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upworthy

mental health stigma

Saturday Night Live/Youtube

Pete Davidson on "Saturday Night Live"

Singer Ariana Grande and "Saturday Night Live" cast member Pete Davidson were dating back in May of 2018.

Neither star had confirmed the relationship outright, but their reps weren't pushing back on reports claiming the two had linked up either. The singer and comedian's playful interactions on Instagram certainly suggested to fans the romance was budding.


While many celebrated the news, it inevitably came with a side of backlash too. Some of the criticism, however, crossed an unfortunate line.

Trolls began pointing to Davidson's history of mental illness to suggest he couldn't be in a healthy relationship.

The comedian felt it necessary to shut that down. Fast.

"Normally, I wouldn't comment on something like this cause like, fuck you," Davidson wrote in a note he shared to his Instagram story. "But [I've] been hearing a lot of 'people with BPD [Borderline Personality Disorder] can't be in relationships' talk. I just wanna let you know that's not true."

Davidson said he was diagnosed with BPD in 2016 after having lived through a "nightmare" year that involved rehab and grappling with the ups and downs of diagnosis. The comedian has also spoken openly about living with depression.

"Just because someone has a mental illness does not mean they can't be happy and in a relationship," Davidson wrote. "It also doesn't mean that person makes the relationship toxic."

After noting there are many life-changing treatments available for people like him, Davidson emphasized the importance of combating stigmas associated with mental illness.

"I just think it's fucked up to stigmatize people as crazy and say that they are unable to do stuff that anyone can do," he wrote. "It's not their fault and it's the wrong way for people to look at things."

Davidson has been praised by mental health advocates for using his celebrity to humanize his illnesses — and poking fun at himself along the way.

In one "SNL" segment that aired shortly after he went public with his diagnoses, the comedian spoke candidly about his mental illness with "Weekend Update" host Colin Jost.

"If you're in the cast of a late-night comedy show, it might help if they, you know, do more of your comedy sketches," Davidson joked about ways others can help him get through his dark times. "I was born depressed, but it might make me feel better if I was on TV more."

Like many comedians, Davidson often uses brash and cringeworthy lines as a form of therapy to overcome trauma. His father died on 9/11, for instance, and the comedian's folded the devastating loss into his routine with a comedic spin.

Laughter may not be the best medicine, but it certainly can help.

Davidson ended his message on Instagram clarifying why he decided to speak up in the first place.

"I'm simply writing this because I want everyone out there who has an illness to know that it's not true [that you can't be mentally ill and be in a relationship] and that anyone who says that is ill and full of shit," he wrote. "Mental illness is not a joke; it's a real thing."

"For all those struggling I want you to know that I love you and I understand you and it is going to be OK," Davidson concluded. "That's all. Love to everyone else."


This story originally appeared on 05.25.18

Health

Your child being diagnosed with a mental health condition is not your fault

One of the most important things a parent can do is let go of the guilt.

Your child being diagnosed with a mental health condition is not a parental failure.

My heart dropped when I read the message from my friend. Normally the exchange is pleasant and I look forward to our conversations but before I even opened the message, the preview told me that something was wrong. All I could see was, "Did you hear about Edith's son?"

I hesitated before opening the message because I knew it wouldn't be good, and sadly, I was right. Our friend posted that she was planning funeral services for her 15-year-old son, explaining that he died by suicide. I didn't have the words so I waited days to reach out to share condolences.

It hit too close to home. I have a 14-year-old son. I've talked to my children about mental health and how it's always OK to seek help, even when it feels hopeless. I've given tools to clients and friends who are struggling with their own child's mental health diagnosis and the script remains the same, "I feel like it's my fault."


Shortly after Orion's funeral, one of my own children came to me expressing despair and with all of my training I immediately went to self-blame, still. Even though I know better. Even though my job as a therapist is to help others navigate these feelings. "It's my fault" rang in my ears. But just like I tell other parents, your child's mental health disorder is not a failure on your part as a parent. Some people are just depressed without real explanation. Some people's brains are wired a little bit differently and that doesn't mean that someone broke them or that they're broken at all.

Getting a mental health diagnosis for a child can sometimes knock the wind out of people because as parents the single most important job we have is to get our children to adulthood with as little trauma as possible. We taxi them to different sports, sign ourselves up for field trips and make sure they make it to their well-child visits. We do all of the things to get them across the finish line of adulthood. A mental health diagnosis can feel like you've somehow dropped a very important ball and oftentimes, you didn't.

person in black long sleeve shirt holding hands with person in long cream colored sleevesPhoto by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Our kids live in a completely different world than we did growing up. They're inundated with messaging on a constant basis, and even if you do your best to limit their screen time, it's impossible to escape. Social media continues to be a big driver in declining mental health among teens.

While suicide rates briefly showed an overall decline a couple of years ago, rates of suicide are highest among teens and young adults ages 15 to 24. Mental health conditions in kids such as depression, which can sometimes lead to suicide, are a heavy burden on parents, even without the added burden of guilt. Parents can talk to their children often, check in on active coping skills they're using and give them some if they don't have any.

person with smudged eyeliner holding white printer paper over their mouth with a drawn smilePhoto by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

One of the most important things a parent can do is let go of the guilt. Nothing about your child's mental health struggles says anything about you as a parent, especially If you've been doing the best you can. If you're struggling with feelings around your child's mental health disorder, you too should reach out to a therapist.

Not all mental health disorders result in a catastrophic loss through suicide, but it doesn't hurt to make sure your children have suicide hotlines saved in their phones and posted on the fridge. While death by suicide is tragic, it's also important to remember that it's not anyone's fault.

grayscale photography of woman hugging another womanPhoto by Anastasia Vityukova on Unsplash

If you can look at all you've done and can say you've provided a safe and nourishing environment for your child, I invite you to lay down the self-blame. Parenting is hard enough without beating ourselves up over things outside of our control.

If you or someone you know are having thoughts of suicide or require mental health support, call or text 988 to talk to a trained counselor at the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or visit 988lifeline.org to connect with a counselor and chat in real time. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress as well as prevention and crisis resources for healthcare professionals.

The Trevor Project provides 24/7 crisis counseling via phone, text or chat specifically for young LGBTQ people.

Canva

People are relating to this skit about intrusive thoughts.

TikTok has done plenty of things for the mental health community outside of annoying therapists with incessant pathologizing of benign human behaviors. One of the positive things the platform has done is to help push mental health awareness and normalization of mental illnesses.

Kris, who's goes by KallmeKris on TikTok, recently posted a new skit on her page about intrusive thoughts that explores what it would be like if people said their intrusive thoughts out loud. The video was hilarious and people in the comments were happy to share their own intrusive thoughts.

If you're unfamiliar with intrusive thoughts, they're these brief pop-up thoughts that oftentimes seem out of character and unrelated to whatever activity you're doing. In some cases they're related to the activity but the thought is something you'd never actually do, like tripping random children at a soccer game, just because.


If the thought of someone thinking about tripping children made you wince a bit, understand that it makes the person having the intrusive thought wince too. In the skit, which has racked up more than 4 million likes, Kris says her random intrusive thoughts out loud while hanging out with her "friend" and the friend's reaction is hilarious. The comments were full of people exclaiming they were happy to know they were normal and others answering Kris' call to comment with their weirdest intrusive thought.

Kris admitted in the comments that she feels less alone since reading the thousands of comments of people sharing their own thoughts. Check out the video below.

@kallmekris

What are yours?🫢

Health

Therapist offers a lighthearted take on therapy, normalizing it for people of color

Therapists are more than just professionals, they can be funny too!

Therapist on TikTok offers lighthearted take on therapy.

Therapy can be intimidating for many people, especially in communities of color, where therapy and mental health is stigmatized. This alone can delay or even cause someone to avoid a diagnosis and subsequent treatment. Often, family members of individuals with a mental health condition just learn to adjust because addressing it can be a difficult, if not fruitless task. Dr. Antionette Edmonds, who also goes by Dr. Toni and "the therapist next door," is trying to change perspectives on therapy by using humor mixed with real-life situations to show what happens behind the scenes. Her often hilarious encounters with imaginary clients gives prospective clients a chance to see that therapists are real people and are not going to judge what you come into the therapy room to discuss.


Edmonds doesn’t just talk about what clients experience, she also brings humor to what happens when clients aren’t in the room. In one video she records herself pretending to cry on the phone with her partner while a TikTok sound plays in the background saying, “I’m just literally on the verge of a mental breakdown.” She quickly hangs up the phone and puts away the tissue before going to seemingly greet her next client. Edmonds doesn’t shy away from the hard topics, but she does it in such a funny way that it remains relatable and familiarly human.

Edmonds often breaks out her dance moves to participate in TikTok trends, reminding folks that just because someone has the occupation of a therapist doesn’t mean they can’t let their hair down. Her twerking skills are up on legendary, as Lizzo would say, but while she’s grooving to the beat, you can bet that she has an informational message typed out on the screen.

Edmonds achieves a unique balance of professional, informative and hilarious. Normalizing therapy for everyone should be promoted more, but especially in communities of color where increased stigma around therapy keeps people from seeking help. Access to culturally competent affordable mental health care is also a barrier for some seeking services, as communities of color are often underinsured or uninsured.

Culturally in Black, Hispanic and Asian communities, mental health issues are stigmatized by older generations, so kudos therapists like Edmonds who work to bring normalcy to therapy to combat the cultural narrative. While Edmonds doesn't only see clients of color, her humor in approaching situations that would likely occur working with clients from an urban neighborhood hopefully sparks more interest in seeking therapy. One commenter said, "I don't find therapists like this on Psychology Today," complete with a defeated emoji, to which Edmonds replied, "We on there, Psychology Today just keep us on page 36 and not on the first 5 pages." She finished her comment with several crying laughing emojis.

@antionettethegirlnexdoor Yes, because the 1st of the month will be here soon and we need to make sure he pays the rent #blacktherapistoftiktok #therealtherapistsoftiktok ♬ umm.. yeah - andrew

In another video a commenter said, "I wish you were my therapist," while someone else commented "Listen!!! Imma need a session with you!" It's clear that her approach to incorporating her profession into her social media use is changing minds about what to expect from therapy and therapists. Therapists don't have to be cardigan wearing people who do no wrong, they can also be hilariously human.

If you’re in South Florida, you’re in luck because that’s where her practice is located. Unlike many therapists, as Edmonds confirms in one of her videos, she also weekend office hours available. Hopefully this “therapist next door” keeps dancing and laughing her way through normalizing therapy for everyone.