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4 simple ways to be a good friend ... to yourself. Take a step back and try 'em. They work.

Did you hear? Self-esteem's out. Self-compassion is in.

Imagine your best friend has a bad day...

Quite the memorable modeling debut! GIF from "Good Morning America."

...like, a really humiliating moment.

What would you do? Well, you probably wouldn't kick a woman when she's down.

You'd comfort her and remind her that one crappy moment is not a reflection of her worth as a human being. You'd give her good, compassionate advice.

But what if you were the one who'd had a bad moment? What kind of advice would you give yourself?

If you're like me (and many other people), you probably have a double standard when it comes to giving yourself compassionate counsel.

But imagine if we all were as kind to ourselves as we are to our friends.

There's a term for this approach: "self-compassion." It was spearheaded by Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor in human development at the University of Texas at Austin.

We should be able to be that comforting friend even to ourselves. Image by ErikaWittlieb/Pixabay.

Self-compassion focuses on three things: mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity.

Here are some ways to practice self-compassion:

1. In difficult moments, take a step back and treat yourself the way you would treat a friend in a similar situation.

Give yourself some quality BFF-type love! Photo by brianschulman/Flickr.

Unfortunately, bad things happening is part of being human. The next time you're feeling inadequate, try to think about how imperfections are what make us all human. Helping a friend through a hard time can be a great bonding moment. Practicing self-compassion can be a great way to feel more connected to everyone.

2. Tell yourself a compassionate phrase or two.


Maybe this isn't a compassionate phrase, but think about it: Would Kanye be mean to himself? GIF from "Kobe System Commercial!"

These phrases can be really powerful tools in practicing mindfulness, which is all about staying in the moment, acknowledging the pain, and working through it.

Here are a few to try:

  • This is a moment of suffering.
  • Suffering is part of life.
  • May I be kind to myself in this moment?
  • May I give myself the compassion I need?

3. Don't be afraid to give yourself a hug.

Photo by Jellaluna/Flickr.

Kind physical gestures like putting a hand over your heart or giving yourself a hug have an immediate effect on our bodies. The physical act can also help break us out of the cycle of negative thoughts.

Tip: For an extra niceness whammy, combine a kind gesture with your chosen compassionate phrase.

4. Try some meditation.

Photo by Nicolas Asfouri/AFP/Getty Images.

When it comes to self-compassion, meditation can be really helpful for retraining our brains to turn to compassionate thoughts in times of pain. There are also additional benefits to meditation, like having less anxiety, an improved ability to focus, and a better memory. Dr. Neff has some great guided meditation exercises on her site (that I may or may not have already downloaded to my phone and used today...).

Never really been into the whole "love yourself" thing? That's cool. Just try being nice to yourself.

We're often told that high self-esteem is the key to a successful life, whether it's in the realms of academics, socializing, dating, or career. Dr. Neff challenges that and says it's self-compassion — simply treating ourselves nicely — that we should all be aiming for.

That sounds reasonable enough.

Want to learn more? Check out Dr. Neff's TEDx talk: "The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion."


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Man finds genius loophole to beat squatters at their own game. Homeowners say he's a hero.

"All I'm doing is becoming a squatter and flipping this process on them."

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Flash Shelton has been nicknamed the "Squatter Hunter" and helps people take their homes back.

Squatters' rights laws are some of the most bizarrely misused legal realities we have, and something no one seems to have a good answer for. Most of us have heard stories of someone moving into a vacant home and just living there, without anyone's permission and without paying rent, and somehow this is a legal question mark until the courts sort it out.

According to The National Desk, squatters' rights are a carryover from British property law and were created to ensure that abandoned property could be used and to protect occupants from being kicked out without proper notice. The argument is that it's better to have someone openly living in a home and taking care of it, properly maintaining it, versus it laying abandoned and rotting away. Families and residents add value to a community, and those residents should have rights — or so the reasoning goes.

It should go without saying that squatter law isn't meant to allow someone to just take over someone else's property, but sometimes that's exactly what happens.

A squatter takeover is exactly what happened to Flash Shelton's mother when she put her house up for rent after her husband passed away.


A woman contacted her with interest in the property, only she wanted to do repairs and look after the home instead of paying rent. Before anyone knew it, she had furniture delivered (which she later said was accidental) and set up camp, despite Shelton's mom not agreeing to the arrangement.

But since the woman had expressed her intention and already moved in, the matter was out of police hands, as Shelton found out when he tried to contact the local sheriff. If that sounds like trespassing to you, well, join the club.

“They said, ‘I’m sorry but we can’t enter the house, and it looks like they’re living there, so you need to go through the courts',” he shared in a YouTube video.


Shelton rightfully didn't want the expense of a court battle, so he took matters into his own hands—not with violence, but with logic. He had his mom lease the home to him, and then told the squatter that she had to move everything out because he was moving things in.


squatters, homeowners, criminals, trespassing, law, property law, viral videos, youtube, squatter hunter How exactly is squatting not trespassing? It's complicated, for some reason. Giphy

“If they can take a house, I can take a house," he said.

He was calm and clear about her having to get everything out within the day or he would have people come and take it, and thankfully, she didn't put up a big fight.

That experience made him realize how squatter law can be abused, but that there's a faster system for removing a squatter than to go through the court system. If a squatter can move in and force a homeowner to take them to court to prove they are living there illegally, then he could simply move in alongside the squatter, putting the squatter in the position of having to take the homeowner to court instead.

"The legal process is so slow, and at some point when they're in there, you're going to feel like they have more rights than you do and that's how you're going to be treated. So even though you it's your house and you're paying the mortgage or whatever, at some point squatters feel like they have more rights than you, so they don't have an incentive to leave until a judge tells them to, until they're actually ordered to, and that could take months."

After successfully removing the squatters in his mother's house, Shelton has been tackling similar squatter situations for other homeowners in California, earning him the nickname "The Squatter Hunter."

"All I'm doing is becoming a squatter and flipping this process on them," Shelton told CBS News. "I figured if they could take a house, I could take a house."

According to CBS, he's successfully removed a dozen squatters in the past year. ""I'm not going in and I'm not hurting anyone," he said. "I'm not kicking them out, I'm not throwing them out." He's literally just moving in himself, setting up cameras, and then creating small annoyances until the squatters get fed up enough to move out; like making uncomfortable alterations to the home or making a ton of noise at inopportune hours.

Shelton parlayed his success into a reality show on A&E called, fittingly, Squatters. It premiered in July of 2025. To put it lightly, it looks intense! Clips posted on Shelton's social media show hostile standoffs with angry squatters and even he and his team causing damage to the home or creating nuisances to help drive the squatters out.

California isn't the only state that has seen issues with squatters. There are squatter stories from all over the U.S. of people moving into a property and refusing to leave without a court order, tying owners up in lengthy, expensive legal battles.

Though squatting is relatively rare overall, some areas of the country have more issues than others. California, Texas, Georgia, and Florida are areas, in particular, that struggle with squatters and abandoned properties.

Shelton even has a Change.org petition to try to get squatter laws changed to "make squatting in residential maintained homes criminal." Making squatting illegal "will shift the burden of proof onto the squatter and make the crime punishable with restitution an option for damages," the the petition states.

Not all homeowners will have access to someone like Shelton and his team to fight back against squatters. But until the laws change, he's doing as much as he can.

Watch Shelton share his personal story:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.


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A traveler admitted that she couldn't tell Korean locals apart. They said she wasn't racist.

Research says things literally get a little fuzzy when we aren't exposed to other races.

Photo credit: Canva

Is it racist to think people of a certain race all look the same? Not necessarily.

Whether we'd like to admit it or not, most people have heard someone say something along the lines of "all (insert racial group) look the same." It's not unique to one race either—comedians across the racial spectrum joke about this seemingly racist phenomenon. The phrase can sound a little racist even when the person admitting to it doesn't mean it to be.

Julia, a frequent traveler, recently had her own experience with this phenomenon when she traveled to South Korea. The woman realized that she couldn't tell the locals apart, which was baffling and embarrassing to her. Once she confessed to her Korean friends, they all got a good chuckle when they revealed they had a hard time telling white people apart. When the sentiment was the same in Mozambique, she decided to do some research into why people have difficulty identifying differences in racial groups outside of their own.

racism; race; facial recognition; is it racist; look the same; similar looks; inclusion; representation Happy friends enjoying a playful moment together. Photo credit: Canva

To Julia's surprise, there was a reason for this seemingly strange occurrence, and it had little to nothing to do with racism. The reason the phrase isn't always racist is that it happens to be true in many instances. Even in diverse countries, people tend to stay in communities that look similar to themselves due to similar cultural upbringings and expectations. Of course, this self-segregating grouping dilutes in major cities where people live near a plethora of different ethnicities and races, in which they build community.

Those who live near other races and ethnicities may have an easier time recognizing the different facial features of people from races different from their own. This is because exposure is key to not only understanding cultural differences but also visually seeing how facial features differ from one race and ethnicity to the next.

racism; race; facial recognition; is it racist; look the same; similar looks; inclusion; representation Facial recognition interface scanning a person.Photo credit: Canva

While the woman uses race to describe the phenomenon, it's important to note that race and ethnicity are two different things. A person of Chinese descent would be categorized racially as Asian, but their ethnicity would likely be Han Chinese, which makes up 91% of China. While a South Korean's race would be Asian as well, their ethnicity would be Korean. In both of these instances, their nationality would be the country in which they were born.

This is a pretty standard breakdown across ethnic and racial groups except Black Americans, who are descendants of chattel slavery. Black Americans' race is Black/African American, but unlike other groups, their ethnic group is also Black/African American, while their nationality is American. Whereas a Black British person may say their nationality is British, their race is Black, but their ethnicity is Nigerian Igbo. It's important to acknowledge the difference in race and ethnicity because one could belong to a racial group but still have the same issue with recognizing the differences of an ethnic group within their race.

racism; race; facial recognition; is it racist; look the same; similar looks; inclusion; representation Team collaboration sparks creativity and innovation.Photo credit: Canva

In Julia's research into why people struggle with recognizing faces from different groups, she discovered something fascinating: there's a name for the phenomenon, "it's called cross-race effect, and it's not about racism, it's about how our brains are wired. TLDR, you're not racist, you just have a lazy a** brain." She goes on to explain, "Our brains are essentially pattern recognition machines. The more often we see something like faces from our community, the better our brain gets from picking up subtle differences without us even realizing it. It's a bit like muscle memory but with visual processing."

The fusiform face area (FFA) is sort of like a shortcut to this processing faces even when we aren't necessarily paying attention. But like most things, you need to exercise the muscle for it to work properly in all scenarios. When it comes to faces, if the only faces you see look like your own, then it'll be difficult to recognize the distinct features of people who don't look like those in your racial or ethnic group.

Recently, singer-songwriter Billie Eilish faced backlash for her remarks while performing in Ireland after commenting, "As you guys know, I'm Irish. I am not from here, obviously. It's really cool to come somewhere and, like, everyone looks exactly like you, and you're all just as pasty as me. I love it." Some fans were offended since white people in America tend to be overrepresented in television and music. While overrepresentation may be true, chances are, since America is so diverse, the singer likely hasn't run into many people of the same ethnicity.

The first faces we learn to recognize are those in our households, which tend to resemble ourselves unless you're an adoptee. These are the faces our FFA practices on before moving on to those in their direct community, slowly expanding outward as one travels further from home.

racism; race; facial recognition; is it racist; look the same; similar looks; inclusion; representation Facial recognition technology concept.Photo credit: Canva

"When it (FFA) sees familiar types of faces, for example, faces you've had lots of exposure to, it lights up, like ha, I know this. But when it sees faces from a group you haven't spent much time with, the neural activation is weaker and less precise. Your brain doesn't process all the details. It kind of glosses over it. It's almost like your brain says, 'eh, close enough, I'll just put everything in the same category as the ones I've already seen,'" Julia explains before adding later. "It's not that the other races actually look the same, it's that our brain isn't trained to see the differences, yet."

In many ways, it's like hearing someone speak French when you don't speak the language. At first, the words all mush together and sound the same, but as you begin to pick up on French words, things become clearer. So, no, everyone who thinks people from another ethnic group all look the same is racist; they simply need to exercise that part of their brain.

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Hospice nurse reveals the exact time most people die and the reasons why are fascinating

It's called the "letting go hour"

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There is a three hour window of time when most dying people pass away.

Death is hard to think about and harder still to talk about. Some people get panic attacks just imagining the inevitable end of their life. It's an extremely uncomfortable and inescapable fact of living. For some people, learning as much as they can about what it's like and how it works is the one thing that brings them a little bit of comfort.

That's where Julie McFadden comes in. McFadden has been working as a hospice nurse for nine years. She has been educating people about the dying process on social media for almost as long, racking up millions of views with her gentle, reassuring, and highly informative FAQs.

In a recent video, Hospice Nurse Julie tackles a big, scary question: What time do people usually die? And can we actually predict someone's time of death?

"When is the most common time to die? I think you might be surprised what research says," she begins the video.

McFadden says even she was surprised when she started digging into the data and research. She noted that in her own work, she hasn't really seen a trend, but after poring through studies and speaking to colleagues throughout the hospice industry, she was taken aback to discover there was a clear answer to her question.

"Research and anecdotal evidence... it does show that most people die between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m.," she says. She explains that some professionals refer to this window as the "letting go hour."

Other studies and experts have a slightly different take, citing the most common time as 6 a.m.—8 a.m., or even peaking at 11 a.m. But the truth remains that there is a definitive pattern of a high percentage of people passing away in the wee hours of the morning or middle of the night.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"So, why does that happen? That's where my brain went. And to me, the reason why is the most fascinating part," she explains.

There are a few different factors, McFadden says, that explain such a narrow death window. The first relates to the normal cycle of our body's energy and alertness.

"Biologically, we have a circadian rhythm... And between the hours of two and five, that is when our body's energy level is the lowest. Our temperatures drop, our blood pressure drops, and our breathing slows."

She mentions that those late night/early morning hours are also typically very quiet, without a lot of interruption and stimulation that might unwittingly keep a patient engaged with the outside world. "There's less people kind of trying to hold you there."

The dying person's personality also plays a role. McFadden says she sees over and over that some patients will wait until the entire family arrives before they "let go," while others will wait until things are quiet and they're alone. More outgoing people may wait to be surrounded before they pass, while introverts may prefer to pass in solitude. For the folks who prefer peace and quiet, those nighttime hours make a lot of sense.

death, dying, death doula, hospice, hospice nurse, mortality, aging, seniors, love, family, fear, afterlife Learning about death is uncomfortable, but it helps us in the long run. Photo by Sijmen van Hooff on Unsplash

McFadden then shared a pretty wild story of a patient of hers who "chose" when to die. Viewers then chimed in with their own.

Most people who have lost a loved one absolutely insist that dying people are aware of, and have some level of control over, when they decide to let go. You should watch McFadden's video to hear her best story, but the comments were full of even more.

"My good friend Donna was dying in hospice from a brain tumor and a week before she passed things looked pretty grave so she wasn't expected to last another 2 days. Her sister was by her side and said it's okay you can go but she opened her eyes and said no I'm not going yet I'm waiting for my birthday, I'm dying on my birthday. Her birthday was a week away and no one thought she would make it but she did. Her sister whispered in her ear 'today is your Birthday Sis you made it' and then she passed within the hour," one user shared.

"My grandmother was actively dying for two weeks and held on until the wee hours of the first of the month. She was concerned about getting her social security check to help the family," said another.

"About a week before my 93 year old mom died, she adamently said a few times to me and others she was leaving the following Tuesday. At first I thought she meant she's going out... That Tuesday comes and it was clear she was probably not going to make it to end of the week. I was aware of her comments from the week before but didn't think it would happen that day. She died at 11:12 pm that night, on the day she said she was leaving. She knew."

"While not quite the same thing as 'predicted,' my mother said 'they' told her when she was going to pass away -- to the minute. 'They' being the people visiting her and promising to help her during her visioning experiences. She said they had shown her where she was going to go. She died at exactly the time her visioning-visitors had told her."

The stories shared by the hundreds in the comments to McFadden's video are heart-wrenching, but ultimately extremely hopeful.

@hospicenursejulie

Replying to @skinnysketch19 the transitioning phase #hospicenursejulie #caregiversoftiktok #dementia #education #medicaltok #learnontiktok #science #STEM

McFadden doesn't want her viewers who may have a loved one who's dying to be more anxious and nervous during the night, worrying and potentially losing sleep.

"People are going to do it when they do it. Their body is going to let go when the body is ready to let go. All you can do is be there for your loved one the best you can."

She reiterates that, even for someone like her who has seen and helped many patients cross over from this world to the next, that death is a mystery. As much as we can continue to learn and understand new aspects of it, we'll never fully know what it's like until we experience it ourselves.

This article originally appeared in June.

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Millennials have the funniest reactions to Gen Z's obsession with Labubus

"Zoomer Beanie Babies."

Image via Pop Mart/Wikipedia

Millennials discuss the Gen Z obsession with Labubus.

Labubus are taking over purses and bags everywhere lately. Labubus, fuzzy plush monsters (some that hang from a keychains, others that are collectible figurines) are currently a Gen Z fashion trend and pop culture obsession. But it's a trend that's not fully clicking with Millennials.

In a Reddit thread, member McTootyBooty shared with fellow Millennials, "I feel like it’s too late to ask wtf labubu is."

The earnest post about being out of the loop on Labubus resonated with many Millennials, who did their best to dissect their current popularity. Many compared Labubus to the ultimate '90s pop culture symbol: Beanie Babies. "Zoomer Beanie Babies," one wrote.

labubu, labubus, labubu gif, pop mart, pop mart labubu Popmart Labubu GIF by popmartglobal Giphy

"Zoomer Furbies," one commented, referring to the similarly-viral Furby toys that went viral in the late '90s. Another Millennial commented, "It's [an] ugly series of stuffed monsters that has been around for 10 years already but for some reason it has only turned into an obsession recently. I really don't get the hype myself."

Another quipped, "Dumb little fuzzy things that cost 80 dollars and probably $2 to produce. Just the new trend. They'll be at 5 Below in a year."

Some Millennials noted Labubus are more of a microtrend. "Nah, they’re a microtrend. Labubus will be over by this time next year. People are already starting to move on to other things. Beanie Babies were a fad for at least 5 years," another added. "If anything, Labubus are giving NFT lol."

According to NPR, Labubus were created and designed by artist Kasing Lung, who debuted them back in 2015. In 2019, Lung partnered with Chinese toy company POP MART to create the plush Labubus, but they didn't strike a note with pop culture until major pop stars like Dua Lipa, BLACKPINK's Lisa, and Rihanna recently started to sport them. Many are sold in "blind boxes," enhancing the surprise factor.

It's not just Millennials that are confused by the concept of Labubus and how they became so trendy. Older generations are also scratching their heads, with some comparing Labubus' popularity to another '90s doll. "Kinda more like a Gen Z Troll doll with the cute/ugly factor," they wrote.

Others alluded their likeness to another popular collectible. "It’s this year’s squishmallow. It cashes in on the cute / tee hee / insert mask here aesthetic that one chooses to give themselves when buying this to affirm that and their style etc. Oh look, an exclusive drop! Next months drop: same shape different color," they wrote.

labubu, labubus, labubu keychain, pink labubu, labubu trend Labubu Lil D GIF by Respective Giphy

Another explained, "Beanie babies...troll dolls...sports card...it's all cyclical. I don't know what's hard to believe about silly collectables."

Others explained their popularity as consumer genius. "Answer: they are fundamentally 'loot boxes' in physical form. They give you a sense of adrenaline rush, just like loot boxes in games or slot machines," another commented.

However, some defended their love for Labubus. "I won't tease anyone liking them then. I had 4 Furbies as a kid/young adult and it was harmless fun," one shared. Another added, "Idk I think they’re sort of cute. I’d never buy one for myself, but I kind of like when my coworkers show me theirs. They’re just little creepy monster things hanging off everybody’s purse."

One concluded: "I think they're cute, I love mine. it doesn't matter to me if they're overhyped or hated on, but for what it's worth I also have a collection of old tamagotchis that I love having/ using, so it's right up my alley for cute crap to carry around. no pressure to get one if you don't want one."

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In Japan, you can rent a grandma for $23 an hour to make a warm meal and offer life advice

This is the 'insta-gram' the world needs right now.

Photo credit: Canva

This is the brain-child of Client Partners, a women-run company in Japan.

Some days can only be made better with a warm hug and a meal from grandma. In Japan, those creature comforts (and more) are made available for a mere 3,300 yen, or $23 USD an hour.

Here’s how it works: the service, run by a company called Client Partners, is called OK! Obaachan (which translates to OK Grandma). Give them a ring and they’ll send over a woman aged 60 to 94 boasting a range of grandmotherly skills—from housework and childcare, to “personal consultations”…meaning, yes, they can talk you through that brutal breakup.

Honestly, the tasks provided by this roster of 100+ grannies seem rather endless. Just a quick scroll through the website shows that an Obaachan has been hired to help someone come out as gay, attend sports games, think through an apology letter, show up to a wedding, perform ceremonial rituals, and more.

The video below paints a pretty cohesive picture. Paolo, a content creator living in Japan, enjoys a picnic of handmade goodies while his Obaachan shares pictures from her past and compares dating in her time to dating in the modern world. It’s every bit as wholesome as you’d imagine.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Well, I didn't plan on crying today but here we are. This video reminded me so much of my time with my Nanna and the great conversations we had and the advice she gave me as a young man. She was my best friend and I miss her so much,” one viewer wrote.

Another added, “It's actually a really good idea tbh. The grandma gets to spend time interacting with others, making her feel less lonely. Seems like a win win to both parties.”

Perhaps it should come as no surprise that this idea stems from a country that already combats loneliness through various “rent-a-person” services, including hired actors who will pretend to be your family.

But even more pertinent, Japan has a deeply ingrained cultural tradition of respecting and valuing the elderly. We see this reflected in practices like a national holiday honoring them (Keirō no Hi), and the fact that many Japanese households remain multi-generational. Older adults are often seen as vessels of wisdom and experience.

В Японии запустили сервис аренды... бабушки — «OK Obaachan».За 3000 йен (1600 ₽) в час милая бабуля научит готовить, присмотрит за детьми, приберёт в доме и даст мудрый совет. А если надо, поможет расстаться с токсичным партнёром.
byu/ElectroAdeptus inKafkaFPS


That said, older women in particular (and even more so, older women who either never married or whose husbands died young) face a sparse job market, and cannot solely rely on pension.

“The merit of age is the ability to remain unfazed by small things,” wrote Client Partners. “Their consideration for those who need it most, and while they may lack the physical strength and agility of their younger counterparts, their housework and child-rearing skills honed over years of being a housewife, their communication skills honed through relationships with neighbors and relatives, their rich life experience having endured the good and the bad, and their friendly, warm presence are all irreplaceable strengths.”

Plus, many Obaachans express gratitude for being able to connect to a sense of purpose through their work. So, in truth, everyone is getting a need met. For these grandma’s, it’s financial opportunities, and for their clients, it’s feeling nurtured, loved, and most importantly, fed.

Another cool thing about Client Partners—it’s run by women, and only employs women. So, beside grandmas for hire, you can also hire interpreters, handywomen, and something called “courage support.” Don’t know what that is…but I want it.

While applications to be OK Obaachan are open, Client Partners does require that candidates be vetted, and have an open enough mind to deal with often frowned upon things in Japan, such as single mothers. According to Client Partners, the “perfect” grandma is “kind, committed, hardworking, and cares about the feelings of others.” Hard to argue with that.

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