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Studies show non-parents are happier than parents unless 1 of these 3 things are true

"Bundle of joy" might not be the most apt nickname.

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Having kids decreases your quality of life and marital satisfaction, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy.

For decades now, there's been one great question looming over society: Does having kids make you happier?

Most studies show that, perhaps surprisingly, people without children tend to be happier, or have more life satisfaction. And when you really think about it, it makes sense why. Being child-free eases your finances and allows you more time to pursue friends, romance, hobbies, travel, adventure, and career aspirations. Having children makes your immediate quality of life and marital satisfaction go down temporarily, or in some cases, permanently. The Surgeon General even recently issued an advisory warning that parental stress is a major public health issue.

But there are three factors that might turn the tide. In the right circumstances, the joy and immense satisfaction of raising children can overcome all the associated stressors and lead to incredible joy and happiness. Other studies from around the globe prove that you might just be a happy parent if:

1. Your kids have moved out

empty nest, parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research An empty nest.Canva Photos

A study from Heidelberg University in Germany specifically looked at happiness in people aged 50 and older. What they found makes a lot of sense.

People who have children were happier than those without, but only in the older age group, and only when those grown children no longer lived at home. Drilling down, the research found that when children become a source of "social enjoyment" rather than stress, life satisfaction increases dramatically while symptoms of depression decrease.

You can think of it as finally getting to enjoy the fruits of your hard labor. After spending decades teaching, nurturing, and shaping your children, your twilight years are when you get to really enjoy them as fully-fledged people who enrich your lives. While there's lots of joy and fun and happiness to be found in the younger years, those years are also marred with financial and other stressors which can subdue our overall happiness.

2. You have a lot of money AND good work/life balance


empty nest, parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research, wealth, work life balance An older couple heading to a romantic getaway. Canva Photos

One study out of Bocconi University in Milan, Italy found that "Parents are happier than non-parents ... as long as parents feel they can handle their work pressures to find work/life balance and they have the financial and other resources they need."

Oh, is that all?

Some estimates say it costs roughly $24,000 per year to raise a child, on average. A family with three kids would need to make about $75,000 just to cover the absolute bare minimum food and childcare costs—yowza! The costs are more when they're young (daycare, childcare, diapers, toys), but it never stops being expensive. Parenting is also extremely time-consuming, requiring several hours per day of childcare and extra housework for most families.

The impossible conundrum that many parents find themselves in is somehow having enough money and enough time to do it all. It's easy to see that if you can somehow solve that puzzling equation, yeah, you'd be a heck of a lot happier. Easier said than done!

3. You don't live in the United States

parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids, family, love, stress, happiness, studies, research Parents in Spain, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, and more are enjoying more time off to spend with family. Photo by Mauro Lima on Unsplash

In 2016, The Council of Contemporary Families wanted to look into whether parental discontent was a global phenomenon or not. So, they studied parents and non-parents from 22 different countries to see if they could find any differences in life satisfaction.

The report found that parents in countries like Norway, Hungary, Portugal, Finland, Sweden and Spain were shown to be happier than non-parents.

And yet, according to Time Magazine, "Of the 22 countries the researchers studied, America has the biggest happiness differential between parents and the child-free."

The report specifically cites the high cost of childcare for young children and the limited amount of paid leave Americans receive—and not just parental leave, but simple vacation time. Countries like Spain and Portugal mandate anywhere from 22-30 paid leave days per year, while Americans average about 11. That allows for significantly less time to actually enjoy time with your kids, and has a big impact on our happiness, or lack thereof.

Of course, happiness can be measured in a lot of different ways. Is happiness a blissful feeling of freedom and joy? Or is it a deep satisfaction and sense of purpose in your life? Or maybe a combination of the two?

What the overall body of research seems to show is that there are many different paths to happiness, whether you choose to have children or not. Finding joy and satisfaction in your life as a parent might be considered "hard-mode." There are a lot of obstacles working against you, especially in America, but the research is beginning to give us some clues about how we can get there.

This article originally appeared in May.

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3 reasons to stop praising dads for doing what they're supposed to.

Because if moms aren't viewed as heroes for creating a ponytail or changing diapers, neither should dads.

Jackie is a mom of two living in Tampa. She's not a fan of the praise dads are getting lately for raising their kids.

"I know this is going to sound bitter, but all of the dad-worship stuff needs to stop," Jackie told me. "It seems like all a man needs to do is change a diaper or braid hair, and he's instantly a superstar."

She's probably not alone.

For every woman who swoons at seeing a photo like this, there is another one rolling her eyes wondering what the big deal is.

We all love seeing photos of dads with their kids ... right? Photo from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed, used with permission.

Where did all of this praise for dads come from? The Internet lost its collective mind over a recent Super Bowl commercial featuring dads doing their daughters' hair, so we know this phenomenon is real.

Maybe it's because people love seeing men with their babies. Maybe it's because our expectations for fathers have gotten so low that we're excited to see them doing anything with their children.

Regardless of the reasons, moms like Jackie aren't amused.

PLOT TWIST: Many dads don't want credit for doing dad stuff either.

Rick Brown is all smiles with one of his five daughters, Madison. Photo from Rick Brown, used with permission.

Meet Rick. He's a dad to five daughters and absolutely loves his girls to death.

One day while his wife was busy, Rick loaded up his girls into his car and took them to the local library to do some reading. Then things started to get strange. People kept staring at him as if he was an "exotic zoo animal." Finally, a woman stopped him to say how "amazing" it is that a dad was at the library with his girls.

Here's the thing about Rick and other dads like him: He's not interested in receiving compliments on how he does his daddy thing.

"I truly enjoy spending time with my daughters," Rick told me. "I don't think dads should get credit for being parents."

You know what? The dude's right.

With that, here are three simple takeaways regarding the recent dad-worship epidemic.

1. Making the ordinary extraordinary is, well, dumb.

Let's pretend that you like to brush your teeth before leaving the house every morning. (Actually, let's not pretend. That's probably something grown folks should be doing on the daily.)

Minty fresh breath, baby.

Now let's pretend that as you're strolling down the street, people stop you to share the following thoughts:

"Whoa! You brushed your teeth today?! You are amazing!"

"I wish everyone could be like you. Good oral hygiene is soooooo important!"

"You are such a role model. You make fresh breath cool!"

That would be weird, right?

It's normal to brush our teeth. It's not less weird for dudes to receive praise for doing the "normal" child-rearing tasks.

"I was once told that I must be a great dad because I hold my daughter so well," Jason, a dad to a 6-month-old daughter, told me.

What does that even mean? How do you respond to something like that?

GIF from "The Hangover."

We (dads) aren't bumbling buffoons. We know what we're doing.

But when men are seen as "great dads" just because we can hold babies without injuring them, we know that the fatherhood bar needs to be raised.

Which leads to the next point.

2. All of the daddy praise makes it harder for moms to be moms.

Whether we like it or not, the pressure to be a good mom is real. When we live in a world where dads can put videos like this online and are seen as geniuses, it leaves some moms frustrated.

"I struggle with parenting, like many women I know," Jackie said. "I feel like I always have to be perfect while dads can skate along by doing pretty much anything."

If we put our hearts and soul into something, we want to know that we're doing a good job. Motherhood is no different.

These ladies have a frustrating gig, and they want to be acknowledged for it. Melissa, a mom of three shared that exact sentiment:

"My husband can put my daughter in a lumpy ponytail, and he's a hero. If I did that, I'll be seen as the worst mom ever. Guess what? Sometimes I don't have the energy to style hair perfectly or create perfectly healthy meals. But I work just as hard being a parent as he does. Why can't society see that?"

Thankfully there's a pretty easy fix to the problem: equal praise for equal work.

If we're going to praise dads for completing tasks with or for their kids, we should praise moms just as much for doing the same thing. No exceptions.

Because let's be real: The next time a mom is viewed as a hero for creating a ponytail will be the first time.

3. The dad-worship thing needs to be everywhere before it goes away.

Wait ... what?

Stay with me.

There are a lot of articles celebrating fatherhood around here. But let's look at it a little differently.

Back in 1987, people celebrated the fact that Doug Williams was the first African-American quarterback to start (and win) a Super Bowl.

It was a really big deal.

The media was all over Doug Williams back in the day. Photo by Mike Powell/Getty Images.

But it was a really big deal because we hadn't seen it before.

In 2016, there are many African-American quarterbacks in football, and we hardly blink an eye at them. Why? Because it's normal now.

There is good news for people who are growing weary of the daddy love on the Internet: This too shall pass.

As counterintuitive as it may seem, the only way to truly normalize good dads is to celebrate them.

Yeah, I said it.

Share them, talk about them, love them, and celebrate the hell out of these dudes when you see them.

When you see a dad going viral for something that a mom can do blindfolded, just smile knowing it signifies that we're one step closer to it becoming old news.

Eventually dads braiding hair and holding dance parties for our kids will be as newsworthy as brushing our teeth.

And quite frankly, that's the way it should be.

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3 helpful ways to teach boys to become men without the 'man up' nonsense.

Raising boys to be feminists doesn't just help girls and women. It helps boys, too.

Joanna Schroder is a proud feminist. She wants to raise her two sons to be proud feminists as well.

Joanna enjoys spending quality time with her boys, but she also values teaching them important lessons on masculinity. Photo from Joanna Schroeder, used with permission.

Schroeder is passionate about feminism due to her upbringing. In addition to her degree in women's studies from UCLA, she's part of a three-generation legacy of strong women, dating back to her grandmother who fought against sexist hiring standards in the 1930s.

But once her two sons came into the picture, things changed a bit.

"When I became a mom, my focus as a feminist shifted to what is happening with boys in society today," she told me. "That's why I believe in a feminist parenting style as I raise my sons."

Feminist parenting. Yep, it's a thing.

She's quick to point out that raising boys to be feminists is way more than just helping them become allies for women. Smashing gender norms helps our sons out, too.

Here are three reasons why Joanna believes raising our boys to be feminists is good idea.

1. It builds the foundation that boys are never justified in hurting or bullying girls.

Bullying is never OK. Photo from iStock.

There are a lot of seemingly innocent things we say about our boys:

"Boys will be boys."

"Don't worry. He's just mean to you because he likes you."

Joanna isn't buying any of it.

"Being a feminist parent doesn't allow for boys' bad behavior to be excused due to gender," she said. "Feminist parents believe that boys and girls are equally able to make choices that put empathy and kindness first."

Not to mention, studies have shown that gender-based language such as "boys will be boys" can lead our kids to subscribe to harmful stereotypes about what men and women can (or can't) do.

2. Crying? Yep, it's OK for boys to be emotional.

Yes, boys can cry, too. Photo from iStock.

Back in the day, if a boy was caught crying, he might catch a lecture from a well-meaning adult or be targeted by other kids who thought he was being a "sissy."

Things have improved in that regard lately. Or have they?

"From the time they're small, we tell boys to 'man up' and we try to stop them from crying," Joanna said. "Language like that keeps boys quiet when they're hurt, and it tells them that they're not allowed to seek support when times are tough."

The whole "be a man" narrative really only allows men to experience three emotions: happiness, lust, and anger. Here's the thing — no matter what our gender is, sadness exists in all of us, too.

GIF from "Inside Out."

A recent study found that only 19% of men felt comfortable talking about their problems with others. It doesn't take a big leap to figure out that most of the men who keep their feelings bottled up learned to do so at an early age.

Unfortunately, bottling up emotions comes at a steep price. Males account for over 75% of all suicides, and they're more than four times as likely to commit suicide than females.

That is a big problem. A problem that Joanna hopes parents of young boys will address by allowing boys to be their true selves.

"Raising feminist sons, allowed to express the full range of their feelings and find support when they're feeling sad or scared, can help our boys live longer, happier lives," Joanna said.

3. It prepares boys to be loving, supportive dads in the future.

If a boy chooses to have children when he becomes a man, it will be the most important job he will ever have. But in order for boys to truly realize their potential as fathers, Joanna believes it all starts with how we raise them now.

"When we allow boys to see themselves as kind, empathetic, loving people, they are able to see themselves as engaged dads," Joanna said. "Dads who will help break the cycle of toxic masculinity."

How can we do that? Heather Mainville, a single mom of an 8-year-old son named Joey believes having boys playing with dolls helps.

Joey is one of many boys who enjoy playing with dolls. Photo provided by Heather Mainville, used with permission.

"Joey loves dolls and has the confidence to speak up when he hears that boys shouldn't play with them," Heather told me. "He's also a loving and protective playmate with younger children due to learning empathy at a young age."

I like Joey's chances to be an excellent dad in the future.

Joanna believes that boys can also let go of the notion that their roles as men and fathers are to be financial providers. Instead they can be providers of a different kind.

The kind who reads books to his kids. The kind who attends his kids' doctor appointments. The kind who prepares healthy meals for his kids. The kind who styles his daughter's hair. The kind who isn't afraid to be affectionate around his kids.

Modern dads are learning to provide for their kids with more than just their paychecks. Photo taken from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed, used with permission.

In other words, boys can learn to grow up to be the type of dad everyone expects them to be.

"That allows for their partners to enter the workforce to their full capacity, knowing that their men are empowered as a different type of provider, too," Joanna said.

No matter what you think of feminist parenting, we all have one thing in common.

There are people who think that teaching our boys to be feminists is a bad idea. But what isn't up for debate is we need to do whatever we can to help our boys to become the best men they can be.

Joanna agrees. She just has strong opinions on how to go about it.

"Feminist parenting directly combats toxic masculinity, which ultimately offers all of our kids a better future," she said.

For more insight into what "toxic masculinity" looks like, and why it's important to fight it, check out the recent documentary "The Mask You Live In," which explores how boys deal with navigating between being true to themselves and satisfying society's definitions of masculinity.

Needless to say, it can be a tough road for our young men. It's up to us to help them.

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