Sabrina Benaim's “Explaining My Depression to My Mother."
Sabrina Benaim's “Explaining My Depression to My Mother" is pretty powerful on its own.
But, in it, her mother exhibits some of the most common misconceptions about depression, and I'd like to point out three of them here.
Misconception #1: Depression is triggered by a single event or series of traumatic events.
Depression isn’t just over sleeping.
Most people think depression is triggered by a traumatic event: a loved one dying, a job loss, a national tragedy, some THING. The truth is that depression sometimes just appears out of nowhere. So when you think that a friend or loved one is just in an extended bad mood, reconsider. They could be suffering from depression.
Misconception #2: People with depression are only sad.
The obligation of anxiety.
Most people who have never experienced depression think depression is just an overwhelming sadness. In reality, depression is a complex set of feelings and physical changes in the body. People who suffer from depression are sad, yes, but they can also be anxious, worried, apathetic, and tense, among other things.
Misconception #3: You can snap out of it.
Making fun plans not wanting to have fun.
The thing with depression is that it's a medical condition that affects your brain chemistry. It has to do with environmental or biological factors first and foremost. Sabrina's mother seems to think that if her daughter would only go through the motions of being happy that then she would become happy. But that's not the case. Depression is a biological illness that leaks into your state of being.
Think of it this way: If you had a cold, could you just “snap out of it"?
These are only three of the misconceptions about depression. If you know somebody suffering from depression, you should take a look at this video here below to learn the best way to talk to them:
"Just because you didn't do marriage well doesn't mean you can't do divorce fabulously."
That's something my mother-in-law said to me when her son and I were ending our young, impetuous, and ultimately-not-right-for-us marriage. It stuck with me through the years.
These sweet images from Brittany Peck's wedding have struck a chord with families across the Internet, and they seem to be getting that very same lesson about "doing divorce well" through to millions.
The photographer got a clue something unusual was about to happen.
Delia Blackburn, an Ohio photographer, was snapping pictures at the nuptials, as you do. She described to WKYC3 what happened when the father of the bride, Todd Bachman, approached her.
"He said, 'I'm going to do something special, just be ready.'"
Before Bachman finished walking his daughter down the aisle, he turned around in the direction of his daughter's stepdad, who was also in attendance.
Then Brittany's stepdad details what happened next.
“And he came up to me and reached out and grabbed my hand and he said, 'Hey, you've worked for this as hard as I have.' He said, 'You deserve this as much as I do. You're gonna help us walk OUR daughter down the aisle.' At that point, I had no clue what was going on." — Todd Cendrosky, stepfather of Brittany Peck
Todd B. looks like a dad on a mission — to be the coolest guy ever.
“I got weak in the knees and everything — I couldn't have had anything better in my life. That was THE most important thing in my life." — Brittany's stepdad
Todd C. is like, "What is even happening right now?"
Todd Bachmann explains his last-minute decision like this:
“It hasn't always been peaches and cream, by any stretch of the imagination. ... There's no better way to thank somebody than to assist me walking my — walking OUR daughter — down the aisle."
And Brittany herself was pleased with the outcome.
The bride sent a video message from her honeymoon to WKYC, saying, "We've seen it all, been through it all, but at the end of the day we're all happy."
Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important.
From an early age, we're led to believe our grades and test scores are the key to everything — namely, going to college, getting a job, and finding that glittery path to lifelong happiness and prosperity.
It can be a little stressful.
But a study showed that when children learn to interact effectively with their peers and control their emotions, it can have an enormous impact on how their adult lives take shape. And according to the study, kids should be spending more time on these skills in school.
Nope, it's not hippie nonsense. It's science.
Kindergarten teachers evaluated the kids with a portion of something called the Social Competence Scale by rating statements like "The child is good at understanding other's feelings" on a handy "Not at all/A little/Moderately well/Well/Very well" scale.
The research team used these responses to give each kid a "social competency score," which they then stored in what I assume was a manila folder somewhere for 19 years, or until each kid was 25. At that point, they gathered some basic information about the now-grown-ups and did some fancy statistical stuff to see whether their early social skills held any predictive value.
Here's what they found.
1. Those good test scores we covet? They still matter, but maybe not for the reasons we thought.
Traditional thinking says that if a kid gets good grades and test scores, he or she must be really smart, right? After all, there is a proven correlation between having a better GPA in high school and making more money later in life.
But what that test score doesn't tell you is how many times a kid worked with a study partner to crack a tough problem, or went to the teacher for extra help, or resisted the urge to watch TV instead of preparing for a test.
The researchers behind this project wrote, "Success in school involves both social-emotional and cognitive skills, because social interactions, attention, and self-control affect readiness for learning."
That's a fancy way of saying that while some kids may just be flat-out brilliant, most of them need more than just smarts to succeed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt spending a little more time in school teaching kids about the social half of the equation.
2. Skills like sharing and cooperating pay off later in life.
Adam Sandler Pee GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
Adam Sandler helps out a friend dealing with a stressful situations.
We know we need to look beyond GPA and state-mandated testing to figure out which kids are on the right path. That's why the researchers zeroed in so heavily on that social competency score.
What they found probably isn't too surprising: Kids who related well to their peers, handled their emotions better, and were good at resolving problems went on to have more successful lives.
What's surprising is just how strong the correlation was.
An increase of a single point in social competency score showed a child would be 54% more likely to earn a high school diploma, twice as likely to graduate with a college degree, and 46% more likely to have a stable, full-time job at age 25.
The kids who were always stealing toys, breaking things, and having meltdowns? More likely to have run-ins with the law and substance abuse problems.
The study couldn't say for sure that strong or poor social skills directly cause any of these things. But we can say for sure that eating too much glue during arts and crafts definitely doesn't help.
3. Social behaviors can be learned and unlearned — meaning it's never too late to change.
The researchers called some of these pro-social behaviors like sharing and cooperating "malleable," or changeable.
Let's face it: Some kids are just never going to be rocket scientists. Turns out there are physical differences in our brains that make learning easier for some people than others. But settling disputes with peers? That's something kids (and adults) can always continue to improve on.
And guess what? For a lot of kids, these behaviors come from their parents. The more you're able to demonstrate positive social traits like warmth and empathy, the better off your kids will be.
So can we all agree to stop yelling at people when they take the parking spot we wanted?
But what does it all mean?
This study has definite limitations, which its researchers happily admit. While it did its best to control for as many environmental factors as possible, it ultimately leans pretty heavily on whether a teacher thought a kid was just "good" or "very good" at a given trait.
Still, the 19-year study paints a pretty clear picture: Pro-social behavior matters, even at a young age. And because it can be learned, it's a great "target for prevention or intervention efforts."
The bottom line? We need to do more than just teach kids information. We need to invest in teaching them how to relate to others and how to handle the things they're feeling inside.
Ignoring social skills in our curricula could have huge ramifications for our kids down the road.
Patrick Stewart often talks about his childhood and the torment his father put him and his mother through. However, how he answered this vulnerable and brave fan's question is one of the most eloquent, passionate responses about domestic violence I've ever seen.
WARNING: At 2:40, he's going to break your heart a little.
The 17-year-old was the victim of a horrific bullying incident.
A group of girls threw boiling water on her, leaving her badly burned and covered in scars and discoloration.
17-year-old Samira Omar
All images by CBC News/YouTube
She thought the physical scars would be with her forever — until she met Basma Hameed. Basma Hameed runs a tattoo shop, of sorts — but her tattoo artistry doesn't look like you'd expect. Basma is a paramedical tattoo specialist. Instead of tattooing vibrant, colorful designs, she uses special pigments that match the skin in order to conceal scars.
With Basma's help, patients like Samira can see a dramatic decrease in their scar visibility and discoloration after a few treatments. She even offers free procedures for patients who are unable to afford treatment. That's because Basma knows firsthand just how life-changing her work can be for those coping with painful scars left behind.
Check out the video below to find out more about Basma's practice, including how she became her very first patient.
Image pulled from YouTube video linked to website.
Unique words defining emotions beyond the scope of a typical dictionary.
What if you needed a word for something that you can't quite define? Where would you turn?
Have you ever tried to explain something but gave up because the person you're talking to wouldn't be able to relate? Or worse yet, there's not an actual word for what you're trying to explain?
Haven't heard that term before? How about this one:
Anecdoche — a conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening.
No? How about this:
Opia — the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye.
Now, before you start doubting your own vocabulary skills, you won't find those words in any of the major dictionaries. Instead, they come from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, a collection of newly minted words for life's hard-to-define feelings.
So, these words aren't real? Well, it's not quite that simple.
It's a word that's found in the dictionary, you might say. That leads to an entirely separate question: Whose dictionary? Merriam-Webster? Oxford? Cambridge? Urban?
The truth is that language is ever-changing, and what one might say is a "fake" word today could very well be a "real" word tomorrow (or within a few years, at least).
In June 2015, the Oxford English Dictionary added a handful of new words to its rolls, including "Interweb," "jeggings," "hot mess," "crowdfunding," and "cisgender." Will all of these words stick with us for the long haul? Almost certainly not. Still, in the mind of OED's editors, those words are just as real as any others.
The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, on the other hand, contains many useful terms that you won't find in a traditional dictionary ... yet.
You'll find words like "Vellichor" ("The strange wistfulness of used bookshops") and "Adronitis" ("Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone") buried within the dictionary's six-year history.
While some terms come off as, well, obscure, others seem to fill meaningful voids left by the limitations of language for common emotions.
Its existence feels almost otherworldly, like spells from the mind of J.K. Rowling.
\u201cHarry Potter Spells List\u201d
— Harry Potter World (@Harry Potter World)
1589672580
"I've been writing a dictionary of emotions for about five years, and still the most common question I get is, 'Are these words real?'" Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows creator John Koenig told Upworthy over email.
To answer that question, Koenig says (emphasis mine):
"One answer is an obvious 'no,' [they're not real] because you couldn't find them in a leather-bound dictionary — and because I create them myself by twisting together word roots from any one of a dozen different languages, from French, Japanese and Mayan to my personal favorite, Greek.
On the other hand, of course these words are real, because in reality there is no such thing. A word is not like a gold coin that you bite to tell whether it's counterfeit, so you might be able to trade it for a mule. It becomes real when it's spoken and understood. And by that standard, I've seen some of my words (particularly 'sonder') used earnestly in many different conversations online. Are they all wrong? Is 'sonder' any less meaningful because it hasn't yet been enshrined on the page of a leather-bound book? After all, almost every word in the Oxford English Dictionary has a birthdate, a notation of its first recorded use, back when it was just a yawp of nonsense that only made sense to one person, then two. All words were born this way."
Here's "sonder" by the way:
When it comes to how we think about words, popularity is often a stand-in for legitimacy.
You might not find the verb "retweeted" in the dictionary on your bookshelf, but it's an understood term. Koenig has thoughts on that, as well:
"So then, does realness require the blessing of popular use? How many millions of people does it take to change the word 'literally' to mean 'figuratively'? Is a word still alive if only one person knows its meaning? Or is that too far?"
"Personally, I think words should exist for their own sake, regardless of how they are used," Koenig says, pointing out that our language is particularly lacking when it comes to describing emotions.
"When I post a new definition or a new episode of The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, I often have no idea if anyone else out there feels the emotion I'm trying to pin down. Because it's a one-man show, it's totally possible that it's just me. So then this question about realness [of a word] becomes just another way of asking, 'Am I the only person who feels this way?'"
During her talk, Curzan recounts someone asking her if "defriend" is a "real word." She wound up in the same sort of existential rabbit hole:
"What makes a word real? My dinner companion and I both know what the verb 'defriend' means, so when does a new word like 'defriend' become real? Who has the authority to make those kinds of official decisions about words, anyway?"
Here's Curzan giving her TED Talk "What makes a word 'real'?" in March 2014.
She touched on the process of words making their way into the dictionary. This might seem like a stale topic, but it's pretty fascinating.
To her, dictionary editors are similar to anthropologists — that's a way most of us probably hadn't thought about them before (if we thought about them at all).
"So how does a word get into a dictionary? It gets in because we use it and we keep using it, and dictionary editors are paying attention to us. If you're thinking, 'But that lets all of us decide what words mean,' I would say, 'Yes it does, and it always has.'
Dictionaries are a wonderful guide and resource, but there is no objective dictionary authority out there that is the final arbiter about what words mean. If a community of speakers is using a word and knows what it means, it's real. That word might be slangy, that word might be informal, that word might be a word that you think is illogical or unnecessary, but that word that we're using, that word is real."
So, what makes a "real" word? That's entirely up to you.
Temple Grandin takes the stage for a Ted talk about Autism.
Temple Grandin spent her early life, as she says, "goofing off" until a science teacher made her brain light up.
She was born with autism during the 1940s, when people didn't understand it well.
But Grandin has done a lot since those days of goofing off.
She became a professor of animal science at Colorado State University, a best-selling author, a consultant to the livestock industry, and a popular public speaker.
HBO made an award-winning movie about her life, which millions of people saw. (When she talks about "the movie" in the TED Talk below, that's what she's referring to.)
Her main work now is to educate people on how she, like many people with autism and Asperger's, sees things in pictures.
She even suggests that some people in places like Silicon Valley may be on the autism spectrum or they wouldn't have been able to do what they've done.
Grandin really does think almost completely in images.
As she describes it, when you say "steeple," her mind goes to the first image she knows is a steeple from her childhood church. Then, to the next one.
Kinda like Google Images does, right?
Autism is still not very well understood, although research — as well as the number of people diagnosed on the autism spectrum — has been increasing.
Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that the prevalence of autism spectrum diagnoses has drastically increased since 1970. And Temple was born 28 years before this graph's earliest date.
A graph illustrating the increasing numbers of people born with Autism.
And no, vaccinations do not cause autism. Science has proven otherwise, so please do not take away from this anything that's purely fiction.
But there are some things we do know.
Some of them are included in Grandin's TED Talk.
She has some great suggestions for ways to help those on the autism spectrum, too, like these:
Educators and parents need to find ways to get people on the spectrum to be engaged and thrilled to be using their unique brains the way they need to in order to make a difference in the world.
Understand their reality. She was a "different" kid and adult. She made it work because she found her place and made other humans understand that she didn't function the way that they do. What if we approached other humans on a regular basis with this understanding and empathy? What a wonderful world it would be, indeed.
Get to know a family with kids who are differently abled than the rest of us. See what their world is like, and maybe make them feel loved — or at least understood a little better.
Spread the word — when you see her movie or TED Talk, pass it around. It's a great place to start a conversation.
Dictionary of (@ObscureSorrows) / Twitter