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40s

If you feel "old" practically overnight, there may be a good reason for that.

Aging is weird. You're trucking along, enjoying your middle-aged life, finally feeling like a real adult, when you look in the mirror one day and gasp. "Where did those wrinkles come from?" "Is that skin on my arm…crepey?!?" "Why am I aching like that?"

Somewhere in your mid-40s, you start noticing obvious signs of aging that seem to arrive overnight. You assumed it was a gradual process that you just hadn't noticed, but it sure as heck felt like it happened really fast.

New research indicates that may very well be the case. A 2024 study from researchers at Stanford tracked thousands of different molecules in people age 25 to 75 and found that people tend to make two big leaps in aging—one around age 44 and another around age 60. These findings indicate that aging can actually happen in bursts.

 aging, age, old, growing up, growing old, 40s, 60s Simpsons Gif y.yarn.co  

“We’re not just changing gradually over time. There are some really dramatic changes,” said senior study author Michael Snyder, Ph.D., a geneticist and director of the Center for Genomics and Personalized Medicine at Stanford University. “It turns out the mid-40s is a time of dramatic change, as is the early 60s. And that’s true no matter what class of molecules you look at.” The researchers assumed the mid-40s changes would be attributed to menopausal or perimenopausal changes in women influencing the overall numbers, but when they separated the results by sex they saw similar changes in men in their 40s.

@suddenly_susan_

The accuracy 🤣 #40s #genxtiktok #womenover40 #relatable

"“This suggests that while menopause or perimenopause may contribute to the changes observed in women in their mid-40s, there are likely other, more significant factors influencing these changes in both men and women. Identifying and studying these factors should be a priority for future research,” said study author Xiaotao Shen, PhD, a former Stanford Medicine postdoctoral scholar who now teaches at Nanyang Technological University in Singapore.

 elderly couple, aging, age, growing old, aging in bursts Aging happens in bursts, scientists find.Canva Photos

The study included 108 participants who submitted blood and other samples every few months for several years. The scientists tracked age-related changes in 135,000 different molecules—nearly 250 billion distinct data points—to see how aging occurs.

The study may shed light on the reasons for jumps in certain diseases and maladies at certain ages. For the 40-somethings, scientists found significant changes in molecules related to alcohol, caffeine, and lipid metabolism, cardiovascular disease, and skin and muscle. For those in their 60s, changes related to carbohydrate and caffeine metabolism, immune regulation, kidney function, cardiovascular disease, and skin and muscle were found.

 body, human body, anatomy, study, aging Research shows the body goes through specific changes in our 40s and 60s.Canva Photos

The study authors did note that lifestyle might play a role in some of these changes. For instance, alcohol metabolism may be influenced by people drinking more heavily in their 40s, which tends to be a period of higher stress for many people. However, the researchers added that these bursts of aging in the mid-40s and early 60s indicate that people may want to pay closer attention to their health around those ages and make lifestyle changes that support greater overall health, such as increasing exercise or limiting alcohol.

The research team plans to study the drivers of these aging bursts to find out why they happen at these ages, but whatever the reasons, it's nice to know that the seemingly sudden onset of age-related woes isn't just in our imaginations.

It's understandable that we worry about aging, as physical signs of aging remind us of our own mortality. We also have all kinds of social messaging that tells us youth is ideal and beautiful and old is bad and ugly, so of course we give aging the side-eye. But none of us can avoid aging altogether, so the more positive and healthy we are in our approach to aging, the better off we'll be, no matter when and to what degree aging hits us.

This story originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

The 40s inexplicably involves a whole new level of bird interaction.

Aging is a funny thing. You start off young and excited and eager to get older, and then at some point you reach a point where getting older becomes less fun and more…achy.

Your 40s is generally when you start to feel aging hit in random ways. Healthy living can help fend off a lot of aging woes, but not everything. And it's not even just bodily aging that manifests in your 40s. It's things like needing to sleeping less, realizing exactly how dumb you were in your 20s and developing a sudden, inexplicable fascination with birdwatching.

Or bird arguing, as the case may be.


Someone who identifies as Xennial (on the cusp of Gen X and millennial) shared a "Life in your 40s" confessional about an argument they got into with the birds in their yard, which prompted others to share their own mid-life quirks.

The post read:

"Today I had an argument with the birds of our backyard.

I took down the bird feeder to fill it and all the foliage had a cacophony of noises as if to say, 'Took you long enough.' This was not the happy sounds of birds loving life. This was the sounds of demands. I told them I’ve been busy and they’ll just have to wait.

I then decided to shift the hummingbird feeder a bit because lately I’ve been banging into it despite having it in the same spot for several years.

I shit you not, as I was on the ladder a hummingbird came over and hovered near me giving me the death stare. I told her that I was just moving it and to give me a second.

My god what has happened to me?

What’s your recent 'life in your 40s' story?

Update: The hummingbird has come back several times now rather pissed the feeder has moved 3 inches. She won’t drink out of it, but keeps checking to see if I have put it back.

Update 2: After hours of me telling her I’m not moving it, she finally drank. I win."

from Xennials

Other Reddit users' 40-something stories did not disappoint.

Some had their own bird encounters to share:

"My husband is hell bent on befriending the local crows. He bought a 25 lb. bag of peanuts and throws a handful out on to the deck every morning. They’re getting more and more comfortable eating closer to the house, and now they 'summon' him with aggressive caws if he’s late putting out their breakfast. His goal is to Disney Princess it at some point. #lifegoals"

"Hahaha I am the crazy bird lady in our neighborhood and my husband says it's like a scene from Snow White when I open the backdoor to let the dog out. All the birds and usually a chipmunk go flying!"

Someone shared this classic:

Bird watching sneaks up on you
byu/Due-Paramedic8532 inXennials

And another added:

"Well, I'm glad it's not just me.

I'm 42, and last summer I really started feeding the birds, but I'd intentionally let the feeder go empty for a day or two. My goal was that they'd eat some of the yellow jackets that are frequently hovering near my south facing wall. They bitched an absolute ton when I would fill the feeders. They would eat the yellow jackets though.

Then, this last fall, my cameras caught me singing 'Muh birds, muh birds, gonna feed muh birds' while carrying my bag of seeds. I was happy as clam. The wifey showed me, and the kids, the footage. Now, whenever I'm feeding the birds, my middle son starts singing it to me.

I used to chase bad guys, with a gun, and a taser (I was in law enforcement for a decade, I fix robots now.) Now, I have an eleven year old harassing me because I'm nice to the local wildlife."

There were also lots of body betrayal experiences:

"If I sit for too long it’s exhausting and I have to go lay down and get some rest."

"I slept funny last night, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover."

"No joke. I literally slept weird 4 weeks ago and have been dealing with a pinched nerve in my neck ever since. Went from 42 to feeling 82 overnight."

"Last week I sneezed while in the shower and threw my back out."

"If I feel a sneeze coming when I am in the shower, I sit down. Standing shower sneezes are how you break a hip."

"Can’t trust my lower GI to do anything right anymore."

"I start peeing the second I head into the bathroom to pee."

And a host of other random middle-agey realities:

"Complaining about the price of cereal.

No clue of today’s music.

Go big or go home? Buddy you didn’t even need to ask the question. Home.

Lastly, my daily word search."

"I didn't make it to the store today, and the window/will to leave my house has passed, so I'll probably go another week without the items I intended to purchase today 🙃"

"My friend is having a pool day and I don’t want to go. I don’t want to take off my clothes and I really just want to chill in my house because I work tomorrow and I need a day to get ready."

"I went to bed at 4pm and woke up at 11 on the 4th of July. 41 doesn’t hit like 21 did. 😂"

"I’m 45, and my boyfriend is 32. We went through an exhibit Friday and he finished long before I did because I had to stop and read all the plaques and information, which I never use to do."

"Yeah I just built a raised garden bed and am super excited to plant squash! Wtf happened to me…."

Here's to the joys of aging! May your backs be limber and your birds be plentiful.

Kathy* is an active mom of three with a successful career and, by all accounts, a good life.

Shortly after her 46th birthday, Kathy found a lump in her breast. A biopsy was done and she was waiting for the results. Kathy is one of my personal life coaching clients (her name has been changed to protect her privacy and keep our work confidential).


She came to me in the thick of midlife and, as many women her age do, was reassessing everything she'd done up until now.

The moment she walked through the door, Kathy announced, "It’s benign!" Her relief was palpable. As we sat down for our session, we got quiet. Soon, she began to cry.

"I am relieved, of course," she said," but all I could think about before they called me with the results was, 'What if this is it? I mean, my life — what am I really doing with my life? Am I really living it how my soul wants me to live it?!'  And I answered, 'No, I’m not.'"

Here, I thought, is a woman about to gain clarity on what matters most to her.

Maybe you’ve had a health scare like Kathy. Maybe one evening, late at night, when everyone was asleep, you admitted to yourself that you aren’t satisfied — in the bedroom or the boardroom. Maybe you find yourself dreaming about going on a retreat or taking a vacation — by yourself. Maybe, one otherwise ordinary day, you had enough of being ignored and putting everyone’s needs before your own, and as you are unloading the dishwasher, you pick up a plate and smash it on the floor.

Image via iStock.

"It’s not a midlife crisis," my older and wiser friend once told me. "It’s a midlife awakening."

Women in midlife aren’t looking to "get back the joy" of their twenties. We are looking to name, claim, and embody authentic joy now as wise women, who want to live according to what is most sacred to us.

It's not an easy or neat process, but there are simple ways a woman can own her space as wise, independent, and happy. Here are seven suggestions:

1. She can practice radical self-responsibility.

She does away with the "blame game." Yes, she has been hurt, rejected, and dumped. The actions of others weren’t her fault, but she recognizes how she responds to what happens in life is her responsibility.

She owns her healing and thrives by treating herself with gentleness and kindness. She commits to self-regard.

2. She can clear out the clutter to enjoy empty space.

She might go through the whole house and ruthlessly get rid of anything that doesn’t bring joy. But beyond that, she starts to give up negative beliefs about her self-worth that have taken up too much space. She stops devoting time to relationships that don't nourish her and focuses on the people who do.

3. She can forgive her parents.

Her parents are human, and whether they're still alive or have passed away, she starts to let go of what she held against them.

Image via iStock.

4. She can set healthy boundaries.

She recognizes that it’s time to stop sacrificing her self-care and consider her needs — before work, family, and friends that might drain her. She starts to say "no" to what depletes her and "yes" to what is vital for her to thrive. She stops justifying her response.

5. She can stop comparing herself to other women.

When she sees another woman standing in her brilliance and power, she sees this as inspiration for her to risk living, loving, and expressing herself. She decides to be bold.

6. She can name her deeper longings.

She may go on retreat or check into a local hotel room so she can have space to listen to her heart. After decades, she knows that if she keeps pushing away her heart’s longings, she is going to turn bitter.  She follows her gut and takes the "right steps" for her.

7. She can decide to honor her longings.

She is OK with others questioning her bold moves.  She is no longer basing her life on what others think. She operates with wisdom and clarity.

Kathy’s health scare spurred her midlife awakening. She began to take responsibility for her joy and claim the second half of her life with boldness.

It was not a tidy process. Kathy’s journey of finding her joy — like all of ours — is ongoing and both messy and miraculous. As women in midlife, we claim our joy by being tender, clear, bold, and true to the longings of our heart. And we decide to thrive.

*The author works as a personal life coach and has permission to share stories of her clients under confidentiality agreements. For this reason, Kathy's name has been changed to ensure her privacy.