling psychology at Akron University, told me a story about a man he once treated early in his career that sums up this whole thing pretty nicely:

“[He] came in complaining about how his son had stood him up for a father son hockey game. Being relatively naive back then, I said, 'So, how did you feel about that?' His answer was 'Well, he shouldn't have done it!' I said again, 'Yeah, he shouldn't have done it, but how did you feel?'
“He just looked at me blankly.”

Levant recalled similar sessions where women, by contrast, were able to walk him — in detail — through their emotional reaction to a situation: how anger turned to disappointment turned to worry, and so on.

“Among the men I was treating or working with there was a singular inability for many of them to put their emotions into words,” Levant said.

As part of my project, I wanted to test Levant's theory, to see what it would be like to, you know, actually try to express my feelings. As the king of non-answers, deflection, and “I'm fine, how are you?” I wanted to know what it would be like to talk about me.

It turned out to be much less simple than I thought.

grocery, enthusiastic conversation, strangers

Getting engaged and talking with other people throughout the day.

Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash

Day One

I was on my way to my daughter's daycare to drop off more diapers, and I was trying to think about how I felt at that specific moment. It was a beautiful sunny day. There was a guy on the sidewalk walking three huge, puffy dogs. It made me laugh.The day had been a bit of a rollercoaster. My 1-year-old daughter woke up all smiles. But by the end of breakfast, she had collapsed into an inconsolable heap of tears, and that was how she left the house that day: wailing in the backseat of my wife's car. When I arrived at daycare, though, she ran to me and leapt into my arms. She laid her head on my chest and giggled as she stared into my eyes. It was a total turnaround and a wonderful midday boost to my mood.

On my way home, I stopped off at a grocery store to grab an energy drink and, potentially, to share this happy moment with a stranger.

I chose the line manned by a fast-talking, bubbly woman. And when I got to the front, she teed me up perfectly with a sincere: “How are you?”

“Hey, I'm good!” I said enthusiastically. In the next instant, though, she was onto other things. “Ma'am?” she yelled to a wandering woman behind me. “I can ring you up over here.”

Her attention swung back to me, but almost immediately, she was telling me my total. “That'll be $2.03.”

The transaction moved at hyper-speed. The moment was gone. As I shuffled for my wallet, I considered just blurting it out anyway, “I just visited my daughter at daycare and she was so happy to see me and it was the freaking best!”

But a voice popped up in my head, and I couldn’t shake it: She's not going to care. Why would she care?

So I said nothing, paid, and went home.

To understand why men and women often handle feelings differently, we have to look at society first.

I can't help but think my wife would have had no trouble talking to the woman in the store. Why is it harder for me then? Are we wired differently? Is it a brain thing? A hormone thing?

Apparently, in the 1980s and '90s, researchers had something of a breakthrough on this question. They became “stimulated by this idea that gender was something that was socially determined,” Levant explained. He noted that boys were being socialized differently than girls were, and it was making a big difference for them down the road.

In a TEDx Talk called “Unmasking Masculinity” Ryan McKelley, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin La Crosse, echoed similar findings from his research.

First, he learned that infant and young boys surprisingly displayed more intensity and range of emotion than their female counterparts. “But that story starts to change over time,” he said.

Second, he looked at a series of studies polling men and women in America, which asked people to generate a list of emotions that are “culturally acceptable” for each sex. While the study found that women felt “allowed” to display nearly the entire emotional spectrum, men seemed to be limited to three primary feelings: anger, contempt, and pride.

But despite all these cultural “requirements” about emotion, it turns out that our brains aren't processing things all that differently. McKelley says if you hook men and women up to equipment that measures things like heart rate, skin conductance, sweat, and breath rate, and then expose them to stimuli that can provoke strong emotions, “these gender differences disappear.”

“I do not deny there are biological differences,” McKelly told me in an interview. “However, the degree to which it influences all that other stuff, I believe, is overblown.”

My learning after talking to these researchers? Men DO feel feelings (yay!) but society isn’t doing us any favors when it comes to helping us learn how to express them.

Day Two

I was sitting in the sweltering parking lot outside a Home Depot when I decided I was going to do better than the day before.

I walked inside and stood in line at the customer service counter for what felt like an eternity. Finally, one of the tellers called me up. She had a shock of white curly hair and kind eyes. A grandmotherly type. “How can I help you?” she asked. Not the exact question I wanted, but we'll see where it goes. “I have some returns,” I said.

I decided I was going to do better today.

We launched right into the specifics of what I was returning and why, and it was looking like I was about to strike out again. The transaction took a while so there was ample space to fill. Since she hadn’t asked me about my day, I took the initiative while she tapped impatient fingers along her computer waiting for it to load.

“How's your day going so far?” I asked. She went on to tell me about how a big storm that rolled through nearly knocked out the store's power and how the computers had been acting up ever since. “My day was going great until this!” she said playfully.

In my eagerness to share, I'd accidentally stumbled into a pretty pleasant conversation with a stranger. OK, so it was about computers and the weather, but it sure beats an awkward silence. She never did ask me how I was doing, and that's OK.

But it did make me realize that talking about your own feelings is pretty damn hard, even when you're going out of your way to try.

rainy day, gray, feeling depressed, shame

A rainy day affects the human experience and emotional state.

Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash

Day Three

Day three was tough. Outside it was gray and dreary and inside I felt about the same. Flat. Gray.

I was having trouble identifying the root of why I felt so, for lack of a better word, “blah,” so I Googled “how to find out what you're feeling,” like I was some sort of robot trying to understand the human experience. “Pay attention to your physiology,” one article said. I felt totally normal and my heart rate was an unremarkable 80. What does that mean?

“Don't think about it too much,” another article said. Well, shit.

As I read on about meditation and mindfulness and things of that sort, I started to get a little nervous. “What if I get too in touch with my emotions?” There's something comforting about being a reasonably even-keeled guy without a lot of emotional highs and lows. I don't want to go digging in the darkest recesses of my subconscious and unlock some terrible shit.

Apparently a lot of men feel like this.

McKelley described one man he treated who had severe anger issues and wasn't exactly open to talking about his problems: “I asked him, 'What do you find so subversive about crying?' He said, 'If I start, I'm afraid I'm going to curl up in a fetal position and never be able to stop.'”

I thought a little too much about this and decided I had to get out of the house.

I don't want to go digging in the darkest recesses of my subconscious and unlock some terrible shit.

I headed out to grab a coffee at a local establishment (OK, it was a McDonald's, but I really don't need your judgment right now). There was a young, freckle-faced girl working the counter. She was probably 19. When it was my turn, she gave me a shy “Hello.”

“How are you?” I started. “Good. How are you?” she responded, on cue.

Since I hadn’t had any major emotional breakthroughs at that point, I just ... told her the truth. “I just had to get out of the house a little bit. It's so gray and crappy today and I just needed a break. You know?”

She gave me possibly the blankest stare I had ever seen in my life. I quickly filled the silence with my order — a large iced coffee. To go.

The more I learn, the more I realize there is so much more to this whole emotions thing than just “opening up.”

By the third day, I’d learned that men definitely feel things. Lots of things. But it's what happens before those feelings bubble to the surface that accounts for the myth that dudes don’t have any emotions at all.

Think of it this way: Almost every single day, you take the same route driving home from work. And while driving is usually a conscious process that takes a lot of focus and effort, you could probably make that super-familiar drive home from work with barely any involvement from your brain at all. We sometimes call this “going on autopilot.” It’s the same way with breathing or blinking. Sure, you can control them if you want, but more often than not, they’re totally automatic.

And I've learned that it can be the same thing with suppressing emotions. For years and years, most men have been trained not to give any indication that we might be scared or lonely or nervous, and we push it down. If we do that enough, it can start to seem like we don’t feel those feelings at all.

It's what happens before those feelings bubble to the surface that accounts for the myth that dudes don't have any emotions at all.

McKelley expands on this idea in his TEDx Talk when he talks about the “male emotional funnel system.” Basically, he says all those emotions men might feel that make them vulnerable or that make them subject to judgment, or even being outcast, by their peers are transformed into anger, aggression, or silence. It's how we avoid ridicule.

It's how we survive.

But over time, not only do we lose the ability to understand our own true emotions — the emotions behind the anger or silence — but we get worse at figuring out and empathizing with what others are feeling too.

When it comes to emotional fluency, McKelley said, “it's like speaking a foreign language. If you don't use it, you lose it. It's something you have to practice.”

Day Four

When I went to bed the previous night, the country was heartbroken over the death of Alton Sterling. When I woke up, we were heartbroken over the death of Philando Castile. Two black men dead at the hands of police within 48 hours.

But as devastated as I was, life goes on — right? I had work to do and, later, errands. In fact, we needed more diapers.

But the shootings were the only thing on my mind all day.

When I reached the cashier at the Walgreens down the street from my house, a small pack of size-five Pampers clutched to my side, I saw she was a young black girl. She asked how I was doing. And I told her, with all honesty, that I was sad.

We talked briefly about the news. She'd been at work and hadn’t heard much about Philando Castile yet. We paused so I could enter my phone number for reward points. There were no tears or hugs or anything like that — after all, we were standing at the front of a Walgreens and people were starting to form a line behind me.

She asked how I was doing. And I told her, with all honesty, that I was sad.

When I left, I don't know if I felt any better. But I certainly didn’t feel worse. And talking to a real live human being about an awful tragedy felt a lot more meaningful than reading Facebook comments and Tweets.

So, on an awful, terrible, no-good day, I guess that was something.

While I worked on this project, I often wondered why all of this mattered. Do I really need to tell people what I’m feeling all the time?

And then I thought about our nation, and all the tragedies that we hear about on the news every day.

I thought about the 100 million men in America who, to varying degrees, have had their ability to empathize with the emotions of others slowly eroded over time because society tells them they cannot be vulnerable. I thought about the creep on the street chatting up a woman who clearly, visibly wants nothing to do with him. I thought about the catcallers who seem to be convinced they are paying women a compliment and are oblivious to how uncomfortable, even afraid, they're making them.

I thought of the millions of men in America being conditioned from an early age to turn fear, helplessness, loneliness, shame, and guilt into two things: anger and aggression. I thought of the 80-plus mass shootings in America since 1982 and how almost all of them were committed by men. I thought about how many of those men might have been bullied, hurt, shamed, or humiliated and, perhaps, could think of no other outlet for those feelings than the barrel of a gun.

I thought about the millions of men in America who will never harm another person, but might funnel that anger and aggression inwards through alcohol or drug abuse or worse, with three and a half times more men dying by suicide than women.

To be extremely clear: There is no excuse for hurting another person, whether through harassment, rape, abuse, or gun violence. But when we talk about providing better mental health services in our country, maybe we ought to make sure we're thinking of the next generation of otherwise healthy boys who need guidance about what to do with their emotions.

“If we're not allowed to talk about [shame], we're not allowed to express it, we're not allowed to admit we're experiencing it. And then you surround it with exposure to violence and seeing it modeled as a way to solve problems,” McKelley told me. “But women are bathed in the same violent cultural forces, so what's the difference?”

“Until we can figure out a better way socially to help boys and men navigate feelings of shame, we're going to continue to have problems.”

As bad as all the research sounds, there IS some good news.

intimacy, honesty, emotional intelligence, terrifying, men

Giving self reflection and intimacy a real shot.

Photo by Suzana Sousa on Unsplash

My best advice for how all of the men I know can figure out what their feelings are? Give it a shot.

Many of us are risk-takers. We go skydiving, wakeboarding, speedboating, or even shopping-cart-riding (full-speed into a thorn bush on a rowdy Saturday night, amiright?).

But we won’t tell our best friend that we love them.

“The irony is men repeatedly score higher than women on average in risk-taking behaviors. And yet we won't take those types of risks. Those emotional risks are terrifying for a lot of men. That’s probably the one thing at the end of the day that I suggest guys do,” McKelley said.

It might not always work out, but more often than not, he says, you'll find so many other people are feeling the same way and just waiting for someone else to say it.

“It doesn't require courage to hide behind a mask,” McKelley said in the closing minutes of his TEDx Talk. “What requires courage is being open and vulnerable no matter what the outcome.”

And as for me? I learned that talking about how I'm feeling, especially with people I don't know or trust, can be pretty hard.

Throughout the week, there were a lot of voices inside me telling me not to do it.

It'll be weird! They won't care! They're going to judge you!

And sometimes those voices were right. But as the week went along, it got a little bit easier to ignore them. And in the days since the “experiment” ended, I've found myself sharing just a little, tiny, minuscule bit more on a day-to-day basis.

What was most incredible was that I started to realize that the experts were right: This IS a skill. It’s something I can learn how to do, even as a self-described “nonemotional” guy. By taking “little risks” with my feelings, I am getting better and better at bypassing those instincts in me that want me to clam up and be the strong, stoic man.

I just hope I’ll have the courage to keep practicing.

But again, this isn't just about me. And it's probably not just about you either. It’s about the next generation of young people who will look to us (both men and women) for reassurance that men can feel, can talk about feeling, and can respond with things other than anger, aggression, or silence.

I want to leave you with a question, one I want you to really think about and answer as honestly as you possibly can. It might seem silly, but answering it could be one of the bravest things you'll ever do.

All right. Are you ready? Here it goes:

How are you?


This article originally appeared on 07.27.16

True


Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s asweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends atAll In), or a spontaneous moment between strangers that's so joyful it restores your faith in the algorithm (even if only for a second). These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress. (Think of us as your chronically online bestie who knows exactly how to make you smile, exactly when you need it the most.)

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1. The best travel buddy surprise 

@tarareynolds03

Surprising Grandson with going on vacation with him.

♬ original sound - Tara Leanne Reynolds
This sweet grandson thought he was just heading out on vacation—until he spotted a very familiar face at the airport. The moment he sees Grandma standing there, his jaw literally drops. He sets his backpack down and then runs straight into her arms for the biggest hug. "Oh my God! You're coming with us to Jamaica, right?!" he asks her, already smiling from ear to ear. It's the kind of unscripted joy that makes you want to call your own grandma to say hi—and other TikTokers are having all the feels in the comments section: "This brought me to tears," says user KE. "I would kill to go on another vacation with my grandma again. She passed in February. Take so many pictures!"

2. Saying 'thank you' to a very special teacher 

Last week, we shared a question on Upworthy’s Instagram that sparked an outpouring of heartfelt responses:
“If you could say thank you to one person right now, who would it be, and why?”

For Kate Delisle, a teacher in North Andover, Massachusetts, the answer came instantly: her longtime colleague and teaching assistant, Jeanne Donovan.

“Jeanne has been by my side for seventeen years,” Kate shared. “Next year, we’ll have to split our program — and we won’t be working together anymore.” In her message, Kate described Jeanne as more than just a coworker. She’s supportive, empathetic, and “my right arm — someone who lights up every room she enters. I’m privileged to know her and consider her family.”

To celebrate that incredible bond, our friends at All In recently paid a surprise visit to Kate and Jeanne at their school — letting Jeanne know just how deeply appreciated she is by her colleagues and students alike. And get this: Jeanne is *so* beloved that Kate's parents, kids, sister, and husband all came to the surprise to honor her alongside everyone else. A true tear-jerker and a must-watch.

3. The proudest big brother

@caylaleighbrown This is the original video, He also said it looks like Mike Wazowski after we got done crying LOL #fyp #infertility #infertilityjourney #twins #twinpregnancy #ultrasound #pregnancyafterinfertility #pregnancyannouncement #twinannouncement #twinsies #twinmom ♬ original sound - Cayla Brown ✨ WDW

Grab your tissues for this one. After eight long years of hoping for another baby, TikTok user Cayla Lee Brown surprises her stepson Caleb with a sonogram photo—and his reaction is nothing short of beautiful. When Caleb realizes not only that he's going to be a big brother but that twin siblings are on the way, his eyes well up and he whispers "We're having twins?!" Cue the heart explosion. In a follow-up video, Cayla shares something that makes this news extra special: Caleb isn't actually her biological child, and although she considers Caleb her son she wasn't sure she'd be able to have biological children at all. "[Caleb] was my gift and I was blessed with two more," she explains. This video is the best reminder that love makes a family, and sometimes the best surprises take a little time.

4. Overly excited dogs 

@puppylovestoplay6 Part23: When they hear a word they like#dog#funny#funnyanimals#funnypets#animals #dogsofttiktok #pet #foryou #longervideos#foryou#fyp #funnyvideo ♬ original sound - Puppylovestoplay

This feel-good compilation is basically a highlight reel of dogs at their happiest: realizing they’re about to go on a walk. From excited tail wags to full-body zoomies, every pup in this video gives a masterclass in unfiltered enthusiasm. One especially clever owner even uses sign language to say “walk,” just to see if their dog picks up on it—and spoiler: the reaction is still pure chaos (the joyful kind). These dogs just know, and they are ready (read: unhinged.) Truly a reminder that the simplest things—in this case, some fresh air and a little adventure—are what spark the most joy.

5.Bunny ASMR

@megancottone The way she munched down the carrot ribbon #bunnies ♬ Married Life (From "Up") - Gina Luciani

If you've had a stressful day, allow this floofy little friend to press the reset button on your brain. TikTok creator @megancottone gives us a full 60 seconds of bunny bliss: one ridiculously adorable rabbit, some deliciously crunchy snacks, and the kind of soft background music that makes your heart rate drop in the best way. The gentle munching noises? Therapeutic. The fuzzy face and floppy ears? Instant joy. It’s like nature’s version of white noise—but cuter. Honestly, someone get this bunny a wellness podcast deal.

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, loveThe Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot onGiphy

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

Joy

People share the 15 'subtle' signs that someone is incredibly smart

They're perfectly happy to admit when they don't know something."

via United States Library of Congress's Prints and Photographs division/Wikimedia Commons

Albert Einstein receiving his U.S. citizenship.

Have you ever been to a party and run into someone new, only to immediately think that they have above-average intelligence? They probably didn’t begin to explain the theory of relativity or delve into the differences between Keynesian and Austrian economics, but you knew that they were very intelligent. What was it that made you realize they were incredibly smart?

It was probably the attitude they had about learning new information and the care they took in ensuring that, while in conversation, their answers were thoughtful and they didn’t just talk to hear themselves talk. There was probably something very intentional about how they approached the conversation.

A Redditor recently asked the ProductivityCafe subforum, “What’s a subtle sign that someone is very intelligent?” and people shared the characteristics they believe highly intelligent individuals possess. Ultimately, the commenters believe that highly intelligent individuals are curious, exhibit great cognitive flexibility, and have no problem admitting when they don’t know something or if they are wrong.

smart people, library, books, two women, tablet, intelligenceA woman reviewing information on a tablet.via Canva/Photos


Here are 15 ‘subtle’ signs that someone is very intelligent

1. They admit when they don't know something

"They're perfectly happy to admit when they don't know something. They see it as an opportunity to learn more and not as socially embarrassing."

"To brag a lot and toot my own horn, I’m an engineer at NASA. There is little to no pride in knowing things from my peers. We all genuinely enjoy learning and are often happy to be proven wrong. And everyone in our group can explain complex things elegantly and simply. I hope I’m do both of those things, and strive to."

2. They make things easy to understand

"They can explain complicated things in a way that breaks it down and makes it easy to understand for those not 'in-the-know.'"

"This is probably the best answer. If you can explain physics, math, interpersonal tumult in a way that a younger person can understand, that’s true intelligence. Passing of knowledge without condescension is my goal at least."


smart people, intelligence, professors, math, math teacher, man with glasses.A math professor.via Canva/Photos

3. They know what they don't know

"I work with some legitimately brilliant doctors. They will ALWAYS defer to another specialist’s opinion on an area that isn’t their specialty, often saying they’ll refer to someone smarter than them. The more someone knows, the more they realise how much they don’t know."

4. They are open-minded

"And will change their opinion when presented with new information. Stupid people just double down."

"A wise person has more questions than they have answers."

5. They follow the data

"An intelligent person will not box themselves into a position they can't change, because an intelligent person will pivot the moment they realize they're wrong. A person of lesser intelligence will call that "flip-flopping" but it's really following the data."

6. They don't take sides until they know they are right

"This makes me think of something a math professor said to a class I was in, rough paraphrase from memory: 'You know, grids are a lot like arguments; Sides are for polygons, not arguments. Arguments have no shape, so the only useful reference is what position you're taking in relation to the argument. Same with grids!' That guy had so many strangely useful little nuggets like that he'd just lead off with to engage people and help them understand that math is just about numbers and number-rules. He'd argue if you know what to do at all times, math isn't hard... it's just complicated."


7. They're good listeners

"They’re a good listener, and remember what they heard from the speaker. Also, they’re discriminating in who they listen to."

"Discriminating who you listen to is hard when you’re younger, I feel like. I’m only 28, but picking whose opinion I value is so much easier now than it was five years ago."

8. They're funny

"Not every smart person can be witty, but a witty person is smart for sure."

"I think this point often gets lost. I've never met a really funny person who wasn't also very smart."

9. It's all in the eyes

"The eyes. There is a special glare when you are speaking or listening to an intelligent person that is just not there when intelligence is lacking."

"I feel like this is what I lack, and people can tell. Can’t show this when you have social anxiety and can’t focus!"

10. They change their minds

"Cognitive flexibility. They take nothing as irrefutable and can change their mind when presents with new facts. Clarity and easy comprehension of new information."

"This is the basis for Bayes' theorem, when presented with new plausible evidence, existence beliefs should be updated."

professor, crazy hair, white hair, lab coat, professorA professor writing on a black board.via Canva/Photos

11. They ask great questions

"They ask amazingly insightful questions."

12. They have elegant solutions

"I really see lots of answers depending on subjective perception and personal experiences with probably smart people... It's really about their world they live in not yours. There are rarely any common signs among any two smart people. But I'd say the two main hints are they can explain complicated stuff in far simpler terms and they can come up with good solutions to almost any problem they have adequate knowledge about. Being social depends a lot on your youth and how people treated you. Most "stupid" people are threatened by intelligence and bully those who are intelligent."

13. They can discuss controversial topics without getting riled up

"They know how to have a mature, adult conversation when it comes to personal differences with people (as opposed to the usual defensive, denying, and deflective bullshit where the person you're trying to communicate with doesn't hear a word you say)."
"Being able to see both sides of an argument or political issue without having their mind clouded by propaganda or bias. Also, changing their mind about such things when presented with different facts."

14. They don't blindly follow a party

"When they don't blindly align with one political party over the other and instead focus on actual issues."

"Yes. And this includes anarchists and libertarians. When will people quit feeling the need to put themselves in a box politically?"

15. They think before they speak

"They think before they speak, some of the most intelligent people I’ve known haven’t spoken on impulse, they’ve always thought their words through carefully."

Can you grow vegetables in a cardboard box?

In the era of supermarkets and wholesale clubs, growing your own food isn't a necessity for most Americans. But that doesn't mean it's not a good idea to try.

A household garden can be a great way to reduce your grocery bill and increase your intake of nutrient-dense foods. It can also be a good source of exercise and a hobby that gets you outside in the sunshine and fresh air more often. However, not everyone has a yard where they can grow a garden or much outdoor space at all where they live. You can plant things in containers, but that requires some upfront investment in planters.

container garden, growing plants in containers, growing vegetables, homegrown, producePotted plants and herbs can thrive in a container garden.Photo credit: Canva

Or does it? Gardener James Prigioni set out to see if an Amazon shipping box would hold up as a planter for potatoes. He took a basic single-walled Amazon box, lined it with dried leaves to help with moisture retention, added four to five inches of soil (his own homegrown soil he makes), added three dark red seed potatoes, covered them with more soil, added a fertilizer, then watered them.

He also planted a second, smaller Amazon box with two white seed potatoes, following the same steps.

Two weeks later, he had potato plants growing out of the soil. Ten days after that, the boxes were filled with lush plants.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Prigioni explained how to "hill" potato plants when they grow tall enough, which helps encourage more tuber growth and protect the growing potatoes from sunlight. Hilling also helps support the plants as they grow taller so they don't flop over. He also added some mulch to help keep the plants cooler as the summer grew hotter.

After hilling, Prigioni only needed to keep up with watering. Both varieties of potatoes flowered, which let him know the tubers were forming. The red potato leaves developed some pest issues, but not bad enough to need intervention, while the white potato plants were unaffected. "It goes to show how variety selection can make a big difference in the garden," he explained.

The visible plants have to start dying before you harvest potatoes, and Prigioni checked in with the boxes themselves when they got to that point.

vegetable garden, growing potatoes, grow potatoes in a cardboard box, Amazon box, farmingFreshly harvested potatoes are so satisfying.Photo credit: Canva

"I am pleasantly surprised with how well the boxes held up," he said, especially for being single-walled boxes. The smaller box was completely intact, while the larger box had begun to split in one corner but not enough to affect the plants' growth. "This thing was completely free to grow in, so you can't beat that," he pointed out.

Prigioni predicted that the red potatoes grown in the larger box would be more productive. As he cut open the box and pulled potatoes from the larger box, they just kept coming, ultimately yielding several dozen potatoes of various sizes. The smaller box did have a smaller yield, but still impressive just from two potatoes planted in an Amazon box.

People often think they don't have room to grow their own food, which is why Prigioni put these potato boxes on his patio. "A lot of people have an area like this," he said.

"I will never look at cardboard boxes the same," Prigioni added. "There are so many uses for them in the garden and it's just a great free resource we have around, especially if you're ordering stuff from Amazon all the time."

cardboard box, container garden, amazon box, growing vegetables, gardeningDo you see a box or do you see a planter?Photo credit: Canva

People loved watching Prigioni's experiment and shared their own joy—and success—in growing potatoes in a similar fashion:

"I have been growing potatoes in every box I can find for several years now. I have had excellent success. I honestly think potatoes prefer cardboard. And yes, most of my boxes were from Amazon."

"I live in an upstairs apartment with a little deck and I have a container garden with containers on every single stair leading to the deck. I grow potatoes in a laundry basket. It's amazing how much food I can get from this type of garden!! Grateful."

"I literally got up and grabbed the empty boxes by our front door, the potatoes that have started to sprout, and soil i had inside and started my planting at 1am. Lol. I will take them outside today and finish. Thank you James!"

"I grew potatoes and tomatoes on my tiny balcony in Germany (in buckets and cardboard boxes). Now I have a big garden here in America. I so love to grow my own food."

"I grew sweet potatoes in cardboard boxes. It’s so much fun."

Next time you're stuck with an Amazon box that you don't have a use for, consider whether you could use it as a planter for potatoes or some other edible harvest. Gardening doesn't have to be fancy to be effective.

You can find more of gardening experiments on The Gardening Channel with James Prigioni.

This article originally appeared in April.

Celebrity

Bill Nye the Science Guy explains why he blocked HHS Secretary RFK Jr. from texting him

Bill Nye is still very serious about science 30 years after his famous show.

Bill Nye the Science Guy explains why he blocked HHS Secretary RFK Jr.

Bill Nye has been a household name for decades, though many Millennials likely can't say his name without adding "the science guy" behind it. He played an integral part in the childhood of an entire generation with his television program teaching kids science in a fun, engaging way. The theme song will forever be emblazoned in the minds of those who grew up watching him.

When he made his way to social media with his familiar kindness and humor, people flocked to his pages for the nostalgia but stayed for the knowledge. If there was one thing Nye was going to do, it was stand with scientific evidence no matter what. Due to his love of science and being established as a trusted and pivotal voice in the worlds of science and tech, it wasn't surprising that the Secretary of Health and Human Services, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. would have Nye's phone number. But what is surprising is that Nye blocked him.

Bill Nye; Bill Nye the Science Guy; RFK Jr. vaccines; anti-vaxx; MAHA; HHS Secretary; Bill Nye blocks RFK Jr. Bill Nye leaning against podium speaking at ASUPhoto by Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia

A lot of scientific research is funded through the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). Americans also depend on the accuracy of information leaving the office of HHS, whether it be vaccine recommendations, baby formula safety, or protective measures to be taken with a new disease outbreak. The department of Health and Human Services handles nearly everything that has to do with the health of American citizens and everyone who visits the country.

In 2025, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., an environmental lawyer and descendant of the Kennedy political dynasty, was confirmed as the new Secretary of HHS. While his nomination raised concerns due to his anti-vaccine activism and involvement in the Trump administration's Make America Healthy Again (MAHA) movement, the son of RFK assured Americans he would follow the science. But it would seem that this isn't the case according to the science guy who blocked RFK Jr. from being able to contact him via phone or text.

RFK JR, HHS, health and human services, America, Bill NyeRFK Jr. Photo by Gage Skidmore/Flickr

In a recent interview with Men's Health, Nye explains that the current health secretary would text him on occasion—but at some point the texts got to be out of hand. The magazine describes Nye holding up his iPhone to show multiple walls of text messages from RFK saying, "This is real. That’s Bobby Kennedy Jr.” Turns out Kennedy had been sending him long text messages back to back making an argument for not vaccinating children due to its (repeatedly scientifically debunked) claimed links to autism.

"Just no self-awareness. And if you read these articles he sent, they’re all this speculation about autism and just cause-and-effect, and mercury in vaccines, that maybe there’s a connection. I wrote him back and said, ‘Okay, I’ll read your book. I think you’ve confused causation with correlation. Your friend, Bill.’ And he sent this,” Nye told Men's Health before showing the interviewer more extremely long text messages. “So I wrote, ‘Okay, no more texts.’ And he started again! So I cut him off. He does not have good judgment. He is not suited for this job.”

Nye didn't stop with venting his frustrations around the excessive paragraphs of texts. The mechanical engineer, actor, and author frustratingly pointed out the recent measles outbreak in Texas, which has been attributed to a lack of vaccines that led to insufficient heard immunity.

"There’s an outbreak of measles in Texas. Did you hear about this? It was a religious sect that has historically low vaccination rates, "he says in part before later adding, "Unvaccinated people can, and usually do, spread a disease. And that’s why we have these rules, for public health! It’s not arbitrary."

Billy Nye, Bill Nye the science guy, speech, science, scientistBill Nye speaking. Photo by Gage Skidmore/Flickr

The topic of vaccines, which RFK Jr. not only hit on, but droned on about incessantly via text message, seems to be a sticking point for Nye. He is clearly fired up while speaking to Men's Health about the issue, and it may be due to his own experiences as a child.

"The other thing that’s so remarkable about what’s going on now—I went to elementary school with a guy who had polio. You do not want polio! And the reason you don’t get polio is because of a vaccine that was discovered that keeps you from getting polio! What is wrong with you, man?" Nye said.

He explains the minute risk of contracting the disease from the vaccine, but stresses how rare it is before explaining how things worked before vaccines existed when he was a child. But this isn't the first time The Science Guy has shared his views on vaccines. He's done multiple interviews with outlets like Now This where he explains how vaccines work and was even part of a 2021 campaign to help kids understand how COVID vaccines protected them.

Nye doesn't just have a bone to pick with people who are against vaccinations, he is against anti-science and uses his platforms to educate the public. He's testified before congress and debunked conspiracy theories on Big Think. Nye has also ventured back into the entertainment industry with Bill Nye Saves the World, which ran from 2017-2018 and The End is Nye which aired on Peacock in 2022. Nye is a trusted voice for millions of Americans and, while blocking RFK Jr. might appear harsh to some, to others he's simply staying true to science.

Showing your partner that you care isn't always a walk in the park.

Congratulations, you found your dream partner! They're caring, attractive, and preternaturally good with your parents. The only problem? Finding the time—and mental energy—to show them how much you care. Living with a busy schedule is always challenging, but keeping the romance alive while also juggling work, family obligations, and personal commitments? That can feel nearly impossible. Many couples find themselves falling into predictable routines that leave little room for genuine connection: they come home exhausted, eat a quick dinner, watch television, then collapse into bed, only to repeat the cycle the next day.

Intentional relationships are the game-changer. Rather than letting precious free time slip away on autopilot, happy couples have proven that specific activities strengthen their bond while creating lasting memories together. These aren't grand romantic gestures or expensive date nights—they're consistent, meaningful ways of engaging with each other that anyone can adopt.

couple, happy, embrace, habits, partnerIntentional relationships are a game-changer. Photo credit: Canva

Relationship experts agree: successful partnerships are built on activities that promote connection, playfulness, and mutual growth. The key lies in how couples approach their shared time—with intention, kindness, and a genuine spirit of partnership.

(1) They put their phones away

As Mark Travers, a psychologist who studies couples, finds, “a couple who spends a lot of time together, but is constantly distracted by texts, emails or social media, probably isn’t as happy as a couple who spends less time together, but without their phones.” He recommends carving out one-on-one time without any technological interference: cooking dinner together, with phones out of sight; going on a tech-free hike; or a simple morning spent together where the only objects in your hands are a coffee mug and breakfast.

(2) They engage in playful or creative activities together

Playfulness and a stimulated mind are key traits in happy relationships. Instead of turning on the TV at night, happy couples often play board games or card games together, challenge each other in video games, or participate in friendly competitions like trivia nights to keep things light and fun. For more cerebral couples, finding time to engage in creative activities such as painting or even decorating the apartment can strengthen the connection.

(3) They spend time outdoors and stay active

Happy couples love to get the blood pumping! Many successful relationships find themselves outdoors: hiking, biking, gardening, or taking a simple morning walk around the neighborhood. These activities not only promote physical health, but also offer valuable opportunities for relaxed conversation and shared adventure.

(4) They practice small acts of kindness

Small, everyday gestures can make a world of difference—making each other coffee in the morning, leaving notes, giving a meaningful hug, or surprising your partner with a thoughtful gift at the end of a long week. These tiny actions accumulate and significantly impact relationship satisfaction. Even seemingly commonplace rituals, like a goodbye kiss before heading to work, can substantially increase happiness between couples.

(5) They schedule time for physical and emotional intimacy

When life comes at you fast, it can be easy to forgo important connections, like cuddling, massages, and sex, in a relationship. Many studies show that couples who have a satisfying sex life are more likely to be happy in their relationships, which makes structured intimacy a “good thing,” according to Travers. “Many people think it can diminish spontaneity, but if anything, it actually removes the mental fatigue of trying to make intimacy happen,” he writes.

(6) They allow for individual recharge time

Yes, togetherness is essential. But happy couples also recognize each other's need for solo activities, which ensures that both partners feel refreshed and fulfilled. Hanging out with friends without your partner is healthy. Going to the grocery store alone can be surprisingly beneficial. Even morning journaling to collect your thoughts and reconnect with yourself can be a meaningful practice.

(7) They hang out and socialize together

Mutual social interactions reinforce a couple's bond and add spice and variety to their routine. Try planning time with mutual friends or hosting a game night together to unlock your relationship's potential.

(8) They dream about the future together

Happy couples feel safe with one another, and that includes discussing their futures together. If you're feeling stagnant or locked into a routine, try making vision boards together or dreaming about future adventures to stay aligned and inspired by your shared journey.

Relationships evolve over time. The people we are when we first meet are not the same people we find ourselves with day in and day out. For some, this familiarity can feel overwhelming—but couples who thrive recognize that their relationship deserves the same attention and care they give to other important aspects of life. Through these small, daily actions, any couple can build a strong foundation capable of weathering any storm.