upworthy

sharing

Wellness

A professor reveals the secret of how to make 'gratitude lists' really work

"Those adults are regularly moved to tears to learn of the positive impact they had."

Photo credit: Canva

A woman crosses her arms in gratitude. A person writes a letter.

It's true that "gratitude" has become a buzzword and the very idea of it seems trite and empty to some. For others, the world might feel too chaotic at the moment to focus on the tiny, good things we're told to hang onto. But a professor of psychology at Gonzaga University gave some insight on how to make the concept of gratitude truly enhance our lives.

It's easy to take things for granted sometimes. Keeping a list of stuff we're grateful for, big and small, can certainly help put life into perspective—and not just items at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs (like air and water), but all along the pyramid. It can change daily from "I got good sleep last night" to "I'm glad the TV show I like is back for a new season."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

There's a guy on TikTok called David the Grateful Guy (@today.iam.grateful), and as you might have guessed, he posts clips of different things for which he's grateful. One day, he expressed his appreciation for salt. That’s it. Just salt.

@today.iam.grateful

Today I am grateful for salt! Anyone else add salt to almost everything?! #grateful #gratitude #gratitudejournal #todayiamgrateful #thankfulfor #salt #gratitudepractice

What was extra special is this short video garnered nearly 5,000 comments, binding a community together with jokes and "salt-recognition." It was the sharing of his gratitude that spread joy, more than the salt itself. Kind of like a "Oh yeah, salt IS nice." (Note: a cardiologist might not share this sentiment.)

Professor Monica Y. Bartlett, who in her own words teaches "courses on resilience and human flourishing," shares how important it is to do this. She writes in The Conversation that aside from being aware of your gratitude, "a second method for practicing is expressing that gratitude to others. This can look like writing a letter of gratitude and delivering it to someone who has made a positive impact in your life."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This can even be a letter in retrospect for someone who has passed on. The act of expressing one's appreciation is just as important as the appreciation itself. Now, this can't always be implemented, but when it can, it might be extremely impactful. Bartlett continues, "When my students do this exercise, it often results in touching interactions. For instance, my college students often write to high school mentors, and those adults are regularly moved to tears to learn of the positive impact they had. Expressing gratitude in work settings can boost employees’ sense of social worth."

A thread, "What's something you're most grateful for?" yielded many comments on Reddit. Lots of people answered food, shelter, air, family. But a few got specific. One person vulnerably shared, "Being gay in a country that doesn't illegalize it. It's still hard, but at least I don’t have to fear for my life."

Another person answered, "Coca-Cola. I'm a simple gal," and another got more specific, "Great red wine—spend a little more than £15 a bottle—but no more than £80—and pick good company (this bit is more important than the absolute price of the wine) and you have a fantastic evening."

red wine, gratitude, friendship, clinking glasses, relaxingPeople clinking their glasses of red wine for a cheers. Photo by Kelsey Knight on Unsplash

And one commenter simply wrote, "I'm grateful to see another day." Perhaps implementing the idea of writing gratitude letters to all the people who help make them feel that way would even triple the impact of happiness. To end with Bartlett's insightful words, "In a world that may currently feel bleak, a letter of gratitude may not only help the writer recognize the good of others, but also let others know that they are making a beautiful difference in the world."

From Your Site Articles
gratitude
Most Shared

Donald Trump Jr. tweeted about candy and 'socialism.' It backfired.

Note: this article was originally published November 1, 2017

Last Halloween, Donald Trump Jr. tweeted a picture of his daughter Chloe dressed up for Halloween.

"I'm going to take half of Chloe's candy tonight & give it to some kid who sat at home," the president's son wrote in the tweet. "It's never to early to teach her about socialism."

Yikes. (And to think — didn't Trump Jr. learn his lesson the last time he tweeted about candy?)

Trump Jr.'s tweet backfired. Fast.

Trump's tweet ignores about a million factors to consider when comparing the politics of trick-or-treating to socialism (I can't believe I just had to write that sentence). Much of the internet was happy to inform Jr. what exactly his tweet got wrong.

For starters, just ... why? Why take a completely innocent thing like trick-or-treating and make it "ugly and divisive"?  

J.K. Rowling pointed out the Trumps probably aren't the best people to be criticizing free handouts.

Others used the tweet to point out Trump Jr.'s hypocrisy on other issues, like his father's tax plan.

Keith Olberman was one of the many users who noted trick-or-treating, in and of itself, certainly isn't, um ... a capitalistic concept.

Senator Chris Murphy of Connecticut said what many of us were thinking in a simple six-word tweet. You can practically feel the facepalm through the screen.

But at the heart of the criticism aimed at Trump Jr. was his tweet's lack of empathy and compassion for others.

After all, most kids who don't trick-or-treat aren't staying in because they choose to.

My Upworthy colleague Eric March explained that, growing up, his parents did have him give away his candy to those less fortunate and, even as a kid, he "was happy about it."

When I asked Eric about his tweet, he told me he often shared his candy with local nursing homes (where his mom worked), gave it away in donation drives, or shared it with other kids at his Cub Scout meetings.

Not to mention, sharing is something we usually want to teach kids. Right?

There are plenty of lessons to be taught on Halloween. Selfishness isn't one of them.

Sharing your Halloween candy is something to feel good about — not frown upon.

There are many reasons kids don't go trick-or-treating: various disabilities, food allergies, illnesses, safety concerns (just to name a few). Halloween seems like an ideal time to teach kids about the privileges of trick-or-treating and encourage them to split up their bag of sweets with a classmate or neighbor who might not be able to venture out on Oct. 31. After all, selfishness is what's truly spooky this time of year.

From Your Site Articles
More

A viral post has sparked a debate among parents on the importance of sharing.

The "sharing struggle" is something every parent can relate to.

There's a swarm of kids on the playground. One comes up to your kid and wants to play with whatever toy they have.

Immediately, we spring into action.

"Share, sweetheart! You have to share!"

But do they have to share? Do they really?

One mom doesn't think so.

Alanya Kolberg recently explained on Facebook why she tells her son that it's OK to say "no."

She recounted a recent visit to the playground when her son, Carson, was bombarded by a group of boys demanding he share his toys.

Instead of simply trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict, Kolberg had a different message for her young son:

"You can tell them no, Carson," I said. "Just say no. You don't have to say anything else."

MY CHILD IS NOT REQUIRED TO SHARE WITH YOURS.As soon as we walked in the park, Carson was approached by at least 6...

Posted by Alanya Kolberg on Wednesday, April 19, 2017

"Of course, as soon as he said no, the boys ran to tattle to me that he was not sharing," she wrote.

"I said, 'He doesn't have to share with you. He said no. If he wants to share, he will.'"

Kolberg wrote that she got plenty of dirty looks from the other parents, but she explained her reasoning:

"If I, an adult, walked into the park eating a sandwich, am I required to share my sandwich with strangers in the park? No! Would any well-mannered adult, a stranger, reach out to help themselves to my sandwich, and get huffy if I pulled it away? No again."

"The goal is to teach our children how to function as adults," she wrote. "While I do know some adults who clearly never learned how to share as children, I know far more who don't know how to say no to people, or how to set boundaries, or how to practice self-care."

Saying no to sharing may sound counterintuitive, but when you think about it, Kolberg's message makes perfect sense.

"As an Educator, I completely agree with this. When children are not taught to assert themselves when necessary, it leads to so many situations of bullying," wrote one commenter.

Though not everyone agrees:

"I'm sorry but nothing material is worth a fight. I will share everything and anything I can," responded another.

Of course we want our kids to share. Of course we want them to show affection to grandma and grandpa. But isn't it equally (or more) important that they know their own comfort and happiness matter?

Judging by the viral reaction to Kolberg's post, plenty of parents out there think the answer ought to be yes.

More

How a frequent flier's viral post saved Christmas for this father and son.

'I would give anything for him. And I never want him to feel a hole in his life where his father should be.'

Quentin Seyssel has only seen his 5-year-old son, Aiden, four times this year.

Aiden and his mom have been living with her parents in California since March 2015, although she and Quentin didn't officially get divorced until this past summer. Being away from his son is hard, especially since Aiden is on the autism spectrum and has only recently begun to communicate with purpose.

Photo by Quentin Seyssel, used with permission.

Due to financial constraints, Quentin lives a humble life in Colorado and sends as much money as he can to his son every month.

The physical distance between them is difficult, especially this year, because it's the first Christmas the two would've spent apart.

The two communicate most frequently via Skype, but it presents challenges, Quentin explains. "Within the last year, [Aiden] has gotten a lot more used to initiating play and will bring you a puppet to use and mimic a conversation with."

That's not something he can do over Skype.

Photo by Quentin Seyssel, used with permission.

Though Quentin tries to ask his son questions and engage with him on their calls, he is often left watching Aiden play quietly.

While Quentin would love to see his son in person, "it is financially difficult," he writes. This year, even though he does have holiday time off work, he cannot afford the round-trip ticket.

In a last-ditch effort, Quentin responded to a post online in which a man named Peter Shankman was offering to use his extra airline miles to help people who needed them to get home for the holidays.

In his job as a marketing consultant, Shankman has racked up a significant number of airline miles. For the past four years, he's been gifting them to people — like Quentin — who can't afford trips to see their loved ones around the holidays.

Photo by Peter Shankman, used with permission.

"I get to travel to talk for a living and get paid for it," explains Shankman in an email. "I don't know how much luckier I could be. How could I possibly live in a world that gives me all of that happiness and not find a way to give back?"

So every year, Shankman sets up a post on image-hosting website Imgur asking users to share their story in the Home for the Holidays category. The people whose stories receive the most upvotes from other users get a ticket home with Shankman's miles.

Shankman traveling with his own daughter. Photo by Peter Shankman, used with permission.

This year, Shankman was joined by generous travelers who donated their own miles to the cause, helping to send 10 people home for the holidays.One is a teacher with a rare eye disease who will get to visit her family after years apart; another is an Air Force pilot with HIV who will be able to go home and make amends with his estranged family.

In response to Quentin's story, several other users stepped in, offering to pay for his flight home to Aiden.

Quentin decided to take one of those offers, so that Shankman could use his miles for someone else in need. "He seemed genuine, kind, and never asked for anything in return," writes Quentin of the user whose offer he accepted. "Only the promise to pay it forward."

Photo by Quentin Seyssel. Used with permission.

Quentin wrestled with feeling worthy of the free trip home and thinking about how many others might be more deserving — but then he thought about Aiden.

Photo by Quentin Seyssel, used with permission.

Quentin knows Aiden needs his father around, especially at this crucial stage of development in his life. He's making plans to move to California so they can spend more time together. Until then, he's been writing letters to Aiden every year on his birthday and plans to give them all to Aiden when he turns 21.

"I would give anything for [Aiden]," Quentin writes. "I never want him to feel a hole in his life where his father should be."

Thanks to the generosity of a stranger on the internet, this year's letter will be filled with some extra joy and humility — "a highlight of memories and hope," he says — and memories of a visit home for the holidays.

Trending Stories