+
A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM UPWORTHY
We are a small, independent media company on a mission to share the best of humanity with the world.
If you think the work we do matters, pre-ordering a copy of our first book would make a huge difference in helping us succeed.
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy

aita

Family

Husband is certain wife’s baby name will cause too much pain for their child. Is he wrong?

"It's going to cause him major problems with passports and ID as well as job and college applications."

via Nathan Cowley/Pexels

A father can't handle the name his wife chose for the baby.

It’s one thing to debate with your spouse over giving your child a name that is so unique it could cause them trouble. It’s another to fight with your spouse over giving your child a name that is so incredibly common it’s used as a placeholder when an unidentified man has passed away.

This was the problem a Reddit user (The_Doeberman), whose last name is Doe, faced when his wife wanted to name their baby boy after her grandfather, John.

“My wife is six months pregnant and wants to name our future son after her grandfather, who died of cancer in September. His name was John,” the husband wrote on the AITA forum

“I liked her grandfather, and I know he and my wife were very close, but I won't even consider it, not even for our son's middle name,” he continued. “I feel that's just setting him up for a world of problems, especially when he grows up and has to apply for jobs. Nobody's going to believe ‘John Doe’ is his real name.”

The wife thought that the husband was being difficult for vetoing the name and claimed he was “exaggerating” the issues the child would face.

But he has a pretty strong argument. The name John Doe is synonymous with the unclaimed dead body that someone finds in a roadside motel in the middle of nowhere or an anonymous victim of trauma that can’t be named in court documents. It’s also often used as a placeholder, which could cause the child problems when applying for college or a job.



There is no exact answer to why John Doe was chosen to represent the “everyman,” but it has been used in the UK for hundreds of years. It’s believed because John Doe was a popular name at the time. Later, in the US, unidentified females would come to be known as Jane Doe.

The husband used Reddit’s AITA page to ask whether he was in the wrong and the commenters were overwhelmingly supportive of him.

One commenter thought that "John Doe" was a bad idea but gave a solution that could work for the wife. “People will think it's a fake name. It's going to cause him major problems with passports and ID as well as job and college applications. He may have issues with medical stuff etc.,” they wrote. Instead, they suggested using an alternative version of “John” from another language.

“As an example only: Look for other languages' version of John. For example Eoin is the Irish way of spelling Owen. Eoin in itself is the Irish version of John…” they wrote.


Another commenter was blunt about their objection.

“I'm not superstitious, but I'd feel uncomfortable having a kid whose name basically stands for ‘found dead in the park, stab wound to the chest, no ID,’” they added.

One commenter noted all of the legal troubles that could come with having the name John Doe.

“I imagine a lifetime of getting stopped by the TSA for enhanced screening, of job applications being tossed for being fake and just everything being harder than it should be because you have a fake name,” they wrote. “If giving him the grandfather's name is so important, why not give him the grandpa's middle name?”

In the end, it's touching for a mother to name their newborn son after her grandfather, but according to the father and a legion of people online, “John Doe” simply carries too much baggage and would be more of a hindrance than a tribute. The good news is that there are many ways that the wife can pay homage to her grandfather that won’t make her son’s life more difficult.

From Your Site Articles
baby names
Family

Woman nearly loses friend after admitting her baby names are 'godawful' and dangerous

Was it right to lose a friendship over it?

via Liza Summer/Pexels

Is it always best to be honest with friends?

A big parenting trend over the past few decades is people giving their children names that help them stand out instead of fit in. Social scientists say that a big reason for the change in America is the rise of individualism.

“As American culture has become more individualistic, parents have favored giving children names that help them stand out—and that means more unique names and fewer common names,” Jean Twenge, a San Diego State University psychology professor, told the BBC.

However, being an individualist comes with some risks. One can be an iconoclastic trendsetter or seen as desperate, inauthentic and cringeworthy.

The move towards unique names has caused controversy in families, especially among the parents-to-be and their in-laws. But, as you’ll see in this story, it can cause problems among friends, too.

A Reddit user who was once known as Shayleigh recently shared her conflict with a friend on the AITA forum to see whether she was in the right.

baby names, unique baby names, bad baby names

Friends fight over baby names.

via Liza Summer/Pexels

“One of my friends found out she was pregnant a few months ago, and she's really excited to be a mother. I'm happy for her and think she'd make a good mom, but there's one problem; she wants her baby's name to be unique and special, but the way she's going about it is terrible,” she wrote.

“What I mean is, the name she plans on using is godawful. If it's a boy, she's going to name him ‘Daynger’ (yes, spelled like that to be unique), and if it's a girl, she's going to name her ‘Tinkerbelle,’” she continued.

This woman not only wanted to be unique by naming her child after a Disney character, but she combined the names of two characters, Tinkerbell from “Peter Pan” and Belle from “Beauty and the Beast.”

The woman formerly known as Shayleigh leveled with her friend, saying her child would get bullied if they were named Daynger or Tinkerbelle. The former Shayleigh wasn’t just a wet blanket, she knew what it was like first-hand to have a unique name. After all, she was bullied for being named Shayleigh by being called “Gayleigh.” She was also the victim of her parents using the “leigh” for “ly” naming convention, which many see as cringeworthy. Her name caused her so much stress that at 19, she had it changed.

According to Stop Bullying, being targeted by bullies can cause anxiety and depression and the effects can lead into adulthood.

The honest remark led to a falling out among the friends.

“She got really upset and told me I was being unsupportive and I was a shi**y friend,” the woman formerly known as Shayleigh wrote. “She's been ignoring my texts ever since, and it's been more than a week. I'm starting to feel kind of guilty over what I said.”

The commenters on the post overwhelmingly supported the poster for being honest with her friend.

"A baby’s name should work for them from birth to school to career to retirement. She’s only thinking of how cute a baby Daynger/Tinkerbelle would be and not thinking of how much her tween will hate her for that name," Regular-Switch454 wrote. "She needs a reality check. She’s naming adults here. Those names won’t set her kids up for their best shot at life and she needs to accept that," Thoughtinspace added.

The good news was that the friends eventually reconciled and had a long talk about the woman’s baby name ideas.

‘“I carefully brought up some of your points, and suggested using the name "Belle’ for a girl, with ‘Tinkerbelle’ as a nickname; she thinks it's cute and liked the idea,” the woman formerly known as Shayleigh wrote. “She did decide to use ‘Daynger’ (still spelled like that) as a middle name, which isn't nearly as bad as using it for a first name. On the bright side, the kid can tell people, ‘Danger is my middle name.’”

From Your Site Articles
baby names
Popular

Dad feels intense conflict about telling daughter's boyfriend she's a diagnosed sociopath

Does he have the right to know?

via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A father contemplates what he's going to do about his daughter.

A father with a challenging problem took to social media to anonymously hear other opinions on a bold position he had to take in his family.

“I’m the dad of a 25-year-old young woman who I love very much,” the father wrote on the Reddit AITA forum. “I’ve been able to have a good relationship with my daughter, and I enjoy my time with her, but there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause—she is a diagnosed sociopath."

People who are sociopaths have been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). According to WebMD, “Those with ASPD have no regard for others’ rights or feelings, lack empathy and remorse for wrongdoings, and have the need to exploit and manipulate others for personal gain.”

It is challenging for people with ASPD to get help because they often don’t believe their behavior is a problem. However, those who do can learn that their behaviors are harmful and receive tools to improve their relationships.

However, being in a close relationship with someone diagnosed with ASPD can be a very challenging situation.

The father realized his daughter had sociopathic tendencies at a young age and was given therapy and support. “With an enormous amount of therapy & support, her bad behavior was minimized as she grew older. She received an ASPD diagnosis at 18, and I had suspected it for long prior,” he wrote.

reddit, aspd, sociopaths

A couple on their wedding day.

via Moose Photos

Even though the daughter struggles with her social life, she has had no problem with men.

“She is very, very charming and adept at attracting guys and maintaining their interest,” he continued. “She uses that old dating guide ‘The Rules’ like a Bible. She currently has a boyfriend of about a year and a half who’s crazy about her, and who I have a very strong relationship with (we live in the same area and spend time together regularly). He is a great guy, very kind, funny and intelligent.”

The boyfriend intends to propose soon, and the father fears the worst could happen to him. “While she enjoys being around her boyfriend and is sexually attracted to him, I highly doubt she feels much of anything towards him love-wise,” the father wrote.

Further, the daughter has no intention of telling the boyfriend about her diagnosis for fear that it would scare him away. But the dad doesn’t believe that it’s right for the relationship to continue without telling him the truth.

“I’ve made it clear to her that she needs to tell him the truth before they marry, that he has the right to know and consider it, or I will, to which she always responds, ‘I know you wouldn’t dare,’” the father admits. “I actually would—I really like and respect this young man and would feel awful keeping this 'secret' from him and letting him walk into a marriage without this piece of knowledge.”

So, the father asked the Reddit forum if he was right to tell the boyfriend about his daughter’s diagnosis. “I’m not trying to sabotage my daughter’s future. Maybe her boyfriend’s love of her personality and other aspects is enough that it won’t end the relationship. It’s his decision to make, but he deserves all the facts,” he wrote.

Almost all of the commenters sympathized with the father and agreed that it was best to tell the boyfriend before they were engaged.

aspd, sociopaths, reddit

A mother and her newborn child.

via Goda Morgan/Pexels

“If this guy wants kids, it’s really going to suck to find out he is co-parenting with a sociopath. Also, is ASPD genetic? If so, he definitely deserves to know,” Decemberandjuly wrote. “I’d really want to know that info before marrying,” PodcornJelly added. “That, of course, doesn’t mean you’re not at fault for ‘outing’ your daughter, but IMO, it’s for the greater good.”

However, one commenter noted that the father should stay out of it because the relationship is probably very helpful for the daughter. “I say this as someone who is qualified to make these types of diagnoses and provide appropriate treatment. She has a history of problematic behavior, but it sounds like she is well-functioning enough as an adult,” iglooboo wrote. “Maybe she loves in different ways to others, but that doesn’t exclude her from having positive relationships. In fact, it is this sense of safety in a relationship that will help her keep learning these skills.”

Upworthy contacted the father to learn the rest of the story but is still awaiting his response.

From Your Site Articles
mental illness
Joy

Rich guy gets a great lesson after complaining that 'poor kids' trick-or-treat on his block

A lesson in the true spirit of Halloween.

via Charles Parker/Pexels

Two kids going trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Christmas and Chanukah may be known as holidays that are part of the season of giving, but let’s not forget that one of the greatest joys of Halloween is handing out candy to neighborhood children.

Well, a guy on Reddit could be the perfect candidate for the Scrooge of Halloween because he has a real problem with children from disadvantaged neighborhoods trick-or-treating in his “affluent” suburb.

Seriously, who gets mad about kids trick-or-treating on Halloween?

The aggrieved man shared his story on the AITA page, asking if he was in the wrong for being hostile towards the trick-or-treaters that come to his neighborhood every year.

“For the past few years, the neighbors and I have seen a growing amount of people come to our neighborhood for Halloween. This has caused a lot of people to ‘turn off’ for Halloween, which you'd think would get the crowd to lessen but it keeps growing,” he wrote.

“I was openly annoyed with this leading up to Halloween, and my girlfriend would condemn it every time I brought it up because ‘Halloween's all about sharing,’ saying it shouldn't matter whether the kids are from the neighborhood or not,” he continued.

halloween, trick or treat, costumes

Kids trick-or-treating.

via Yuting Gao/Pexels

The girlfriend also noted that kids who come to their neighborhood may be unable to trick-or-treat where they live because it’s too dangerous. “Not surprisingly, this year at both entrances to the neighborhood, cars line the streets.. some with out-of-state plates (I live in a suburb of a city which is just over the state line.),” he continued.

When asked if he was wrong for “getting annoyed with parents who truck carloads full of kids to a neighborhood they don't live,” the commenters overwhelmingly agreed he was. The most popular comment was simple and devastating. "Yep, and sorry about your privilege," one commenter wrote.

Another popular commenter went to great lengths to describe why he was wrong.

“You are not required to hand out candy. You are not required to hand out more candy than you are willing to buy. If you don't feel like participating or when you are out of candy, you can hang a sign and turn off your porch light and go on with your night,” Spectrum2081 wrote.

halloween, trick-or-treat, costimers

Kids go trick-or-treating on HAlloween.

via Yaroslav Shuraev/Pexels

“However, when you start picking which kids are worthy of your Halloween treats, you are indeed an a**hole,” they continued. “Imagine being a kid, dressing up, knocking on a door on Halloween and saying, trick-or-treat to someone visibly annoyed by your presence. Imagine it is because of something like the color of your skin or because you are overweight. That would feel pretty bad. Now imagine it's because you are too poor.”

Another person noted that it’s much more difficult to trick-or-treat in an urban setting.

"Most of these families likely live in neighborhoods that are predominantly apartment buildings and businesses with few single family dwellings. This means that the ratio of homes handing out candy vs buildings in general is low. Secondly, these kids are not less deserving of the candy from your neighborhood than children who have parents in a higher income bracket. The fact that you seem to think they are hints at a bias that you probably haven’t examined too closely but probably should," SleepUntilTomorrow wrote.

However, a few people thought he could be right.

"I know this is the unpopular opinion," Glatog wrote. "But when it is just a handful of kids extra it isn't a big deal, and I'm sure you'd have no problem. But there is a neighborhood here that gets thousands of extra kids. That's a little absurd. Not all of those kids live in apartments or bad neighborhoods. The sense of entitlement is wrong."

It’s a little unnerving to think there are people of means who scoff at giving candy to kids from underprivileged neighborhoods. But it’s encouraging to see everyone step up and say that giving is a big part of the Halloween season, and it’s not a child’s fault if they live in a neighborhood where they can’t trick-or-treat.

The great thing about holidays is that, when celebrated correctly, they are a wonderful way to bring people together. The spirit of Halloween may be a celebration of spookiness, but at its heart, it’s the joy of seeing kids proudly filling their pillowcases with candy and toys given to them by people they hardly know. Adults should love that wonderful glint of mischief a child gets in their eyes while being out on a spooky night regardless of their parents’ tax bracket.

From Your Site Articles
halloween
Trending Stories