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Millennials nearing 40 are sharing their 21 biggest mistakes so everyone can learn from them

Great ideas for people of any age.

via Pexels

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

- YouTube www.youtube.com



They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

hearing, millennials, regrets, millennial lessons, millennial regrets, loud music, headphones A big millennial regret is not taking care of their hearingImage via Canva

1. "Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2. "Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

millennial advice, work life balance, regrets, millennial regrets, work Millennials wish they had learned about work/life balance soonerImage via Canva

3. "Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4. "Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

millennials, smoking, cigarettes, quitting smoking, millennial regrets, millennial advice Millennials smoke less than previous generations but it's still a big regret for manyImage via Canva

5. "Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6. "Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7. "I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

- YouTube www.youtube.com

8. "Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9. "I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10. "I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

millennials, millennial regrets, millennial advice, indecision, life choices Indecision can be a bigger regret than making the wrong decisionImage via Canva

11. "I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12. "Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

How To Save $10,000 FAST www.youtube.com

13. "I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14. "If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15. "Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

sunscreen, skin cancer, millennials, millennial regrets, millennial advice Millennials were the first generation to really adopt wearing sunscreenImage via Canva

16. "Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17. "Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses."

18. "When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19. "I imagine these are kinda universal: Not getting fit and healthyAssuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goalsAssuming higher education would help me achieve my goalsSpending far too long caring what people thinkNot taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to loseStaying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

millennials, finance, fair pay, salary, millennial advice, financial advice, millennial regrets Learning to ask for fair pay was a big challenge for most Millennials Image via Canva

20. "Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply


21. "Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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A hilarious 'confession' has people opening up about their own 'life in your 40's' moments

"My god, what has happened to me?"

Photo by Andrey Larionov on Unsplash

The 40s inexplicably involves a whole new level of bird interaction.

Aging is a funny thing. You start off young and excited and eager to get older, and then at some point you reach a point where getting older becomes less fun and more…achy.

Your 40s is generally when you start to feel aging hit in random ways. Healthy living can help fend off a lot of aging woes, but not everything. And it's not even just bodily aging that manifests in your 40s. It's things like needing to sleeping less, realizing exactly how dumb you were in your 20s and developing a sudden, inexplicable fascination with birdwatching.

Or bird arguing, as the case may be.

Someone who identifies as Xennial (on the cusp of Gen X and millennial) shared a "Life in your 40s" confessional about an argument they got into with the birds in their yard, which prompted others to share their own mid-life quirks.

The post read:

"Today I had an argument with the birds of our backyard.

I took down the bird feeder to fill it and all the foliage had a cacophony of noises as if to say, 'Took you long enough.' This was not the happy sounds of birds loving life. This was the sounds of demands. I told them I’ve been busy and they’ll just have to wait.

I then decided to shift the hummingbird feeder a bit because lately I’ve been banging into it despite having it in the same spot for several years.

I shit you not, as I was on the ladder a hummingbird came over and hovered near me giving me the death stare. I told her that I was just moving it and to give me a second.

My god what has happened to me?

What’s your recent 'life in your 40s' story?

Update: The hummingbird has come back several times now rather pissed the feeder has moved 3 inches. She won’t drink out of it, but keeps checking to see if I have put it back.

Update 2: After hours of me telling her I’m not moving it, she finally drank. I win."

from Xennials

Other Reddit users' 40-something stories did not disappoint.

Some had their own bird encounters to share:

"My husband is hell bent on befriending the local crows. He bought a 25 lb. bag of peanuts and throws a handful out on to the deck every morning. They’re getting more and more comfortable eating closer to the house, and now they 'summon' him with aggressive caws if he’s late putting out their breakfast. His goal is to Disney Princess it at some point. #lifegoals"

"Hahaha I am the crazy bird lady in our neighborhood and my husband says it's like a scene from Snow White when I open the backdoor to let the dog out. All the birds and usually a chipmunk go flying!"

Someone shared this classic:

Bird watching sneaks up on you
byu/Due-Paramedic8532 inXennials

And another added:

"Well, I'm glad it's not just me.

I'm 42, and last summer I really started feeding the birds, but I'd intentionally let the feeder go empty for a day or two. My goal was that they'd eat some of the yellow jackets that are frequently hovering near my south facing wall. They bitched an absolute ton when I would fill the feeders. They would eat the yellow jackets though.

Then, this last fall, my cameras caught me singing 'Muh birds, muh birds, gonna feed muh birds' while carrying my bag of seeds. I was happy as clam. The wifey showed me, and the kids, the footage. Now, whenever I'm feeding the birds, my middle son starts singing it to me.

I used to chase bad guys, with a gun, and a taser (I was in law enforcement for a decade, I fix robots now.) Now, I have an eleven year old harassing me because I'm nice to the local wildlife."

There were also lots of body betrayal experiences:

"If I sit for too long it’s exhausting and I have to go lay down and get some rest."

"I slept funny last night, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover."

"No joke. I literally slept weird 4 weeks ago and have been dealing with a pinched nerve in my neck ever since. Went from 42 to feeling 82 overnight."

"Last week I sneezed while in the shower and threw my back out."

"If I feel a sneeze coming when I am in the shower, I sit down. Standing shower sneezes are how you break a hip."

"Can’t trust my lower GI to do anything right anymore."

"I start peeing the second I head into the bathroom to pee."

And a host of other random middle-agey realities:

"Complaining about the price of cereal.

No clue of today’s music.

Go big or go home? Buddy you didn’t even need to ask the question. Home.

Lastly, my daily word search."

"I didn't make it to the store today, and the window/will to leave my house has passed, so I'll probably go another week without the items I intended to purchase today 🙃"

"My friend is having a pool day and I don’t want to go. I don’t want to take off my clothes and I really just want to chill in my house because I work tomorrow and I need a day to get ready."

"I went to bed at 4pm and woke up at 11 on the 4th of July. 41 doesn’t hit like 21 did. 😂"

"I’m 45, and my boyfriend is 32. We went through an exhibit Friday and he finished long before I did because I had to stop and read all the plaques and information, which I never use to do."

"Yeah I just built a raised garden bed and am super excited to plant squash! Wtf happened to me…."

Here's to the joys of aging! May your backs be limber and your birds be plentiful.

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7 simple tips for women seeking authentic happiness in their 40s.

Kathy* is an active mom of three with a successful career and, by all accounts, a good life.

Shortly after her 46th birthday, Kathy found a lump in her breast. A biopsy was done and she was waiting for the results. Kathy is one of my personal life coaching clients (her name has been changed to protect her privacy and keep our work confidential).

She came to me in the thick of midlife and, as many women her age do, was reassessing everything she'd done up until now.

The moment she walked through the door, Kathy announced, "It’s benign!" Her relief was palpable. As we sat down for our session, we got quiet. Soon, she began to cry.

"I am relieved, of course," she said," but all I could think about before they called me with the results was, 'What if this is it? I mean, my life — what am I really doing with my life? Am I really living it how my soul wants me to live it?!'  And I answered, 'No, I’m not.'"

Here, I thought, is a woman about to gain clarity on what matters most to her.

Maybe you’ve had a health scare like Kathy. Maybe one evening, late at night, when everyone was asleep, you admitted to yourself that you aren’t satisfied — in the bedroom or the boardroom. Maybe you find yourself dreaming about going on a retreat or taking a vacation — by yourself. Maybe, one otherwise ordinary day, you had enough of being ignored and putting everyone’s needs before your own, and as you are unloading the dishwasher, you pick up a plate and smash it on the floor.

Image via iStock.

"It’s not a midlife crisis," my older and wiser friend once told me. "It’s a midlife awakening."

Women in midlife aren’t looking to "get back the joy" of their twenties. We are looking to name, claim, and embody authentic joy now as wise women, who want to live according to what is most sacred to us.

It's not an easy or neat process, but there are simple ways a woman can own her space as wise, independent, and happy. Here are seven suggestions:

1. She can practice radical self-responsibility.

She does away with the "blame game." Yes, she has been hurt, rejected, and dumped. The actions of others weren’t her fault, but she recognizes how she responds to what happens in life is her responsibility.

She owns her healing and thrives by treating herself with gentleness and kindness. She commits to self-regard.

2. She can clear out the clutter to enjoy empty space.

She might go through the whole house and ruthlessly get rid of anything that doesn’t bring joy. But beyond that, she starts to give up negative beliefs about her self-worth that have taken up too much space. She stops devoting time to relationships that don't nourish her and focuses on the people who do.

3. She can forgive her parents.

Her parents are human, and whether they're still alive or have passed away, she starts to let go of what she held against them.

Image via iStock.

4. She can set healthy boundaries.

She recognizes that it’s time to stop sacrificing her self-care and consider her needs — before work, family, and friends that might drain her. She starts to say "no" to what depletes her and "yes" to what is vital for her to thrive. She stops justifying her response.

5. She can stop comparing herself to other women.

When she sees another woman standing in her brilliance and power, she sees this as inspiration for her to risk living, loving, and expressing herself. She decides to be bold.

6. She can name her deeper longings.

She may go on retreat or check into a local hotel room so she can have space to listen to her heart. After decades, she knows that if she keeps pushing away her heart’s longings, she is going to turn bitter.  She follows her gut and takes the "right steps" for her.

7. She can decide to honor her longings.

She is OK with others questioning her bold moves.  She is no longer basing her life on what others think. She operates with wisdom and clarity.

Kathy’s health scare spurred her midlife awakening. She began to take responsibility for her joy and claim the second half of her life with boldness.

It was not a tidy process. Kathy’s journey of finding her joy — like all of ours — is ongoing and both messy and miraculous. As women in midlife, we claim our joy by being tender, clear, bold, and true to the longings of our heart. And we decide to thrive.

*The author works as a personal life coach and has permission to share stories of her clients under confidentiality agreements. For this reason, Kathy's name has been changed to ensure her privacy.

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