Chris Gethard: Hi, I'm Chris Gethard and I'm a comedian.
When guys are like, "Man, hot girls keep us down," there is no sadder corner of the Internet. What are you ... You want to get into clubs? You want to get like ... Is that what you're aiming for? 'Cause, sure, a pretty girl can get into a club before you do, but you know what else a hot girl has to deal with? Six dollars less an hour than I would get for the same job, even though I'm lazy. I'm very lazy, but I'd probably get a couple more bucks an hour at a job than a very hard working lady.
Know that if you really are someone who feels scorned by women, participating in the moving of villainizing women will only lead to a vagina-free life. That you really deserve. The second you post on one of those message boards, it should be legally bound that you never find love.
I did not have it easy in high school, which I'm betting you can guess based on my physical appearance in my 30s, but it turns out okay. I know that might seem trite, or like "Chicken Soup for the Soul," but I feel like a lot of young guys these days can figure out how to get methamphetamine and guns off the internet. Mailed to their house. Just, like, chill out on that. Because I know it seems like a good idea when you're 16, but so does having sex with your couch to see what happens.
Just chill out. You'll normalize, not like you'll become normal like you're not normal now, I don't want to become a target. These raging emotions you have, you'll even out. And trust me. I look like a dude who has a manifesto. It'll be OK. Maybe you're not going to live like Jay-Z, but you'll realize that you don't really want that. You just want to have an HD TV and a lady who thinks you're reasonably cool. One day you'll be thirty-seven and you'll have a mortgage and you'll be totally OK with that. You'll be completely fine. There may be small errors in this transcript.