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gender neutral

via Mattel

As the world slowly becomes more inclusive about gender expression, so is the toy aisle.

Last year, Mattel, the creators of the ultimate gendered toy, Barbie, did away with "boys" and "girls" toy divisions in favor of non-gendered sections such as "dolls" or "cars."

Target has also been moving away from gendered toy aisles. Last year, it announced it would phase out gender-based signage from a number of departments, including toys.

While it may appear as though manufacturers and big-box retailers taking a progressive stance, their choices are in total alignment with the market. Millennial parents have a growing interest in purchasing toys and clothing for their children that are gender-neutral.

RELATED: Mattel adds two Barbies with disabilities to its new line of dolls


via Target Corporate

"As millennial parents start families of their own, we see them reconsidering some of the more traditional elements of parenting," said Dana Macke, associate director of lifestyles and leisure at Mintel, told Market Watch. "As such, brands are trying to bridge this divide by developing toys that meet both kids' and parents' gender expectations," Macke continued.

Mattel has responded to this change in cultural and market norms by launching the Creatable World series of gender-less dolls.

via Mattel


via Mattel


via Mattel

The dolls, which cost $29.99, don't have broad shoulders like Ken or breasts like Barbie. Creatable World dolls can be played with as a boy, a girl, or neither. They're slim with androgynous faces and short hair and can be fitted with wigs and a wardrobe consisting of sneakers, graphic tees, hoodies, tutus, or camouflage pants.

RELATED: Barbie's awesome new career is a welcomed sign of the times

"Toys are a reflection of culture and as the world continues to celebrate the positive impact of inclusivity, we felt it was time to create a doll line free of labels," Kim Culmone, senior vice president of Mattel Fashion Doll Design, said in a press release.

Mattel's president Richard Dickson insists the Createable World dolls aren't a political statement.

"We're not in the business of politics, and we respect the decision any parent makes around how they raise their kids. Our job is to stimulate imaginations. Our toys are ultimately canvases for cultural conversation, but it's your conversation, not ours; your opinion, not ours," he told Time.

Creatable Dolls are a welcome addition to the toy aisle because they give children what we all need: more choice and freedom.

Children growing up today are at a wonderful advantage over older generations because they have greater freedom to express themselves however they choose and to feel comfortable and safe doing so. Mattel's new dolls give them one more way to express themselves and to better relate to those who are different.

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This mom gives 5 tips for talking to your kids about gender identity.

We may want to know their gender or think we need to know their gender to use a pronoun, but it honestly does not matter.

Kids do a lot of embarrassing things.

They pick their noses, they tell everyone waiting in line that mom has jiggly thighs, they throw milk across the room when the mood strikes.

But there is one thing that parents can, and should, stop being embarrassed by. This question: "Is that a boy or a girl?"


Image via iStock.

Most parents will respond to this question the same way my mother did, with a too tight hand squeeze and a "SHHHH!!!" later followed by an explanation that we are not allowed to ask those things.

I never really understood the response, but the message was clear: There is shame around this topic. We don’t talk about that in polite company. You should continue to be confused about this.

Perhaps it is time to consider another way to talk about gender with our kids.

As visibility increases for people all over the gender spectrum with more representation in media and more empowerment in the world, let’s think about wiser ways to approach this. And hey, maybe we could actually answer our kids’ questions about gender, too.

As a sex and sexuality educator and mom of seven, I have had lots of conversations with people all over the gender spectrum. After years of these conversations, I have some tips for how to talk about gender with your kids. Here they are:

1. Gender almost never matters.

There is a gender-nonconforming person who works at a store we go to frequently. Yesterday, I was asked:

"Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"

"It doesn't matter."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that this person helps us in the store, so we don't need to know if they are a boy or a girl.”

"OK, but, like, when would we need to know?"

"If we were looking for someone to donate sperm or ovaries."

"But that is almost never going to happen."

"And we almost never need to know if someone is a boy or a girl."

Indeed, we almost never need to know the gender of any people. We may want to know their gender or think we need to know their gender to use a pronoun, but it honestly does not matter.

If someone is helping you in a store, you don’t need to know their gender any more than you need to be sure of their race or religion.

2. Every person gets to write their own gender story.

That is it. It is really that simple.

This is not about what you think someone should be, what they look like, or what makes you feel more comfortable. This is about allowing every human the dignity to define themselves in all ways, including gender. If a person decides they identify as a girl for example, who are you to tell them they are wrong?

If my child says, "But that person doesn’t look like a boy," I just let them know: That’s what this boy looks like.

If my child asks, "What a person really is," I just let them know: They are the person they say they are. Done.

3. Navigating pronouns is tricky.

Our language makes it difficult to leave gender out of the equation. Thankfully, first-person pronouns are gender-neutral, so you can tell your children that they can use those when speaking directly to a person.

If they are referring to someone, and they are unclear about which pronoun to use, let them know they can just ask the person. Letting young people know that there is no shame in clarity goes a long way in recognizing that there is no shame in not necessarily being able to place someone in one of the two narrowly defined gender categories.

If asking is off the table for whatever reason, let your child know they can use "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Maybe this will become the norm, or maybe language will change when attitudes shift, but this works for now.

4. It's important to validate all choices.

These conversations may leave your kids wondering if they need to put more thought into what their gender is. And maybe they do, but maybe they don’t. If this is a concern, you have opened up a nice door for them to walk through and have a conversation. But if they feel like the gender they were assigned at birth feels good to them and they want to be that gender and use those pronouns, that is certainly a valid choice, too.

It is important to let our kids know that people with gender differences often deal with a lot of hate and rejection. It's important to be a good friend and ally to them.

5. Encourage understanding, always.

Children may not be able to make sense of this. They may ask challenging questions like "Why can’t she just be a girl who likes boy clothes? Why change?" or "How can you not feel like what you are? I don’t get it."

Those are real questions that may be difficult for you to answer, especially if you are someone who identifies with your assigned gender or have never known another person who thinks differently about gender. Still, encourage kids to explore. Ask questions to those who feel comfortable answering them. Read books like "The Sissy Duckling." Find stories from real people relating their experiences.

Because ultimately, there is one very important message to send:

You don’t have to understand another person’s heart to honor and respect them.That is what we need more of in this world.

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Etsy's latest move is an awesome and simple bit of office inclusivity.

'We believe that gender is not binary and that individuals should use the restroom that feels most comfortable for them.'

There are some really weird, outdated laws on the books in states across the country.

These types of lists pop up year after year. For example, did you know that in a number of states, it's illegal to sell cars on a Sunday? Or that in Massachusetts, you can be fined for singing the national anthem as dance music or in a medley?

Well, there's another law many states have on the books, and it has to do with how businesses should label their bathrooms by gender. But, in 2015, the law doesn't quite reflect reality for many people. And as we as a society become more aware of the fact that gender isn't as binary as bathroom doors might make it seem, well, what's a company to do?


Here's one company's creative solution:

Etsy made restrooms at their office gender-neutral. Or, well, as gender-neutral as the law allows.

An Etsy engineer named Sara posted this picture to Twitter.


That's cool, right? The fact is that not everybody neatly fits into "man" or "woman." Some people are a mix of both, neither, or something entirely altogether. When it comes to public restrooms, that can make things rough. The same goes for transgender people even within the gender binary.

"At Etsy, we continually examine our internal culture and practices, with a focus on fostering an inclusive, comfortable environment for everyone," Etsy vice president of people, workplace, and sustainability Brian Christman told Upworthy in an email.

"With this in mind, we’ve updated restrooms at our DUMBO headquarters to increase privacy and make them more accessible to all people, including transgender and gender nonconforming individuals. We believe that gender is not binary and that individuals should use the restroom that feels most comfortable for them."


Image from Etsy, used with permission.

So it's pretty obvious how Etsy's bathroom signs can be helpful for trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming folks, but what's this about state laws? And how does this story tie into ridiculous laws about dyeing ducks different colors or being unable to seek public office if you've ever participated in a duel?

In most states, it's required that businesses have separate restrooms for both men and women.

Here's how the law in New York — where Etsy is headquartered — reads:

"Separate toilet facilities shall be provided for each sex. All toilet facilities shall be provided with soap, paper towels or electrical hand drying units, and covered waste receptacles. Suitable sanitary napkin receptacles shall be provided in toilet facilities used by females."

OK, got it. Businesses have to provide separate facilities with soap, paper towels, and covered trash cans, and sanitary napkin disposal for the women's room.

And where do these types of laws even come from? The 19th century.

In a great article titled "Sex-Segregated Public Restrooms Are an Outdated Relic of Victorian Paternalism," Ted Trautman gives a quick rundown of where the idea of sex-segregated restrooms even comes from and why they exist. After all, in your house, do you have separate men's and women's restrooms? Probably not.

"Sex segregation was seen by regulators at the time as 'a kind of cure-all' for the era's social anxiety about working women," Trautman writes.

"Women's growing presence in the factory workforce, and in public life more generally, triggered a paternalistic impulse to 'protect' women from the full force of the world outside their homes, which manifested itself architecturally in a bizarro parallel world of spaces for women adjacent to but separate from men's — ladies' reading rooms at libraries, parlors at department stores, separate entrances at post offices and banks, and their own car on trains, intentionally placed at the very end so that male passengers could chivalrously bear the brunt in the event of a collision."

So, in 1887, Massachusetts became the first state to require businesses to have sex-segregated restrooms.


Ah, the good ol' 19th century factory! This is quite literally the model of sex-segregated restrooms. Women operating looms in the winding room of a Lancashire cotton mill. Photo by James Valentine/Getty Images.

And while women-only entrances to post offices and banks, separate reading rooms at libraries, and women-only train cars have become a thing of the past, the whole separate bathroom issue remains to this day.

What's so ridiculous about this law? Well, for one, it's inefficient.

Think about all the times you've seen the line for a women's restroom wrap around down a hallway while the men's room remains line-free. New York City realized this was a problem and decided the solution was ... to require places to build more women's rooms.

Like, this is what happened when more women started getting elected to Congress. As it turns out, the building was made for dudes. Lots and lots of dudes.


But really, if there's a situation where, let's say eight women and two men need to use the restroom, which of these layouts is more efficient?

This one, the one we're most familiar with, where three women are left waiting in line even though there are three perfectly available stalls to use in the men's room?

Or this one that takes up the same amount of space, but which all 10 people can use, do what they have to do, and go about their day?

Obviously, the all-gender restroom is the more efficient option.

But whoa whoa whoa, you may be thinking, "I don't want to share a bathroom with the men in my office!" or "I don't want to share a bathroom with the women in my office! I want some privacy!"

And you should get it! In an ideal world, restrooms would all be single-stall. I mean, who really wants to do ... you know ... next to someone else, anyway? But that's kind of the world we live in.

Breathe easy because it's unlikely all-gender restrooms will come to replace the standard men's and women's rooms anytime soon. Instead, as you'll see with more regularity, lots of places offer up men's, women's, and all gender restrooms. This way, people have a choice (and trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming people have the option of using that if they so choose).

For example:

An increasing number of places are moving forward with adopting inclusive restrooms. Especially colleges.

The names vary — gender-neutral, unisex, all gender, gender-inclusive — but the purpose remains the same: restrooms able to be used by anyone of any gender.


Illinois State University has all-gender restrooms. There are still men's and women's restrooms found across campus, but they recently decided to swap the names of the "family restrooms" with more straight-forward language. The same goes for Columbia University, Barnard College, and a growing number of campuses across the country.

In a move as simple as adding a sign to their restroom doors, Etsy is taking a stand for inclusivity and progress.

Yes, it's that easy. To the overwhelming majority of their employees and office visitors, the change will have zero effect on how they navigate the office. But for a few, it'll make a huge, positive impact on their stress and ability to navigate the work day.

"We believe that gender is not binary and that individuals should use the restroom that feels most comfortable for them."

While laws in many places may require there to be separate restrooms labeled "men's" and "women's," that doesn't mean it's impossible to make the world a more inclusive place. It really can be as simple as a sign letting transgender and gender nonconforming individuals know that yes, they are welcome here.