upworthy

me generation

Modern Families

Millennial mom gets real about 'absent boomers' who won't make time for their grandkids

They always seem to have time for vacations. Grandkids? Not so much.

via Canva/Photos

A stressed millennial mom and her parents.

The baby boomer generation is often called the "Me Generation" because after the social upheaval of the ‘60s, they began to focus on themselves, prioritizing wealth accumulation, personal growth, self-help programs, and fitness. Now that baby boomers are grandparents, some millennials aren’t too happy that the Me Generation has taken that ethos into their golden years.

Although it’s important not to paint every generation member with the same brush, many older millennial parents feel that their baby boomer parents, known for being the least involved in recent history, are acting the same way as grandparents. Mother Phyllis, a popular TikToker with much to say about boomer grandparents, recently shared a video about how her parents live 40 minutes away and put very little effort into being grandparents, but brag about how much they love their grandchildren on social media.

The crux of Phyllis’ point is that older millennials had grandparents involved in their lives, but their parents don’t have the same dedication.

@motherphyllis

Can anyone else relate?????? I should’ve said absent grandmother’s not grandparents but y’all know what I mean 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #fypage #viral #fyp #viral #millennial #boomer #momlife #mom #sahm #funny @laneige_us

“My mom comes over for her yearly visit and snaps a picture of the kids. Or sometimes she doesn't even do that. She'll just take a picture off my Facebook page, post it to her Facebook page, and say, 'I love hanging out with my grandkids so much,'" Phillis says in a video with over 200,000 views. “They're so amazing. And then her friends comment and say, ‘Being a grandparent is so amazing, it's just so great.’” Phyillis adds that when she had a child, her boomer parents didn’t show much interest in helping after her birth, saying that helping out was her husband's job.

millennials, baby boomers, baby boomer grandparents, absentee grandparents, generational complaints, active grandparentsA boomer grandma ready to post on Facebook.via Canva/Photos

The post resonated with many people in the comments who are having the same struggles with their boomer parents. "Their parents raised us. They didn’t even want to be parents, so they’re sure as hell not gonna be grandparents," Kim wrote. "I mean, you think having boomer grandparents are bad, try having them raise you. Generation X basically raised ourselves because they’re busy," Queen added.

A big reason why parents like Phyliis feel betrayed by their parents for refusing to be involved in their children’s lives is that they probably had grandparents who were involved in theirs. Many older millennials and Gen Xers had grandparents involved in their upbringing, providing daycare, babysitting, and making social visits, because their grandmothers were raised to be homemakers and didn’t have jobs. So their lifestyle was more geared to taking care of children. Boomer women were much more likely to have had careers and still work to this day.

@motherphyllis

Millennials just can’t understand the way some boomers act If I’m being honest ##fyp##foryoupage##fypシ##fypage##mom##sahm##momlife##honest##truth##relatable##millennial##boomer##generation##millennialstothemoon##phyllis

“Here’s the thing, though: it’s statistically more likely that your own grandmothers were homemakers, at least from the time they had children,” DeeDee Moore, a grandparenting influencer, writes for Scary Mommy. “They were home to watch you after school, or host you and your cousins for weeks during the summer. Starting with the baby boomer generation, women were more likely to be in the workforce, making babysitting grandkids and cousin camp harder to pull off.”

While parents like Phyllis have a good reason to be upset that their parents aren’t involved in their children’s lives, everyone’s situation is different, so we can’t bash all boomers for being uninvolved in their grandchildren’s lives. However, their accusation does follow a significant generational trend: Gen Xers and older Millennials, known by some as Generation Goonie, were raised in a world with very little parental involvement. So, it's unsurprising that their children have grandparents who may not be around much.

This article originally appeared in April

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Modern FamiliesFamily
Modern Families

Woman calls out double standard of baby boomer parents who begged her to have kids

You can't have it both ways.

via Canva/Photos

A stressed mother and her baby boomer parents.

There is a strange phenomenon that occurred in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, when Gen Xers and older millennials were raised: their baby boomer parents were not around very much. This generation of children was often taken care of by daycares or attended school with keys strung around their necks, and when they came home, they were told not to answer the door until a parent arrived. They were the children raised during both the divorce epidemic and the time when, for many families, both parents had to work.

However, the least parented generation in American history had great relationships with their grandparents, who loved to spend time with them and take on babysitting duties. But now that the kids raised in the ‘70s, ‘80s, and '90s have children, they’re noticing something interesting: the parents who weren’t around to raise them aren’t that into being grandparents either.

There is a lot of talk about the differences between baby boomers as grandparents and their parents from the Silent Generation. Some believe it’s because baby boomers have more money than their parents, who were raised at a time when grandparents played a more significant role in child-rearing. After all, they didn't expect to travel or have busy social lives.

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generationA baby boomer couple.via Canva/Photos

This generation trend begs the question: Why do boomer parents beg their kids to have children, but shy away when it comes to spending time with them? An upset mother shared about the double standard on Reddit.

“My mother, a devout Christian, always preached the importance of getting married and having children. Now that I’ve done both (and happily so) and moved to be closer to her, she has very little interest in hanging out with us and never, ever offers to watch her grandkids,” she wrote. “I’ve been reading up on this, and it seems that it’s not uncommon. After moving across the country during COVID, I had dreams of my mom wanting to be an active part of our lives. The sad truth of it is, is that I see her maybe once more a year than when I lived across the country…and it’s not for lack of trying on my part.”

The post resonated with many mothers her age who had experienced the same problem. Their boomer parents begged them to have children, but they won’t lift a finger to see them.

“Yup, completely describes my boomer parents. They begged and begged for us to relocate back to my home city. Still, as we began searching for new job opportunities/places to live, we naturally discussed the possibility of them spending some alone time with the grandkids from time to time,” another mom wrote. “That was a full stop for them. Both my parents insisted they’d retired from child watching duties and would not ever be utilized as ‘babysitters.’ The only acceptable option for them was for us to be present the entirety of the time their grandkids were interacting with them.”

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation, grandma, gardeningA grandma in the garden. via Canva/Photos

“I think you hit the nail on the head. A lot of the boomers want to be 'seen' as 'good grandparents' while not doing a damn thing,” another mom added.

Another mom noted that their grandparents were amazing, but their parents are the exact opposite. “What’s crazy is I spent TONS of time with my grandparents as a child. I’d routinely be dropped off on the weekends and weeknights,” the mother wrote. “My grandparents picked me up from school regularly. It’s not like my grandparents were doing the same behavior, and therefore it’s a learned generational thing.”

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation, Baby boomers throwing up a peace sign. via Canva/Photos

One mother in the thread had some sympathy for baby boomers who felt a lot of pressure to have children, regardless of whether they wanted them or not. She believes that now they’re getting their time back. “It’s because even though Boomers had the physical choice to become parents, they didn’t have the cultural/social choice. Whenever I hear this story, I figure the grandparents didn’t really want children. It also explains why we were at our grandparents so often: anything they could do to not be around us, they took it up,” she wrote.

It’s wrong to paint an entire generation with the same brush, and there are, no doubt, plenty of wonderful baby boomer grandparents out there. However, it’s not surprising that a group of people once called the “Me Generation” is more reluctant to spend time with their families than those who came before them. One wonders if their feelings toward family will change when they become the ones who need to be cared for?

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
Modern FamiliesFamily
Modern Families

Mom calls out unfair 'double standard' of boomer grandparents who don't help with childcare

"I love my mom dearly, but I'm surprised at how little effort she puts in."

via Canva/Photos

A stressed mom and her happy, busy parents.

As far as generational stereotypes go, baby boomers (1946 to 1964) have often been accused of being a self-absorbed generation that has had no problem hoarding wealth, disregarding the environment, and prioritizing their own interests over their families. After all, they’re the generation that predominantly raised Gen X (1965 to 1980) and older millennials ('80s babies), also known as Gen Goonie, who were the least parented group of people in decades.

It’s unfair to paint an entire generation with the same brush. Still, the people who were once called the “Me Generation” are developing a reputation for being less involved in their grandchildren’s lives than their parents. The different grandparenting styles have been attributed to the fact that boomers worked longer and therefore want to enjoy their retirement. They also have more money than their parents to enjoy traveling and pursuing their hobbies. Those looking to take shots at boomers claim that they didn’t put a lot of effort into raising their kids, so why would they be any different with their grandkids?

boomers, grandparents, absentee grandparents, milennials, grandpa, grandmaBaby boomer grandparents.via Canva/Photos

A mother of one, who goes by TheCalmQuail on Mumsnet (a UK-based mothers' forum), made a controversial post, calling out a significant double standard when it comes to boomers. They had no problem having their parents help raise their kids, but they don’t want to extend the same courtesy to their children.

“It's come up in a few conversations with other parents recently about how little time their parents spend with their children, especially in comparison to when they were younger and at their grandparents' daily,” CalmQuail wrote. “Myself included, I avoided nursery completely when my mother went back to work because free daily childcare from a relative, and some of my happiest regular memories are spending regular one-on-one time with my Nana.”

“I realise grandparents are entitled to their own lives, but the lack of help does seem like double standards, when a large majority have seemingly had so much help themselves,” she continued.

stressed mom, young mom, stressed millennial, woman hands on her head, woman on couchA stressed mom with her head in her hands.via Canva/Photos

CalmQuail added that her mother lives up the road from her but still finds excuses not to help our child or even spend time with her kid. “It often feels like she's an extra toddler, as I have to suggest stuff to tempt her to do anything together; I manage the logistics, drive her there, etc. She will be there for emergency childcare requests when possible,” she continued. At the end of her post, she asked whether she was being unreasonable for thinking that her parents should put as much effort into raising their grandchildren as they had put into raising their parents.

The verdict: 68% thought she was NOT being unreasonable, and 32% felt that she was being unreasonable. Therefore, a majority of parents on the forum believe that Baby Boomers have the same responsibility to their grandchildren as the Silent Generation (1928 to 1945) did to theirs.

Many parents on the forum have experienced similar situations with their boomer parents and have given them a little grace by acknowledging that their grandparents didn’t have many resources or retirement expectations, so they dedicated their energy to their families.

stressed woman, tired mom, woman doing laundry, woman needs help, crying woman, folding laundryA stressed mom doing laundry.via Canva/Photos

“I know this will turn into a boomer bashing thread but my experience is my parents and their friends are early retirees with a fair bit of cash and feel they’ve earnt a nice easy long comfortable retirement (they have worked hard but only the same as us except we can’t afford a nanny, cleaner etc like they did…).so they’re busy on holidays, golfing, socialising,” a commenter wrote. “My grandparents were typical of their generation—very hard working, modest life, and incredibly family orientated, they had us every holiday.”

“I don’t think my grandparents had much in the way of expectations of retirement,” another commenter added. “They retired relatively early by today’s standards, and lived far longer than they expected. There wasn’t much of a sense of ‘enjoying your retirement’ by jetting off around the world or pursuing personal hobbies - they were always there and available.”

Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with baby boomers enjoying their retirement, but their children have a right to feel a bit miffed by the shift in grandparenting priorities. As times change, so do expectations, but why does it feel like younger people are always getting the short end of the stick when it comes to life's necessities, such as childcare and the cost of living? Unfortunately, so many younger people feel like they have to go it alone. However, kudos to the boomer grandparents who do help out with childcare, just as their parents did. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child, and these days, our villages need to be growing instead of shrinking.

From Your Site Articles
boomers
Modern FamiliesFamily
Culture

Gen Xers are admitting the 17 things that baby boomers got right

Got to give credit where credit is due.

via Shvets Production/Pexels

A baby boomer lifting weights.

It’s a tale as old as humanity itself; as the older generations age, the younger ones will criticize them for the world they left them. These days, baby boomers (1946 to 1964) are taking the most heat from the generations who came after, Gen X (1965 to 1980), millennials (1981 to 1996), and Gen Z (1997 to 2012). A big reason boomers take a lot of heat is that some believe they changed their values from the hippie days of the late ‘60s and early ‘70s to become the self-absorbed “Me” generation.

Baby boomers are also often criticized for hoarding wealth while younger generations struggled and for being in power during years of environmental neglect. Boomers are also known for having a “bootstraps” mentality where they more likely to tell young people to “suck it up” instead of seeing systemic inequalities that make it harder for young people to achieve the same success as those who came before.


However, the boomers didn’t do everything wrong. Younger people should give them credit for how they advanced society, especially in the world of women’s rights. They should also acknowledge their incredible contributions to music, whether it’s the rock revolution of the late ‘60s. Pop artists such as Prince and Michael Jackson and great filmmakers who rose to prominence in the '70s, such as Steven Spielberg and David Lynch.

To give credit where credit is due, a Redditor posted on the Gen X page asking fellow members of his generation to admit the things boomers were right about. “It’s become fashionable to blame Boomers for all ills in the world and to demonize them. As Gen-X, Gen Z will even give us the ‘Okay, Boomer’ tripe,” they wrote. “But from a Gen X perspective, what do you see as them being right about?”

Here are 17 things that Gen Xers say boomers were right about.

1. Boomer women changed the workplace

"Boomer women paved a huge path for younger generations in the workplace. It wasn’t until the early 70’s that women could get credit cards or even bank accounts without their husband’s permission. It’s actually really sad that we have forgotten how hard it was for previous generations of women."

"Tag onto this, mortgage and housing laws! No woman could get a mortgage without her father, brother, or husband co-signing no matter HOW MUCH money she made. Same for redlining and fair lending laws."

2. Music

"Those boomers came up with some pretty f***ing fantastic music."


3. Casual clothing

"I appreciate that they introduced comfortable, casual clothing as an everyday thing. Earlier generations had mostly very structured clothing, but the young boomers burned their bras."

"It’s crazy to look at old photos and see even impoverished people (by western standards) wearing thick scratchy wool suits whenever they’re out in public. I’m so grateful for my Adidas athleisure clothes!"

"My uncle mentioned that one year in the late '60s everyone just stopped wearing a tie to their college classes."

4. Modern technology

"The boomers brought us the computers, software and cellular phones we’re all using to bitch about them. Pretty rich."


5. They were good teachers

"Controversial take...teaching. My boomer teachers in high school were fantastic. Public schooling was totally different back then (1970s thru 80s), but they "liberalized" public education from the Eisenhower era. I'm glad I had hippie teachers."

"I think with this it’s important to remember that that there were fewer jobs that women were able to enter with ease, even back in the 80’s, so we had the cream of the crop in terms of teachers then, IMO."

6. They ended rampant sexual harassment

"As I mentioned in a previous discussion, it would largely have been Boomers (more the later Generation Jones side rather than the earlier ones) who pushed to reduce sexual harassment in the workplace. This occurred mostly through law, but also through social norms."

7. They were more collective

"Overall, they are still a more of a collective culture. More sense of community, whether church, neighborhood association, meetup groups, etc. I feel like we've swung too far in the other direction. Every following generation seems more lonely- people are more aloof and not loyal to any particular group. People don't know their neighbors."

"There was this understanding that you talked to your neighbors, even if you didn't really like them. And sometimes you might change your mind. Toleration, even with people you're not fond of."

8. The hippies

"I will always love the peace, not war, flower child. Let’s all take psychedelics and love each other thing. Too bad it didn’t last. It might have been a disaster, but considering where we are now?"


9. They raised (some of) Gen X

"Us."

"Yes, but in a twisted way: they got us right by neglecting us to the point of ferality, and that’s why we are who we are now. Wouldn’t trade it but can’t necessarily give them props for it."

"But which generation is more likely to survive an apocalypse? And the world seems to be headed that way, so our feral upbringing might come in handy."

"My mom told me to go outside and play. All the bike riding, running around and swimming has made us healthier than the younger generations."

10. They're more sociable

"Being able to have nice conversations at the workplace. Now I work with GenZ and Millennials and nobody can carry a conversation."

"I have noticed that too. Not all of them, but a lot. It's so sad, and a little dangerous when you aren't paying attention to what is going on around you."


11. Hard workers

"Boomers had tremendous work ethic, and lay the foundation of many institutions we still rely on today. These may need to evolve and be upgraded over time, but it shouldn't take away their achievement what they were able to advance. Many boomers worked through absolutely shitty labor conditions with half the protections we have today, and did it to feed their families."

"They understood you needed to work/work hard to get the things you wanted in life, earning your place in the workplace...instead of showing up on day 1 being entitled to be at the top of the salary scale."

12. They shook things up

"In all honesty, and I think it depends on how you're brought up whether you see this as a positive or negative, but they were instrumental in the cosmic level change in American culture. Whether we are talking about something simple like "acceptable hairatyles" and clothing to more heavy topics like attitudes towards sex and sexuality and equal rights. The reality is that they shook up the standards of the time. And for the most part, I think it has had positive impacts. When we look at what people complain about now through the lens of the '40s and '50s, one can't deny that many of those topics would never see the light of day and could lead to dangerous outcomes for those bringing them up. And I'm not talking about the heavy hitters (for that time) like gay marriage (or gay anything, really) or interracial relationships, but the trivial stuff like women wearing pants, saying words like 'pe is' and 'vagina' out loud, or wearing dark socks with tennis shoes and/or shorts on."


13. Lowered the voting age

"They lowered the voting age to 18. They were being sent to war, and they weren’t old enough to vote for the f***ers who were sending them."

14. Expanded America's palate

"I feel boomers are where food started to get more diverse in the USA. I collect old cookbooks and it's interesting to see the changes in menus."


15. They used their numbers to their advantage

"Baby boomers used their vast numbers in the US to influence policy. While the decision makers were older, BB’s in their twenties were out there taking collective action to bring attention to important social and environmental causes. They taught us not to feel helpless and to act on your principles. (At least some of them did. A bunch of them were yuppies too! Because in the end, there is variety in people and in their values.)"

"Civil rights greatly advanced. Things aren’t perfect yet but the amount of progress the Boomers brought to the status quo at the time should not be forgotten."

16. Ended the draft

"They successfully ended the draft. However, I'd say Nixon and the gang figured out that actually works better for the War Machine. See, an all-volunteer Army has recruitment issues all the time, but before when Johnny was drafted and killed in a 'senseless war,' the whole neighborhood got very upset and vocal. Today, when Johnny (Gen X) volunteers, it's just a job. When Johnny gets killed by an IED in Iraq, it's a shame and everyone's sad, but the neighborhood can brush off the grief and say, 'Well, he did volunteer...'"

17. They had good sound systems

"The commitment some boomers had to home stereo systems and record collections. I learned just how good music could sound from boomer relatives who spent a small fortune on speakers, components, LPs, reel to reel, etc. It inspired me and I’ve always taken home stereo seriously, buying the best that I could afford while saving money by not buying things like digital surround sound systems and nice TVs. I’d rather spend the money on records and better speakers!"

From Your Site Articles
baby boomers
CultureJoy
Trending Stories