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“What does it mean to be a feminist and a wife?”

This question was on my mind a week before my wedding. For any woman who is a proud feminist, as I grew up, the decision to get married may not be an easy one. Although I dreamed of a fairy tale happy ending as a little girl, these days I was much more comfortable spending my days doing whatever I wanted — from traveling to Copenhagen on my own to working on my memoir to making strides in my career. For a long time, I was focused on bettering my life and pretty much only worrying about what I wanted to accomplish with it. Until I fell in love.

Falling in love, getting engaged, and planning my elopement changed things for me. For the first time in my life, I was in a relationship that I felt was a true partnership with a person who supported me no matter what, who truly loved me, and who believed in feminism and equality as much as I do. But despite our strong partnership, I still had a lot of conflicting feelings about walking down the aisle. What wedding traditions did I want to partake in? Should I change my last name even though it feels like such a crucial part of my identity as a Latina? And, most of all, how do I continue to be me even though I’m now also someone’s wife?


One of the things I struggled with in the beginning was the idea of being someone’s “wife.”

Although it means different things to different people, the image that first pops into my head is that of a doting woman who cleans, cooks, and raises the children. Obviously, it’s not the 1950s, and my husband did not decide to marry me because I promised to do all these things for him (though, I admit, I absolutely love cooking — but that started long before I met him). In fact, we got engaged in a more modern way: By talking about out future and deciding that we both wanted to get married to each other. There was no surprise proposal or diamond ring, but instead we made a practical, yet romantic decision to spend the rest of our lives together.

Why was I still afraid of losing my feminist identity after we tied the knot?

I think that, no matter how much of an independent, feminist person I am, I still have a strong pull to take care of other people. In fact, as my husband has recently been pointing out, I am much more comfortable taking care of the needs of others than my own. My Latina upbringing taught me that cleaning up after others, making dinner, and never putting myself first was the way to go. And although I know this isn’t necessary, it is still my instinct to make sure that my husband is eating lunch before I even think of feeding myself. I have to actively stop myself from thinking about someone else and remind myself that self-care is just as important as caring for others.

Being a feminist, to me, means caring about the equality of people and actively doing what I can to advance human rights and advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves.

But it also means making sure that I live by those principles in my own life, such as asking my husband to take care of the laundry (usually my chore) if I need some extra R&R on the weekend or bringing home dinner on days I have to work late. Of course, it also means sometimes picking up the slack and doing the dishes (typically his chore) when I see that he has to catch up some things at the end of the day and I don’t. After all, equality should be about being equals, and being equal means that sometimes he helps out more and sometimes I help out more.

As I continued to struggle with the question of being a married feminist, I posed it to a few friends and one of them summed things up perfectly:

"I think it means whatever you want it to mean. You are in an equal partnership. You split the work and both support and build up each other. If you take on more of the traditionally feminine roles, like cooking, do so because you want to and enjoy it, and enjoy supporting him in this role, and not because someone is telling you that is what you should do. And if he wants to take on those roles too, great! Like I said, equal partnership."

Of course, a "feminist marriage" doesn’t necessarily mean that things are completely 50/50 all the time. For example, my husband makes more money than I do and will likely continue to do so just based on the nature of our jobs. I will likely take care of more of the child rearing when we decide to have kids because I work from home and I also want to. As with anything in a relationship, sometimes you have to compromise.

At the end of the day, what makes one a feminist is their belief in equality.

And what reinforces that belief is that people have the ability to choose their own paths in life. You can choose to get married or not get married. You can choose to change your last name or keep your birth name. But all in all, you can choose to have a relationship that is full of love, support, and a (fairly) equal division of labor. Oh, and one that encourages your feminist ideals of course.

This story originally appeared on HipLatina and is reprinted here with permission.

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Feminism = fighting for equality for women. This comic breaks it down.

Women have been advocating for equal rights for centuries, and the fight is just beginning.

There's no one right way to be a feminist.

In fact, feminist history is so rich because of the diversity in beliefs, practices, and ideologies. Thanks to famous feminists like Sojourner Truth, Audre Lorde, Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, and so many more, feminism has transcended race, class, and time to reach a number of women and impact new laws and ways of thinking.

Rebecca Cohen, a cartoonist based in Berkeley, explains the importance of feminism as a catalyst for real change through a series of comics:  

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.


In the words of feminist author and speaker Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a feminist is "a person who believes in the social, economic and political equality of the sexes."      

Of course, we still have a ways to go to get to a place where this definition is true. But as feminism continues evolving, I hope this is a definition men and women can get behind as we continue to fight for justice and true equality!  

Emma Watson's now-famous United Nations speech about feminism almost didn't happen.

You might remember it popping up in your Facebook feed back in September of 2014. The "Harry Potter" star's speech for UN Women's HeForShe project was a passionate call for men, women, boys, and girls alike to join in the fight for gender equality.


She's talking to you, dude. GIFs from the United Nations.

It turns out Watson was asked to speak about gender equality but leave out one very important word: feminism.

It's true! In a recent interview with Porter, Watson talks about the feminist speech that nearly wasn't.

"I was encouraged not to use the word 'feminism,'" she says. "People felt that it was alienating and separating and the whole idea of the speech was to include as many people as possible."

Of course, this is just a tad throw-your-hands-up-and-sigh-absurd, as Watson herself states in her speech that feminism can (and should) be inclusive of people of all genders. By definition, that's what it is.

Asking her not to call gender equality "feminism" only proves why she needed to say it.

If this sounds familiar, might I point you toward a certain book series … called "Harry Potter" … where people were too scared to say a certain name...

The stigma around identifying as a feminist became the centerpiece of Watson's speech (she used the word "feminism" three times and "feminist" four times).

"I thought long and hard and ultimately felt that it was just the right thing to do," she continued in the interview. "If women are terrified to use the word, how on earth are men supposed to start using it?"

In the more than a year since that speech, Watson has continued to be a feminist badass, doing everything from speaking out about inequality in Hollywood to interviewing Malala.

Good for Emma Watson for speaking up and not letting "feminism" remain a dirty word.

Relive the magic of Watson's 2014 HeForShe speech below.

On Thursday, Nov. 12, 2015, justice was finally served: Actor Daniel Radcliffe was awarded his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images.


"It's really an incredible honor," Radcliffe told Variety of his star. "We [Brits] have a national embarrassment about people saying nice things about us, so I was taken aback at first, but then I had a real sense of gratitude."

This is huge. Because, as every DanRad super fan knows all-too-well, there is no one — no one — more deserving of a Walk of Fame star than flawless specimen Daniel Radcliffe.

Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images.

Don't believe me? Here are seven "scientifically proven" reasons why Daniel Radcliffe isn't just an incredible actor, but one of Hollywood's most indisputably perfect humans.

Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images.

1. Is he annoyed by his "Harry Potter" fame? Hardly! Radcliffe's eternally grateful for everything the franchise has given him.

Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images.

When quizzed about his favorite book back in 2013, Radcliffe answered, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone."

"It would be churlish of me not to say that it was the book that gave me everything I have."

2. He thinks it's disgusting that the term "friend zone" actually exists. And he's absolutely right.

Photo by Jens Noergaard Larsen/AFP/Getty Images.

Sometimes, when women just want to be friends with men (as opposed to dating or sleeping with them), men call this being trapped in the "friend zone." Which, of course, is essentially saying, "Women are only of value to me when they're sexually available to me." Yeah, it's awful.

When the topic got brought up during an interview with BuzzFeed, Radcliffe seized the opportunity to call it exactly what it is.

"Friend zoning is, like, a terrible thing. The idea of the 'friend zone' is a terrible male [thing] ... Have you ever heard a girl say they're in the 'friend zone'? ... I definitely think the idea of 'friend zone' is just men going 'This woman won't have sex with me.'"

3. He can rap. And like, is really, really good at it.

Remember when he shocked the "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon" audience by flawlessly rapping every word of Blackalicious' "Alphabet Aerobics"?

Yeah. He did that.

Wow.

4. Radcliffe loves (and is amazingly good at) pulling pranks on the paparazzi.

Photo by Vivien Killilea/Getty Images for SiriusXM.

"I would wear the same outfit every single time with different T-shirts underneath, but I would wear the same jacket and zip it up so they couldn't see what I was wearing underneath, and the same hat," he explained on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" in 2007, according to CBS. "So they could take photos for six months but it would look like the same day. They became un-publishable, which was hilarious because there's nothing better than seeing the paparazzi get really frustrated."

That. Is. Genius.

5. He's bravely opened up about his struggles with — and triumphs over — a dependence on alcohol as a teen.

Photo by Ben Gabbe/Getty Images.

"I have a very addictive personality. It was a problem," Radcliffe told Heat magazine in 2012 of being drunk on set of the "Harry Potter" films, CBS reported. "People with problems like that are very adept at hiding it. It was bad."

"You either have to change something or give into that shame."

6. Radcliffe is unapologetically feminist to his core, and thinks it's very backwards that anyone wouldn't be.

Photo by Carl Court/AFP/Getty Images.

Does Radcliffe stand for gender equality? Of course.

"There seems to be a very recent thing that you come 'out' as a feminist," he explained to British GQ last year. "It's a very weird thing. I mean, yes of course, but I'm a feminist in as much as I'm an egalitarian about everything and I believe in meritocracy. I think anyone who isn't at this point is just swimming against the tide just like people who are vaguely homophobic or racist or sexist or whatever it is. I just think 'God, you're still keeping that up? Give it up, you've lost.'"

7. Radcliffe is 100% content being short. And knows exactly how to respond when people comment on his stature.

Photo by Ian Gavan/Getty Images.

Radcliffe is on the shorter side, relatively speaking. And while that used to be something he thought about, those days are long gone.

"I was worried on a personal level because I wanted to be slightly taller than I am, ideally," he told MTV News in 2010. "But I've now accepted it. Basically, I came to the conclusion a while ago that you can either be really bitter about it or you can make loads of funny jokes."

Jokes? Like what?

"When I meet people now and they all say, 'God you're so much shorter than I expected!' I always say, 'No! I'm actually slightly further away than you think.'"

8. He stands up for his co-stars — especially when sexist Hollywood double standards are involved.

Photo by Scott Gries/Getty Images.

During a promotional interview in 2014, Radcliffe brought up the fact that it's unfair for anyone to feel uncomfortable seeing him as sex symbol simply because they witnessed him grow up on screen, while his "Harry Potter" co-star Emma Watson had a much different experience.

"A lot of people were saying, you know, 'You're [a] really unconventional romantic lead.' And so eventually, I got bored of hearing that and like, kind of picked someone up on it. So I was like, 'What about me is unconventional exactly? Like, tell me.' And she said, 'Well, I think it's probably the fact that, you know, we associated you with playing Harry and a young boy for so long, you know.' My immediate response was, 'Well, the male population has had no problems sexualizing Emma Watson immediately.'"

9. He's been a committed ally in the fight for LGBTQ equality for years.

Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images.

Is Radcliffe offended by gay rumors? Of course not — he thinks they're "awesome," actually. And why would he be offended? He's been a vocal advocate for LGBT rights throughout his entire life in the spotlight, including his charitable work with The Trevor Project, a leading suicide prevention group helping save LGBTQ youth.

Sure, being a superb actor is great. And Radcliffe deserves that star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for that reason alone.

But being a rapping, short n' proud, feminist prankster? Now those are characteristics of Hollywood's most perfect human.

Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images.