Don't roll your eyes: TikTok's latest viral wisdom is backed by hard data—and it's making people rethink their communication habits. We live in a world of chronic oversharing. We post everything, from the routes we run (including screenshots as proof of all that hard work), to the pale-green iced matcha latte sitting at our desks or a present from a boyfriend (who will be tagged prominently, not secretly off screen). Who knows when, but our brains became wired for sharing: to record, to curate, and to post every second of our lives, then consume that of others to a disturbing degree.
So, here's a radical idea: when it comes to goals and plans, try keeping them to yourself. It could be the key to making them a reality.
That's the message behind TikTok's massively popular "Move in Silence" trend, where creators like @noemoneyyy have cracked the contradictory code to success: Instead of broadcasting every big idea or project that runs through your head, if you actually want it to come to fruition, keep your plans to yourself until they're executed. And it's not just a trend; surprisingly, science also supports this muted approach.
@noemoneyyy Work in private and let the results speak! #privatelife #privatelifehappylife #workinprivate #creatorsearchinsights
"As a former oversharer who used to tell every single friend, every single family member, or a partner everything I was doing, I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself," explains creator @noemoneyyy in a video that's garnered millions of views.
On a different video by @mandanazarfhami, she says, “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your life: that dream job, that city that you want to move to, that dream person, that dream life, that dream anything. Literally keep it to yourself until it’s done.”
Commentors were quick to agree, with one person writing: “From a young age, I never told anyone my next steps. I also taught my husband and son to keep our private matters to themselves and just do things 💯Not many people like it, but who cares🌝🙌🏼🫶🏼”
Another chimed in, “This concept has changed my life for the better.” Others replied, “100 agree 💕” and “100%🙌🏼people can’t ruin what is silent, show results.”
Lil Wayne, famously, agreed when he wrote "Real G's move in silence like lasagna."
@mandanazarghami monitoring spirits are a real thing - move in silence and watch how much your life changes #fypシ
In a study done by New York University, researchers found that people who kept their goals private worked on tasks for an average of 45 minutes, compared to the 33 minutes of work completed by those who announced their plans in advance. The twist? The people who shared their goals expressed feeling closer to finishing, despite doing approximately 25% less work.
NYU psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, who led the research, concluded that "once you've told other people your intentions, it gives you a 'premature sense of completeness.'" He also found that the brain is made up of "identity symbols," which create one's self-image. Interestingly, both action and talking about action create symbols in your brain, so simply speaking about a future plan or something you want to do satisfies that part of your brain. When we make our goals public, especially ones that matter to us and deal with our identity, our ability to achieve said goal is significantly reduced. As the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words."
Stranger still, in his paper "Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap," Gollwitzer notes that in order for this phenomenon to happen, one must truly care about their goals. "Ironically, this effect was only found for participants who are very committed to their goal!" PsychologyToday notes. "The lesson learned is that the more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be about them."
Say less and do more. Photo by Darí Dorofeeva on Unsplash
Another reason to keep quiet: If you're a beginner trying something new, sharing your plans could potentially open you up to criticism and negative feedback, which could deter you from even starting. At the University of Chicago, professor Ayelet Fishbach conducted studies to determine how positive and negative feedback affects the pursuit of one's goal. According to Atlassian, she and her team found:
"One example the researchers give is a math student who gets a good grade on a test. If she perceives it to mean she likes math, she will study harder. If, however, she sees the high score as a sign she is making progress in the class, she may ease up and study less," they write.
We've all been there: excitedly telling everyone about your grand plans to backpack through Europe, the year you'll finally learn Spanish, or joining the group lesson at the tennis courts you always pass by… only to mysteriously lose all motivation a week later. Turns out, those lovely dopamine bursts that accompany every enthusiastic "That sounds great!" or "You should totally do it!" response might be precisely what's holding you back.
The good news? You don't need to become closed-off and secretive, a hermit on the top of a mountain who's afraid to share any part of themselves with the world. Research suggests that sharing your goals with one or two selected friends who can be trusted to provide meaningful support is still a good idea. Just hold off on the Instagram Live announcement until you've actually accomplished something substantial.
Shhhhhh Giphy
So, the next time you sit down to write your goals, whether they be a new year's resolution, the day's to-do list, or a five-year plan, think twice about sharing it with others. Give it time and you might have something better to share soon: the results.
Nolwazi Sangweni writes for The Orange Journal: "Moving in silence is staying lowkey and only popping out when the main questions you’ll be asked will start with ‘since when…?’"
This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.
Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.
We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.
But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.
Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy
Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."
As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.
"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."
Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.
"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.
- YouTube www.youtube.com
"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."
The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).
"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."
What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.
Parents are rejoicing over a fundraiser that asks parents to do... absolutely nothing.
A recent survey showed that parents receive a staggering 17.5 communications per week about their kids' activities, on average. That's multiple emails, texts, or flyers every single day. Some of them can be quickly read (or even ignored), but many of them require some action to be taken.
It's Pajama Day! It's Teacher Appreciation Week! It's Dress Up like a Book Character Day! It's 'Asynchronous Learning Day' and your children will be home with you all day! Each of these can feel overwhelming, but there are few handouts coming home that strike more dread into the heart of parents than when it's time for schools to execute their multi-annual fundraisers.
One mom recently braced herself for the worst when her child brought home a sheet of paper announcing the school's next fundraiser. But the options on the flyer took her totally by surprise.
On Reddit, the mom posted a picture of the unique fundraising request, which was officially named "The No-Fuss Un Fundraiser."
"What's an 'Un Fundraiser?' you might ask. Well, funds are still being raised for the school, but in this instance parents are offered a guilt-free option if they don't want to participate in the bake sale, don't want their children to hawk cheap crap from a catalog, or don't want to participate in any Walkathon-type activities.
The handout explains: "Our no-fuss 'un-fundraiser' is the only fundraiser where 100% of the profits go toward the PTO budget. ... You may choose to participate in lieu of, or in addition to any of the other fundraisers we will be doing throughout the school year."
Direct contribution amounts are then listed, with each amount corresponding to a certain privilege.
Parents could give $15 to proclaim, "I would rather not bake anything or shop for cupcakes this year, thanks."
Fifty dollars proudly announces, "I do not wish to peddle products to my family and friends from catalogs, magazines or brochures, I do not want to buy candles or wrapping paper this year."
A blank amount for parents to fill in states, "I am making this donation to express my appreciation for NOT having to clip, buy, sell, or peddle anything this school year, except filling out this form."
See the whole, hilariously tongue-in-cheek fundraising form here:
from mildlyinteresting
Tens of thousands of exhausted parents chimed in to express their appreciation for the school's no-fuss approach.
Not only are parents burnt out and overwhelmed by constant communication and the pressure to be hyper-involved in every aspect of their children's lives, traditional school fundraisers have proved to be problematic in a number of ways.
Kids growing up in the '80s and '90s surely remember the catalog fundraisers, selling chocolate bars, wrapping paper, frozen pizzas, flavored popcorn, whatever the school could get their hands on. Top-sellers were promised flashy prizes like TVs, gaming systems, and more. (Gen X and Millennial kids definitely remember those school assemblies where the slimy catalog reps would get the kids to go feral over the possibility of winning a Sega.)
The problems were and are numerous. Schools only get to keep a certain percentage of the revenue when well-meaning relatives and neighbors buy these products, making them far less effective than straight-up donations. It also puts families in extremely uncomfortable positions where they have to hassle their network of friends and coworkers to buy stuff they don't need; in some cases, kids even go door to door selling!
Fundraisers are traditionally heavily weighted toward kids with wealthier families who can afford to buy a bunch of junk so their kids can rise up the leaderboard and win cool prizes. The funds might be good for the school, but they make almost everyone else feel less-than.
And of course there's the massive, headachy time commitment from parents who have to get involved in these programs. The "No Fuss Un Fundraiser" is such a great concept that eliminates all or most of these challenges.
- YouTube www.youtube.com
A few social media users chimed in:
"My kids' school did this. I gladly gave $100 and I knew that every dime went to the PTO and none of it went to scammy fundraising companies that peddle shoddy crap so bad that we were embarrassed to show the catalogs to the grandparents.
"This is great! I'm glad schools are finally getting the message. When my son had a fundraiser for his school we didn't want him going door-to-door asking people to buy stuff so we wrote a check and sent it to the school with the catalog. This is a much nicer way to handle fundraisers!"
"I would fill this out so fast"
"Enclosed is a check for $400. Which is $100 for each school year. Leave me alone for four years," one user joked.
There are other, more creative fundraiser ideas going around, too:
Schools are underfunded, but there's got to be a better way to raise funds than selling junk from catalogs. Photo by CDC on Unsplash
"One thing I think my school did right was that our fundraisers were never junk. We sold trash bags in the fall when everyone would be raking up leaves, and flowers in the spring when everyone would be landscaping their spring gardens. My high school sold raffle tickets. But the prize was genius: everyone who sold 10 received a pair of sweatpants that they were allowed to wear all winter. I went to an all girls catholic high school where the primary uniform bottom was a plaid skirt—real cute until it started snowing and you had to walk between buildings every period. So The Pants™ were a coveted privilege."
"Our school is selling 'acts of kindness' where the kids are supposed to do nice things for family/neighbors for the donation. It’s honor system and a good way to teach charity to kids I think (or just no pressure donate if you don’t care)."
Public schools are severely underfunded, there's no question about that. Just look at how many teachers have to buy school supplies with their own money. But making kids go door-to-door selling chocolate bars is not the way.
Direct donation-style fundraisers are gaining popularity in recent years, and all the tired parents, the grandparents who have no need for poor-quality wrapping paper, and all the neighbors who just want to be left alone are grateful for it.
“It's taken a weight off my shoulders, having multiple kids in different schools,” the mom told Newsweek. “I'm thrilled I don't need to cook for 2 bake sales now. ... I would continue to donate like this every year they do this kind of fundraiser."
A dachshund in a pink boa. A woman with pink hair.
Ever been to a dog park and seen a woman with dyed pink hair and a matching dyed pink Shih Tzu, complete with painted nails? My thought is usually, I could have seen the dog first and known exactly who the owner was. (Now this one isn't quite science. I'm a light-hearted shorty on the quiet side who once had a very large and serious Rottweiler.)
That said, a veterinarian named Dr. Indya took to TikTok with a short clip to share her thoughts on dog breeds and what they say about the person who owns them. She writes under her video, "Your dog breed says so much about you and I refuse to think otherwise."
@doctorindya your dog breed says so much about you and I refuse to believe otherwise #vetmed #dogbreeds #petparent #miniaturedachshund
In the video, over a clip of her talking straight to camera, a chyron displays, "I judge you by your dog breed." She says, "I have this theory that you can tell how seriously someone takes life based on the type of dog they own. Like to me, German Shepherds people? Very serious. A to B, get everything done. Like you cannot mess with someone that owns a German Shepherd."
She goes on, now pointing at the camera. "Doberman, same. Cane Corso, same." She then puts her hand out and waves it. "Golden Retrievers? Pretty casual, they have fun. But they get the job done. They're kind of like finance bros."
She then bends down and picks up a longhaired Dachshund. "Me? What is this? Weenie dog. I have two weenie dogs, bro. You think I take life serious? I have two long dogs, running around my apartment. You think I take life serious?"
A dachshund gives the side-eye. Giphy
As her dog squirms around and side-eyes the camera, she continues, "Do you know how fun life is with little short legs just running around? Just pitter-pattering? You think I take life seriously?"
She puts the dog down. "I know that's just me and my brain, but like if I see someone with a weenie dog, I know you're just vibing. You're just a girl. You're just here. I don't know, I could be wrong, but that's my theory."
Well, this theory struck a chord: 9,000 comments later (just on TikTok alone), people are chiming in with their thoughts and experiences.
Some merely agree with the Dachshund of it all: "Was not surprised at all when she picked up a Dachshund. And it’s almost a requirement to have more than one."
Others note how similar they are to their breed: "Chihuahua owner. I’m fun, but with only one or two people. I don’t like anyone else." "I have a Beagle. All we do is rock out and eat food."
Others make jokes: "Me and my Yorkie Terrier are going to law school. In the future."
And one person throws this wrench into the mix: "I have a German Shepherd and a wiener dog. I guess I’m a conflicted soul."
What your chosen dog breed says about you. www.youtube.com
In the recent piece, "What Your Dog Breed Says About You," Laurent Jaccard writes, "Psychologists have spent decades mapping owner personalities to their canine sidekicks, and the patterns are hilarious (sometimes painfully accurate). A Bath Spa University survey of 1,000 owners showed we flock to breeds that mirror our own traits."
He gives the following examples: "Extroverts gravitate to sociable party animals like Labradors and Golden Retrievers. Introverts vibe with low-drama independents such as Shiba Inus or Greyhounds. High-achievers pick brainy workaholics like Border Collies. Trend-setters flaunt bougie French Bulldogs—quirky, compact, Instagram-ready."
He cites a few research studies that support the idea that dogs and owners should have matching energy and sociability, usually, in order to be a great match.
He then lists dog breeds and gives a breakdown of what choosing them says about one's "vibe." One example is his hilarious description of the French Bulldog as a "stylish clown with a side of sass." What this means about their "person" is: "They are probably funny, expressive, and loyal. Care about comfort, charm, and vibes. And like attention, but only on your own terms."
Frenchie licks lips. Giphy
Again, while this isn't an exact science (obviously) it's fun to think about. And if by chance you've opted for a rescue mutt of some sort, well we know your "vibe check," and it's probably pretty awesome.
