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‘Against their beliefs’: Parents won't let daughter go to boy’s Taylor Swift birthday party

“Like what religion is out here saying, ‘Thou shalt not listen to Taylor Swift?’”

via Jolene Dolo (used with permission)

Popular TikTokker Jolene Dolo.

A TikTok video by the mother of a gender non-conforming son is a masterclass in refusing to be baited into a confrontation, no matter how tempting it may be. It all started when TikTokker Jolene Dolo’s 8-year-old son, Sam, sent out invitations to his Taylor Swift-themed birthday party.

Jolene told Upworthy that Sam doesn’t have a favorite Swift song, but his favorite album is “Lovers.”

“My 8-year-old Sam is having a Taylor Swift birthday party, and yesterday I received a text message from a parent of a child who was invited letting us know that their child will not be attending because it is against their beliefs,” Jolene began.

“I'm not exactly sure what belief system you have, like what religion is out here saying, ‘Thou shalt not listen to Taylor Swift?’” she continued.

Even though Taylor Swift is probably the closest thing to being America's Sweetheart, a quick search on the internet reveals she is a threat to some with extreme religious and political views.

Top 5 Taylor Swift conspiracy theories:

1. She’s secretly a queer woman in love with model Karlie Kloss.

2. She’s working to swing the election for Joe Biden.

3. She’s a Pentagon psychological operative manipulating the minds of Americans.

4. Her success as an unmarried businesswoman in her 30s is a bad example for girls and young women.

5. She performs witchcraft on stage.

Even if the parents aren’t conspiracy theorists, they may think that an 8-year-old boy having a Taylor Swift party is wrong because young boys shouldn’t be into “girly” things.

@jolenedolo
They are allowed to have their beliefs and i’m allowed to have feelsing about their beliefs. I didnt try to change their mind, i just wanted to talk about it on MY page. Tha ks for listening ❤️ #taylorswift #gendercreativeparenting #taylorswiftparty

After reading the cryptic text, Jolene and her husband could easily have let curiosity get the best of them and asked the parents why a Taylor Swift-themed birthday party was against their beliefs. But they were strong and didn’t take the bait.

"Me and my husband talked about it and we decided that their text message seemed a little confrontational because they could have just said 'No, thank you, we will not be attending.' It seemed like they probably wanted a response from us and we didn't want to give them what they wanted," Jolene said.

Further, the declined invitation was better for everyone involved. Who wants someone at a Taylor Swift party who doesn’t like her or what she may or may not stand for? “We do not want anybody coming to our party who is going to be feeling uncomfortable or making us feel uncomfortable so you know it's a good thing,” Jolene continued.

On a deeper level, the story touches on an important topic. Why is it okay for young girls to look up to men, but young men can’t look up to women? No one would bat an eye if a young girl had a Jonas Brothers-themed birthday party, but many people are shocked by a young boy loving Taylor Swift.

“Are little girls not allowed to listen to male artists, or is it just like certain male artists who give off like, masculine vibes? Because I've always found it kind of weird that we don't want boys liking women like that or looking up to women. What's the problem in boys liking women?” Jolene asked.

The TikTokker believes the double standard is rooted in misogyny. “Society tends to see women as weaker or less than men, so a boy looking up to a woman is essentially below him in their eyes,” Jolene told Upworthy. “That's why most people wouldn’t bat an eye at a girl who likes Spider-Man or had a Harry Styles-themed birthday. Meanwhile, boys are shamed for even participating in women-dominated hobbies and interests.”

The good news is that, in the end, the party went off without a hitch and the decorations were fabulous.

@jolenedolo
Taylor swift birthday party for my 8 year old son #taylorswift #taylorswiftparty #gendercreativeparenting

Taylor swift birthday party for my 8 year old son #taylorswift #taylorswiftparty #gendercreativeparenting

From Your Site Articles

taylor swift

Transgender people in this country are in the fight of their lives. This is no exaggeration.

Between fighting for safe spaces in schools, pushing back against hurtful bathroom bills, railing against bigoted local policies disguised as religious freedom, service members being pushed back into the closet, and the constant threat of harassment, sexual assault, and violence, transgender people are truly fighting for their lives.

Now more than ever, we need to stand with transgender and gender-nonconforming people. Here are 21 ways to do just that.

1. Use preferred pronouns and names.

It's not difficult and it shows that you respect and acknowledge someone's identity. If you're not sure which pronouns someone uses, ask.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

2. Need a new book or podcast? Support transgender creatives.

Books, essays, articles, or podcasts are an easy, affordable place to start. This is not only a way to hear rich first-person accounts of some of the issues affecting the transgender community, but buying books or downloading podcasts is a great way to support trans creators financially.

Here's an awesome list of transgender authors by genre to get you started.

3. It's time to start calling people out. Stand up — even when it's hard.

Don't let your friends or family get away cruel "jokes" or snide remarks. It's not always easy, but being an ally isn't a spectator sport. A simple, "That's not OK" in conversation can remind people that words have consequences.

4. Put your money where your heart is and support organizations showing up for trans people.

If you have any extra money, consider donating it to groups like TransLifeline or the Trevor Project. These organizations are on the front lines supporting transgender youth and adults in crisis. If money is tight, consider saving up or donating your next birthday to the effort.

Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images.

5. Follow, read, and share transgender voices on social media.

In addition to go-tos like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, voices like Chris Mosier, Dominick Evans, Katelyn Burns, Emily Gorcenski, and Upworthy's own Parker Molloy are a great place to start.

6. Back Sam, the first educational transgender toy, on Kickstarter.

This sweet toy helps kids explore what it means to grow up transgender. It's great for all kids, not just kids who might be exploring different aspects of their gender identity. Watch this sweet video introducing Sam to the world.

Sam's Story
Meet Sam, the inspiration behind the world's first educational transgender toy. Watch Sam's Story then support our mission to stop transphobia before it starts by pledging on our Kickstarter: https://theyouinsideproject.com
Posted by Enfants transgenres Canada/ Gender Creative Kids Canada on Wednesday, June 14, 2017

7. Trans women of color are being murdered at an alarming rate. They need your support more than ever.

If you don't know about this epidemic, here are the facts. In 2016, at least 22 transgender people died as a result of violence. In 2017, 15 have already been killed by violent means.

Ask your city council, police department, and everyone running for local office what they plan to do to prevent these tragedies. Don't accept non-answers. Lives are at stake.

8. With that in mind, speak out against the gay and trans panic defense.

In 48 states, alleged murderers can defend their actions in court by suggesting the victim's sexual or gender identity triggered their crime. California and Illinois are the only states that have banned this defense. Talk to your state legislators to find out what you can do to advance legislation banning this defense in your state.

9. Volunteer to help transgender-supportive candidates, in your area or nationally.

Bigoted policies don't reach the governor or the president's desk in a vacuum — bigoted people put them there. Help candidates who stand with transgender people get elected or keep their seats.

People arrive to hear Democratic candidate Jon Ossoff speak during a rally to thank volunteers and supporters. Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

10. Make sure the places you frequent are inclusive.

Check out the policies or bylaws at your workplace, gym, or community center to make sure they're welcoming and inclusive of transgender and gender-nonconforming people. If not, talk to the powers that be about how to create or improve the nondiscrimination policy.

11. Get out in the community and volunteer.

Use the United Way's search tool to find opportunities supporting the LGTBQ community in your area.

Volunteers man the phones at the Trevor Project Call Center in West Hollywood. Photo by Mark Ralston/AFP/Getty Images.

12. Too busy to volunteer? Support the helpers.

You may not have the time to commit to a weekly or monthly volunteer opportunity, but consider dropping off bagels, coffee, or a thoughtful card to those who do. Drop off the goodies at your local crisis center or LGBTQ community space.

13. Attend LGBTQ events, rallies, and activities.

This doesn't mean co-opt safe LGBTQ safe spaces as your own, but instead, attend Pride and Trans Day of Remembrance events as an ally. Look in your community calendar for LGBTQ film festivals, gallery exhibitions, comedy shows, or demonstrations to attend.

Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.

14. Fund a day of self-care for a transgender person.

Being constantly attacked and scrutinized by your own government is exhausting and a little self-care can go a long way. Awesome folks online are bringing allies together to fund nights out at the movies, co-pays for therapists, or just encouraging notes. Support their effort or donate directly to a friend in need.

Given the news from 45 that will deeply affect the trans community today, we, as allies, accomplices, and...
Posted by Jerilyn Hassell Pool on Wednesday, July 26, 2017

15. Reach out to the transgender people you know.

A kind word, phone call, or simple text can mean a lot. Let them know you stand with them today and always.

16. Listen, watch, and share stories from transgender people and their families.

There are so many great first-hand accounts that deserve to be heard, like this story of a dad speaking up for his trans son, this Republican, Christian mom staring down bigots to stand up for her daughter, or this story of a woman's coworkers surprising her with a party after her transition. These stories need to be heard.

17. Support trans troops and veterans.

Trans people have served this country proudly in every branch of the armed forces. When policies and declarations attempt to push them back into the closet, call your senator and representative to make sure they're standing on the side of equality. Consider supporting the Transgender American Veterans Association too.

18. Reconsider how you use gendered language.

While some trans people have no problem being referred to by gender-specific phrases like "ladies and gentlemen," inclusive language is just as welcoming and leaves no one out. Just recently, the transportation system in London abandoned "Ladies and Gentlemen" in announcements because "Hello, everyone" works just as well.

Photo by Carl Court/Getty Images.

19. Model how to stand and support trans people for the kids in your life.

Kids are always watching. Let your kids, or the kids in your life, know that you stand up for transgender and gender-nonconforming people, including them. Encourage the kids in your life to stand up for their friends and do what's right, even when it's hard.

Photo by David McNew/Getty Images.

20. Look up where the companies you love fall on the Human Rights Campaign Corporate Equality Index.

Sure they make great burgers or T-shirts, but does your favorite brand treat its LGBTQ employees fairly? Do they buy goods and contract services from LGBTQ suppliers? If not, consider adjusting your loyalty.

21. Vote.

If you're sick and tired of the mistreatment of transgender people and other traditionally underrepresented groups by their own government, then remember to do your research and vote. Every election — every time.

Now, more than ever, transgender people need our support.

Stand with them, signal boost their voices and stories, and let your elected officials know that discrimination will not be tolerated. Transgender people are fighting for their lives. It's time for some backup.

Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images.

From Your Site Articles

A new video takes a look at ending gender-based oppression.

A new video takes a hard look at a tricky topic: gender.

The video, titled "Gender Is Over," is by Gender Proud — a transgender-owned New York-based media company dedicated to capturing the trans and gender-nonconforming experience — takes a look at the intersection between gender identity, expression, and everything in between.

All GIFs via Gender Proud/YouTube.

The video stars Tyler Ford, Meredith Talusan, and Jacob Tobia. Tyler identifies as agender, which quite literally means "without gender"; Meredith is a trans woman; and Jacob is genderqueer and gender-nonconforming.

Gender goes beyond male and female, boy and girl, man and woman. It's all of that and so much more.

Many people — probably most — identify as either male or female. Those people, whether they're transgender or cisgender (non-trans), are what we'd call "binary-identified." No matter what it says on their birth certificates or driver's licenses, their genders are legitimate. Can we all agree there? Good.

Then there are others — in this video, there's Tyler and Jacob — who identify as something else entirely. In Tyler's case, that's no gender at all; in Jacob's case, it's a mix of male, female, everything in between, and beyond. These people identify outside of the male-female gender binary. Much like their binary-identified counterparts, no matter what it says on their birth certificates or driver's licenses, their genders are legitimate.

If this is in any way confusing, we've covered this topic before, breaking down some of the terms associated with nonbinary genders. You can find that here.

Sometimes people confuse gender expression with gender identity, but they're actually two separate things.

Just as having a feminine presentation doesn't necessarily make you a woman, having a masculine presentation doesn't necessarily make you a man. Gender expression is what you look and act like in comparison to social gender norms.

Gender identity, on the other hand, is what determines whether you're a man, woman, both, neither, or something else entirely.

Having a gender identity that differs from the sex you were assigned at birth is what makes someone transgender. Landing on one's true identity can be a tricky, time-consuming process. Tyler, for example, identified as a cisgender woman and then a transgender man before coming to the conclusion that they are agender.

"Gender is an ongoing process," Meredith wrote in an email, and she's absolutely right.

Understanding yourself, who you are, and what makes you you isn't something that everyone knows right away. That's why while there are stories of transgender children who come out to their parents at 4 or 5 years old, there are also some that reach that level of personal understanding later in life.

What's important is coming to understand who you are — even if it's a lengthy process.

Too often, gender used is used a weapon. That needs to stop.

One of the concepts touched on in the short video is patriarchy. Patriarchy is a system of society in which men hold the power. For most of recorded history, we've lived under a patriarchy, whether implicit or explicit.

Gender shouldn't be what determines power or worth in society, and that's why all of us — men, women, boys, girls, and others — should push back on its role in our lives. How do we do that? It starts by acknowledging that there are gaps in how men are treated in the workplace, in education, in parenting, and elsewhere compared to women and nonbinary-gendered individuals. Just about anything that can be labeled as sexism or misogyny has its roots in the patriarchy.

Of course, none of this is to say that an ideal world would have women and nonbinary individuals as somehow superior to men, but rather, an ideal world would be one without gender-based power structures at all.

The fight for a just society means taking aim at a wide variety of issues.

Last month, Tyler, Jacob, and Meredith participated in a speakers' series at Brooklyn's William Vale Hotel devoted to addressing gender-based oppression. The series, put on by Gender Proud, continues later this month with a discussion about prison reform and the "ban the box" movement.

Watch "Gender Is Over!" below.

Dez Marshall first cut her hair short in high school. It was a look she loved for herself, and one she had to fight for when she decided to try out a new barbershop in college.

Photo by Dez Marshall. Images used with permission.

"I was trying to explain to them that I just want something really low, wanted a nice shape-up, and the barber was like, ‘Oh, you want the lesbian haircut?'" Marshall said.

It wasn't the first time she felt uncomfortable in a barber's chair, and it wouldn't be the last.

"Being a woman, being queer, there’s a lot of weird questions that different barbers would ask me that just felt really invasive."

Marshall graduated and moved to New York City, where she found a job as an organizer — mentoring queer youth of color and advocating for their safety and access to public spaces. As she got to know her colleagues, she was struck by how many of them had similar stories: encounters with well-meaning but clueless stylists who were confused when their requests didn't match the stylist's own expectations about how they should want to look. Prurient questions about their dating lives. Dirty looks from other customers.

Marshall decided to take matters into her own hands — and bought herself a pair of clippers.

Marshall began cutting hair in 2013 with the goal of offering her queer, trans, and gender-nonconforming customers a stylish, no-drama trim.

Marshall at barber school in 2013. Photo by Dez Marshall/Instagram.

She currently works at The Gamesman — an established barbershop on Court Street in downtown Brooklyn — where her predominately young, LGBTQ clients mix comfortably with a large contingent of old-timers.

Marshall, initially nervous that friction might develop with the shop's older clientele, attributes her success at integrating to her former boss, Frank Shami, who passed away in August.

"Frank was very old-school, but Frank also lived by this code of: You respect people and people respect you," Marshall said.

Marshall quickly established herself at The Gamesman, with Shami as mentor, talking up her skills and frequently complimenting her clients' cuts. Though she sometimes argues politics with the other customers in the shop, Marshall says her fellow barbers and most of the regulars have embraced her presence there — and more importantly, have made room for her clients to be themselves and chat openly about their lives without judgment.

Marshall and client Milo. Photo by Dez Marshall/Facebook.

"It always makes everything easier when you don’t have to fight or prove to someone that you belong in the space," she said. "Frank just welcomed everybody. That made my job a lot easier."

With Shami's death, Marshall plans to move from The Gamesman to Colleen's House of Beauty, a few blocks away.

"It’s hard for me to remember my pre-Dez haircut time," said Emmett Findley, one of Marshall's long-time clients.

Growing up in Michigan, Findley, who identifies as trans, often struggled to reconcile his gender identity with his outward appearance, which he felt "didn't match up." He found Marshall through a Facebook networking group for LGBTQ New Yorkers after moving to Brooklyn eight years ago, and he credits her for finally giving him the haircut that he "wanted but didn’t even know that I wanted."

"The more masculine a haircut for me, the more masculine I can present, which is what I’m going for," Findley said. "It can help me feel safe in spaces where, historically, I haven’t felt so safe."

Emmett Findley, with post-Marshall hair. Photo by Emmett Findley.

Working with a barber who understands that, he said, helps him feel confident in his presentation and experience. Since finding Marshall, getting his hair cut, which was something he only used to do when necessary, has become a source of enjoyment for the Brooklynite.

“Now I go really regularly. It’s a form of my own personal self-care. I go every two weeks without fail. I put it in my budget."

Though Marshall will "cut anybody that wants to sit in her chair" — she sees a number of straight, cis clients as well — creating a nonjudgmental space for her LGBTQ customers to let their guard down is a critical part of her work.

"It’s really nice to enter a community space where you feel seen and your voice matters," Findley said.

Marshall said she takes special care to ask new clients for their preferred gender pronouns, how they want their hair to look, and about what sort of experiences they've had with past barbers or stylists to ensure she doesn't repeat mistakes. Conversations with customers are often "surface level" at first, but her goal as those relationships develop and deepen for the 20 to 40 minutes they're in her chair is to make her clients feel safe discussing everything from their relationships to struggles with their gender identity to medical treatments.

That sense of openness and intimacy, she said, can be hard for her LGBTQ clients to find — not just in barbershops and salons, but in too many spaces, public and private.

"[As] you start seeing these people on a weekly basis or a monthly basis for a year or more, you become part of each others' lives in different ways," Marshall said. "And no one should have to censor their lives because others might feel uncomfortable."

Making room for those conversations and helping her clients achieve looks that boost their confidence, Marshall said, is why she sees cutting hair as an extension of her advocacy for her community — one that allows her to make a real difference in people's lives.

Marshall with a client. Photo by Dez Marshall/Facebook.

"As an organizer, you can be working for years and never achieve a win on the issues that you’re organizing around. With cutting hair, I achieve a win after every single client."

For her customers, the appeal is even more obvious.

"I get complimented all the time on my hair, and I’m glad to have that on record," Findley said.

Lawyers' Committee

Lawyers' Committee for Civil Rights

These colorful, bold portraits aren't just artwork — they're powerful declarations of courage and strength.

The Trans Life & Liberation Art Series is in direct response and opposition to the harassment, violence, and legislative oppression transgender people encounter each day.

Trans visual artists from around the country are paired with trans leaders and organizers active in the equality movement to create colorful, vibrant portraits.

Portrait by Luna Merbruja and Micah Bezant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

The project highlights people within the margins of the already marginalized transgender community, including trans women of color, trans people with disabilities, and incarcerated trans people of color.

Each colorful portrait tells a story and serves as an empowering living tribute.

Sadly, the living piece is all too important.

Transgender people, particularly trans women and femmes of color, are victims of violence and murder at an alarming rate. In 2015, more than 21 trans people were murdered. And there have already been 16 murders in 2016.

A youth activist lights candles at a vigil. Photo by Dondi Tawatao/Getty Images.

"It's about documenting our own stories, and creating our own herstories," participant LaSaia Wade said in a promotional video about the project.

Since February 2016, a new portrait has been shared each week on social media.

Here are nine more of these beautiful pieces. See their portraits, read their names and stories, and honor the work of those on the front lines of the movement.

1. Longtime advocate and activist LaSaia Wade hopes to open her own cafe to provide jobs for transgender and gender-nonconforming people.

Portrait by LaSaia Wade and Micah Bazant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

2. Educator and researcher Malcolm Shanks is a lead trainer at Race Forward and studies historical anti-oppression movements to inform their activism.

Portrait by Malcolm Shanks and Edxie Betts, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

3. Native trans and two-spirit elder Rickie Blue-Sky is a tireless advocate and educator despite being incarcerated for the past 33 years in a women's prison.

Portrait by Rickie Blue-Sky and Micah Bazant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

4. Micky Bradford is a transfemme organizer and co-founder of Southern Fried Queer Pride.

Her portrait shows her voguing next to the police to protest North Carolina's hateful "bathroom bill."

Portrait by Micky Bradford and Micah Bazant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

5. Isa Noyola is a trans Latina activist supporting LGBT immigrants.

"We have for many years waited for people to get it together and develop a language and consciousness around trans communities, and we no longer can wait. We no longer can wait for other people to get it together," Noyola told the Trans Life & Liberation Project.

Portrait by Isa Noyola and Micah Bazant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

6. Janetta Johnson is an organizer and facilitator working to decolonize spaces and end violence against the transgender and gender-nonconfirming community.

Portrait by Janetta Johnson and Micah Bazant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

7. Kiyan Williams is a performance artist and storyteller. They travel across the country using movement to explore history and identity.

Portrait by Kiyan (Kiki) Williams and Micah Bazant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

8. HIV educator and minister Tanesh Watson Nutall splits her time between the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, the City of Refuge-United Church of Christ, and her five grandchildren.

Portrait by Tanesh Watson Nutall and Matice Moore used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

9. Ky Peterson defended himself during a vicious attack, and he's been in prison ever since.

When a stranger brutally attacked and sexually assaulted him in 2011, Ky Peterson fired a fatal shot at his attacker.

Though the rape kit showed signs of an attack and Georgia has a "stand your ground" law, Ky was advised to take a plea deal and is serving 20 years in a women's prison. Only in February 2016 did he begin receiving transition-related medical care.

The Trans Life & Liberation Project worked with Ky, his partner, and different social justice organizations to time the release of his portrait with a social media campaign and a petition for his release. Through #Justice4Ky, thousands of new people have heard about his case, and over 4,600 have signed the petition for his release and parole.

Portrait by Ky Peterson and Micah Bazant, used with permission from the Trans Life & Liberation Art Series.

As emotional, beautiful, and heart-wrenching as these stories are, they're just the beginning.

"We, especially as young trans people, often feel like we have to go through life alone," artist and participant Noah Jenkins said in the promotional video. "But projects like this, that uplift our voices and center our stories and our narratives, they remind us that we do have that strength, and we deserve to feel it."

That's why the team behind the project is crowdsourcing funds to keep the project going.

The money will be used to expand the project, as artists and participants are paid for their time and talent. Later this year, the group hopes to print a coloring book and a limited-edition full-color art book. They're also planning a gallery exhibition and panel discussion in Oakland, California, this winter.

Participant Juniper Cordova-Goff said it best: "This visual movement is revolutionary, empowering, and, yes, because of our people, beautiful."

"I want to wear a dress. That's how Nana would want me," C.J. declared.

When my mother, Nana, died on Memorial Day, we immediately started planning her Celebration of Life.

Mostly, it felt better to be actively doing something as opposed to sitting immobilized unable to do anything. And those were our only two options.

As we began planning, my brother Michael, my husband Matt, and I explained the event's significance to my sons, C.J. and Chase. "What are we going to wear to the Celebration of Life?" C.J. asked immediately, because even when grieving, he's concerned about fashion.

"I'm wearing a tie," said 12-year-old Chase, who loves any excuse to wear a tie.

"I want to be a girl at Nana's Celebration of Life. I want to wear a dress. That's how Nana would want me," 8-year-old C.J. declared. He asked if we could go shopping. I promised him we would.

Baby C.J. and Nana. All photos provided by the author, used with permission.

"Will everyone at the Celebration of Life know that I'm gender nonconforming?" he asked.

"No." I waited for the usual self-editing and deep consideration about his gender expression around new people to begin.

As C.J. explains it, he's a boy who likes "girl things" and "girl clothes" and wants to be treated like a girl, all while preferring masculine pronouns and his male body. We say that he's gender variant or gender nonconforming, and he floats on the gender variation spectrum from super-macho-masculine on the left, all the way to super-girly-feminine on the right.

"I don't care," he said. "I'm wearing a dress."

"That sounds good," we said.

C.J. could have said he was going to dress up like a dragon or be a dandelion, and we would have said it sounded good.

The sudden death of a loved one puts things into perspective, and the Celebration of Life would be casual, loving, and accepting, just like Nana was.

Every day that week, C.J. pressured me to take him shopping for a new dress, and every day, I told him that we needed to wait until his uncle Michael got back in town. I was physically and emotionally spent and didn't feel well-equipped to help my son pick out a dress for his grandmother's funeral. I needed some back up, some support, and in this case, I knew my brother was the person I needed most.

When Uncle Michael arrived on Thursday, our first stop was Target.

C.J. led us to the "girls' section" and started purposefully working the aisles and holding out fabrics he fancied. Uncle Michael and I did the same.

The three of us called out to each other when a dress caught our eye and held it up for comments and opinions. Uncle Michael and I have similar tastes and found a few options that we thought were perfect. C.J. nixed them all.

C.J. finally decided on a cream linen dress with delicate eyelet detail, a dainty navy blue cardigan and a headband with blue and yellow flowers adorning it. He could not be swayed.

Over the next two days, C.J. kept reminding us that he was going to wear a dress at Nana's Celebration of Life.

We said we knew and thought it was perfect. If that's how he felt Nana would want him, then that's exactly what he should do.

He never again asked about the strangers who we would welcome into our home and what their reactions to a boy in a dress might be. He was unwavering in his decision and he didn't care what other people thought. He was committed to making the event about him and his Nana, and that made me proud. That's what memorializing a person and the relationship you had with them is all about.

"Pa, I'm going to be a girl at Nana's Celebration of Life," he said to my dad the night before the service. He looked his grandfather right in the eyes and stood firm. If anybody in our family was going to have a reaction, it would be Pa. I nervously held my breath.

"That is exactly how Nana would want you and that's what you should do. It's about you and Nana, and she loved you so much," Pa said as he wrapped C.J. in a hug.

The day of the Celebration of Life, C.J. made sure I steamed his dress, like I did mine, and flat ironed his hair, like I did mine.

He spritzed on some Chanel Coco perfume and applied his favorite lip gloss. After he put on his cream dress, navy cardigan, and flowered headband, I surprised him by presenting him with a strand of Nana's pearls to wear.

He greeted people at the door as they arrived at our house for the Celebration of Life. We introduced him to people from my parents' church and to their friends who had never met him before.

"This is our youngest son, C.J.," we'd say.

"It's nice to finally meet you," they'd say. “Your Nana told us so much about you."

That afternoon, my son was not one bit worried about what perfect strangers would think about him wearing a dress.

He listened to those strangers tell him that his Nana loved him very much and that she told everyone all about him. He was unabashed and unashamed. He honored Nana and their special relationship beautifully.

I imagined her looking down on him.

"That's my beautiful boy! You look so pretty! I love your dress!" she'd say, like she always did.