upworthy

homosexuality

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A child looks really upset on a playground.

Robbie Pierce, his husband, Neal Broverman are no strangers to bigotry. The men and their two young children were traveling on an Amtrak train in California in 2022 when they were harassed by a fellow passenger at a stop in San Jose; an incident that made headlines.

"All of a sudden, there was a man standing there next to me," Pierce told The Advocate. The man told their son, "Remember what I told you earlier. They stole you and they're pedophiles," Pierce recounts. The man also said that gay people are abominations. (Broverman is the editorial director for print media at Pride, The Advocate's parent company.)

The police were called and the man was thrown off the train, but the incident was a frightening reminder that gay families could be the target of bigots any time and anywhere, even in liberal Northern California. "It's a new level of homophobia out there," Pierce added.

Seven months later, Pierce’s son was the victim of harassment, this time from a child at a park.


lgbtq families, religious trauma, indoctrination, gay, lgbtq, bullying, hate, advocacy, parenting, lgbtq parentingA day at the park turned hateful and confrontation for Roobie Pierce and his son.Dakota Lim/Unsplash

"A random unattended 7-year-old at the park told me and my son that gay people are the devil,” he recounted in a viral X thread. "My son scoffed, but the boy said it was true because God said so."

Maybe it was the incident months prior. Maybe it was a lifetime of harassment and judgment. But whatever it was, in that moment, Pierce had had enough. He reacted to the boy’s hatred — which he probably learned at home — with his own lesson.

“I told him parents made up God to make their Kids do what they want. His eyes got so big,” he wrote on X.

It's worth wondering: Did God really 'say so'? Biblical scholars are split on the Bible's true message around homosexuality. It appears open to interpretation, and it's clear that many people choose to interpret the words in a hateful and negative way, going so far as to show their children that it's OK to approach and confront gay people over their identities.

Addressing complex issues like religion and sexuality with a young child, who’s a stranger, is a tricky needle to thread, so Pierce admits he had some reservations about his response. But he stands by his decision.

“I'm sorry but if you teach your kids to hate I'm going to teach them to disobey you," he wrote on X.

As someone who has been harassed by religious, homophobic people in the past, Pierce took the opportunity to help steer a young child away from hatred. At the age of 7, most children believe whatever their parents tell them. However, Pierce planted a seed in the child’s mind that may one day encourage him to challenge his indoctrination when he gets older. The kid will likely remember that interaction for many years to come, and may look back at it with shame one day. That shame could be the much-needed catalyst for change.

"I was shocked at first and then...well...you may have planted a seed to grow a fine human out of the little homophobic bigot he was being trained up as. I can't argue with that," one user wrote on X.

The vast majority of commenters on X agreed with Pierce’s response to the child’s comment.

However, some people thought Pierce’s response to the child was inappropriate.

Bigoted words or not, it was still a child, and many people thought there may have been a more tactful way to teach the kid a lesson rather than invalidating his entire faith. Or perhaps Pierce could have tracked down the boy's parents and given them an earful instead.

One thing is clear: Something in our culture is definitely broken when we're more intent on policing people's responses to bigotry and hate versus addressing the root cause of these divides. The boy's parents should be the one on trial in the court of public opinion for teaching their son that this kind of behavior is acceptable.

No matter how one feels about Pierce’s reaction, what’s clear is that there is something very inappropriate about a 7-year-old child openly harassing LGBTQ families. The unfortunate problem is that this type of hyper-religious upbringing can cause lasting emotional and psychological trauma to a child. And it’s a common problem. A recent study in the growing field of religious trauma found that 1 in 3 Americans suffer from trauma related to religion at some point in their life.

While we might be quick to dismiss the child’s behavior as innocent or simply as a symptom of growing up in a religious household, the more we learn about religious trauma, the more these children appear to be the victims of abuse. Hopefully Pierce's words will help the boy rethink his relationship with his faith, and his parents, down the road.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Simply put, sexuality is complicated.

In 1948, famed American sexologist Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues published "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male."The book includedthe Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, more commonly known as the "Kinsey Scale." Based on their subjects' sexual histories, Kinsey's team made a scale from 0 to 6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, 6 exclusively homosexual, and 3 being equal parts of the two.

Demonstrators march for marriage equality in Mexico City. Photo by Yuri Cortez/AFP/Getty Images.


People have learned a lot about sexuality since then, and we've had a sexual revolution for good measure. There are plenty of identities, orientations, and lived experiences other than homosexuality and heterosexuality. All are unique and valid. But the Kinsey reports forever changed the way we look at sexuality, so the idea that it's is a straight line or continuum persists. This explains why it's relatively common to hear people, on the topic of sexuality, say, "Everyone is a little bisexual."  

Usually, the speaker's intentions aren't malicious, but that doesn't mean their words are harmless.

Perpetuating this myth erases the countless people who identify as bisexual or pansexual, orientations in their own right. Bisexuality is not simply the midway point between homosexual and heterosexual. Bisexual people have unique experiences, concerns, and issues that deserve to be talked about, addressed, and researched. If "everyone is a little bisexual," those issues are easy to overlook and erase, and that's not the only reason it's problematic.

A scene from the Mexico City Pride Parade. The signs read "Mom, I'm pansexual" and "Mom, I'm bisexual." Photo by Alfredo Estrella/AFP/Getty Images.

The M. Slade comic below was originally published on Everyday Feminism. It perfectly explains why, "Everyone is a little bit bisexual," often does more harm than good.  

Comic by M. Slade originally published on "Everyday Feminism."

This doesn't mean you can't be supportive. Here's what you can do instead.

Listen.

Like Slade said in the comic, "It's not your place to find a label for your friend." If your friend, colleague, or family member comes to you with complicated feelings, your first responsibility is to be a compassionate listener. Just be a good friend. Close your mouth and open your heart. If you insist on speaking, "I'm here for you, whatever you need," is a good place to start.

Do your homework.

Seek out LGBTQ writers, authors, and podcasters for first person essays, novels, articles, and interviews. These are simple but effective ways to learn more about someone else's lived experience and provide some insight into communities that aren't always represented on TV, in film, or even on the news.

Be an active ally.

Being an ally is good, but being an active one is better. It's not enough to fave a tweet or change your profile picture on Facebook. Do your part to signal boost voices that often get ignored, like trans women of color and LGBT people with disabilities. March, write your legislators, and volunteer or support organizations already doing the work. Don't just tell your friends and family how much you care, show them.

Demonstrators pushed for President Obama to stand up for LGBT rights at a 2009 protest. Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Images.

Yes, sexuality is complicated. Being a decent person is easy.

Keep listening, keep learning, and never stop doing your part to encourage inclusivity.

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Frank Ocean penned an emotional letter on homophobia that everyone should read.

Frank Ocean's letter is both heartbreaking and a necessary read.

Has anyone seen Frank Ocean lately?

Fans have been anxiously awaiting new music from the 28-year-old singer/songwriter and rapper, but it’s very clear that Ocean has been using his time to attack some bigger issues.


What are you up to, Frank?

In a heartfelt letter published on Ocean’s personal Tumblr, the artist penned some tear-jerking words about growing up in a homophobic environment.

He also discussed transphobia and his heartbreak about the Orlando massacre:

"I read in the paper that my brothers are being thrown from rooftops blindfolded with their hands tied behind their backs for violating sharia law. I heard the crowds stone these fallen men if they move after they hit the ground. I heard it’s in the name of God. I heard my pastor speak for God too, quoting scripture from his book. Words like abomination popped off my skin like hot grease as he went on to describe a lake of fire that God wanted me in. I heard on the news that the aftermath of a hate crime left piles of bodies on a dance floor this month. I heard the gunman feigned dead among all the people he killed. I heard the news say he was one of us. I was six years old when I heard my dad call our transgender waitress a faggot as he dragged me out a neighborhood diner saying we wouldn’t be served because she was dirty. That was the last afternoon I saw my father and the first time I heard that word, I think, although it wouldn’t shock me if it wasn’t. Many hate us and wish we didn’t exist. Many are annoyed by our wanting to be married like everyone else or use the correct restroom like everyone else. Many don’t see anything wrong with passing down the same old values that send thousands of kids into suicidal depression each year. So we say pride and we express love for who and what we are. Because who else will in earnest? I daydream on the idea that maybe all this barbarism and all these transgressions against ourselves is an equal and opposite reaction to something better happening in this world, some great swelling wave of openness and wakefulness out here. Reality by comparison looks grey, as in neither black nor white but also bleak. We are all God’s children, I heard. I left my siblings out of it and spoke with my maker directly and I think he sounds a lot like myself. If I being myself were more awesome at being detached from my own story in a way I being myself never could be. I wanna know what others hear, I’m scared to know but I wanna know what everyone hears when they talk to God. Do the insane hear the voice distorted? Do the indoctrinated hear another voice entirely?"

In 2012, Ocean changed the dynamics of the hip-hop community forever by opening up about his own sexuality before releasing his Grammy-nominated album, "Channel Orange."

Ocean's discussion of falling in love with his male best friend — an unrequited love addressed repeatedly throughout the album — was a first in the hip-hop industry, ruffling the feathers of some of his fellow rappers and listeners.

Artists like T-Pain insisted that Ocean wouldn't find fellow musicians willing to collaborate with him, and some of Ocean's fans declared they were done with his music.

Frank Ocean performing during the 2014 Bonnaroo Music Arts Festival in Manchester, Tennessee. Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images.

But Ocean has, in fact, collaborated with many top artists since then. He has several awards under his belt too, including two Grammys.

Rappers like Jay-Z have supported Ocean too, and while hip-hop is notoriously known to push out anti-gay lyrics, many listeners are asking for increased inclusivity in the genre thanks to Ocean's honesty.


Frank Ocean performs at the 2012 Oya music festival in Oslo. Photo credit by Vegard Grøtt/AFP/Getty Images.

With transphobic bathroom bills floating around several states, the recent massacre in Orlando, and staunch opposition to LGBTQ rights around the world, Ocean's words matter.

His honesty and transparent pain are needed in the hip-hop industry now more than ever.

Hip-hop artists like Ocean should continue to express themselves in a way that is inclusive of marginalized groups.

Most recently, rapper Kid Cudi not only slammed homophobia in U.S., but he also vowed to implement change in the hip-hop community, showing us all how to put action behind our words.

While many of us are still waiting anxiously for Ocean to bring more awesome music to the charts, it's been incredible to watch him truly express himself in written words too.

Thanks, Frank.

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What I want you to talk about when you talk about the Orlando shooting.

Last weekend, there was a shooting in a gay night club. I've felt this feeling before.

True
Modern Love

I remember this feeling.

I am 18, and I am at a stoplight. A pickup truck pulls up next to me in the turn lane. I glance; inside the truck are three or four guys, my high school classmates. It’s June. Their windows are down, they are listening to classic rock, and they are wearing undershirts in the heat. I know they’ve seen me, so I timidly wave hello.


Photo via iStock.

Did they wave back or did they laugh and call me a faggot? It doesn’t matter. The light turns green, and I go. The truck swerves out of the turn lane to go straight, and follows me closely. Here’s where I feel it.

My heart beats faster and faster and my knuckles are white on the steering wheel. If I drive home, they will know where I live, and if I drive to a friend’s house and that friend isn’t home, I’ll be alone with them — either way, I risk not even making it to the door. But if I keep driving, they could run me off the road. I have to stop, but I can’t find a safe place.

Finally, shaking, I decide on a gas station. And as I approach the parking lot, I glance in my rearview mirror: The truck turns away and disappears, as if none of this ever happened.

I grew up in Missouri, close to St. Louis, but far enough away that I could play Marco Polo in a wheat field.

When I came out of the closet, I knew of no other gay kids in my high school’s student body of 1,000. I was a senior then, and it was terrifying. Because when I was a freshman, I saw the story of Matthew Shepard’s torture and murder on the TV news. It happened to a kid like me in a town like mine, and I never forgot: It could happen to me too.

When I saw news of the massacre in Orlando, I could see that truck swerving in my rearview mirror again.

I imagine many queer people felt the same way.

The window of a gay bar in Brussels. Photo by Siska Gremmelprez for AFP/Getty Images.

For us, this is different from other all-too-frequent mass shootings, and it is not the same as other terror attacks. This attack was meant to remind queer people, specifically, that despite all of the progress of the last two decades, we can still be made to feel that we exist only at the mercy of others. It was designed to humiliate as much as it was to exterminate — to trick us into believing our breath is a luxury rather than a right.

Queer folks know better than to buy into this. Our diversity can be dizzying — we are intersections of trans, bi, lesbian, gay, gender-non-conforming, black, Latinx, white, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, and so many other identities. But one thread ties all of us together: We know the importance of asserting our humanity. And despite all the risks, we’ll keep doing it.

Our elected officials might be tempted, as any of us might be, to treat this shooting as a gun rights issue alone or as an issue of terrorism or national security.

It is certainly those things: Calls for reforming gun policy, and calls for love instead of terror are valid. But this attack did not occur randomly; it was not aimed at the general public. It was aimed at queer people. And addressing it as though the identities of the victims are of tertiary importance — identities for which real people bled to death — is more than dishonest. It’s a new kind of erasure, a quieter kind of violence.

Flowers at a memorial in Seoul, South Korea. Photo by Chung Sung-Jun for Getty Images.

There are politicians who fight their hardest to steal the dignity of trans people, who fought against my right to marry, and who ignore the epidemic of homelessness among queer youth of color. Watch now as they pirouette gracefully: They will say an attack on gay Americans is an attack on all Americans. They will say this should strengthen our resolve to arm every schoolteacher. They will use it to justify pouring money and lives into the war on ISIS. It is our civic duty to hold them accountable for this hypocrisy.

If I sound angry, it’s because I am.

For my entire life, I have heard from public servants, faith leaders, and even some friends and family members that my existence is an inconvenience — or an abhorrence. Imagine it.

Now imagine real violence done to people who dare exist like me. And imagine it going unspoken or being used for political gain. Imagine what it would feel like to have someone who hates you suddenly force you to take their hand in fellowship.

A year ago this month, the U.S. Supreme Court guaranteed gay people the right to marry all across the country.

I celebrated with my fiancé. I saw rainbows everywhere, online and off. I was buoyed by the outpouring of love, pride, and positivity that followed.

I thought that — just maybe — that shaky 18-year-old, knuckles white on the steering wheel, had finally found the safety he deserved. Imagine being wrong about that.

You’d be angry too.