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Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

A middle-aged woman holding a baby.

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

The woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. Five years ago, the couple got married after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

Last year, Leah became pregnant, and she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is experienced by many young mothers who are facing difficulties. The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

babies, young mother, moms

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. A recent study found that out of the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

babies, stemoms, reddit

​A middle-aged woman with a baby. 

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

This article originally appeared on 10.3.23

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How far would you go to make sure your child felt included? This mom got creative.

What a single mom's viral dad disguise can teach us about accepting all families.

When 12-year-old Elijah helped his mom, Yevette, put on a fake mustache, a plaid shirt, and a dash of cologne, he had no idea what was going on.

Yevette Vasquez is a single mother. Since Elijah was born, she's raised him alone.

So when Yevette found out there was a Donuts With Dad event at her son's school Sept. 1 in Fort Worth, Texas — an event her son thought he couldn't attend — she got creative.

Check out Yevette's Facebook post below about that special day:

Good morning, today at my son Elijah's skewl as I was dropping him off i ask him why there was so many cars... He said...

Posted by Yevette Vasquez on Thursday, September 1, 2016

Here's the full text:

Good morning, today at my son Elijah's skewl as I was dropping him off i ask him why there was so many cars... He said Donuts 🍩 with Dad, so we quickly went back home cause I wasn't about to let him miss out..... I know seeing other dads with there kids isn't easy for mine but its life, at least I can do whatever it takes to put a smile on that face, so here it goes..... and please don't hate I know I'm a woman an so do my sons lol #ilovehim#wegettingthemdonuts#noexcuses

Yevette showed up at Donuts With Dad looking hilarious in her "dad" costume.

She said most of the parents' reactions to her get-up were really cool, although she admits to sensing a little negative energy from a few dads who might have felt uncomfortable with her obvious disguise.

And while her costume was funny, it also reveals an important thing about inclusive school events.

Yevette takes a selfie of herself dressed as a dad. Image by Yevette Vasquez/Facebook, used with permission.

Sure she could have just gone as herself — a mom — and still have proven a point by setting an example. But by dressing up as a dad, she drew attention to a major issue.

Vasquez grew up without a father, so she knows the feeling of not having a dad in your life well. In fact, her situation is pretty common these days: U.S. Census data showsthere were 9.9 million single mothers in 2014. That number marks a steep 3.4 million increase from 45 years ago.

Her Donuts With Dads story is also part of a larger issue, though: There are many types of families who don't necessarily consist of the "traditional" nuclear setup of mom, dad, two-point-five kids, and a pet.

Actually, less than half of kids in the U.S. live in a home with two married parents.

So events like Donuts With Dads can inadvertently feel like exclusion to students, like Elijah, who aren't raised in what many consider a traditional family headed by mother and father figures.

Image via Yevette Vasquez/Facebook, used with permission.

Yevette put herself out there so her son wouldn't feel excluded, and it was a beautiful act.

She says Elijah was happy and excited to go back to school after the Labor Day weekend to see the reactions of his mom's story going viral.

"I know I can't replace a man in his life, but I can turn a negative moment into a positive one," she said. "And at that moment, he is all that mattered."

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Why a photo of this 93-year-old and her lawn mowers is going viral.

"We did this sweet lady's lawn today."

When Rodney Smith Jr. learned that an elderly woman in his community was mowing her own lawn, he wasn't about to let that fly.

"We did this sweet lady's lawn today," the Alabama man wrote on Facebook, in addition to posting the photo below. "She is 93, the neighbors told us that she been out [there] trying to cut her own lawn."

The sweet photo began to spread, fast.

Since it was posted on April 23, 2016, the image has been Liked by 1 million people and shared more than 175,000 times. 

"So proud of you guys," wrote one commenter.

"Bless her," wrote another. "Good work, fellas."

Clearly, Smith's photo is tugging at heartstrings both in and far beyond his Alabama community.

Smith is the founder of Raising Men Lawn Care Service, a group that's lending a hugely helpful hand to neighbors in need.

Smith, a student at Alabama A&M University in Huntsville, launched his organization so elderly folks, single parents, and people with disabilities — those who may not "have the time, resources and/or money to manicure their yards" — could still have well-kept lawns free of charge. 

"The typical response is tears of joy," he told Upworthy of his group's impact.

Since it launched in December 2015, the group of about 20 young people have mowed over 300 lawns, according to Smith.

As Smith notes on the Raising Men's Facebook page, the group's not just about helping others, either — it's about helping the youth who get involved as well:

"I want to restore the importance and understanding of giving back to the community. I want to show our children (our future) that by helping others they too will receive a sense of accomplishment, self-esteem, moral value, and purpose in themselves."

Folks in Smith's community may even return home to a sweet surprise without having signed up for the service.

His group of mowers has a habit of dropping in unexpectedly when neighbors aren't home to mow their lawns and leaving a note on the front door (they've done it time and time again). 

Raising Men Lawn Care Service decided to raise funds on a GoFundMe page so they can continue to expand their impact.

Funds raised through the page will go toward things like lawn equipment, refreshments for the mowers, and T-shirts with the group's logo.

As of April 27, 2016, the group had raised more than $10,500 of their $11,500 goal. 

"When we come and cut their lawn and let them know we will be back every two weeks to cut it, they are so happy," Smith explained to Upworthy. "Words really can't describe it."

It sounds like plenty more lawns — and even more hearts — will be changed for good if the Raising Men team has anything to say about it.

Learn more about Smith's story and help his group reach their goals on GoFundMe. 

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Working parents and caregivers have just been given legal protection in New York City.

Being someone's caregiver is like having a second job. So you shouldn't have to worry about losing your first.

In 2014, Kashawna Holmes was fired from her job at a senior companion care program in Washington, D.C., for taking time off to have her baby.

Due to complications, Holmes' doctor ordered her to go on bed rest nearly three months before her due date. Despite filling out the necessary paperwork, and despite D.C. having a law protecting pregnant workers on the job, Holmes found an email on her phone terminating her position.

Kashawna Holmes with her son. Photo by Sarah L. Voisin/The Washington Post via Getty Images.

"I was completely devastated, in shock. I felt that was supposed to be the happiest time, I was so excited about having my son,” she told the Washington Post. Instead, she had to seek help from a nonprofit and spend time and money on a lawsuit fighting for her rights.

Her employers stated that her one-year appointment to the position had ended, but Holmes knew there was funding for her position for the following year because she had prepared the audit herself.

Caring for someone else's well-being shouldn't come at the cost of your own. But for caregivers, it often does.

The fear of being fired is the unfortunate reality for millions of people who provide direct and ongoing care for their children or other family members.

Caregivers, the majority of whom are women, spend significant time tending to the needs of those who rely on them, like small children, disabled family members, or senior citizens who require home care.

Caring for someone else's well-being shouldn't come at the cost of your own. But for caregivers, it often does.

Holmes is one of the thousands of women every year who lose their jobs on maternity leave or to other caregiver duties.

A law protecting caregivers would have recognized the urgency and specific needs of Holmes' situation, and protected her. While some companies like Holmes' try to find ways around these laws, having them on the books gives unlawfully terminated employees the legal ability to fight back.

Thankfully, caregivers in New York City will soon get this protection.


A bill protecting caregivers is awaiting New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio's signature. Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images.

Lawmakers in New York City have recognized that when workers have more flexibility for their families, everyone benefits.

For example, instead of having to risk her job, a single mother could take necessary time off to care for her child — and herself — and be protected by the law. Or a man who works full time but lives with his elderly father who needs regular doctor visits and home care can take time off without being penalized to take his father to the doctor.

Also, as more and more baby boomers age and enter retirement, the amount of senior citizens requiring home care will grow rapidly.

The number of senior citizens in New York City is expected to increase by 35% in the next 20 years. Photo from iStock.

A new law passed on Dec. 16, 2015, will make caregivers a protected class in New York City.

New York City has already made efforts to protect the job rights of individuals regardless of race, sexual orientation, and age, and now caregivers can enjoy that same legal protection.

The law defines a caregiver as "a person who provides direct and ongoing care for a minor child or a care recipient." It's good news, especially for women who do a disproportionate amount of caregiving (an estimated 66%). In fact, the bill is largely being touted as a victory for the progress of women.

This new law protects people's rights to spend time caring for their loved ones without having to worry about losing their jobs. The bill aims to make New York City a better place for women and for anyone dedicating their time to the well-being of someone else.

This is a positive step toward solving an important problem, especially for New York City.

In fact, the bill's opening paragraph says it best:

"In the city of New York, with its great cosmopolitan population, there is no greater danger to the health,morals, safety and welfare of the city and its inhabitants than the existence of groups prejudiced against oneanother and antagonistic to each other because of their actual or perceived differences."

Caregivers are New York City's mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. They shouldn't have to worry about losing their jobs while they are essentially doing a second job for free. Now, they don't have to. That's a good thing.

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