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Expert shares the one way to be in a 'position of power' when talking to someone intimidating

A communications expert shows you how to be comfortable in a tense situation.

via Tim Gouw/Unsplash

A woman in a tough job interview.

We’ve all been in conversations with intimidating people. It could be the boss, someone you met at a party who is highly intelligent, or a date with someone you want to impress but are feeling a bit uncomfortable.

In all these situations, there is an imbalance of power and you feel like you’re on the high end of the teeter-totter.

To learn how to give yourself a bit more power in the interaction and even the upper hand, we need go no further than the landmark book on communications, Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic, “How to Make Friends and Influence People.” In the book, he writes, “Be a good listener. Ask questions the other person will enjoy answering.”

To go a step further, a thoughtful question will make the other person think you’re intelligent, both mentally and emotionally. It may also make them reflective and feel vulnerable, leveling the playing field.

Why is asking great questions so important?

“Asking a question puts you in a position of power,” communication expert Matt Abrahams, a Stanford University lecturer, tells CNBC Make It. “I can actually raise my status and lower your status when I ask a challenging question.” He adds that asking questions “demonstrates you care, it demonstrates empathy, it demonstrates you’re willing to learn and, in some cases, admit you don’t know everything. Those are all valuable tools and assets to have when you’re trying to grow your career or deepen relationships.”

How to ask great questions

Abrahams says that there are three elements to good questions:

They are concise
They build on what the other person has said, furthering the conversation
They revolve around the conversation topic’s bottom line

A great question allows you to enter the person’s orbit and become a partner or contributor to their endeavors. You are now a collaborator in the project or helping them solve a problem, which enables you to deepen your relationship with them.

Alison Wood Brooks and Leslie K. John at Harvard Business Review say people don’t ask enough questions because they fail to understand how beneficial they are, especially in a professional setting. “Questioning is a uniquely powerful tool for unlocking value in organizations: It spurs learning and the exchange of ideas, it fuels innovation and performance improvement, it builds rapport and trust among team members. And it can mitigate business risk by uncovering unforeseen pitfalls and hazards,” they write.

What is the 43:57 conversation rule?

Study after study shows that listening and asking questions are incredibly powerful tools for building social, romantic, or professional relationships. A 2016 study found the perfect ratio of talking to listening in a conversation is the 43:57 rule.

A marketing director at Gong.io analyzed 25,537 sales calls using artificial intelligence and found that the interactions where the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened 57% of the time had the highest sales yield.

Even though this study was conducted on business interactions, it shows the power of what can happen when the customer feels heard and believes the salesperson understands their needs. It’s the same in a social situation where the person you’re talking to wants to feel valued and respected.

Ultimately, it should make many people out there breathe a sigh of relief to know that the next time they speak with someone intimidating, they don’t have to try to bowl them over with incredible wit or insights. Instead, you just have to listen and ask a few thoughtful questions, and you’ll balance the power dynamic while coming off as more likable at the same time.

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Science

Researchers at Stanford University have created solar panels that generate power at night

via Pixabay

Solar panels at sundown.

The biggest drawback of solar power is that panels generate very little power on cloudy days and zero at night. People with residential solar systems usually have a setup that generates more electricity than they use during the day, so they can live off the power company or a battery at night.

The monetary savings come from generating more power during the day than you take from the grid at night over the course of the year.

This arrangement is fine for people who live in developed areas. But for the 750 million people around the world who live in areas without an electrical grid, solar panels aren’t a reliable power source and battery storage is expensive.

A new development from Stanford University may be a big help to people living in underdeveloped areas that are completely off the grid. The university researchers created a solar panel that generates a significant amout of power during the day and a small amount at night.

According to the study published earlier this month in the journal Applied Physics Letters, the new panels can serve as a "continuous renewable power source for both day and nighttime.”

Researchers at Stanford University wanted to solve this problem by creating solar panels that produce electricity at night. They describe their prototype, which consists of a standard solar panel to which they have added a thermoelectric generator.https://aip.scitation.org/doi/full/10.1063/5.0085205\u00a0\u2026
— Romain \ud83d\ude09 (@Romain \ud83d\ude09) 1650314815

The new panels are pretty easy to make, too.

“What we managed to do here is build the whole thing from off-the-shelf components, have a very good thermal contact, and the most expensive thing in the whole setup was the thermoelectric itself,” Zunaid Omair, a metrology engineer from Stanford University and one of the study’s authors, said.

The solar panels function like a traditional panel during the day but run in reverse to continue generating electricity at night. After the sun goes down, the panels are able to generate electricity off the difference in temperature between the ambient air and the solar panel's surface.

(Or for you physicists out there, it works by tapping into the heat being radiated from the surface of the solar cells as infrared light into outer space.)

A big drawback is that the panels aren’t very effective on cloudy nights.

When pointed at the night sky, the solar panels generated a power output of 50 milliwatts per square meter or about 0.04% of the power output of a traditional solar cell during the daytime. This is enough power to run a low-wattage LED light or to charge a cell phone.

via Matthew Stevens/Flickr

“The nice aspect about this approach is that you essentially have a direct power source at night that does not require any battery storage,” Shanhui Fan, a professor at Stanford’s School of Engineering, said according to New Scientist.

Battery storage for solar power can be unreliable and expensive, so these new panels can be a big benefit to people in areas that are without a traditional power grid. "Our approach can provide nighttime standby lighting and power in off-grid and mini-grid applications, where [solar] cell installations are gaining popularity," the study said.

The ability to run an LED light or a phone charger in the middle of the night may not seem like a game-changer to most people in the developed world, but it can make a huge difference in the quality of life for people living in remote areas of the planet. Further, this is just the beginning. Traditional solar panels have come a long way over the past few decades. Who knows what the future holds for this promising new technology?

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Trojan teamed up with Sperling's BestPlaces to find which ones are doing sexual health resources right.

Choosing a college is a tough decision.

There are so many factors to consider: location, student-faculty ratio, majors ... sexual health.

Well, the quality of sexual health resources isn't a category in the U.S. News and World Report college rankings, but it totally should be.

From consent to sexual violence, we've seen a serious uptick in public conversations about safe sex on campus. And the idea of young adults getting reliable health care and information? I think that's something we can all get behind.

So does Trojan. That's why they've been publishing a sexual health report card, grading U.S. colleges in 11 categories — including contraceptive availability, STI testing, and quality of online resources — for the past 10 years. And the 2015 results are in.

Here are the schools that came out on top:

1. Oregon State University

Photo by Kirt Edblom/Flickr.

OSU is valedictorian for the second year in a row after a surprising 25-slot rise from 2013 to 2014. The OSU Beavers excel when it comes to sexual health, getting perfect scores on an impressive 5 out of 11 categories, including sexual health website information quality, student peer groups programming, and contraceptive availability.

2. Stanford University

Photo by Anna Fox/Flickr.

Stanford is another recent up-and-comer. After taking #20 in 2013, it skyrocketed to #5 in 2014. There's no shortage of sexual health resources on campus. My favorite? The Sexual Health Peer Resource Center gives every undergrad $3 every quarter to go toward sexual health products. That's enough to cover 60 glow-in-the-dark condoms per year!

3. University of Georgia

Photo by David Torcivia/Flickr.

Georgia is one of 20 states that require comprehensive sex education and HIV education for schoolchildren. This state university continues that awesome trend of supporting safe and healthy sex. UGA Bulldogs can get free condoms, lube, and dental dams delivered right to their dorm doors, courtesy of the Condom Express program.

4. University of Michigan-Ann Arbor

Photo by Jason Crotty/Flickr.

Michigan Wolverines aren't just among the best in college sports. They're also at the top of their game when it comes to sexual health resources. Need to see a sex therapist? They've even got those on campus!

5. Brown University

Photo by John W. Schulze/Flickr.

The Bears at Brown know how to get down. Considering the stereotype that Brown students are more ... free-spirited, I'm not surprised they're the highest-ranking Ivy League school on this list. They offer a LOT of health education services, including peer-educator groups called SHAG (Sexual Health Awareness Group) and the Safer Sex Squad.

6. University of Oregon

Photo by Andre Chinn/Flickr.

Remember that movie "Animal House"? Yep. That was filmed on this campus. If that isn't reason enough for them to have amazing sexual health care, I don't know what is. Three cheers for a school that made an MTV-recommended app called SexPositive and offers free finger cots. Glad they delivered.

7. University of Iowa

Photo by Phil Roeder/Flickr.

It looks like the Hawkeyes like coming first: The school opened its doors just 59 days after Iowa officially became a state and has continued to be a trailblazer. It was the first American public university to go co-ed and to award law degrees to a woman and a black person. And thanks to some amazing protestors, the school's sexual assault policies are miles ahead of most colleges with their new affirmative consent policy.

8. Columbia University

Photo by InSapphoWeTrust/Flickr.

Columbia is home of one of my favorite health advice sites: Go Ask Alice! Initially made just for Columbia students, the website has gone on to win awards and is known for the handy guidance from experts in fields ranging from medicine and public health to health education. Kudos.

9. University of Texas-Austin

Photo by pyxopotamus/Flickr.

This flagship institution has a very active student body. In 2002, Sports Illustrated called it the country's best sports college. Athletes from this UT have raked in an impressive 130 Olympic medals. (Some from current students — talk about extracurriculars!) Fortunately for the student body, UT-Austin is among the best colleges if you're sexually active, too. The school boasts a 24/7 nurse advice line and offers Sexual Assault Forensic Exams on campus.

10. University of Arizona

Photo via Ken Lund/Wikimedia Commons.

The Wildcats have plenty to boast about. The college has a beautiful campus that features an arboretum. It's also home to resources such as gender-confirming health care coverage and a class where students hold a Condom Olympics. And that picturesque campus? It served as the backdrop for the movie "Eating Out."

Sadly, there's no lack of schools that need a lot of improvement. The probation list includes Seton Hall University at #128, Texas Tech at #134, and Brigham Young University, which came in dead last at #140.

While some schools need to step up, the good news is that Trojan's survey has shown an overall trend of improvement in college sexual health resources across the country.

Now that's something to get excited about.

If ya know what I mean. ;) GIF from "Arrested Development."

8 student confessions that make me think differently about money — and merit.

Hard work does not equal financial security.

In March 2015, a group of Columbia University students created a Facebook page named Columbia University Class Confessions.

The group behind the Facebook page is known as First-Generation Low-Income Partnership, otherwise known as FLIP.

Their goal? To provide lower-income students at Columbia a space to voice their realities.

Their realities are pretty darn harrowing.

Before Columbia, Stanford had already launched a class confessions program a few years back:

After Columbia and Stanford launched their Facebook class confession pages in early 2015, other colleges followed suit.

Brown

Williams

There's a lot we can take away from these stories. They're intense; they're saddening. But here's one thing we should definitely note.

Hard work does not equal financial security. Social mobility isn't as easy as some might think.

When the Fight for 15 protests happened across the nation in favor of raising the minimum wage, one of the most common counterarguments was: "Why don't they just go get a college degree?"

Well, look at these college students working hard — to feed themselves, to get a roof over their heads, to get the medical assistance they need for depression or other health conditions, to support their struggling families back home. They went to go get that college degree that is supposed to help people out of poverty. They even worked hard enough to apply and get accepted into incredibly prestigious colleges, colleges that one would think would be the golden ticket to success.

And still, they're struggling. "Hard work" doesn't always give lower-income folks what they need to survive and fit into a world that's not made for them.

And the sad reality is that many lower-income people will still be struggling after graduation thanks to a weak economy — and a lot of debt.

From the Institute of College Access and Success: 69% of the Class of 2013 graduated college with an average of $28,400 in student debt.

Lower-income students clearly have more difficulty navigating things that others might take for granted — simply because they never had access to the resources some have always had — and don't know how to use them.

Check out more stories being read by students in this video below:

We all deserve the right to survive without struggle. These students show that hard work doesn't cancel out the obstacles that many lower-income folks face when trying to move up the socio-economic ladder.