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Friendship

American coworkers surprise grieving Māori man with haka after he missed family funeral

He was stuck in America for his grandmother's funeral so his friends brought New Zealand to the states.

Representative photo Gary Stockbridge|Get Archive

American friends learn haka for grieving Māori man

It's not easy living away from family, especially when you live in a completely different country. The distance can become increasingly more difficult to adjust to when tragedy strikes your family back home. It can be cost prohibitive to fly back home and depending on your employer's attendance policy, it may be nearly impossible.

Jarom Ngakuru recently faced this very situation. The New Zealander of Māori descent is living in the United States while his family still resides in his home country. Unfortunately, when Ngakuru's grandmother died, he was unable to make the trip back to the island to give his proper goodbye.

Not being able to attend his grandmother's funeral left him sad and broken. He wanted nothing more than to be there with his family. Ngakuru's friends knew how important it was for him to send his grandmother off properly so the group of American colleagues worked in secret to learn the haka.


Haka is a traditional dance performed by Māori people for important events like weddings, funerals, and significant life events as a sign of respect. The dance has been known to bring viewers to tears, and this haka is doing the same. Not just because of the haka itself, but because of everything that went into a group of American men learning a dance from another culture to honor their friend and his grandmother.

Ngakuru uploaded the video to his TikTok page with the caption, "Hardest part about living in America is that we live so far away. I couldn't make it home for my nan's funeral and I was BROKEN! So my boys at work learned the haka without me knowing and brought home to me."

See why commenters could not stop crying below:

@jaromngakuru

Hardest part about living in america 🇺🇸 is that we live so far away. I couldnt make it home for my nans funeral and i was BROKEN! so my boys at work learned the haka without me knowing and brought home to me 🇳🇿🏠 #haka #grateful #maori #newzealand #brothers #fyp #foryou

"I don't think they even understand how beautiful of an act this is," one person writes.

"There is so much depth of emotion attached to the Haka I uncontrollably cry every time. This was beautiful," another says.

"Well I'm sobbing like a baby in my office now," a commenter reveals.

"You can feel the mana [spiritual power] and the aroha [love]they have for you they know your mamae [hurt], what a beautiful tribute to you and our culture. Arohanui [deep affection] for your loss," someone else writes.

Ngakuru explains in the comments that it's his brother-in-law, who is Tongan, leading the chant. He is also the one that taught their friends the haka in a single day. What an impressive show of love for their grieving friend. There's no doubt that Ngakuru will remember this for the rest of his life.

People love to point to "identity politics" as if it's a new, progressive phenomenon, but there is no shortage of examples of how racial and cultural identity has always played a role in politics. It's just that up until recently, the identity in identity politics was white.

This has not only been the case in the U.S., where white, male identity politics kept women and racial minorities out of power for most of our history, but in other Western nations as well. Case in point: A story from New Zealand of a Maori lawmaker who was ejected from parliament proceedings because he was not wearing a necktie—or at least not a necktie that fit Western standards of "business attire."

The Maori are the indigenous people of New Zealand, and Maori representatives make up nearly a quarter of the country's parliament. Rawiri Waititi, a Maori MP, was kicked off the parliament floor after the Speaker Trevor Mallard twice refused to recognize him due to his attire. Instead of a necktie, which male parliament members are required to wear, Waititi wore a hei tiki—a traditional Māori greenstone pendant—tied around his neck.

"It's not about ties, it's about cultural identity, mate," Waititi said as he was leaving.

Watch the parliament exchanges here:


Māori MP ejected from New Zealand parliament in necktie rowwww.youtube.com

Waititi had argued in the parliament's recent "business attire" debates that the Western necktie was like a "colonial noose." Mallard pointed out that he himself wished to eliminate the tie requirement, but that the consensus had disagreed.

In an interview following his ejection from parliament, he said, "As you can clearly see, this is a tie, as far as I'm concerned...this is a tie to my people."

Speaking to Reuters, Waititi said, "Māori have not been treated equal in its own country and indigenous people all over the world have been subjected to discrimination due to racist systems that keep our peoples in second place. For us to stand up against subjugation, to stand up again assimilation, to stand up against those who try and make us look, feel, make us think like they want us to think ... this was standing up against that."

Māori Party co-leader kicked out of Parliament for not wearing a tiewww.youtube.com

Waititi showed up to parliament with the same attire the next day, but this time he was allowed to remain. According to Radio New Zealand, the male necktie rule has now been dropped after the Standing Orders committee met and decided it should be optional.

"The noose has been taken off our necks, and we are now able to sing our songs," Waititi told Reuters.

If kicking a lawmaker out because their cultural dress attire doesn't line up with an arbitrary perception of what makes up business attire seems silly to you, you're not alone. Dress codes are meant to keep a sense of professionalism in a proceeding, to say, "This is serious work we are doing, so showing up in your workout gear or loungewear isn't appropriate." They should not be used as an excuse for upholding white Western standards of dress and keep people from diverse cultures from wearing something appropriately formal.

Not to mention, how much of a waste of time and energy is this when there are important issues to discuss and problems to solve? Maybe this is what happens when your country manages to control a pandemic and isn't dealing with an insurrection and impeachment trial. You find ridiculous things to argue about.

In all seriousness, though, good for Waititi for illustrating how racism and white supremacy can be reinforced through something as simple as a dress code. And good for the members of parliament who stood up for his right to wear traditional attire from his culture.

More

Meet the student fighting for his country's native language. He's great.

A very specific request reveals a pretty great life lesson.

This kid has a point. About life. About relating to other human beings.

He's talking about being earnest and doing your best. In this case, it's in order to pronounce the language of your neighbors. But when you think about it ... this is true of life, right? What a great way to be.

Enjoy seven minutes of well-researched wisdom. (I can't believe this kid, whose name is Finnian Galbraith, is only in high school!And he did this for a school project?!)


"I wrote this speech initially for a speech competition in 2014 because I see this as a big issue and I believe it is very important that we take action," Finnian wrote.

I highly recommend watching the whole video. But if you can't, here are the biggest lessons.

It's OK to not be perfect.

But people deserve respect. All that matters is that you make an effort.

And who knows? You might get invited to a fun party by a Māori celeb just for the effort.


All that matters is that you are trying.

Finnian came up with this magical state of trying when he noticed the way people in his native New Zealand were (mis)pronouncing Māori words.

Māori is an official language of New Zealand, which means there's basically one way to pronounce this extremely rare language. So when folks from the country where it originated mispronounce it, it's not like, "Oh, but I'm saying it with an accent!" — it's more like, "Oh, I don't care!"

Which is a shame because Māori words are all over the place in New Zealand.

Such as the longest place name in New Zealand. Image via Archives New Zealand/Flickr.

Image via Map of the Urban Linguist/Flickr.


Image via luvjnx/Flickr.

There's even a Māori Wikipedia! And it's a good thing because Māori is a rare language!

While I shouldn't have to convince you that Māori is an awesome culture — because, hello, they're people and they deserve respect — here's a quick dip into the culture.

From films with Māori characters like "Whale Rider" or the less intense "Eagle vs. Shark" (starring Jemaine Clement of "Flight of the Conchords fame," who's of Māori descent)...


GIFs via "Whale Rider" and "Eagle vs. Shark."

...to dances like the Haka...

Māori is the language of the indigenous people of New Zealand, and it shares cultural origins with the Haka that the national rugby team All Blacks performs. Have you seen 'em? GIFs via New Zealand All Blacks.

...to the hardcore tattoos, beautiful landscapes, cool art, and the Māori battalion from World War II.


Image via Imperial War Museum/Wikimedia Commons.

Also, the main writer on the new Disney princess movie "Moana," Taika Waititi, is Māori!

It's EASY to see a culture worth respecting.

Respect!

That's what it's all about.

I agree with this kid. It's not about being perfect. But what matters is that when given the chance to preserve a culture and show respect for your neighbors ... you take it!

You try.

That's true of pronouncing Māori, but it's also true of life. Wisdom is all around us!

Kia ora!