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Would you remarry if your spouse died? Widows explain why they've chosen to remain single.

There are some interesting differences between men's and women's answers.

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Photo credit: Canva

Most people who lose a spouse don't remarry.

Most of us don't want to imagine our spouse dying, but since couples rarely die at the same time, it's a reality many of us will eventually face. It's hard to know how we would feel about remarrying if that were to happen—some people who swear they would never remarry end up hating being alone after being widowed, and some people who are open to the idea end up being perfectly content to stay single.

Statistically, most people actually don't remarry after being widowed. A study published in The Journals of Gerontology found that "most repartnering after widowhood occurs within ten years of this event or not at all. Ten years after widowhood, about 7% of widows and 29% of widowers have formed a new union." Widows and widowers who have actually faced the reality of losing a spouse and decided not to remarry are sharing their reasoning, and it's a fascinating glimpse into how differently people view independence and relationships. It's also interesting to see some how men and women might view remarrying differently.

Here are four big reasons widowed people on Reddit's /AskOldPeople said they've chosen to stay single.

Not wanting to be a caretaker

Some people who have lost partners went through intense caretaking due to illness and don't want to go through that again. But some—particularly women—had a marriage that involved taking care of someone else for decades and they simply don't want to do that anymore.

"My grandmother lost her husband in 1983 and never even dated again until she died in 2016. I asked her about it once, and she said, 'Why would I want to take care of an old man? Are you trying to kill me?'"

"That's what my grandma told me when I asked her. She said that the old guys just want someone to take care of them, cook, do laundry, clean the house, do their bidding. She was not up for that--she was very independent."

"My grandmother said the same thing. Grandpa died in 1992 she lived till 2018. Went on trips with friends, had an active social life but never dated again because in her words 'I took care of 1 man for 47 years why would I sign up to take care of another.'"

"I have heard the phrase 'looking for a nurse and a purse' in regard to many older gents and why they want to re-marry. Likely not all older fellows but certainly some."

"As soon as my mother died my father went into full wife search mode. He was definitely looking for a nurse. Mom had been his caretaker so we needed to bring in caretakers after she died, he fell in love with almost all of them and would have married anyone that would have had him. His caretakers were primarily widows and they all were very adamant that they had zero interest in remarrying. I first heard the term 'nurse and a purse' from one of them."

Not wanting to dip in the dating pool

Young people often feel like the dating scene is rough, but it's often worse for people in their later years. Many people in that dating pool are divorced, and some of them for good reason.

"Have you seen the dating pool? Someone took a big ol pooo in it."

"This, exactly. I’m not opposed to having another partner, just haven’t found one that is worth having. In addition, the pool gets smaller as I get older. Not going to accept anything less than an actual partner."

"Have you looked at the dating scene lately?? It’s a virtual cesspool!"

"Dating seems horrifying. Having to tell someone my whole story and learn theirs seems exhausting. I'm okay on my own."

Not wanting a sexual relationship

People's desire for sex exists on a huge spectrum, and some people simply don't want the sexual expectations of a committed relationship.

"Years ago, I asked my divorced mom if she ever wanted to date again. Her response: I don't want somebody trying to have sex with me. I let it go there."

"I’m 62, divorced, and I’m of the same mind. On the one hand, I know life would be easier with a partner and two incomes, etc. but the truth is I just don’t want to be bothered with sex anymore. I have no interest whatsoever."

"I honestly can’t see myself pursuing a sexual relationship and certainly don’t need a purse or a nurse. I will someday fall into a situation where someone enters my life who may like to share my company and just enjoy good conversation. Then again I may find a way to be alone without being lonely. Time will tell."

"I got a big dog who sleeps on the bed with me. Doesn't pressure me for sex. All is good! 😂"

Enjoying the freedom of living alone

While living alone can be lonely for some, it's a whole new world of choices and freedom for others.

"So, I loved my late husband, but living with him was a constant compromise. Every decision, every choice, also had to take his needs and preferences into account. After 35 years, I didn’t even know what my own favorite color was anymore. I am busy creating the life and the household I want now, and have no desire to bend or adjust to fit somebody else’s tastes or needs.

I can watch what I like on tv.
I can set the thermostat to whatever temperature I want.
I can cook with butter. Or not cook at all.
I don’t have to ask what anyone else thinks.

I’m enjoying my self discovery."

"A friend of mine, a widow for about a decade, told me recently that she prefers the freedom of being single. Her schedule is her own. Wakes up, goes to bed, eats and travels when she wants. When her husband was alive, their marriage wasn't good so she isn't interested in taking a risk on someone again."

"My sister’s husband died unexpectedly and suddenly after 34 years of marriage. He was her first and only love. She has been approached numerous times by men, but she isn’t interested. She says 'I already had love, I don’t need it again. Besides, I like living alone with no one to tell me where or when I have to do anything.'”

"My mom died at 41, dad was 43. He never remarried. He passed last year at 76. He said he did not want to remarry (he never said never) because compromise was so hard. He said he loved my mom, and he compromised for her, but he didn’t want to compromise for anyone else. As a teenager when he told me that, I couldn’t comprehend what he meant. As an adult, I completely understand."

Undying love and knowing no one will live up to it

Finally, some don't remarry for the simple fact that they loved their spouse so much they have no desire to ever be with someone else. One perfect love was enough for one lifetime.

"I lost my husband coming up on 2 years ago suddenly and honestly have no plans of remarrying. I'm in the process of building a new life with my new normal and I don't see someone else in that new life. Once you have your soulmate, nothing else has any interest."

"My husband died 2.5 years ago. He's the only guy who ever asked me out ( I was 25). We were married 45 years. He's my first last and always. I count myself lucky. There's no place in my life for anyone else."

"I've told people that I barely survived losing my husband. I suppose I might be able to survive that kind of loss again, but I don't want to have to try. And, I'm not interested in making room in my life for anyone who wouldn't leave that kind of hole."

"Never again. My husband was absolutely perfect for me and I would constantly compare any other men to him - and that’s not fair to anyone or to my late husband’s memory. No one could hold a candle to him.

I don’t wear my wedding band anymore, but I do wear a band. It has two hearts and the words 'Forever Love' on it."

"I will always be married to my late wife."

"I already had the best."

Awww.

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Science

Innovative farm in Virginia can grow 4 million pounds of strawberries on less than one acre

This method uses 97 percent less land and up to 90 percent less water than conventional farming.

Photo credit: Canva

A new way to grow strawberries with less land, less water, and more berries.

Strawberry farm harvests aren't something most of us calculate on a regular basis (or ever at all), but the numbers from a strawberry farm in Richmond, Virginia, are staggering enough to make it worth an old-school word problem. If the average American eats 8 pounds of strawberries a year, and an average strawberry farm yields approximately 20,000 pounds of berries per acre, how many people could a 200-acre strawberry field feed?

I won't make you do the math. The answer is 500,000 people. But what if a crop that size, providing enough strawberries for half a million people, could be grown on just one acre instead of 200? It's possible. You just have to go—or rather grow—up, up, up.

Indoor vertical farm company Plenty Unlimited knows a lot about growing up. In fact, it's their entire business model. Instead of the sprawling fields that traditional farming methods require, vertical farms have a much smaller land footprint, utilizing proprietary towers for growing. Plenty has used vertical farming methods to grow greens such as lettuce, kale, spinach and more for years, but now it boasts a vertical berry farm that can yield a whopping 4 million pounds of strawberries on a little less than an acre.

Growing indoors means not being at the mercy of weather or climate inpredictability (barring a storm taking out your building), which is wise in the era of climate change. Unlike a traditional greenhouse which still uses the sun for light, Plenty's indoor vertical farms make use of the latest technology and research on light, pinpointing the wavelengths plants need from the sun to thrive and recreating them with LED lights. Plenty farms also don't use soil, as what plants really need is water and nutrients, which can be provided without soil (and with a lot less water than soil requires). Being able to carefully control water and nutrients means you can more easily control the size, taste and uniformity of the berries you’re growing.

If that sounds like a lot of control, it is. And that idea might freak people out. But when a highly controlled environment means not having to use pesticides and using up to 90% less water than traditional farming, it starts to sound like a solid, sustainable farming innovation.

Plenty even uses AI in its strawberry farm, according to its website:

“Every element of the Plenty Richmond Farm–including temperature, light and humidity–is precisely controlled through proprietary software to create the perfect environment for the strawberry plants to thrive. The farm uses AI to analyze more than 10 million data points each day across its 12 grow rooms, adapting each grow room’s environment to the evolving needs of the plants – creating the perfect environment for Driscoll’s proprietary plants to thrive and optimizing the strawberries’ flavor, texture and size.”

Plenty even has its own patent-pending method of pollinating the strawberry flowers that doesn’t require bees. Even just the fact that this enormous crop of strawberries will be coming from Virginia is notable, since the vast majority of strawberries in the U.S. are grown in California.

strawberry fieldTraditional strawberry farming takes up a lot of land.Photo credit: Canva

Plenty's Richmond farm is currently growing strawberries exclusively for Driscoll’s.

“Partnering with Plenty for the launch of the Richmond Farm allows us to bring our premium strawberries closer to consumers in the Northeast, the largest berry consumption region in the U.S.,” Driscoll’s CEO Soren Bjorn said in a press release. “By combining our 100 years of farming expertise and proprietary varieties along with Plenty’s cutting-edge technology, we can deliver the same consistent flavor and quality our customers love — now grown locally. This new innovative farm is a powerful step forward in continuing to drive category growth in new ways for our customers and consumers.”

Is Plenty’s model the farm of the future? Perhaps it’s one option, at least. The more we grapple with the impact of climate change and outdated, unsustainable farming practices, the more innovative ideas we’ll need to feed the masses. If they can get 4 million pounds of strawberries out of an acre of land, what else is possible?

This article originally appeared in February

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Education

Mom is shocked when her daughter says state writing exams don’t involve writing anymore

“Are you saying that in the 1900s you had to hand write all of your exams?”

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Mom shocked after daughter reveals there's no writing in state writing exam.

State standardized testing isn't something that most kids or parents look forward to. They're typically long, boring, and don't accurately measure how well every child understands the information they've been taught throughout the year. But it's currently the only way for states to get measurable data on the education happening in public schools.

Erin Monroe was driving her daughter to school when she learned her daughter had state testing in English Language Arts (ELA). To no one's surprise, Monroe's daughter was not thrilled about taking state testing, especially for a test that likely required a lot of reading and writing. This was Monroe's time to shine by pulling out her pep talking and comforting skills to ensure her 6th grader had positive words to remember during testing.

season 7 episode 6 GIFGiphy

The mom wasn't prepared for the emotional whiplash she was about to endure when her daughter dropped the truth of her ELA exam. There's no manual writing involved.

"I was like, I get it. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of reading and writing but we all had to do it. Just do your very best and get to it, I know your hand's going to really be hurting at the end of the day," Monroe recalls about the conversation with her confused daughter before reiterating to her child that it involves a lot of writing.

This bit of information not only confused but amused the middles schooler who came back with a bit of a reality check for the mom by giving her the amusing truth of today. "And she goes, 'wait, are you trying...are you saying that in the 1900s you had to handwrite all of your exams?'"

diane guerrero latina GIF by IdentityGiphy

She threw in the 1900s. THE. 1900s. As if to make it seem like this millennial mom was really riding in a buggy trying to survive dysentery. After the insult and revelation that there was no handwriting involved in the state ELA test, Monroe jokingly kicked her daughter out of her car.

"You're trying to tell me you're complaining about doing your exam and you get to type it? Um, absolutely not. First of all don't call it the early 1900s and it was good character development," Monroe says she told her daughter.

@erin.monroe_ #millennial #millennialmom #fyp ♬ original sound - Erin Monroe

There's something about the reminder of growing up in the "1900s" that just takes the wind out of your metaphorical sailboat. Viewers of the video were equally amused and shocked by this seemingly new information with one person recalling, "The fear they instilled in us for not having #2 pencils."

"Do the blue books not exist anymore?!?!?!?!?" someone demanded to know.

"My kids literally said their state tests are on their laptops & I wholeheartedly got mad for a second, if you don’t give these kids a scantron!!!!!!!" another chimes in.

Dexters Laboratory Type GIFGiphy

"I still have the calluses on my index finger… 20 years later," someone else jokes.

"My 6th grader was also complaining about her writing exam and it never even occurred to me that she wasn't actually writing.. I'm going to go sit in the rocking chair and watch Wheel of Fortune," another commenter writes.

"I was showing kids the 'tools' they can use to take their test - ruler, highlighter, magnifier, etc. I'm the librarian and also teach some tech, but I used to teach 4th grade, so I was explaining that the last time I gave the test, it was on paper and the tools were cardstock. One of the kids said, 'What, in, like, 1965'?' I'm 49. Child."

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Modern Families

Mom calls out unfair 'double standard' of boomer grandparents who don't help with childcare

"I love my mom dearly, but I'm surprised at how little effort she puts in."

via Canva/Photos

A stressed mom and her happy, busy parents.

As far as generational stereotypes go, baby boomers (1946 to 1964) have often been accused of being a self-absorbed generation that has had no problem hoarding wealth, disregarding the environment, and prioritizing their own interests over their families. After all, they’re the generation that predominantly raised Gen X (1965 to 1980) and older millennials ('80s babies), also known as Gen Goonie, who were the least parented group of people in decades.

It’s unfair to paint an entire generation with the same brush. Still, the people who were once called the “Me Generation” are developing a reputation for being less involved in their grandchildren’s lives than their parents. The different grandparenting styles have been attributed to the fact that boomers worked longer and therefore want to enjoy their retirement. They also have more money than their parents to enjoy traveling and pursuing their hobbies. Those looking to take shots at boomers claim that they didn’t put a lot of effort into raising their kids, so why would they be any different with their grandkids?

boomers, grandparents, absentee grandparents, milennials, grandpa, grandmaBaby boomer grandparents.via Canva/Photos

A mother of one, who goes by TheCalmQuail on Mumsnet (a UK-based mothers' forum), made a controversial post, calling out a significant double standard when it comes to boomers. They had no problem having their parents help raise their kids, but they don’t want to extend the same courtesy to their children.

“It's come up in a few conversations with other parents recently about how little time their parents spend with their children, especially in comparison to when they were younger and at their grandparents' daily,” CalmQuail wrote. “Myself included, I avoided nursery completely when my mother went back to work because free daily childcare from a relative, and some of my happiest regular memories are spending regular one-on-one time with my Nana.”

“I realise grandparents are entitled to their own lives, but the lack of help does seem like double standards, when a large majority have seemingly had so much help themselves,” she continued.

stressed mom, young mom, stressed millennial, woman hands on her head, woman on couchA stressed mom with her head in her hands.via Canva/Photos

CalmQuail added that her mother lives up the road from her but still finds excuses not to help our child or even spend time with her kid. “It often feels like she's an extra toddler, as I have to suggest stuff to tempt her to do anything together; I manage the logistics, drive her there, etc. She will be there for emergency childcare requests when possible,” she continued. At the end of her post, she asked whether she was being unreasonable for thinking that her parents should put as much effort into raising their grandchildren as they had put into raising their parents.

The verdict: 68% thought she was NOT being unreasonable, and 32% felt that she was being unreasonable. Therefore, a majority of parents on the forum believe that Baby Boomers have the same responsibility to their grandchildren as the Silent Generation (1928 to 1945) did to theirs.

Many parents on the forum have experienced similar situations with their boomer parents and have given them a little grace by acknowledging that their grandparents didn’t have many resources or retirement expectations, so they dedicated their energy to their families.

stressed woman, tired mom, woman doing laundry, woman needs help, crying woman, folding laundryA stressed mom doing laundry.via Canva/Photos

“I know this will turn into a boomer bashing thread but my experience is my parents and their friends are early retirees with a fair bit of cash and feel they’ve earnt a nice easy long comfortable retirement (they have worked hard but only the same as us except we can’t afford a nanny, cleaner etc like they did…).so they’re busy on holidays, golfing, socialising,” a commenter wrote. “My grandparents were typical of their generation—very hard working, modest life, and incredibly family orientated, they had us every holiday.”

“I don’t think my grandparents had much in the way of expectations of retirement,” another commenter added. “They retired relatively early by today’s standards, and lived far longer than they expected. There wasn’t much of a sense of ‘enjoying your retirement’ by jetting off around the world or pursuing personal hobbies - they were always there and available.”

Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with baby boomers enjoying their retirement, but their children have a right to feel a bit miffed by the shift in grandparenting priorities. As times change, so do expectations, but why does it feel like younger people are always getting the short end of the stick when it comes to life's necessities, such as childcare and the cost of living? Unfortunately, so many younger people feel like they have to go it alone. However, kudos to the boomer grandparents who do help out with childcare, just as their parents did. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child, and these days, our villages need to be growing instead of shrinking.

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Joy

Rob Lowe's attempt to delight kids by dressing as the Easter Bunny goes hilariously wrong

Not even his celebrity status could spare him form this all-too-relatable parenting moment.

David Shankbone/Wikipedia, Oriental Trading

Rob Lowe (left) East Bunny costume (right)

When you’re a parent, sometimes those well-intentioned plans to add a little magic to your kid’s lives go off without a hitch, and other times…not so much. This goes especially for anything involving costumed characters. Santa, clowns, Disney mascots, you name it—they can either be a dream come true, or a living, screaming nightmare.

And that’s why a video showing actor Rob Lowe accidentally striking utter terror into the hearts of a few kids this past Easter Sunday feels like such a “stars, they're just like us” moment.

Lowe, who had apparently been celebrating the holiday with his Parks and Recreation co-star Chris Pratt, attempted to infuse some Easter joy by dressing up in an Easter Bunny costume. It even had a sky blue jacket and matching bowtie.

In an Instagram reel shared on April 21 by Pratt’s wife, Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt, we first see Lowe getting into his ensemble.

“Rob, this looks incredible,” Schwarzenegger says.

Cut to a fully dressed Lowe Bunny making his grand entrance…to the sound of children screaming in horror. No amount of eggs scattered on the ground could quell their fears and pretty soon Lowe Bunny hops away in retreat.

Lowe later shows up, very sweaty and out of breath, to Easter lunch (sans Bunny costume) pretending like he has no idea what just happened.

"I just hopped on over when I heard he was here,” he quips, to which Pratt says "Oh, you missed him!"

Honestly the whole thing very much plays out like a classic Parks and Rec scene. Watch:

Down in the comments, people got a good chuckle at the relatable fiasco.

“The fact that this is real life and not a show is absolutely incredible.”

“The screaming children make it worth it 😂”

“Literally…the greatest Easter moment😂”

“Lmao he tried so hard 😂 poor bunny was falling apart 😂”

“It’s the cottontail and kid hysterics for me 😂”

One person even joked, “OMG John Stamos dressed as the Easter bunny at your brunch? 😋😂” referencing a funny moment that happened not three days prior, where a Hollywood tour guide accidentally mistook the West Wing actor for Stamos. Poor Lowe is having a week.

All jokes aside, it can be easy for adults to forget that young children's fear of costumes, also known as masklophobia, can stem from a few key factors. For one thing, they haven't yet developed the ability to differentiate between fantasy and reality, making it deeply unsettling for a character—whose life-sized version feels ginormous—to suddenly appear in real life.

Plus, masks present a slew of scaries. Kid's facial recognition skills are still developing, and they may find it unsettling to see a face hidden behind a mask or costume, especially if they're not used to it. Even for those youngsters who are adept at facial recognition, the static expression of a masked character can also seem intimidating because they are difficult to read and therefore hard to know what their intentions are.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Lastly, the whole thing might just be a little too much for kids who are sensitive to a lot of stimuli. That’s why it’s helpful for parents to be mindful of where a child’s limits are, and work around them. But hey, parenting mistakes happen. And once the screams are over, we can all have a good laugh about them.

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Parenting

Mom removed young daughter's mustache after she was bullied, sparking debate

It's an experience many girls can relate to.

Image via Canva

Mom removes young daughter's mustache after she is bullied.

Kids can find plenty of reasons to bully one another, and for many young girls, an easy target for bullies is making fun of dark hair or peach fuzz above the upper lip.

Rather than let her daughter's 'mustache' subject her to ridicule from her classmates, mom Aubrye (@eyrbua) shared on TikTok that she decided to remove it. It's a decision that's sparked debate among other parents.

"My daughter came home from school one day crying saying kids were making fun of her mustache and asked me to 'take it off," she shared in the video's caption.

@eyrbua

#girlmom #girlhood #momsoftiktok #parentsoftiktok #daughter #momanddaughter #fyp #girls #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #blowthisupforme

In the video, Aubrye can be seen removing her daughter's unwanted facial hair in the video while the song "Being a Girl" by Jonica plays in the background. In the caption, she explains her decision to take off the extra peach fuzz: "I reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what but if she wanted me to to take it off for her to feel better I'd do that," she writes.

She ends the caption with a closing statement to solidify the choice: "I always want my baby to feel beautiful and confident."

In the comment section, Aubrye added an update on how it made her daughter feel. "Since doing it, her confidence is through the roof, her grades have gotten better and she comes home from school happy all the time. Definitely worth seeing my little girl happy," she wrote.


mustache, girl, gif, tiktok, debateGirl Illustration GIF by Valérie BoivinGiphy

Many parents were supportive of Aubrye's decision.

"Thank you for helping her instead of just telling her to suck it up."

"I would never understand mothers who refuse to let their daughters shave."

"This is how you parent correctly. My daughter came home complaining about her eyebrows saying people were making fun of her. So I cleaned them up for her," one parent shared, to which Aubrye replied, "You’re a great mama 🩷 I always want to support my daughters and help their confidence any way I can."

applause, praise, gif, support, clapJennifer Lopez Applause GIF by NBC World Of DanceGiphy

Others were more conflicted about it:

"I also have a small daughter but I don't know how I feel about it because okay she took her little mustache off but what's next? If they don't like something else about her, she's gonna try to keep changing for these kids. She should just learn to be a little tougher. Or maybe just go to the school directly. I don't know I feel so conflicted."

"Personally, I’d be teaching my kid to verbally and if necessary physically stand up to bullies. Teaching them that conventional beauty is fake. It’s made up. My kid should not be shaving or changing her body in ANY way. Just to accommodate someone else’s opinions of them. To me, that just teaches them to do that their whole lives. I’d rather teach my kid to clock a bully than be a doormat."

"My daughter has been bullied for the same reason! But I have taught her to always say my mustache makes me special 🥰 and it has worked for her confidence to have a cute mustache🥸."

Whether people agreed or disagreed with her decision to remove her daughter's mustache, the post resonated with many women who grew up with the same experience:

"Ok so I’m 52 and this is me. Kids use to bully me for having a mustache and unibrow. This was back in the 80s. Kid were even meaner. Thank you for hearing her. And helping her. No one helped me," one wrote.

Another shared, "I got bullied for my mustache. Didn’t shave it until an adult and only to scrape the dead skin off. Teach your kids to love themselves. They’d say 'you’re a girl, why do you have a mustache?!'"

"My mom never let me and she doesn’t know how much it affected me that she didn’t," shared one more.

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