upworthy

aita

An anry wife shares her thoughts with her husband.

A husband invited some new coworkers over for dinner and instead of properly introducing his wife, he made a sexist joke that she felt was belittling. The wife, who goes by the name Sadie on Reddit, shared the story on the AITA forum to ask if she responded correctly.

Spoiler alert: Yes, she did. “My husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. When they arrived, he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying, ‘This is Mrs. Smith (he didn't even say my name)...the housewife!'" Sadie revealed.

“I looked at him for a second, then I started laughing hysterically,” Sadie continued. “I then told said, ‘No, honey, I work full time, and YES I still act like a housewife when I'm home because you simply can't bother to help.’” After Sadie’s remark, the guests stared at the husband, who tried to laugh it off and then changed the subject by asking them if they wanted a drink.

The rest of the dinner was awkward, with the husband and wife exchanging angry glances. After the guests left, the husband blew up at Sadie, saying that she laughed like a “lunatic” and that she ruined “his image.”

“I told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree, to begin with,” Sadie continued. He said I could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless.” Sadie asked the online forum if she was out of line, and they responded with a collective no.

People overwhelmingly supported the wife, raising an issue far beyond the fact that her husband was seriously inconsiderate. It’s a big red flag in a relationship when one spouse diminishes or belittles the other in public or private.

“Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. He only seemed to care about his embarrassment and not yours. I'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up," Geranium27 wrote.

“It's a red flag for the relationship. He doesn't want a partner who is an equal. He wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man," RedWanderingLizard added.

Some also noted that it was wrong of him to disparage homemakers.

"He diminished (being a housewife is not a ‘low’ role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. In public. As he deserved,” LetThemEatHay wrote.

The viral post received over 24,000 comments, highlighting the idea that belittling your partner is a serious sign of a dysfunctional relationship that should not be ignored.

According to Psychology Today, backhanded compliments, digs and subtle put-downs are attempts by one partner to make the other feel small and themselves feel big. “Although cleverly disguised as a joke or a compliment, these comments may qualify as ‘toxic’ if they sting, cause confusion, and replay in a person’s mind for days, disrupting their peace,” Erin Leonard, Ph.D. writes.

Ultimately, commenters overwhelmingly agreed that Sadie was right not to let her husband's belittling compliment go unnoticed. By sharing it online, she opened up a meaningful discussion about appropriate humor in relationships. Studies show that it’s healthy for partners to joke around with one another, but when the comments are thinly veiled put-downs and backhanded compliments, it’s no laughing matter.


This article originally appeared last year.

Family

Teen shares why he won't change his 'girly' name even though his parents have serious regrets

His parents want him to choose a more "professional" name before college, but he won't have it.

via Canva

A teen fights with his parents to keep his name.

As parents age, they may regret the names they give their children. This is especially true as they get older and have to enter the professional world, where studies show unusual names are a hindrance. However, should they have the right to change their child’s name as a teen if their child isn’t into it?

That’s the crux of a recent viral story on Reddit’s AITA forum.

A 16-year-old boy who goes by the username 1ft2nyn shared how, for the past 6 years, his parents have been nudging him to use a different name, but he isn’t interested. “My parents started to regret my name when I was maybe 10 … [They] started sometimes calling me by my middle name and only stopping when I told them it was weird and I liked my first name. When I was 13, they asked me if I ever went by a nickname and I said no,” he wrote.


The boy’s name is Sunny, which was intentionally spelled with a u, the common girl’s spelling, instead of an o, as in the traditional boy’s spelling of “Sonny.” Sunny says his parents chose the name as a middle finger to their parents, who had insisted on having a hand in naming their previous kids.

names, baby names, name regretA teen fights with his parents to keep his name.via Canva

A year ago, the parents asked Sunny if he wanted to change his name to something “more adult” to spare him the expense of changing the name on his diploma when he graduates college. But Sunny wouldn’t budge. “I was like, ‘Oh, I guess if people want that, it makes sense.’ Then I said, ‘It must suck to hate your name.’

Six months ago, Sunny’s parents said he looked a lot like a “James” and asked if he liked the name Luke. Three months ago, they tried again and presented him with 3 new name options, and he declined to make the change. “They said they feel like they named me as a big f*** you to their families but felt bad that I had such an unserious name for a man. I told them I didn't want to change my name and I always loved the way they talked about finding my name,” Sunny wrote.

It’s interesting to note that the parent's final appeal to Sunny was as much about their own feelings as his. “They said they really didn't want to live with the guilt,” Sunny wrote. “I told them how I feel about my name is more important now. They told me I should at least think of their feelings and that I should consider the future and whether I'll be taken seriously.”

names, baby names, name regretA teen fights with his parents to keep his name.via Canva

So, is Sunny wrong for refusing to change his name to appease his parents and possibly make his professional life less challenging? The commenters on the post overwhelmingly supported Sunny for standing strong and keeping his name.

“Sonny or Sunny, regardless how you spell it is a perfectly normal name for a male. An identity is intertwined with a name and it's hard to separate the two. You, and you alone, are the person that should decide if you want to change your name,” Naisfurious wrote. “It sounds like your parents are more concerned about their feelings regarding your name than your feelings. that name is yours, you're your own person, and if you don't want to change your name because you like it, then don't. those are their feelings to live with, and putting them on you as a child is unfair and weird. I also have a weather name and I still love it, and i'm almost thirty. More power to you!” Anxious-Nobody-4966 added.

Because Sunny isn’t an adult, there is a slight chance that his parents could change his name without his consent. Some commenters said Sunny should take a firm stand and let his parents know there will be consequences for pushing too hard on this issue.

“Make it clear to your parents that if they were to do that there would be serious long term consequences for your relationship and that you will NEVER answer to or acknowledge that name under any circumstances and will have your name changed back the day you turn 18,” CelticMusebooks wrote. “Let them know the harder they push, the more stubborn you’ll be and if they don’t watch out, their grandson is going to be sunny jr. Whether you actually have a jr. is up to you, but it might help shut them up for now,” RezCuong added.

Ultimately, Sunny only has 2 more years left to fend off his parents and keep his name. The post he made on Reddit received over 2,000 comments from people who have his back, so it has to have given him the shot in the arm he needs to keep standing firm. This post is a great example of people pulling hard for someone to lean into positivity instead of settling for a boring name that looks good on a resume.

Family

Husband is certain wife’s baby name will cause too much pain for their child. Is he wrong?

"It's going to cause him major problems with passports and ID as well as job and college applications."

A father can't handle the name his wife chose for the baby.

It’s one thing to debate with your spouse over giving your child a name that is so unique it could cause them trouble. It’s another to fight with your spouse over giving your child a name that is so incredibly common it’s used as a placeholder when an unidentified man has passed away.

This was the problem a Reddit user (The_Doeberman), whose last name is Doe, faced when his wife wanted to name their baby boy after her grandfather, John.

“My wife is six months pregnant and wants to name our future son after her grandfather, who died of cancer in September. His name was John,” the husband wrote on the AITA forum

“I liked her grandfather, and I know he and my wife were very close, but I won't even consider it, not even for our son's middle name,” he continued. “I feel that's just setting him up for a world of problems, especially when he grows up and has to apply for jobs. Nobody's going to believe ‘John Doe’ is his real name.”


The wife thought that the husband was being difficult for vetoing the name and claimed he was “exaggerating” the issues the child would face.

But he has a pretty strong argument. The name John Doe is synonymous with the unclaimed dead body that someone finds in a roadside motel in the middle of nowhere or an anonymous victim of trauma that can’t be named in court documents. It’s also often used as a placeholder, which could cause the child problems when applying for college or a job.



There is no exact answer to why John Doe was chosen to represent the “everyman,” but it has been used in the UK for hundreds of years. It’s believed because John Doe was a popular name at the time. Later, in the US, unidentified females would come to be known as Jane Doe.

The husband used Reddit’s AITA page to ask whether he was in the wrong and the commenters were overwhelmingly supportive of him.

One commenter thought that "John Doe" was a bad idea but gave a solution that could work for the wife. “People will think it's a fake name. It's going to cause him major problems with passports and ID as well as job and college applications. He may have issues with medical stuff etc.,” they wrote. Instead, they suggested using an alternative version of “John” from another language.

“As an example only: Look for other languages' version of John. For example Eoin is the Irish way of spelling Owen. Eoin in itself is the Irish version of John…” they wrote.


Another commenter was blunt about their objection.

“I'm not superstitious, but I'd feel uncomfortable having a kid whose name basically stands for ‘found dead in the park, stab wound to the chest, no ID,’” they added.

One commenter noted all of the legal troubles that could come with having the name John Doe.

“I imagine a lifetime of getting stopped by the TSA for enhanced screening, of job applications being tossed for being fake and just everything being harder than it should be because you have a fake name,” they wrote. “If giving him the grandfather's name is so important, why not give him the grandpa's middle name?”

In the end, it's touching for a mother to name their newborn son after her grandfather, but according to the father and a legion of people online, “John Doe” simply carries too much baggage and would be more of a hindrance than a tribute. The good news is that there are many ways that the wife can pay homage to her grandfather that won’t make her son’s life more difficult.

Perpetually late friends can be annoying.

We all have a friend who seems to live in their own time zone and is never punctual for anything. This can become a headache after a while because you always have to wait to get your table at a restaurant, or you may miss the first few minutes of a movie.

After a while it becomes harder to let them off the hook for being late because it's just so darn inconsiderate.

A 32-year-old female Reddit user named Danceofthefireys had it up to her neck with her friend, a male who’s also 32, for constantly being late. So, after he was late for a lunch date, she took drastic measures to prove her point. But did she go too far?

“This friend is always late to everything. Being late is fine; however, in this day and age of mobile phones, I have strong feelings that one should try to notify a person if they are running significantly late to a date/meeting,” she wrote in a post on the AITA forum.


But after being 30 minutes late to lunch, he didn’t text or call to let her know what was happening. Of course, she could have texted him but she didn’t feel it was her responsibility. “I got to the café at 12 pm, which was the arranged time,” she continued. “I sat at a table by myself, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the busy café. At 12.30 pm, my friend had not arrived. I'd received no text, so I simply left and went home. At no point did I try to text or ring him to see where he was/how far away he was.”

After she left the café, he texted her at 12:38 pm, saying, “I’m here, where are you.” But the woman refused to turn around and return to the café. “I assumed you weren't coming, so I went home,” she replied. After she got home, her husband said she should have at least “rang him” before leaving, but she didn’t.

“Is she wrong for leaving her friend for being over 30 minutes late? Most of the commenters said she did the right thing. “Your friend is rude and clearly values their time more than your own. You shouldn’t have to chase them up and accommodate them as if they were a child. You’ve laid down a boundary now,” Sleepy_Felines wrote.

But some believe she lost the moral high when she didn’t text him before leaving.

“You were fine until you didn't tell him you were leaving. You clearly wanted to punish him for always being late. Two wrongs don't make a right folks,” Narrauko wrote.

One commenter, KatzKat, supported the woman with a clear and simple point: “You shouldn't have to manage someone else's time.”

According to popular opinion on Reddit, it seems that she wasn’t wrong to leave, but should have communicated with him via text before making her exit. If she faces a similar situation in the future, she can follow the advice given by Leah Campbell and Bethany Juby, PsyD, in an article on Psych Central, where they explain how to deal with people who are chronically late.

“If you’re dealing with someone who is perpetually late, communicate this to them ahead of time — let them know you will be leaving after a certain amount of time has passed,” Campbell wrote. “Still, try not to sound accusatory. Consider acknowledging that you two have different personalities. You’re not trying to change them, but you need to set time boundaries for yourself because you can’t afford or don’t want to wait any longer.”