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Mom reacts perfectly to daughter who disinvited a friend from a trip because of her weight

She didn’t want the girl to “ruin” her photos of the trip.

via Cottonboro Studios/Pexels

A mother confronts her daughter for judging her friend's weight.

A 42-year-old mother wondered whether she did the right thing by disciplining her 18-year-old daughter, Abby, who disinvited a friend from vacation because of her weight. The mother asked people on Reddit for their opinion.

For some background, Abby had struggled with her weight for many years, so she went to her mother for help. The two set up a program where Abby was given a reward for every milestone she achieved.

“Four months ago, she asked that I don't get her any more rewards and add it up to her birthday gift, and for her gift she wants a vacation I will pay for, for her and her friends instead of the huge party I had promised for her 18th. I said OK,” the mother wrote.

So, instead of a series of small gifts, Abbey wanted one large one, a vacation with two of her friends. The vacation would also celebrate Abby’s 18th birthday. The mother agreed and booked the trip for the 3 girls.

“Fast forward to last weekend, we started preparing for her vacation,” the mother wrote. “I called the other two girls' parents to confirm the girls would be and learned Abby's best friend Betty isn't going. Betty loves traveling and was looking forward to the vacation, so I asked why. Apparently, Abby uninvited her because ‘she is too chubby to look good in pictures.’”

When the mother approached Abby about the situation, she doubled down on her comments to Betty. “I calmly talked to Abby and reminded her how Betty would feel being left out for such a reason, and she went off with, 'I didn't work so hard for this vacation so my pictures will be ruined,'" the mother wrote.

Abby then asked Betty to contact her mom and say that she decided not to go on the trip because she wasn’t feeling well. Betty refused to lie, and Abby sent her a “ton of hateful texts and body-shaming insults.” Betty shared screenshots of the texts to the mother, and she promptly canceled the entire vacation.

Now, Abby’s father, who shares 50-50 custody with the mother, is livid, and Abby won’t speak to the mother. The mom asked the Reddit AITA forum to see if she was in the wrong, and the commenters overwhelmingly said she did the right thing. "Some of my friends agree on my approach, while others think I should have put my daughter first,” the mother said.

The most popular commenter was short and to the point.

"Teaching your daughter to not be a horrible human being IS putting her first," Due_Laugh_3851 wrote. "I commend your strength and parenting skills. This was the right thing to do and would've been hard to do. Well done, you deserve to go on the holiday yourself," Loud_Wallaby737 added.

"... uninviting someone because you only want skinny people in your pictures is a disgusting attitude frankly. Sorry, I just don't find a nicer word for it. I am totally with you that this needs to have consequences, and while I'm very much against breaking promises, I do believe this is an exception. Like you said, your daughter knows what it feels like. She (but anyone really) should be supportive of friends wanting to lose weight if that is the case and if it isn't they she should just mind her own business body," SensitiveSires wrote.

One of the few people who thought she was in the wrong believed that the mother set her daughter up for failure.

"[You're wrong] for giving your daughter who is a child rewards for weight loss. Her behavior of value based on weight shows she likely has developed disordered eating patterns and attitudes and this will cause her a lifetime of pain," tamtheprogram wrote.

The silver lining to the story is that many people who commented said that even though her daughter did something very hurtful, she’s still a teenager and there’s a chance she’ll realize the error of her ways.

"The daughter is just a teenager, she still has a lot of time to learn and grow up. Writing off her entire future as a mean girl when it’s very rare to be the same exact person you were at 18 as you grow up is a lot," Stephapeaz wrote.


This article originally appeared on 9.18.23

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Woman nearly loses friend after admitting her baby names are 'godawful' and dangerous

Was it right to lose a friendship over it?

via Liza Summer/Pexels

Is it always best to be honest with friends?

A big parenting trend over the past few decades is people giving their children names that help them stand out instead of fit in. Social scientists say that a big reason for the change in America is the rise of individualism.

“As American culture has become more individualistic, parents have favored giving children names that help them stand out—and that means more unique names and fewer common names,” Jean Twenge, a San Diego State University psychology professor, told the BBC.

However, being an individualist comes with some risks. One can be an iconoclastic trendsetter or seen as desperate, inauthentic and cringeworthy.

The move towards unique names has caused controversy in families, especially among the parents-to-be and their in-laws. But, as you’ll see in this story, it can cause problems among friends, too.

A Reddit user who was once known as Shayleigh recently shared her conflict with a friend on the AITA forum to see whether she was in the right.

baby names, unique baby names, bad baby names

Friends fight over baby names.

via Liza Summer/Pexels

“One of my friends found out she was pregnant a few months ago, and she's really excited to be a mother. I'm happy for her and think she'd make a good mom, but there's one problem; she wants her baby's name to be unique and special, but the way she's going about it is terrible,” she wrote.

“What I mean is, the name she plans on using is godawful. If it's a boy, she's going to name him ‘Daynger’ (yes, spelled like that to be unique), and if it's a girl, she's going to name her ‘Tinkerbelle,’” she continued.

This woman not only wanted to be unique by naming her child after a Disney character, but she combined the names of two characters, Tinkerbell from “Peter Pan” and Belle from “Beauty and the Beast.”

The woman formerly known as Shayleigh leveled with her friend, saying her child would get bullied if they were named Daynger or Tinkerbelle. The former Shayleigh wasn’t just a wet blanket, she knew what it was like first-hand to have a unique name. After all, she was bullied for being named Shayleigh by being called “Gayleigh.” She was also the victim of her parents using the “leigh” for “ly” naming convention, which many see as cringeworthy. Her name caused her so much stress that at 19, she had it changed.

According to Stop Bullying, being targeted by bullies can cause anxiety and depression and the effects can lead into adulthood.

The honest remark led to a falling out among the friends.

“She got really upset and told me I was being unsupportive and I was a shi**y friend,” the woman formerly known as Shayleigh wrote. “She's been ignoring my texts ever since, and it's been more than a week. I'm starting to feel kind of guilty over what I said.”

The commenters on the post overwhelmingly supported the poster for being honest with her friend.

"A baby’s name should work for them from birth to school to career to retirement. She’s only thinking of how cute a baby Daynger/Tinkerbelle would be and not thinking of how much her tween will hate her for that name," Regular-Switch454 wrote. "She needs a reality check. She’s naming adults here. Those names won’t set her kids up for their best shot at life and she needs to accept that," Thoughtinspace added.

The good news was that the friends eventually reconciled and had a long talk about the woman’s baby name ideas.

‘“I carefully brought up some of your points, and suggested using the name "Belle’ for a girl, with ‘Tinkerbelle’ as a nickname; she thinks it's cute and liked the idea,” the woman formerly known as Shayleigh wrote. “She did decide to use ‘Daynger’ (still spelled like that) as a middle name, which isn't nearly as bad as using it for a first name. On the bright side, the kid can tell people, ‘Danger is my middle name.’”

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Dad feels intense conflict about telling daughter's boyfriend she's a diagnosed sociopath

Does he have the right to know?

via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A father contemplates what he's going to do about his daughter.

A father with a challenging problem took to social media to anonymously hear other opinions on a bold position he had to take in his family.

“I’m the dad of a 25-year-old young woman who I love very much,” the father wrote on the Reddit AITA forum. “I’ve been able to have a good relationship with my daughter, and I enjoy my time with her, but there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause—she is a diagnosed sociopath."

People who are sociopaths have been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). According to WebMD, “Those with ASPD have no regard for others’ rights or feelings, lack empathy and remorse for wrongdoings, and have the need to exploit and manipulate others for personal gain.”

It is challenging for people with ASPD to get help because they often don’t believe their behavior is a problem. However, those who do can learn that their behaviors are harmful and receive tools to improve their relationships.

However, being in a close relationship with someone diagnosed with ASPD can be a very challenging situation.

The father realized his daughter had sociopathic tendencies at a young age and was given therapy and support. “With an enormous amount of therapy & support, her bad behavior was minimized as she grew older. She received an ASPD diagnosis at 18, and I had suspected it for long prior,” he wrote.

reddit, aspd, sociopaths

A couple on their wedding day.

via Moose Photos

Even though the daughter struggles with her social life, she has had no problem with men.

“She is very, very charming and adept at attracting guys and maintaining their interest,” he continued. “She uses that old dating guide ‘The Rules’ like a Bible. She currently has a boyfriend of about a year and a half who’s crazy about her, and who I have a very strong relationship with (we live in the same area and spend time together regularly). He is a great guy, very kind, funny and intelligent.”

The boyfriend intends to propose soon, and the father fears the worst could happen to him. “While she enjoys being around her boyfriend and is sexually attracted to him, I highly doubt she feels much of anything towards him love-wise,” the father wrote.

Further, the daughter has no intention of telling the boyfriend about her diagnosis for fear that it would scare him away. But the dad doesn’t believe that it’s right for the relationship to continue without telling him the truth.

“I’ve made it clear to her that she needs to tell him the truth before they marry, that he has the right to know and consider it, or I will, to which she always responds, ‘I know you wouldn’t dare,’” the father admits. “I actually would—I really like and respect this young man and would feel awful keeping this 'secret' from him and letting him walk into a marriage without this piece of knowledge.”

So, the father asked the Reddit forum if he was right to tell the boyfriend about his daughter’s diagnosis. “I’m not trying to sabotage my daughter’s future. Maybe her boyfriend’s love of her personality and other aspects is enough that it won’t end the relationship. It’s his decision to make, but he deserves all the facts,” he wrote.

Almost all of the commenters sympathized with the father and agreed that it was best to tell the boyfriend before they were engaged.

aspd, sociopaths, reddit

A mother and her newborn child.

via Goda Morgan/Pexels

“If this guy wants kids, it’s really going to suck to find out he is co-parenting with a sociopath. Also, is ASPD genetic? If so, he definitely deserves to know,” Decemberandjuly wrote. “I’d really want to know that info before marrying,” PodcornJelly added. “That, of course, doesn’t mean you’re not at fault for ‘outing’ your daughter, but IMO, it’s for the greater good.”

However, one commenter noted that the father should stay out of it because the relationship is probably very helpful for the daughter. “I say this as someone who is qualified to make these types of diagnoses and provide appropriate treatment. She has a history of problematic behavior, but it sounds like she is well-functioning enough as an adult,” iglooboo wrote. “Maybe she loves in different ways to others, but that doesn’t exclude her from having positive relationships. In fact, it is this sense of safety in a relationship that will help her keep learning these skills.”

Upworthy contacted the father to learn the rest of the story but is still awaiting his response.

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Rich guy gets a great lesson after complaining that 'poor kids' trick-or-treat on his block

A lesson in the true spirit of Halloween.

via Charles Parker/Pexels

Two kids going trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Christmas and Chanukah may be known as holidays that are part of the season of giving, but let’s not forget that one of the greatest joys of Halloween is handing out candy to neighborhood children.

Well, a guy on Reddit could be the perfect candidate for the Scrooge of Halloween because he has a real problem with children from disadvantaged neighborhoods trick-or-treating in his “affluent” suburb.

Seriously, who gets mad about kids trick-or-treating on Halloween?

The aggrieved man shared his story on the AITA page, asking if he was in the wrong for being hostile towards the trick-or-treaters that come to his neighborhood every year.

“For the past few years, the neighbors and I have seen a growing amount of people come to our neighborhood for Halloween. This has caused a lot of people to ‘turn off’ for Halloween, which you'd think would get the crowd to lessen but it keeps growing,” he wrote.

“I was openly annoyed with this leading up to Halloween, and my girlfriend would condemn it every time I brought it up because ‘Halloween's all about sharing,’ saying it shouldn't matter whether the kids are from the neighborhood or not,” he continued.

halloween, trick or treat, costumes

Kids trick-or-treating.

via Yuting Gao/Pexels

The girlfriend also noted that kids who come to their neighborhood may be unable to trick-or-treat where they live because it’s too dangerous. “Not surprisingly, this year at both entrances to the neighborhood, cars line the streets.. some with out-of-state plates (I live in a suburb of a city which is just over the state line.),” he continued.

When asked if he was wrong for “getting annoyed with parents who truck carloads full of kids to a neighborhood they don't live,” the commenters overwhelmingly agreed he was. The most popular comment was simple and devastating. "Yep, and sorry about your privilege," one commenter wrote.

Another popular commenter went to great lengths to describe why he was wrong.

“You are not required to hand out candy. You are not required to hand out more candy than you are willing to buy. If you don't feel like participating or when you are out of candy, you can hang a sign and turn off your porch light and go on with your night,” Spectrum2081 wrote.

halloween, trick-or-treat, costimers

Kids go trick-or-treating on HAlloween.

via Yaroslav Shuraev/Pexels

“However, when you start picking which kids are worthy of your Halloween treats, you are indeed an a**hole,” they continued. “Imagine being a kid, dressing up, knocking on a door on Halloween and saying, trick-or-treat to someone visibly annoyed by your presence. Imagine it is because of something like the color of your skin or because you are overweight. That would feel pretty bad. Now imagine it's because you are too poor.”

Another person noted that it’s much more difficult to trick-or-treat in an urban setting.

"Most of these families likely live in neighborhoods that are predominantly apartment buildings and businesses with few single family dwellings. This means that the ratio of homes handing out candy vs buildings in general is low. Secondly, these kids are not less deserving of the candy from your neighborhood than children who have parents in a higher income bracket. The fact that you seem to think they are hints at a bias that you probably haven’t examined too closely but probably should," SleepUntilTomorrow wrote.

However, a few people thought he could be right.

"I know this is the unpopular opinion," Glatog wrote. "But when it is just a handful of kids extra it isn't a big deal, and I'm sure you'd have no problem. But there is a neighborhood here that gets thousands of extra kids. That's a little absurd. Not all of those kids live in apartments or bad neighborhoods. The sense of entitlement is wrong."

It’s a little unnerving to think there are people of means who scoff at giving candy to kids from underprivileged neighborhoods. But it’s encouraging to see everyone step up and say that giving is a big part of the Halloween season, and it’s not a child’s fault if they live in a neighborhood where they can’t trick-or-treat.

The great thing about holidays is that, when celebrated correctly, they are a wonderful way to bring people together. The spirit of Halloween may be a celebration of spookiness, but at its heart, it’s the joy of seeing kids proudly filling their pillowcases with candy and toys given to them by people they hardly know. Adults should love that wonderful glint of mischief a child gets in their eyes while being out on a spooky night regardless of their parents’ tax bracket.

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