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05.19.13
James Roh
True
In a world driven by speed, efficiency, and immediate results, it’s easy to forget that lasting change is built on trust. Real impact doesn’t come from rushing toward an end goal or measuring success through lofty metrics. It comes from falling in love with the problem, building a community around it, and sharing a vision for lasting transformation.
Pura, the smart home fragrance company that marries premium fragrance with innovative technology, recently launched its inaugural impact collection with K Farmer Dutjahn Foundation (KFDF) and Dutjahn Sandalwood Oils (DSO). The Pura x Dutjahn partnership began with a clear purpose: to source a sacred ingredient directly from its origin while honoring the land and the people who’ve cared for it. Our goal wasn’t simply to find sandalwood — it was to find a community and an ingredient that embody exceptional land stewardship, ethical harvesting, and transformative, community-led impact. After careful research and over three years of development, we saw an opportunity to secure a premium, luxurious ingredient while supporting a regenerative supply chain that invests in Indigenous-led education, economic opportunity, and land stewardship.
James Roh
Over the past several years, we’ve walked alongside Martu, an Indigenous tribe from the vast Western Australian desert. Martu are one of the oldest living cultures in the world, with a history spanning 60,000 years. As nomadic hunter-gatherers, they have unparalleled ecological knowledge, passed down through generations, making them the traditional custodians of the land. Their approach to sandalwood harvesting isn’t driven by market demand but by a deep respect for seasonal rhythms, land health, and cultural law. Their work adapts to the environment—whether it’s “sorry time,” when mourning pauses activities, or the harsh desert conditions that make travel and communication difficult. Martu operate on Martu time, a deliberate rhythm shaped by millennia of experience, far removed from the rapid-swipe, hyper-productive pace of Western systems.
Martu’s ecological knowledge isn’t documented in baseline reports. It’s lived, carried in stories, and practiced with rigor and respect for the changing needs of the ecosystems. True partnership means unlearning the typical approach. It means standing beside—not in front—and recognizing that the wisdom and leadership we need already exist within these communities. Our role isn’t to define the work, but to support it, protect it, and learn from it.
James Roh
Tonight, as I spoke with Chairman Clinton Farmer and the KFDF team about our focus for this piece, I learned that Clinton’s truck had broken down (again), leaving him to “limp” back to town from the desert at low speeds for hours and hours. He had been awake since 3:00 a.m. This is a common and costly setback, one that disrupts the harvest, demands days of driving, and brings real financial and emotional strain. These barriers are relentless and persistent, part of the harsh reality Clinton and his community face daily. It's easy for outsiders, detached from the reality on the ground, to impose rules, regulations, and demands from afar. Rather than continuing to impose, we need to truly partner with communities — equipping them with the resources to operate sustainably, avoid burnout, and protect the very land they love and care for. All while they endeavor to share these incredible, sacred ingredients with the world and build an economic engine for their people.
There is much to learn, but we are here to listen, adapt, and stay the course. The future we need will not be built in quarterly cycles. It will be built in trust, over time, together.
To learn more about the partnership and fragrances, visit Pura x Dutjahn.
via Doug Weaver/TikTok
Doug Weaver explains "Husbands in Training" lessons from his mother
Even though the marriage rate in the United States is on a steep decline, chances are that the majority of kids growing up today will get married at some point in their lives. If current trends continue, about half of those will end in divorce.
Research published in the Couple and Family Psychology journal found that the top five reasons for divorce are a lack of commitment, infidelity, too much conflict, getting married young, and financial problems.
Wouldn’t it be great if we were taught from a young age how to be a good spouse so we could avoid these pitfalls? Many of them are totally solvable with good communication and commitment from both parties. But in American culture, most of us aren’t taught the specifics of how to have a happy and healthy marriage. Most of us tend to pick things up from watching the married people in our orbit, most likely our parents.
No comment on how that's going.
Though people are waiting longer and being more particular about marriage, the divorce rate remains pretty stubborn.Giphy
The other way we learn is by making the mistakes ourselves. By then, it's usually too late. And the data around second and third marriages isn't very promising when you dig into it.
Artist Doug Weaver had a much different upbringing. His mother, Mickey, made a curriculum for him and his two older brothers when they were kids to help them be great husbands when they got married.
You've heard of things like "Mom-Son Date Night" (some dads and daughters do it, too) where mothers will take their boys out on a "date" so they can learn basic chivalry and manners?
Weaver's training was like that on steroids.
"When I was a kid, my mom did this thing for me and my two older brothers called 'Husbands in Training,'" he explained in a TikTok video that has more than 5.9 million views. "It was a full, multiple-level curriculum on how to be a better husband."
Weaver says the training covered topics from chivalry to eating to a rather uncomfortable discussion on "the ethics of the porn industry." His mother also stressed the importance of listening to women and identifying when another man may be giving them trouble.
"There was a lot of really good stuff in that curriculum," Doug said. "There were things like what to do if your spouse says something and the information they give is wrong. How to handle it if they say something wrong in public versus in private, when it is appropriate to correct them and when it isn't."
Weaver’s mother was also way ahead of her time because she made a big deal about teaching her sons the importance of consent. "We talked about consent, we talked about the basics of respecting and honoring women and listening to women, and all of the things that really just make you a decent human being," Doug explained.
A young Doug must have absolutely hated sitting through conversations with his mom about porn, sex, and consent... but as a grown man, he looks back on the lessons fondly.
@dougweaverart Husbands in training! #parenting #storytime #story
The lessons were so powerful that even Weaver’s father decided to take the course. "A lot of the things that we were learning from my mom were things that he was never taught growing up,” Weaver said. "So, he decided he also wanted to take 'Husbands in Training.'"
It brings to mind pre-marriage counseling or couples therapy. Programs are often offered (or mandated) through churches, so they aren't usually a great fit for the non-religious. And couples without active "problems" may resist the idea of attending couples therapy due to the stubborn stigma around it.
The course officially ended when Weaver and his brothers got married. "My mom even made certificates of completion that she signed and gave to each of us on our wedding day," he shared in his TikTok clip.
However, the video Weaver shared was so popular on TikTok that he’s making his mother’s course available to the general public. “After posting about ‘Husbands in Training’ on TikTok, the TT community really wants my mom to produce content about raising boys to be good men,” he wrote on a GoFundMe fundraising campaign in 2022.
The overwhelming response to Weaver’s TikTok has inspired a new YouTube channel to spread Mickey’s lessons far and wide. But it has also made a lot of people realize that teaching people how to be great spouses is a lifelong journey and should be a major part of child-rearing. Learning how to be a good spouse shouldn't just be something we pick up by accident.
As for Doug Weaver, his training appears to be paying off in the form of a happy marriage.
This article originally appeared three years ago.
Gen X (left) Gen Z (Right)
There's something to be said about the now well documented sibling dynamic between Millennials and Gen Z. But before that bond existed, many Millennials grew up with Gen X siblings, learning early on not to disturb the sleeping bear.
Unfortunately, some folks in the younger generation, i.e Gen Z, didn't get this memo. One brave...or naive Gen Zer decided to declare that Gen X is "the worst generation" seemingly unprompted.
Young Padawan, Gen X minds their business grumbling through life unless someone summons them. We don't summon them.
Yoda is not happy about this. media2.giphy.com
In a stitched video, millennial Laura High gave a succinct cliff's notes version of why it's best to not speak negative thoughts on Gen X aloud.
"I love Gen X. We all love Gen X...we all love Gen X," she said before bringing the camera close enough to whisper.
"Ok here's the thing, you do not seem to understand who Gen X is, okay? Gen X is Boomers if they knew how to turn a document into a PDF, okay. They do not Karen out. They get quiet and they get revenge," she warned.
The millennial then shared the secret kept by her generation: "we do not summon the latchkey kids unless it's our literal only last resort." She advised the unknowing Gen Zer to go to the edge of the woods to leave offerings to appease any Gen Xers that would likely be offended by the video. Commenters agreed with her sentiment.
"There is a reason millennials leave Gen X alone, and they learned it the hard way. My fellow Gen Z’s will learn soon… very soon," one commenter said..
"Elder Gen Z raised by two Gen X parents. I do NOT back the younger half of Gen Z on this. I’m running into the woods on their behalf and leaving Ferris Bueller for my dad and a DQ blizzard for my mom," another echoed.
"Last thing she will hear from the woods, Red Rover Red Rover, we call Karen Hashtag over," said a third.
If you've never played Red Rover with Gen Xers, just know you were lucky to have your head still attached to your shoulders after the game was over. There were no tears allowed and no telling your parents, they were gone anyway. In shot: Gne Xers are ruthless, and it's best not to cross them. Seriously.
Thankfully, Gen Xers are also open to peace offerings. Here are a few of their suggestions:
"I will accept ding dongs (in original foil) and a VHS of “the last star fighter” I will also except a mix tape if it include at mix of metal, new wave, and Yaz,"
"We will also accept any of the original Star Wars trilogy, Star Trek 2, Raiders, or Die Hard…though John Hughes films will likely will be the safest choice."
Moral of the story: tread lightly Gen Z. Tread very lightly. If you hear someone clinking together empty glass Coke bottles outside your door, do not come out and play. It's a trap.
If looks could kill…media3.giphy.com
This article originally appeared last year.
“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”
There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.
But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood to save face.
Psychologists define the "dishonest harmony" approach as maintaining a façade of peace and harmony at the expense of addressing underlying issues. Parents who practice disharmony prioritize appearance over authenticity and are known to avoid conflict and sweep problems under the rug.
In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”
@parkrosepermaculture Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact
Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”
And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.
“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict. Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”
An older woman on her laptop. via Canva/Photos
Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.
“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”
Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.
“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.
“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another
A happy older couple. via Canva/Photos
Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.
One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”
“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.
Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.
But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.
This article originally appeared last year.
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